


This Is My Kingdom Come

by cloudsarefluffy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Attempted Sexual Assault, Blackmail, Bloodlust, Bottom Dean, Castiel Has Secrets, Character Turned Into a Werewolf, Comfort Food, Dark, Dark Past, Dean Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Feral Behavior, Full Shift Werewolves, Hostage Situations, Hurt/Comfort, I Tried, Kidnapping, Knotting, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, Pack Dynamics, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Past Character Death, Past Violence, Possessive Behavior, Protective Castiel, Safe Coping Methods, Scent Kink, Self Confidence Issues, Slow To Update, Stressful, The Author Regrets Nothing, Top Castiel, Triggers, Unethical Experimentation, Wolf Pack, Wolf Puppies, courting, lots of puns, references to everything, struggles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-01-22 02:58:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 126,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1573589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudsarefluffy/pseuds/cloudsarefluffy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the unexpected death of John looming in the air, Dean is forced to step up and take care of the Winchester pack. However, the new role brings numerous problems- mostly centering around the fact other packs are interested, that Dean is only a human, and that the little group of canines weren't doing all too well to begin with. When shortages- from food to medicine- begin to force Dean to reconsider his choices at hand, it seems that the situation is getting to be too dire for his stubbornness to continue. However, even in the uncertainty, he finds that the Novak pack is willing to take upon themselves the burdens Dean can't uphold by himself- and in the end, they teach him that there's so much more to someone than what skin they've walked in.</p><p>(May Contain Triggers - So Much Plot)<br/><i>Due to issues with length, the 13th ch. is for the epilogue.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Get Too Close

**Author's Note:**

  * For [earthseraph](https://archiveofourown.org/users/earthseraph/gifts).



> I don't know what it is with me and stories- but they keep coming.  
> I guess that's alright...
> 
> Anyways, I've always had a soft spot for a/b/o fics where there's werewolves and pack dynamics- and I've often found that most of these verses/genres are mostly PWP and lacking any plot/serious emotion. I'm aiming to change that.  
> Some of you already know about my plotted and thick-skinned a/b/o fics, but, honestly- I just want everyone to know that there's more to come. I love this verse, even with its kinks, without its sexism and sometimes non-con elements, and I aim to write stories based around it because I find the whole dynamic of it to be interesting for the SPN characters.  
> Thus, this story was born.
> 
> I kind of wanted a story where circumstance forces Dean to reconsider a lot of things- from letting his pack mold into another, to whether or not the blood in his veins runs Homo Sapien or Canis Lupus- and that there's more to him and things than just what skin he's in. Get ready for a fic where Dean has a heavy heart and conscious, where Cas is trying hard to make someone with a broken heart love again even though he himself has unhealed wounds of his own, and when more than just one person is running from pasts that compose inches of their imperfections and scars.  
> There's more plot too, but... that'll wait till later.
> 
> Sorry that it seems as though I was working on this instead of my other fics- it's just that this week, my brain has refused to work with me on writing. So, I found this old work of mine stored away and decided to publish it.
> 
> (See bottom for links to music that I listened to while writing this fic- it'll help you gain a better grip on the writing and its emotion. Then again, it is just a suggestion. So, if you like to listen to One Direction instead, I'm not stopping you.)
> 
> Enjoy!~

 

* * *

 

__

_When the days are cold,_

_And the cards all fold,_

_And the saints we see,_

_Are all made of gold._

__

_When your dreams all fail,_

_And the ones we hail,_

_Are the worst of all,_

_And the blood’s run stale._

__

_I want to hide the truth-_

_I want to shelter you,_

_But with the beast inside,_

_There’s nowhere we can hide-_

__

_No matter what we breed,_

_We still are made of greed-_

_This is my kingdom come-_

_This is my kingdom come._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

**  
**

After the sixth wolf pack leaves the Winchester's lands with all of their tails in between their legs, Dean can no longer ignore what is happening. He understands it's a little unusual to have a human running a pack- he really does- but god dammit it shouldn't mean the end of the world. Just because he can't shift into a wolf doesn’t give them the right to come parading around his territory with their snouts held high. The thought alone erks Dean.

**  
**

“Dean,” Sammy is behind Dean now, following his older, more-human brother into the living room of their inherited house, “I understand if you’re angry about this, but there’s no need to threaten cutting someone’s tail off-”

**  
**

“Yeah, Sammy- there is.” Dean hisses, “If these sons of bitches think they can just waltz up in here and claim over our territory and me without a fight, they have another thing comin’.”

**  
**

Sammy sighs, and Dean knows that if he were in wolf form, his large, fluffy ears would be held back in annoyance, “I understand if their approach is bothersome, but the idea of combining packs isn’t something you should be shying away from…”

**  
**

The older Winchester groans, rubbing a hand over his face and through his hair, “Yeah- I know- we’re neck deep in shit down here… Things aren’t perfect, yeah, but that doesn’t mean I’m rollin’ over to some knot-headed alpha…”

**  
**

“I never said you had to do that-” Sammy assures, following Dean as he rolls his eyes and begins walking into the kitchen, “just that maybe the whole thing isn’t so bad overall.”

**  
**

“Can it, Sammy. I’m not budging on this-”

**  
**

The younger Winchester growls, and it causes Dean’s back to straighten in shock- Sammy never does that unless something is really wrong or is pissing him off- “Dean, we’re running low on everything imaginable… Money, food, medicine… We barely had enough ibuprofen to give out when Bobby had his headache yesterday…”

**  
**

Dean stops arguing then, flopping down into the nearest chair that was open, and he puts his face in his hands, “Yeah, I know, Sammy- things aren’t lookin’ up for us at the moment… But I promise that things will change for the better.”

**  
**

“How long will you be using that excuse until it sounds like a loop on you, Dean?” Sammy sounds sincere, like he’s one more sentence away from bursting into tears- even for an alpha he’s always been so damn emotional- “You always said that when John was in the hospital, and look where that got us…”

**  
**

“Just- … We can’t let this beat us, Sammy… Life has its ups and down, we just need to learn-”

**  
**

“When to give in and when to roll with it…” they murmur in unison, Sammy adding, “Yeah, Dean, I know… It’s all you ever tell me anymore…”

**  
**

The eldest Winchester looks towards the worn floorboards beneath his too-old boots, “I’ll see if we can get some jobs here and there… I dunno… I just- I don’t think dad wanted us to sell out to someone, is all…”

Sammy sets a hand on Dean’s shoulder, fingertips slightly lingering for a split second before lifting themselves away slowly, as though they were uncertain in their placement, “Dad wouldn’t have wanted us to starve or wither away, either… Just stop thinking about a dead man’s pride and take care of the living, Dean. Especially before we all end up just like him… Sick- or gone…”

**  
**

Dean closes his eyes as he hears Sammy’s footfalls leave the room, and he can’t help but bite his lip in frustration. He knows that Sammy is right- that things, no matter what he says, aren’t getting better. They’re just getting worse, and worse, and before Dean knows it- tragedy will strike their pack again. Dean shudders at the thought of having another funeral to arrange, and decides to take Sammy’s words to heart.

**  
**

Dean heads into his room, opening the outdated laptop his father owned, and lets the screen take a few minutes to whir to life. The steady buzz of the aged thing keeps Dean’s mind from wandering off too far, and he finds himself absently clicking onto a few sites focused on getting employment for packs.

**  
**

John would probably roll over in his grave if he found out what Dean was doing, but like Sammy said, he doesn’t have much of a choice. Dean goes under the certain tab John always strayed from clicking on, and begins to fill out the necessary information. After all the blanks are filled, Dean clicks ‘submit’ and awaits for the inevitable to happen.

**  
**

 

**< ><><>**

**  
**

 

“Hey, Cassie- come look at this!” Gabriel calls from over his shoulder, “Some new pack has declared that they’re in a state of emergency!”

**  
**

The alpha of the Novak pack enters the room with his brother, the omega preening on the couch, “It says here that… Holy shit- Cassie, it’s the Winchesters!”

**  
**

“The Winchesters?” Castiel echoes in impassive disbelief, “I believed that they would be the last pack to file themselves as such…”

**  
**

“You’re tellin’ me…” Gabriel murmurs, clicking around on the page, “It says here that John passed away about a month or two ago… Seems like the losses are still comin’...”

**  
**

Castiel stands back up, spine straightening, losing interest in the situation quickly, “Yes, I suppose they are.”

**  
**

The alpha begins to leave when Gabriel gawks at him, “You’re just gonna walk away from this?! You’re just gonna leave them out to dry?!”

**  
**

“Gabriel, it is none of our concern. The Winchesters are in a rough position, that it true, but it does not mean that we need to outstretch a hand when we know others shall do so.”

**  
**

“That makes you sound heartless, Cassie. When did ever believing in people doin’ the right thing actually accomplish somethin’?”

**  
**

Castiel ponders over the words for a moment, nodding, “I suppose your words hold some merit… Tell me more about their situation.”

**  
**

Gabriel smirks widely, knowing that he has changed Castiel’s opinion on the matter so easily, “It says here that money began runnin’ a little low after the bills from the hospital came through… Food’s a little hard to come by now, and medicine is scarce between them all… Shit, Cassie- they don’t have enough to make it by the end of the week, _if_ that…”

**  
**

“Who is in charge now that John is deceased?”

**  
**

“Dean Winchester, his eldest son.”

**  
**

“I’ll need to discuss with him how to settle with me being the alpha-”

**  
**

Gabriel holds up a finger, silently quieting his brother, “Seems like you don’t have to… Dean-o’s apparently human…”

**  
**

Castiel tilts his head out of newfound interest- in his mind, his wolf perks to attention- “Human? … Dean has no wolf? …”

**  
**

“Nope- but he’s ironically the only one like that in the whole pack. Lil’ weird, when you think about it… A human running werewolves around and stuff… It’s gotta be like some cheesy bar joke, or somethin’.”

**  
**

“I suppose at some level it is humorous, but for now I am far too concerned with their condition of living to chuckle at an unusual occurrence. Talk to Anna and tell her that we are going to make way over to the Winchester’s territory.”

**  
**

Gabriel nods and grins widely, “Alright, Cassie. See what being kind-hearted gets you?”

**  
**

Castiel is already gone by the time the end of the question is uttered.

 

 

**< ><><>**

 

 

It’s four in the damn morning when Dean is woken up.

**  
**

Normally, Dean would tell whoever the fuck it is to fall on a cactus, but he soon finds that his hostility has to take a back seat. There- on his porch and front lawn- are about five wolves waiting to be seen by him.

**  
**

Dean groans as he hears the small huffs and whines from the unfamiliar wolves, all of but one shifting uneasily on their paws. He stares at them through the window of his room, wondering about if he can go back to sleep or not. Dean eventually decides that he better not keep them waiting, and begins running a hand through his hair as he makes his way groggily down the steps. When he opens the door, however, he is given an energetic welcome.

**  
**

Several fur-covered bodies fall onto his as Dean trips over with the momentum thrown onto him, and the eldest Winchester soon finds that several tongues are already licking his face as numerous tails wag heavily with pure, unfiltered happiness. Dean holds up his palms in defense, finding the wolves retreating when a warning growl rings in the air.

**  
**

Dean finds himself barren of any tongues now, and he sits up to see a large black wolf staring at him with nearly azure eyes. Even when sitting down on the floor, the creature’s head is above Dean’s own. It causes Dean to swallow nervously, eyes shifting to the floor for a moment as he picks himself up.

**  
**

“I, uh- hi…” Dean rubs at the back of his neck, the strange, dark wolf being a little over the height of his hip bone, “Wasn’t expectin’ you guys to show up so late, but, hey- I’m okay with surprises…”

**  
**

The light above them turns on as Sammy rubs his eyelid, and the raven-haired wolf immediately stands up straighter and puffs out his fur to seem even larger, “What’s going on?”

**  
**

Dean keeps watching the black wolf, its blue eyes never leaving his baby brother, and the actions all scream ‘alpha’- “I, uh, took your words to heart, Sammy… I put us up on the employment website- declared a state of emergency… These guys apparently found us and are interested… Just go back to sleep- I’ll deal with this for now.”

**  
**

“Alright…” Sammy lingers on the stairs, “Call me if you need anything…”

**  
**

“Will do.”

**  
**

Dean waits till Sammy is up the stairs before he sighs, tousling his short, spiky hair for a moment, “Yeah, uh- sorry about that. Sammy’s no threat or anything, he was just curious as to why you’re here on our porch at nearly five in the morning…”

**  
**

The black wolf gives a snort, tongue flicking out over his nose for a moment before he returns his gaze to Dean. Immediately he seems to relax from his assertive posture.

**  
**

“Look, I’d hate to ask, but- I need you to shift back… I’m not exactly… _equipped-_ for goin’ canine…”

**  
**

The wolf seems to nod, and he goes outside for a moment. However, this leaves Dean to be with the unknown pack of wolves by his lonesome- sort of. They all stare at him with different shades of irises, and it causes Dean to rub his arms in some attempt to quell his uneasiness. Seconds later, a partially dressed man walks through the doorway before stopping.

**  
**

“You must be Dean, leader of the Winchester pack.” he announces, voice low and gruff, alpha in its entirety.

**  
**

“I am…” Dean trails off.

**  
**

The man tilts his head, “Would you like my pack present while I speak to you?”

**  
**

“This is all of them? …” Dean murmurs, looking at the other four wolves who stare back without much of a care, “That’s a little… small-”

**  
**

The other man snorts, despite himself, Dean grits his teeth in annoyance, “My pack is composed of over thirty wolves in total- bringing them all here would be asking for all sorts of mischief. What about you, Dean? How many members do you have in your pack?”

**  
**

Dean swallows, flushing awkwardly, “Fifteen…”

**  
**

“Hm…” the man hums, smirking, “That’s a little… _small._ ”

**  
**

“Alright, I get it- but bein’ some cocky alpha ain’t gonna get you anywhere, bubba.” Dean hisses, “Even if I am in a ‘state of emergency’, I can still turn your ass down.”

**  
**

The man smiles, teeth white even though Dean knows they’ve probably seen a fair share of dark, staining blood- “Feisty even to the end? I must say, the reputation your family has is not one of false words.”

**  
**

Dean huffs an impatient breath, wishing he could go back to sleep, “Yeah well, that’s us Winchesters… We never go down without a fight…”

**  
**

“Indeed, as far as I am noticing. It’s what surprised me when your state of unrest was brought to my attention.”

**  
**

“What? Want me to beg for help? …” Dean’s voice drops in volume and anger, “Jesus- I _might_ just have to-”

**  
**

The guy steps forward then, holding out a hand, “I am not a man who gets pleasure from seeing others kneel and plead for my involvement. I am Castiel, alpha of the Novak pack.”

**  
**

Dean slowly outstretches his arm, taking Castiel’s palm onto his own and gingerly shaking it, “Yeah, uh, nice to meet you…”

**  
**

“It is a pleasure…” Castiel keeps the eye contact between them constant, even as he removes his hand from Dean’s, “Now, I believe we have business to discuss?”

**  
**

“Oh, yeah- I guess we have to talk about that… I, uh, look, I know that it’s a little bit of an emergency-” Dean winces at the word, “I’d kinda like to get a little shut eye before I go puttin’ my life and my pack in someone’s hands… If that’s alright with you.”

**  
**

Castiel nods simply, “Of course. Maybe some rest would be a good idea, as I am sure my pack mates are tired after the trip here. Do you mind if we sleep outside? We can also keep watch while you and your pack rest as well.” he suggests, and already he’s acting like he’s in charge.

**  
**

However, Dean’s too tired to argue or debate, and he just nods his head, going back up the stairs, “Yeah, sure. Whatever doesn’t ruffle your fur…”

**  
**

As Dean makes it to his room, he checks outside of his window one last time before he goes to bed. Outside- a large raven wolf stands guard.

**  
**

 

**< ><><>**

**  
**

 

Castiel watches as the night breeze rustles the world around him.

**  
**

His pack mates sleep with their tails curled around them, one eye open subconsciously to stay on alert. However, it’s different when it comes to Gabriel. The omega pads up to his brother, his slightly smaller, golden frame sits down with a small panting noise.

**  
**

“ _If you keep making those sounds, I might not be able to hear any threats._ ” Castiel huffs.

**  
**

“ _Oh, stop whining-”_ Gabriel replies, flicking a paw over his ear, “ _There’s not much out here that can hurt the Winchesters… Besides- they may not even join us-”_

**  
**

Castiel growls slightly to quiet his brother so he can speak, and he sits up in an almost military-like fashion as he responds, “ _We do not know for certain if Dean is willing to accept us and infuse our packs together, but the least we can do is give them one night of peace. Even if it seems pointless in many ways to you and others._ ”

**  
**

Gabriel licks his nose for a moment, scenting the air, “ _Yeah, I suppose you’re right… But, hey- maybe this’ll earn Dean’s trust or somethin’_.”

**  
**

“That was one goal.”

**  
**

Gabriel gives a mock laugh, just a snort in his wolf form, and Castiel is slightly glad for it being so toned down, “ _Look at you- already protectin’ the Winchesters like they’re your own… I saw how you looked at Dean, Cassie. I know what gears are turnin’ in that insane, too-formal brain of yours-”_

**  
**

“ _And it is on nothing but the relative subject of negotiation for ourselves and Dean’s pack. There is no certain way that my eyes have rested on Dean other than normally. I am afraid you are just imagining things, Gabriel._ ”

**  
**

“ _Says the one who was scenting him while we were standin’ there._ ” when Castiel turns to look at him, Gabriel’s mouth pulls up in a wolfish grin, “ _Ah- there it is! The denial! Wow- barely an hour in with meetin’ Dean and you’re already tail over paws with the guy!”_

**  
**

Castiel growls a warning to his younger brother, “ _Gabriel, quiet. Not only do I need to listen for threats, I am not going to listen to your ranting and theories that are not true. Go sleep with the others, or stay awake while I patrol the grounds. Take your pick._ ”

**  
**

Gabriel ducks his head in submission, standing up, “ _I’ll go curl up with Anna for now, but, I’ll have both eyes open…_ ”

**  
**

“ _Thank you. I will be back in some time._ ”

**  
**

Castiel’s paws carry him on a medium trot, his nose mainly guiding him. He uses old scent trails from the Winchester pack members as a trail to follow- the scents are mostly unfamiliar, but they create a pathway nonetheless. The whole time Castiel keeps his mouth slightly open, scenting the air and watching for threats. A few minutes in, Castiel finds a rabbit’s burrow but nothing else, and he decides that he can return to the house now that he has a better grip on his surroundings.

**  
**

As his pack mates come into view, still sleeping among one another, the sun is beginning to rise of the roof of the Winchester’s home. In the new lighting, Castiel can see its rough condition, and the human part of him remarks in how the structure has not rotted away while it was in use.

**  
**

“ _Cassie!”_ Gabriel jumps up away from Anna’s form, paws kicking up some clouds of dirt, “ _How was the patrol?”_

**  
**

“ _Thankfully, it was uneventful. Anything to report?”_

**  
**

Gabriel pads alongside him now, his legs moving slightly faster to keep up with his larger brother, “ _No, not really… But I think the house has rats underneath it…_ ”

**  
**

Castiel growls lowly, his instincts rearing their head, “ _No member of our pack should be around such filth._ ”

**  
**

“ _Thought that you needed to talk to Dean about that._ ” Gabriel smugly bumps into Castiel’s flank as they jog back up to the house, “ _Seems like his little group’s grown on you anyway… like a fungus._ ”

**  
**

“ _Thank you for the mental image, Gabriel. Now, I must see if Dean is willing to speak of our pending agreement._ ” Castiel shifts immediately, slipping into his clothes that were placed on the peeling banister of the porch, and his jeans hang loosely on his hips as he turns to the omega, “Make sure everyone stays in line, Gabriel. I do not want to deal with you all behaving like a nest full of immature pups here.”

**  
**

Gabriel solutes with his paw, a silent promise to carry on with his orders.

**  
**

Castiel opens and shuts the door quietly, his tee in his hands as he cautiously steps forward. The alpha tilts his head upwards slightly, scenting the air as much as he can as he puts on his shirt. He can smell coffee brewing in the kitchen, and the sound of some eggs frying in a pan gently reach his ears. Castiel steps forward, following his senses, landing him to see Dean in the kitchen fixing breakfast.

**  
**

“Hey, Castiel.” he grumbles, wiping at one of his eyes groggily, “I honestly thought you and your little pack of ducklings would be back at the nest and pond by now.”

**  
**

“I made a promise to watch over your pack as you slept. I never break my vows, Dean.”

**  
**

The human nods, leaning back against the water-warped surface of the counter, “Yeah, ‘bout that… This deal… There’s a few things you gotta know.”

**  
**

Castiel silently waits for Dean to continue.

**  
**

“Sammy, he’s an alpha, but he won’t get in your way. He’s more so of the politician rather than a commanding officer, so if you have legal issues- I suggest speakin’ with him. Other than that, he’ll leave you alone and let you do your thing.” Dean turns his back to Castiel, his voice still steady as he goes on while flipping eggs- as though he rehearsed this conversation without Castiel’s presence- “We don’t have any omegas, so if you’re lookin’ for mates or some breedin’ type bonus from us, you’re not really gettin’ anything. Other than Sammy, everyone else is a beta. Minus me, of course, but you already know what I am.”

**  
**

“We did not seek out your misfortune as an attempt to grow our numbers with fertility.” Castiel supplies easily, stepping forward to assert his point, “We came here because we wanted to make sure your pack was taken care of.”

**  
**

Dean shrugs nonchalantly, sliding the eggs onto a plate. Castiel watches him, waiting for his reply.

**  
**

Dean does not touch the eggs once they are set on the counter, and he turns to Castiel, “Yeah, I got that from all of the formal shit you’re doin’... and you can knock it off- this whole, ‘I gotta be perfect’ bull. Use a contraction or somethin’.”

**  
**

Castiel blinks at the words with confusion, “I prefer to speak without them, Dean. I usually do.”

**  
**

“You sound like a damn textbook, then…” he grumbles, closing his eyes, “Look- all I know is that my pack is on its last leg- maybe stump, actually- and I need your help. Are you goin’ to give it to us or not?”

**  
**

“If you are willing to accept it.”

**  
**

“Of course I am.” Dean hisses in disbelief, and Castiel is slightly taken aback from the hostility in his words, “Why do you think you were here in the first place?”

**  
**

Normally, Castiel would give a warning growl or nip to those who spoke rudely to him, but he finds that Dean is an exception. If Castiel were in the same position, he would surely be in the swells of rage as Dean is. However, Castiel darkens his gaze at the human, attempting to seem intimidating. His wolf saunters on the edge of his mind like it always has, waiting for the right time to take control of the reigns if need be.

**  
**

“When your pack joins into mine- you are under my rules, and I am the alpha.” he asserts.

**  
**

Dean nods, biting his lower lip, “Yeah, I figured…”

**  
**

Castiel holds his chin up a little higher now as he speaks, “You and your pack will answer to me, and once we get you settled, your roles will be assigned to you. However, I have an adamant feeling yours will be different due to your…” Castiel trails off to find a word.

**  
**

“Humanity.”

**  
**

The alpha watches as Dean shuffles slightly, “Yes, humanity. There will be work to be done, and do not expect to be coddled or given a free ride. Everyone in my pack contributes. If they do not, they leave.”

**  
**

“Got it…” Dean doesn’t look as Castiel as he says it, as though he’s only partially in the conversation mentally.

**  
**

“So it is done, now? The Winchester pack is now officially bound to the Novaks?”

**  
**

Dean nods absently, eyes distant even though he is only a few feet away, “Yeah… sure.”

**  
**

Castiel glances towards Dean once more, and then leaves.

**  
**

The eggs remain untouched on the counter.

**  
**

 

**< ><><>**

**  
**

 

Dean’s mind is swimming as he packs his bags.

**  
**

If he thought this was going to be easy… _shit-_ he was wrong.

**  
**

His throat constricts as he puts his last shirt into his bag- it's the faded Iron Maiden tee his dad gave him when he was nineteen. It had been a hard year for Dean- especially hard- and John was one of the very few people who knew about what had happened among those countless seconds of the three-hundred-and-sixty-five days. For the eldest Winchester son, this is probably the second most hardest point of his life.

**  
**

His boots scuffle the wooden floor, the beams creaking under his weight as he lingers in the doorway. The bed is barren, mattress worn and lumpy, and the nightstand beside it is uneven from where it lost one of its bottom pegs. Sunlight drifts through the cloudy window pains, illuminating the room in a soft glow as Dean looks at its simplicity one last time. A tear forms at the rim of his eye, and Dean clicks the switch down to turn off the light.

**  
**

His old room shall remain dark and unused.

**  
**

 

**< ><><>**

**  
**

 

Dean’s old life is about an hour or so behind him now.

**  
**

Wolves travel beside him- some from his own pack, some from Castiel’s- and they silently parade across fields of uncut grass and wildflowers. Castiel leads from the front, his midnight-black coat glossy among the strands of light as he jogs ahead of the group. Dean kind of feels out of place, especially when he’s being the only one with thumbs and skin as they travel.

**  
**

Currently, he is sitting on Sammy’s back, riding him much like someone would a horse. His legs are on the sides of his brother’s ribs, and the wiry brown fur is coarse against Dean’s fingertips as he grips onto his younger brother’s scruff. He feels so small now that everyone is in wolf form, and he can’t help but cower on his brother’s spine at the fact even the smallest of the herd is about the size of a Great Dane.

**  
**

Fuck being human, sometimes, man.

**  
**

Sammy’s head tilts back, forming a slight huff that Dean has associated with the words ‘are you okay’ over the years, and he manages a weak nod. The sun is a little too hot on his skin as they march on like soldiers, but he can deal with it since he’s the only one not wearing a large, full-bodied fur coat.

**  
**

It seems, however, that the heat gets to the wolves, and soon Dean finds them resting near some stream in the beginning edge of a forest. Birds chirp sweetly around them as light filters through the leaves, large wolves splashing playfully in the cool stream of water as though they were pups as Dean watches on.

**  
**

Sammy rests beside Dean, his head on his paws, body stretched out and used as a headrest for Dean. The eldest Winchester rubs softly through his brother’s fur, trying to coax the feeling of technically being homeless out of their minds by physical touch. Dean is currently the only one other than Castiel who isn’t in wolf form- and it seems as though the alpha in question has a few things to say. He approaches Dean and his baby brother, nothing but a pair of jeans adorning his hips.

**  
**

“How are you doing so far?” he asks Dean, “Do you need any food or water?”

**  
**

Dean is about to object to both when his stomach growls, and he shuts his mouth from where he was going to speak.

**  
**

“I’ll take that as a yes?” Castiel smirks, “Luckily for you, my brother Gabriel has a sweet tooth and can never stop eating.”

**  
**

Dean just nods, mumbling a thank you as Castiel leaves to get him whatever they have available, and Dean just tries to relax by pressing closer into Sammy’s frame. His younger brother curls up more around Dean to the point where he can gently lick his face in a comforting gesture. They both trying their hardest to make the other feel better about leaving the only home they’ve ever had.

**  
**

Castiel returns moments later in wolf form, slightly dampened now by river water as he opens his mouth, dropping a wrapped granola bar onto the ground. Dean stares at it for a moment, wondering what to do. In the end, Castiel has to use his snout to push forward the offering of food, azure eyes staring heavily at Dean as he awaits acceptance.

**  
**

“Thanks…” Dean murmurs, and he unwraps the bar and begins to nibble on it, “Tell Gabriel I said it, too… Considering I stole his snack or somethin’...”

**  
**

Castiel gives a curt nod, and then bark something that makes all of the wolves perk up- including Sammy. Dean awkwardly sits in silence, his lips still around the bar as Castiel says something else he can’t understand, and soon all of the wolves are regathering and regrouping to leave. Dean stands up with Sammy, quickly eating the bar and giving his baby brother a pat on the head before he gets onto his back again.

**  
**

It’s a long ride till they reach ‘home’.

**  
**

 

**< ><><>**

**  
**

 

Dean is silent most of the way to Castiel’s territory.

**  
**

He doesn’t whisper witty remarks in Sammy’s ear, and he doesn’t crack a wise joke here and there. All in all, his mouth stays shut as Castiel pads up to Sammy. The wolf’s eyes latch onto Dean, pupil expanding as the eldest Winchester stares back, and he gives a small yip to assert something to Sammy. The whole time, his eyes never leave Dean, even when Sammy becomes stiff and others from Dean’s old pack come to flank around him.

**  
**

Protection already? …

**  
**

Dean is wary and confused as to why wolves are guarding his sides, but as Castiel’s pack- his full pack- comes into view, Dean doesn’t wonder why anymore. Hungry eyes and sharp teeth greet him as they pass over the invisible barrier, all wanting to nip and taste him as he passes through. There’s some growls and whines, and it’s more of a grating, hopeless feeling when Dean can’t understand them or retort back as Sammy snarls towards some. Castiel is doing the same, clearing a pathway through the large body of wolves so Dean’s little caravan of bodies can pass through without much of a problem.

**  
**

Dean grips tightly onto Sammy’s coat, lowering himself onto his brother’s body as more and more wolves surround him. They cause his heart rate to skyrocket, his hands to tremble, and his lungs to seem as though they’ve swelled shut. Dean knows this feeling well- panic- and finds his mind pulling a blank as the feeling worsens as they continue onwards. By the time Castiel gets them past the pack of foreign and overwhelming wolves, Dean is nearly unresponsive within his fear.

**  
**

Someone pulls Dean off of Sammy’s back in haste, dragging Dean onto their chests as his eyes remain wide in fear and his mouth sealed from the adrenaline. His breathing is ragged and rough, nothing but short and uneven exhales that are passing through Dean’s nose. Sammy shifts quickly after Dean is off of his spine, and he rushes over to his brother in an attempt to comfort him.

**  
**

“Hey, Dean…” he says calmly, “Come on- it’s okay now. We’re safe. You’re safe.”

**  
**

Dean shakes his head, disbelieving those words.

**  
**

“There’s nothing here that can hurt us.”

**  
**

Dean snorts despite the uncertainty that is running rampant all over him- in mind and in body.

**  
**

Fingers begin brushing through his hair, and almost immediately, Dean finds himself slightly falling out of his panicked trance. Slowly, his chest begins to sync in with the one rising and falling beneath him, and he closes his eyes to relax more. Sammy doesn’t say another word about anything, but his presence is still felt as Dean calms down from his panic high, waiting to see if Dean is alright.

**  
**

It’s a shame, really, because Dean passes out as soon as he feels remotely normal.

**  
**

 

**< ><><>**

**  
**

 

Castiel carries Dean up the stairs, the human’s head lolling onto his chest as he ascends.

**  
**

Castiel feels some remorse for the things that have happened, and he believes that there is some slight responsibility on his part for causing Dean to become so overwhelmed. It’s his pack members that pushed Dean over his edge, and he plans on reprimanding them for all of the things said about ‘clean blood’ or ‘fresh meat’. Dean, even when human, is a part of this pack- and no member of the Novak clan will ever be afraid to walk in their own territory.

**  
**

Castiel brings Dean to his room, setting him down in the bed as he covers him up with his sheets. The human groans in his sleep, tossing slightly to make himself comfortable. The alpha pulls his blanket over Dean's slumbering form, and Castiel decides then that Dean can be housed alongside the other wolves. If Dean were to be placed among the rest of the members, Castiel is aware of the distinct possibility that someone would end up hurting Dean, or even changing him.

**  
**

It's a well known fact that most werewolves enjoy the scent and taste of human blood, so Castiel is reasonably worried for Deans safety. He knows he would be a bit of a hypocrite if he were to judge or punish his pack mates for their feral, animalistic desires, but he cannot trust them. At least with Dean. Not when everything is still too fresh and delicate between the Winchesters and the Novaks. Dean getting hurt by an unruly wolf under Castiel’s command would cause an irreversible rift to form in between them, and Castiel knows that Sam will fight him if Dean gets hurt. If there’s anything Castiel wants to avoid, it’s political problems within his own territory.

**  
**

Dean groans something unintelligible in his sleep, curling up in Castiel's bed as the alpha watches over him quietly. Dean’s neck is slightly exposed, the wolf in Castiel sensing the erratic heartbeat of fear pulsing underneath the flesh. His canine side tells him to surge forward and drink up the viscous liquid located under Dean’s skin, but Castiel’s morals and human mind refuse. In that moment, when the alpha himself is finding the urge to bite and taste hard to resist, Castiel decides that he will let Dean stay in his room for safety purposes. At least until a new plan is formed between them, the couch or something else will serve Castiel’s needs just fine.

**  
**

Castiel cracks his door open just in case Dean wakes, then proceeds to head back to his duties as alpha. However, he finds that his mind wanders to the person laying unconsciously among his sheets.

**  
**

 

**< ><><>**

**  
**

 

Dean opens his eyes to find himself in someone else's bed.

**  
**

Normally, he would flip out or something, but he understands that right now- any bed will be foreign to him. The eldest Winchester rubs at his eyes, sitting up slightly onto his elbow to survey the area.

**  
**

There’s not much in the room around him. Nothing but the common things even a hotel would have. The sunlight coming through the window allows Dean to figure out that it’s probably around five in the afternoon. He pulls the sheets away from his body, feet softly sounding on the wooden floor. Surprisingly, that’s when Castiel walks in.

**  
**

“Oh, hey.” Dean rubs the back of his neck, an exhale tumbling over his lips, “I, uh- sorry about earlier.”

**  
**

"It is alright, Dean." Castiel walks over to the dresser, setting some things out onto it, "My pack can sometimes be... a handful, to say at the very least. If they came on too strong, then I apologize."

**  
**

Dean just looks off to the side, rubbing at his arm, “Yeah, it’s okay… I get it- I’m a human in the middle of a werewolf pack… I must look like a piece of raw meat to you guys…”

**  
**

Castiel smirks at the words, as though it were some joke, “In some ways, I suppose that is true… However, that does not excuse them for treating you as such.”

**  
**

“Thanks, Castiel…” Dean walks over to the door, “I’m gonna go check in on Sammy and the others while you… do your thing.”

**  
**

Dean walks past Castiel, his arm brushing against the alpha’s as he does so, and Dean hurries down the hallway to find his brother.

**  
**

He finds Sammy integrating with the others. He’s in his wolf form nipping at one of the pack members flank. The wolf yips, turning to give a growl of warning to Sammy, but its eyes are playful.

**  
**

“Sammy?” Dean asks, walking up to the group of canines making him suddenly feel awkward.

**  
**

Sammy shifts almost immediately, giving his brother a hug before pulling back, “You okay? You gave us a scare back there…”

**  
**

“I’m fine- everything’s fine.” Dean glances at the other wolves watching him, “I just wanted to see how things were goin’...”

**  
**

Sammy doesn’t bring up the whole fainting incident, and Dean’s glad, “It’s going good so far. Bobby seems to be getting along just fine, and everyone else has fallen into place nicely…” Sammy hesitates, “What about you, Dean? How’s the change so far?”

**  
**

Dean wants to tell his brother that this is a strange experience altogether for him, that he misses the old house and the life he knew. Sure, people probably considered it one of hardship and problems, but Dean found some silver linings on that storm cloud. After all, no precious flower could ever grow without a little rain.

**  
**

“Okay, I guess. Just tired…”

**  
**

Sammy nods and glances back towards the mass of wolves, “You know…” he murmurs, “With all of these new pack members, it’s gonna be hard on you being the only human…”

**  
**

“Sammy-” Dean hisses, rolling his eyes, “my humanity isn’t some damn plague. I understand that I can’t do things like you guys- that I can’t magically snap my fingers and somehow shift into Balto- but that’s okay. I can deal with that kinda thing.”

**  
**

“I wasn’t saying you couldn’t. Just that the others who may not know how to control their basic instincts might have issues with you.”

**  
**

Dean sighs, looking towards the ground, “Yeah- I know… I don’t know what I’m gonna have to do about it- but I’ll manage.”

**  
**

Sammy takes the words in, hazel eyes lingering on Dean’s face before averting to look back at the wolves. It’s a silent ‘we’ll talk about this later’ thing, and Dean knows it. Yet- he doesn’t care too much. Sammy can go ahead and pry- he’s got nothing to hide.

**  
**

Dean walks away then, arms wrapped around himself as he decides to venture around the Novak territory. Thankfully, even without the scents to follow, Dean uses the dirt trail worn into the ground by paws as his guide. Cicadas hum around him, the air hot and the sky a bright blue as he slowly strolls. Birds fly past his head and into the thick lines of trees to his side, their chirps coming to intertwine with the soft sway of overgrown grass blowing in the wind. Dean has to admit it- Castiel’s territory looks absolutely beautiful.

**  
**

The human’s boots touch onto the ground, soft and opaque clouds of dirt rising into the air with his footfalls. It’s peaceful, and a small wave of calm rushes into Dean’s senses. Dean feels relaxed here- safe. It’s better than what he’s felt like for a long time, especially with the stresses of John dying and taking care of so many people who were in need with so little to give. The idea of having to take care of fifteen people when you can't take care of yourself is a hell within itself, and Dean has to admit that Castiel coming to help them out was nothing short of a miracle.

**  
**

Dean's wandering in his mind caused him to forget where he was going, finding that the path widened out into the bank of a stream. Dean blinks at the running water, eyes finding a rock quarry edging along the sides of it. Leaves hang down like vines, and a soft breeze passes among the mossy trunks.

**  
**

"Seems like you had an adventure." a voice sounds behind Dean, causing him to jump.

**  
**

Dean turns to find Castiel standing there, head tilted in curiosity, naked as the day he was born.

**  
**

"Shit! Castiel!" Dean looks away, blushing furiously, "You can't just sneak up on me completely naked!"

**  
**

Castiel just seems to get even more curious, head tilting further, and he smirks, "Nudity is a common thing among wolves. From running and living with a pack, you should be used to a little exposed skin."

**  
**

"Yeah- but..." Dean sighs, "I'm not expecting someone to run up behind me or anything... It's like some horror movie- a murdering nudist..."

**  
**

Castiel chuckles, crossing his arms, "So, would you mind to explain why you wandered off of my land and into a neighbor's territory?"

**  
**

Dean swallows, "I- uh- shit, Castiel- I _didn't_ know I swear-"

**  
**

"It is fine, Dean." Castiel assures, "You did not know the boundaries."

**  
**

"I know- I don't have a scent tracker like you guys..." Dean sighs in defeat, "I'm not in time out, am I?"

**  
**

Castiel chuckles but shakes his head, "No. Normally, there would be some scolding and light punishment, but my pack and I can tell we're the lines stop and begin. You, however, are flying blind."

**  
**

Dean nods accordingly, "Alright- as long as I'm not causing any issues..."

**  
**

"I can put markers up for you, if you wish."

**  
**

"Yeah, sure..." Dean murmurs, looking off into the trees to avoid Castiel’s gaze, "Anything to keep this from happening again..."

**  
**

Instead of saying anything else, both Castiel and Dean look towards the stream. Water flows easily through the curves and bends of rocks and soil, its trickle soothing something raw in Dean as he lets out a breath. God- it’s been so long since he could just let go of all of his stresses, and feeling this… this reprieve- it’s like finding solitude. Peace.

**  
**

Castiel comes to stand at Dean’s side, watching the stream run with Dean silently. The birds overhead sing their songs, the grass hums its swaying lullaby, and the trees stand overlooking the forest with a sense of timeless knowledge. It’s indescribable- the complexity of sounds and sights- but good nonetheless.

**  
**

“Come on…” Castiel says softly near Dean’s ear, “I am sure this is enough time spent outside of our borders…”

**  
**

“Yeah- right…” Dean has to snap back into reality, eyes leaving the stream to look at Castiel.

**  
**

Castiel smiles slightly as Dean waits for him to do something- considering the alpha is the only one who can even lead Dean back to his pack at this point. Castiel shifts into his wolf form in a fluid transition, much like the water passing over the riverbed.

**  
**

Castiel huffs, causing Dean to notice that his snout is pointing at his back. Dean raises an eyebrow, deciding to take a few steps forward to bring a hand to Castiel’s coat. The wolf stares at Dean’s fingers, their tips embedding themselves in the raven fur as to ask a silent question. When Castiel licks at Dean’s wrist, Dean supposes that it’s alright now- and he slowly puts his legs on Castiel. As his hips settle along the hard line of the alpha’s spine, Castiel begins to trot away from the stream and back towards his territory.

**  
**

Dean ends up having to hold on to Castiel as he begins to sprint, the speed causing Dean to feel as though he was one second away from falling off and onto the ground. The human’s fingertips hold onto Castiel’s scruff tightly in an attempt to hold on, but as Castiel nearly flings him off by stopping abruptly, Dean believes that Castiel is trying to kill him by flinging him off of his back.

**  
**

“Castiel-” Dean begins to say as the alpha rolls over, forcing Dean onto the ground who gives a sound of pain and has surprise towards the action.

**  
**

Suddenly, Castiel’s snout is in his face, and the wolf is snarling at Dean. Dean’s heart races in his chest from fear, his breath catching in his throat as Castiel’s eyes search for any sign of submission. Dean remembers John telling him once that alpha’s don’t like it when they don’t see someone submit when they are looking for it, and that things can get ugly- fast. So in light of that memory and information, Dean lowers his gaze and bares his neck in the universal sign of: _okay, you’re in control here- not me._

**  
**

The alpha relaxes at the action, his lips receding over his sharpened teeth. Dean waits for a moment, the position he’s in not giving him the ability to look at Castiel without the risk of setting him off. Castiel is suddenly sniffing at Dean’s neck, his cold nose causing a shiver to run through Dean as the alpha scents him. Dean is pretty sure that Castiel would normally refrain from this if he could, but knowing how wolves get when instincts rear their heads, he’s more than likely in a mental haze at the moment. Dean doesn’t know if he should be worried as a tongue begins to lap at his skin.

**  
**

Dean tries to scurry away somehow, palms pushing up against the dirt to gain leverage, but the wolf has none of it. Its teeth nip at Dean’s skin, a warning, and immediately Dean stills from his attempt to escape.

_**  
**_

_Breathe- just breathe._

**  
**

Dean attempts to calm himself as the wolf licks his exposed neck. Stalks of grass poke uncomfortably into Dean’s back, causing him to feel as though tiny, blunt knives were digging into his flesh. However, it’s not of priority- because the biggest thing that’s worrying him are the teeth that are now trying to break his skin.

**  
**

With a shove, Dean pushes Castiel off with as much force as he can manage. The alpha lands on the ground with a yelp, Dean finding that the wolf’s confusion gives him time to run. A small voice in the back of his head tells him that fleeing isn’t the best of options, but Dean still decides that he’ll deal with the consequences as they come rather than avoid them.

**  
**

Dean runs as fast as he can, his feet pounding against the dirt as he makes a break for the house in the distance. He knows by the sight of the wolves sunbathing and Sammy trotting around that at least he’s not heading off into another pack’s territory again. Lord knows Dean has crossed some line too many times today.

**  
**

Sammy sees his brother in panic, shifting quickly as Dean runs, “Dean-”

**  
**

“Can’t talk right now, Sammy!” he yells, Dean trying his hardest to now beat the sound of thudding paws behind him in speed.

**  
**

“Shit, is that- _Castiel!”_ Sammy snarls, shifting back into his wolf form again to get the alpha away from Dean.

**  
**

Dean’s mind is a loop of curse words as Castiel speeds up, his snout nearing Dean’s legs as he tries to bite the denim Dean’s wearing. Sammy is on his trail though, quickly throwing Castiel off from his intended target and barreling them into a nearby group of wolves. Dean stops running immediately, the soles of his boots digging into the dirt below to slow himself, and tries to help with the mass of flailing paws. Castiel and Sammy, however, have different plans.

**  
**

Castiel immediately jumps up and snarls at Sammy, raven ears flattened to his skull as Sammy growls back. They start circling one another, their teeth bared and fur puffed up in irritation. Dean watches with worry in his chest, hoping to whoever is listening that the two alphas don’t kill each other or something.

**  
**

“What’s happening?” someone asks, coming up to stand beside Dean, “Why is Cassie and your brother flippin’ shit?”

**  
**

“I just- it’s all my fault…” Dean says in defeat, the two wolves only getting closer to ripping the other’s throat out.

**  
**

The man tilts his head, “Your fault?”

**  
**

Dean looks on with a solemn expression, his arms coming to circle his frame, “I went over the borders without knowing it… But- Castiel didn’t seem too angry since there was no possible way for me to tell… Anyways, he’d offered a ride back, but when he began sprinting, I had to hold onto his scruff to stay on-”

**  
**

“You did what?” the man beside him asks comically, “Dean- you have to understand that grabbing an alpha like that is almost like… taboo, right?”

**  
**

“No-” Dean grimaces, feeling even worse already, Castiel and Sammy snarl once more, “I’m human, remember? I have no fuckin’ clue as to what’s right and what’s not…”

**  
**

The man beside him sighs, starting to guide Dean back to the house, “Come on, we’re just going to have to let them fight this out. Trying to break them up isn’t gonna do us any good… My name’s Gabriel- I’m Castiel’s younger brother.”

**  
**

Dean nods, letting Gabriel take him inside, “Nice to meet you… Sorry about all the trouble I’ve caused… I’m sure you, Castiel, and your pack mates want to rip out my throat already…”

**  
**

“That’s not true, Dean. You’re human- we know you don’t understand. Don’t act like it’s a bad thing that you don’t. There’s just… things you won’t be able to notice because of it.”

**  
**

“Like the borders?” Dean supplies sadly, “Yeah- I haven’t been here for twenty-four hours and I’ve already caused an uproar among you guys… I won’t be surprised if you decide to kick me out.”

**  
**

Gabriel looks at Dean seriously then, expression stern as he lets Dean sit down on a couch, “We’re not going to do that, Dean. Cassie isn’t one for kicking people out of his pack unless he has a damn good reason to. Just because you made a few mistakes because you were unaware of things doesn’t mean that you’re a liability.”

**  
**

Dean gives a sarcastic chuckle, “Yeah, well, try convincing the world that…”

**  
**

Gabriel watches Dean with a pitying expression, and Dean hates it- hates it because he probably looks like some air-headed idiot who is trying to live in a world he doesn’t belong in. It’s literally like he’s a sheep in the middle of a wolf pack- it’s bound to lead to trouble and his demise in some way.

**  
**

“I know how you feel, to some extent at least…” Gabriel murmurs quietly.

**  
**

“How’s that?” Dean scoffs, “Last time I checked you were on four legs instead of two.”

**  
**

Gabriel furrows his brow, gaze heated with an anger that causes Dean to quiet himself, “You act as though you’re the only one who feels like everyone treats them differently because of something you can’t control. For you- it’s humanity- for me- it’s because I’m an omega.”

**  
**

Dean looks down at the floor, feeling guilt rise into his throat like bile.

**  
**

“Every single day since I presented, I’ve been given fucking hell because of what I am. Every damn alpha or beta expects me to bare my throat and submit- and when my heat rolls around… Well- I get too many assholes at my bedroom door who think they can pick a lock. I’ve been treated like a piece of meat most of my life- so I fucking understand why you think you’re nothing but one here.”

**  
**

Dean can’t even meet Gabriel’s eyes, mumbling, “Sorry- I didn’t know… I can’t- I can’t smell it like you guys can… I’m flyin’ blind…”

**  
**

This makes Gabriel soften up again- realizing that there was no possibility Dean would have been aware of his gender without being informed, and he comes to sit beside the human, offering comfort. Dean relaxes slightly, hoping he didn’t screw everything up too royally so far.

**  
**

“You know, we aren’t all you crack us up to be…”

**  
**

The quiet words cause Dean to glance up at the omega, blinking, “What do you mean by that? …?”

**  
**

Gabriel gives a sad smile, looking at the coffee table, but his mind is distant- trapped within his thoughts- “We have our own pasts and problems to deal with. We’re just as human as you are in some ways- especially when it comes to making the wrong choices and mistakes. There are some of us here with… dark clouds- hanging over our heads…”

**  
**

“Should I be worried about that?” Dean asks honestly, “There isn’t going to be some like… interrogation process if I know anything, right?”

**  
**

“We’re not a mafia, Dean. We’re just a pack of werewolves trying to find order among the chaos.” there’s sounds of the fight outside, “As you can tell- we’re not exactly makin’ a paradise for ourselves.”

**  
**

Dean chuckles at the comment, finding a small smirk appearing on Gabriel’s face, “Yeah- I don’t see any palm trees or beaches nearby.”

**  
**

Gabriel rolls his eyes, “Totally.”

**  
**

It’s then of course, that Sammy walks in with scratches over his skin, Castiel following suit.

**  
**

“Dean, he didn’t hurt you did he?” there’s an edge of anger to Sammy’s voice as he kneels down in front of his brother.

**  
**

“No, he didn’t…” Dean mumbles, finding Sammy overlooking his skin- especially at his neck- for any signs of damage that obviously state otherwise.

**  
**

Castiel stands behind Sammy silently, Dean looking up to find that those blue irises are watching him heavily as Sammy inspects his flesh.

**  
**

“His scent is all over you…” Sammy murmurs with furious eyes, and he stands up, growling when he turns to Castiel, “You bastard-”

**  
**

“Sammy!” Dean tries to stop the fight before it has a chance to start, but of course, nothing seems to work out in his favor.

**  
**

“You lay a hand- paw- tooth- nail- fucking _anything_ on my brother again like that and I’ll make you into a damn shag carpet!” Sammy snarls, his wolf seeming to seep through his anger.

**  
**

Castiel glares at Sammy, “I assure you, what happened today with Dean was not my intention. I can deny my instincts as well as you can-”

**  
**

“Bullshit!” Sammy growls, his finger pointing accusingly towards the pack alpha, “You can easily ignore your wolf and leave shit be- but _no-_ you have to fucking chase my brother like some baby rabbit during hunting season!”

**  
**

Castiel seems like he’s seconds away from shifting himself, his rage causing the air to sour severely in the room- Gabriel and Dean are watching him snarl without much of an idea on how to calm him- “It does not matter, you are not in charge here. I am the alpha of this pack, not you, so the fantasy on giving me orders is one of your own invention. However, I did not mean to be so rough with Dean, but my wolf does not particularly enjoy its superiority being questioned- much like what you are doing now. So, Sam, if there is one smart thing you could do during your life, it would be to _back off_ and _learn your place._ ”

**  
**

“I won’t until you promise me that you won’t chase my brother or pin him down to the ground again, understood!? I don’t give a damn if you’re my alpha or not- because I will still fucking attack you if you even try to nibble on Dean!”

**  
**

“I would believe the valid term for you is a hypocrite.” Castiel growls at Sammy, inching forward like a predator on its prey, “Last time I saw you, Gabriel was at the end of your nose.”

**  
**

Gabriel flushes red beside Dean, and immediately the older Winchester is feeling awkward from the situation and all that it is revealing, so he decides to try and stop this before it gets too far, “Come on, guys, there’s been enough fighting so far today.”

**  
**

Gabriel nods his head in agreement, “Yeah, let’s listen to Dean and stuff.”

**  
**

“Thank you, Gabriel. At least you’re on my side-”

**  
**

“Silence Gabriel!” Castiel yells as soon as Sammy growls, “Shut up, Dean!”

**  
**

The two alphas glare at each other before snarling, suddenly shifting again and ripping at each other like the feral animals they technically are.

**  
**

“Shit-” Gabriel jumps off of the couch alongside Dean, both barreling into the fight to break them up before they bring the whole house down around them.

**  
**

Ironically, in the end, it’s brothers holding brothers in line. Dean’s forearm is wrapped around Sammy’s neck, pulling him back as he growls at Castiel. Gabriel pushes with both arms on Castiel’s chest to stop him, the alpha’s nails scraping into the wood below from the restrained power behind them.

**  
**

“Chill the fuck out!” Gabriel scolds, and he smacks Castiel on the nose like a puppy who needed punishment because it peed on the carpet.

**  
**

Castiel whines at the pain, his paw coming to rub at his snout as Gabriel sighs in defeat, slouching over with exhaustion.

**  
**

Dean pets Sammy behind the ears, the strokes of his fingers making his baby brother calm down bit by bit as Sammy breathes heavily. Sammy’s form- which is around Dean’s torso- begins to loosen its muscles slightly, the fur matted in places from where blood slicks it.

**  
**

“Come on, Sammy…” Dean grabs onto the scruff of Sammy’s neck- something he’s done since they were kids- and begins to lead his baby brother into the back to wash him off.

**  
**

 

**< ><><>**

**  
**

 

Castiel watches in amazement as Sam lets Dean grab onto his scruff.

**  
**

For him, the touch set something off in his mind- like some bomb exploded and there were no places for the heat and fire to escape. With all of the pent up force in Castiel’s mind, his wolf decided to snap from it. Castiel didn’t mean for anything to happen, he really didn’t, but his wolf has a habit of taking control of him when he doesn’t want it to.

**  
**

At the thought of that, Castiel shivers, causing Gabriel to come over to him in concern.

**  
**

“I know…” he murmurs, petting Castiel’s head softly, not having to lean down as Castiel reaches his collarbone, “It reminds you of her, doesn’t it? …”

**  
**

A low whine escapes Castiel at the words, his body buckling down before he whimpers in defeat. Gabriel, the saint that he is, shifts into his wolf form again before lying down next to Castiel.

**  
**

“ _It’s going to be alright…_ ”

  
Castiel just hides his face under his paws.

 

 

 

 

 


	2. It's Dark Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated again. Go me.
> 
> This was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but... well, I added so much plot to it and it was so lengthy that I had to turn it into a multiple chaptered fic.  
> Whoo.
> 
> Anyways, there's more exploration to Dean's past, alongside with a new problem they must face.  
> I don't wanna summarize it- so I won't.  
> Also, it's sad as frick.
> 
> Enjoy?~

 

* * *

 

 

 

The water is bubbly and red as it drains back into the sink basin.

“Shit- Sammy, you gotta sit _still._ ” Dean chastises, taking the washcloth and rubbing the sections of fur where blood clumped in it, “I can’t fix anything if you won’t let me.”

Sammy gives a whine of discomfort, shifting uneasily on his front paws.

“If you’re going to complain, then maybe you shouldn’t have gotten into that fight-”

Sammy glares at Dean, his lips pulling over his teeth as he lets out a rumble of warning.  Dean figures that it’s Sammy’s way of telling him to shut the fuck up, and he just smirks as he wipes away the blood.

“Yeah, I know, you knucklehead…” Dean affectionately bumps heads with Sammy, the wolf letting out a happy yip as Dean scratches behind his ear, “Thanks for standing up for me… Even if I think that I didn’t need it.”

Sammy nibbles at Dean’s ear, his way of telling Dean that he disagrees.

“Look- it was my fault that Castiel was angry in the first place, alright? …” Dean wrings out the washcloth in the pink water, bringing it back to a nasty cut on Sammy’s snout, “There’s no need for you to be barking up his tree because _I_ did something wrong.”

Sammy tilts his head, making a small noise to ask Dean to continue on with an explanation.

“I just- I don’t know how I can function here, Sammy…” Dean looks down towards the floor tiles in shame, “I can’t understand you guys when in wolf form- I can’t even smell the scent marks on the borders… Castiel found me wandering in another pack’s territory, Sammy… I had no clue where I was- I just went wherever my feet took me… Sammy, I- I don’t belong here…”

Immediately, Sammy is licking at Dean’s face and whining, offering up his own reply with his versions of ‘that’s not true’ and ‘stop degrading yourself’. Dean knows this from their previous talks while Sammy was canine instead of a man, and their own little language was formed through the barrier of different species. Dean gives his brother a sad smile, one that doesn’t quite make it across his lips before falling away.

“Yeah, I know- I’m important to you… But, Sammy…” Dean shakes his head, looking down to the floor with watery eyes, “I just- I couldn’t even make it in our own pack… I couldn’t take care of you guys- I lost almost everyone and everything because I didn’t know what to do and how to do it… Just- where along the lines did I ever earn the right to stay here among you guys?”

Sammy tilts Dean’s head up with his nose slowly, jade eyes meeting hazel, and his tongue gently wipes away the tears Dean makes. Sammy ends up resting his head on Dean’s shoulder, making a soft whine noise before Dean hugs him back, sobbing into his fur.

 

**< ><><>**

 

Dean wakes up in the morning to find storm clouds overhead. Sammy is curled up on the floor of his new-to-him room, allowing Dean the comforts of his mattress. It was a nice favor of him, and Dean will have to thank him in some way later. For now though, he’s got to find Castiel and apologize for whatever happened yesterday.

He and Sammy had a long talk last night- one that was about almost everything. He was worried that Dean was not okay with the Novak pack, and maybe Castiel’s actions caused the discomfort- but Dean had shot that idea down as quickly as it came. There’s no way that coming to the Novak pack caused feelings he’s been having since he could remember the Winchesters first living among wolves. It just wasn’t possible. Well, either way, Dean decided that Castiel was owed a sorry or two for what happened nonetheless.

Dean hurriedly gets dressed, throwing on sweats and his faded red hoodie as Sammy slumbers off to the side. The wood is soft on the soles of Dean’s feet as he quickly looks out of the window to check the weather outside. The distant sound of thunder and opaque flashes of lightning in the dark clouds make Dean pull his hoodie closer to his skin, deciding that maybe going outside today to walk again was a bad idea…

Dean exits into the hallways, preparing himself for talking to Castiel.

All of the werewolves- now in human form since they are indoors- are passing by Dean quietly as if he didn’t exist. It feels weird, like it’s some type of depressed hotel for wayward souls that only cared about themselves. Dean is something unimportant- similar to a shadow upon the wall- there, but just something you notice when you want to give it attention.

“Heya there, Dean-o!” a voice sing-songs, and Dean suddenly finds an arm wrapped on his shoulder, “Isn’t it weird? I thought cats were supposed to be afraid of water!”

“Oh- hey, Gabriel. Nice joke- I think it explains why no one’s outside…” Dean lets the omega walk beside him down the hallway, more people passing them by as if there were phantoms- altogether invisible to their normal eyes and senses.

Gabriel hands Dean a muffin out of nowhere- it’s blueberry, thank God- “Yeah, Castiel isn’t fond of thunderstorms here. Sometimes the stream can flood over and well- we don’t like have to go searching for people caught up in the currents.”

“Understandable…” Dean murmurs as he nibbles on the food Gabriel gave him, “Hey, how is he doing? He seemed- off- when Sammy and I left…”

Gabriel’s eyes harden a bit as he looks forward, bringing Dean into a sitting room before letting Dean get a seat on the couch, other members of the pack walking by as he speaks, “He’s doing okay… He hates it whenever his wolf side gets the better of him… It happens a lot…”

“Are you worried about him going rogue then?” Dean asks, tilting his head, “I heard that it’s common for people to get stuck as their wolves sometimes… It’s even rarer for them to be stuck as a human…”

“Yeah, I worry about it a lot… He’s at the ends of the spectrum, honestly. Some days he’s more of a human, some days he’s more of a wolf… I know that it sounds weird, but- you can just tell… like he’s fraying at the edges…”

Dean looks down at his muffin, finding no need or want to finish it, so he holds it in his fingers as though it’s the most precious thing in the world, “I can see why you’re worried… We, uh- we had another brother, Sammy and I… His name was Adam…”

“Dean, you don’t have to-”

“No… it’s fine…” Dean reassures, and suddenly there’s more than one person listening into the conversation as Dean clears his throat, “He was the youngest out of all of us, but the also the best one… I don’t know why or how, but Adam had a heart of gold, and no matter what you did… you could see it…” Dean looks towards the floor then, his throat already feeling constricted, “Even though he was our half-brother, Sammy and I loved him like nothin’ else… but… one day, after Adam presented when he was sixteen… things just went south…”

“Dean-”

Dean goes on anyways, ignoring Gabriel’s worried tone, “He just started actin’... different. John, my dad, didn’t know what was going on… We tried sending him to doctors and people like that- even got him on medication- but nothing worked. Then, once after Adam shifted, he didn’t change back…”

There’s random people standing silently around Dean, listening- watching. Gabriel is quiet on the chair opposite of Dean, and the air hangs heavily around the words that have cut through it.

“It was like he was some animal after that…” Dean can’t help but watch as several tears fall to the floor, sliding down his cheeks and dripping onto the wooden boards below, “He attacked Sammy and John after they tried to coax him into his room, and after that- we treated him like he was something feral… We called specialists, priests, voodoo witch doctors- anyone who’d listen and help us… It’s one reason we lost so much money and stuff- because no matter what we did… we had some benign hope that Adam would have a recovery…” Dean wipes furiously at his face, his voice starting to break through his crying, “It didn’t work- none of it did- and we soon had to cage Adam up like a damn dog because he kept trying to attack anyone… After that, we knew… We knew that the Adam we grew up with and loved- loved so fucking much- was gone…  John didn’t speak much after that, and Sammy and I were worried that he’d gone mute on us… He’d just sit in front of Adam’s cage in a chair, sometimes in wolf form, and he’s just stare at him… The whole time Adam was snarling and growling- attacking the bars because John was there- was looking at him in the eyes… I guess John was trying to see if Adam was still in there- was somehow still alive, but… we all knew he wasn’t…”

Suddenly, Dean finds Sammy’s hand on his shoulder, but, instead of stopping him, Sammy just reassures him with his presence- and now even more people are listening- “Everything fell through the day that Adam tried to attack and bite me… I had been trying to give him some more food and water when he broke the latch on the cage, and he jumped at me… I remember that John and Sammy had to get him off of me- but those few seconds… those few seconds… I felt like I was about to be murdered by my own brother… John, even despite his never ending hope for Adam’s return, decided that Adam was more wolf than he was human, and that he was a threat to everyone and everything around him…” Sammy’s hand tightens on Dean’s shoulder as a sign of recognition, because he knows what is about to be said- “John put him down- or… put the wolf down… Just- the hardest part of it all was… Sammy and I had to lose our brother twice before it was all over…”

It’s then, of course, that Castiel walks into the room.

 

**< ><><>**

 

The scent of distress is what caused Castiel to wander through the hallways of his house.

His followers greeted him as he walked by, giving signs of submission as he passed. Castiel is guessing that the fight between himself and Sam Winchester has fueled a new movement to act as needed to not upset Castiel’s wolf. It seems like a good idea, but honestly, Castiel doesn’t really care as a human.

Right now, all that matters is finding the source of that scent.

The scene he discovers is slightly unsettling. At least a hundred people crowd around one of the many sitting rooms, all silent and watchful as Castiel sees who they are focused on. Gabriel is sitting on the couch, looking as though he was depressed and without options of what to do. For a second, Castiel is confused as to why, until he sees Dean and Sam.

Dean has his face in his hands, Sam standing over his shoulder offering small amounts of comfort. Dean sobs into his palms as the air becomes tense around Castiel. So… this is the scent he’s been smelling…

His followers part for him like a sea, moving in quiet steps, and mere inches of space morph into a few feet for him to walk through. Gabriel notices his appearance and seems relieved, silently moving over to his brother as he begins to guide him away.

“I’ll explain in a moment, Cassie. I promise…” he whispers.

Sam raises his gaze up to Castiel, his hazel eyes showing a slight burning edge to him, yet- his posture and expression show that he’s in no mood to fight. Dean still cries in the chair, not even noticing Castiel’s presence as tears fall to the floor. Instantly, Castiel feels the need to stop those tears rise in his chest, similar to the swell of a wave, and it’s about to crest over when Gabriel drags him away from both of the Winchesters. Castiel watches over his shoulder as he is pushed away from the situation, Sam the whole time glaring at him before returning his attention to his brother.

“Come on, you big log- right now’s not the time for one of your staring fits.” Gabriel pushes his brother into another room, grunting at the fact Castiel pushes against the floorboards with the soles of his feet.

“Gabriel, what is going on back there?”

Gabriel gives a sigh, his palms still pressed into Castiel’s back as he stops pushing, “It’s a very complicated, depressing story…”

Castiel looks over his shoulder, seeing his brother staring at the floor, “Should I be concerned over said story?”

“I- I don’t know if you should be…” Gabriel murmurs, “It’s more so of something that happened with Sammy and Dean…”

Castiel turns to face the omega, Gabriel’s arms falling limply to his side as he still stares at the floorboards, “Is it serious? …”

Gabriel suddenly pulls Castiel into a tight hug, his knuckles cracking as he holds onto Castiel’s shirt tightly, his tears already flowing into the fabric, “Y-You have to promise me…”

“Promise what? …” Castiel asks softly, holding onto his brother gently as he begins to cry into his shirt.

“P-Promise me you won’t let yourself go rogue…” Gabriel sobs, burrowing his face into Castiel’s chest, “I just- I can’t deal with t-that if it happens…”

Castiel tilts his head in confusion, “Go… _rogue?_ …”

Gabriel lifts his face from Castiel’s shirt, his eyes red and puffy, bottom lip trembling, “Dean t-talked about how his brother Adam g-got stuck as a wolf… I just- I don’t want that t-to happen to you… I know it’s common a-among alphas, and Dean’s story just s-struck a cord and a fear of mine-”

“Gabriel…” Castiel lowers himself to where they are eye to eye, much like he used to do whenever his baby brother stubbed his toe and cried at the pain, “I understand why you’re upset, and I guess that being concerned if my wolf is too present for your tastes is a reasonable thing to be frightened over- but I am not going rogue. Some days, I understand that I am rougher and more callous than I prefer to be, but that is just how it happens. My wolf is as much of a part of me as it is you.” Castiel wipes away several tears with the pad of his thumb, “There is a thin line between our humanity and our feralness- we walk this line everyday, whether it be with two feet or four paws- and we manage to keep a balance somewhere along the way. If I go rogue, it is something I am not intending, and will be more than likely out of my control… There is no guarantee that I will be able to pull myself back over the edge if my wolf decides to push me off the line… In light of this, it means I cannot promise you what you want to hear, because there is no possible way that I can fulfill it as you have asked... However, that does not mean I will not try to keep it from happening.”

Gabriel just cries harder.

 

**< ><><>**

 

Dean finds himself back in Sammy’s room, a blanket wrapped around his body. It's later, hours after his story about their brother, yet, the pain still feels new.

Sammy knows that the scar Dean has from Adam, some even physical, are still fresh and sensitive. Even though Adam’s death had been about a year or two before John passed, Sammy knows that Dean is just as fragile as he was when the news first came. Dean even knows this, but he refuses to voice anything because that’s just how he is- the ‘I’m going to wait till everything is too fucked up to say anything’ kind of person.

That’s how they got here in the first place, right?

Sammy paces in wolf form in front of his door, agitated from the appearance of Castiel. He believes that the alpha of the pack is going to appear and pester Dean with unreasonable and personal questions, and after yesterday, he is having none of it.

“Sammy…” Dean murmurs, his eyelids heavy and throat dry, “Sammy- _stop…_ Castiel isn’t a threat…”

Sammy gives a snort, his paws still moving forward to move his form in a circle in front of his door.

“Yeah- I know… Castiel was a bit of a dick yesterday, but it was from my stupidity that he got pissed. Now, could ya stop walkin’ in circles and calm down? He's not even near me.”

Sammy just looks over his side, hazel eyes determined as he gives Dean a short yip, basically saying: _I don’t give a fuck- I’m going to keep pacing._

__

Dean rolls his eyes, deciding that the effort to stop his brother from “protecting” him is just pointless in its entirety. He just rolls over on the bed, closing his eyes for a moment to ease away some of the strain. It’s relaxing to Dean, the eldest Winchester finding his breathing evening out and his mind moves into a state of calm blankness. But, as luck would have it, it doesn’t get to stay that way for long.

Sammy starts growling, causing Dean’s eyes to fly open. Yet, before Dean is able to tell Sammy to shut up, there are sounds of people yelling outside of Sammy’s door. Dean scrambles out of bed, thunder shaking the house as Dean pushes the curtain back. Outside are a group of wolves, growling and ready to fight, all of them pinpointed on Castiel’s form.

“Shit, Sammy-” Dean grabs his brother and hurls them through the door.

Other people rush past Dean and Sammy, their faces already furrowed with frustration as they scramble down the stairs past Sammy’s bulky form. As soon as the people reach the door, they shift into wolf form, running to position themselves behind Castiel. Growls and snarls are heavy in the air as Dean steps outside with Sammy, his fingers tightly wound in a patch of his brother’s fur as they stand somewhere near the back.

“Oh thank God, Dean-” Gabriel rushes up to them, pushing through wolves as he moves, his clothes from this morning slightly muddy as he runs, “Castiel wants you to be as far away from this as possible.”

Sammy is already growling at the offending group of wolves, Dean deciding it’s a lost cause on trying to calm him, “Why? I’m a part of this pack just like everyone else.”

“Everyone else is a werewolf, Dean. Having a human in the middle of a pack fight? _Not_ the best idea…”

Dean sighs, petting Sammy’s head before nodding softly, “Yeah, I guess you’re right about that… Just- take me where I’ve got to go…”

Gabriel removes Dean from the situation, and the whole time both of them throw occasional glances back towards the tense exchange going on behind them. Dean hopes that no one gets hurt, especially Sammy.

“Do you know why they’re here?” Dean asks, Gabriel dragging him by his hand.

“I’m guessing it’s over something petty… A lot of pack fights start over something stupid…”

Dean swallows, his fear peaking in his chest, “This isn’t over me crossing the borders, is it?”

Gabriel shrugs, “It could be- but these fuckers constantly come with their teeth bared and ready to fight… There’s no knowing about what it is about until Castiel is done with dealing with them.”

“I hope no one gets hurt…” Dean mumbles off to the side, finding that Gabriel led him back to Sammy’s room.

“Depends on what is going to be said and stuff…” Gabriel murmurs, “Alistair is known for having a short temper.”

Dean stiffens, staring at Gabriel with wide eyes, “ _W-Who?”_

Gabriel tilts his head at Dean’s reaction, his brows furrowing, “Alistair?”

“S-Shit…” Dean rushes over to the window, pulling back the curtain to look outside.

Alistair lines the front of the offending wolf pack, his sickly-familiar smirk splayed over his lips as he watches Castiel venomously. Castiel seems to be arguing with him, his shoulders tense with anger as he retorts. Alistair shakes his head, his smirk growing, and he points up to Sammy’s window before meeting Dean’s gaze.

Even with the distance, Dean can see the words ‘he’s mine’ formed from Alistair’s crooked lips.

Dean falls back on the floor, his feet trying to kick him away from the window as Gabriel rushes to his side, “Dean, what’s wrong?”

“H-He’s back…” Dean shivers, his voice on the verge of breaking, “Alistair’s here to t-take me back.”

 

**< ><><>**

 

Castiel grits his teeth at the excuse of an alpha before him.

“Dean is not your property. He cannot be owned- he is so much more than what you are wanting with him.”

Alistair gives small chuckle before he shakes his head, “You and your philosophies… Tell me, what would Dean think of you if he knew all that you’ve done… If were goin’ to talk about choices bein’ in the wrong- I think you’d top me in every case.”

Castiel snarls at Alistair, his wolf brimming up to the surface in his rage.

“Did I push a button?” Alistair teases, “That was the intention, sweetcheeks. You really don’t like havin’ your dirty laundry aired out for all to see, do you?”

“I have no such thing- now, remove yourself and your pack off of my territory before I force you to leave.”

Alistair tsks, put up a single finger in disagreement, “If we’re gonna talk about crossin’ over borders, then it should be in with the theme to mention how Dean decided to overstep your boundaries.” he gives a dark smile, one that makes Castiel feel uneasy.

Castiel lifts his chin higher, trying to appear calm in some ways to give the facade that Alistair will not have his fun by angering him or his wolf- “It is true that Dean did cross the border, but let it be said that since he is human-” Alistair’s grin widens, his teeth sharp as thunder booms in clouds above the clearing, “he does not know where our territory begins _or_ ends. I am putting up markers for him so this does not happen again.”

“Shame…” Alistair licks his lips, his eyes flashing in the lightning, the air around them feeling moist with all of the humidity, “I would like to see Dean again, if he’d spare me the time… We have some… _unfinished business-_ to attend to…”

Sam snarls in the group of wolves behind Castiel, and suddenly, he is beside Castiel with his expression of pure fury, “You son of a bitch! You don’t have the fucking right to see Dean again- let alone think about him!”

Alistair waves towards Sam, his smile still stretching over his lips, “Nice to see you too, Samantha. Now, let the actual alphas talk business.”

“Like you even are one, you sick bastard!” Sammy growls, his fingers balled up into fists, “You are an abusive self-centered asshole who needs to pick which plot of the graveyard he’s going to rot in!”

“Such a very descriptive title, Sam. I should add that to my ever growing list of bullshit I’ve heard over the years. Most of which, are things that have come out of your mouth.”

“I don’t give a shit if you think you’re all this and everything else- if I even get a whiff of your scent in this air-” Sam’s voice drops several octaves, his wolf edging his words, “I will _not_ hesitate to rip your throat open.”

Thunder rumbles in the sky above, its last threat before the downpour begins as Alistair nods, “Alright, Sam. I get that I’m not welcome… But, if there’s one thing you could do for me-”

Castiel steps forward and interrupts him, “We are not obligated to do a single thing for you. Now go, or I will not hold Sam back if he does decide to let you watch his teeth sink into your neck.”

“I will be back, and I will get what I want…” Alistair hisses, his words looming over something unsaid, and Castiel growls his last warning.

Alistair and his pack turn away, walking back down the trail in the clearing as a few droplets begin to fall. Castiel pulls his robe off, leaving him in just his plain t-shirt and boxers as the droplets grow in number. Sam snorts angrily as he watches Alistair’s pack disappear out of view, and suddenly, Castiel is now the pinpoint of his full attention.

“Are you gonna promise me you’ll let me kill that bastard if I get the chance?”

“Go for it.” Castiel is still watching the path, the rain causing a slight fuzz quality to form within the air, “I would not mind if Alistair could never bother me again. His death would bring a much needed peace to my mind, as well.”

Sam takes a breath, his hair starting to straighten out as it collects water within its strands, “Yeah, well, if I do see that bastard again- I _will_ murder him…”

Castiel doesn’t disagree or argue with the statement, but instead asks the question that has been nagging at him as soon as Alistair appeared at his doorstep asking about a certain Winchester, “What does he want with Dean?”

Castiel is surprised at the volume Sam’s snarl acquired, and he blinks as Sam tightens his shoulders with anger, “He’s a selfish bastard who thinks he can own anything from the sun to my brother… We have a long and complex past with him- and I wished we didn’t- but it’s one filled with a lot of dark things, and sadly-” Sam bites his lip, anger turning into sadness, “most of it was focused on Dean.”

“Focused? …”

“It’s something I _don’t_ want to talk about, really… There’s too much I don’t want to remember… Though, I’m sure Dean will tell you, or has to now… He’s just been through so much…” Sam’s shoulders fall in defeat, his voice quieting as the raindrops soak Castiel’s clothes to his skin, “Alistair is a bad thing- like an omen- and I’m sure that this is just the start of somethin’ that isn’t gonna end well…”

Castiel looks back towards the trail where Alistair disappeared, “Knowing Alistair so far, I cannot deny the possibility.”

Sam pauses for a moment, and when Castiel glances at him, he is staring at the ground, watching the dirt turn into mud, “He said something about you… that you were hiding something…”

“Sam-”

“ _No._ ” Sam looks at Castiel now, expression as stern as his gaze, hazel eyes almost like a wall of stone, “I need to know one thing… This secret… is it- is it something that will hurt Dean like Alistair said it would? …”

Castiel averts his gaze in shame, knowing what has happened in his past- all of the things he has done- all the things his _wolf_ has done… Castiel takes a breath, closing his eyes. He gains a faint glimpse of blonde hair and soft skin, and immediately, Castiel shuts down his mind to stop the images from growing or multiplying. Slowly, he opens his eyes, looking out into the world he honestly shouldn’t be a part of.

“I believe the only person it is meant to torment…” Castiel gives a small chuckle that doesn’t quite make it, “is me…”

Sam puts a hand on his shoulder, and Castiel realizes this is the most docile they have been around each other for a while, “I’m sorry… You don’t seem like the kind of person who deserves to have somethin’ like that on their shoulders…”

Castiel shakes his head in disagreement, “I do because I put it there myself.”

With that, Castiel walks towards the house- and too many questions and memories fill his mind.

 

**< ><><>**

 

 

Dean shakes in the blankets that Gabriel had placed around him, flashes from his past resurfacing through his barriers.

“Dean, come on- talk to me.” Gabriel pleads, snapping his fingers in front of Dean’s face as he remains unresponsive.

The human bawls up on himself further, trying to keep the sound of Alistair’s voice from whispering things somewhere within his skull- like he embedded himself so deeply into Dean that he has a second conscience or personality.

“Dean?” Castiel pushes back the door to Sammy’s room, suddenly stopping at the state of the eldest Winchester, “Gabriel, is he okay?”

“I don’t know!” Gabriel snaps, his stress far too evident, “One moment he’s fine and dandy, but the next, he’s not! I’ve been trying for a while now to get him to respond, and what do I get?! _Nothing!”_

Castiel puts a hand on Gabriel’s shoulder, “Calm down, your panic will do nothing to help Dean’s situation. Go find Sam and speak to him, I believe he needs to cool himself off as well. Come back in an hour or so, Dean should be fine then.”

Gabriel just glares, but doesn’t argue. He walks out of the room, leaving Dean alone with the alpha.

“Dean.” Castiel sits on the edge of the bed, his weight causing the mattress to dip, “Dean, can you hear me?”

Dean nods, eyes training on nothing as they stare off into the air.

“Good. I want you to relax. Can you do that for me?”

Dean nods, then thinks better of it, and shakes his head.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

Dean has only more second of impassiveness before he gives in- before this weight breaks him. He bites his lip, trying to hold back the inevitable.

“Is it about Alistair?”

That’s all it takes, and next thing Dean knows, he’s crying. Castiel immediately pulls Dean to his chest, unwrapping the blanket from Dean’s body as he sobs heavily. Images of knives and teeth appear in the forefront of Dean’s conscious, and the tears streaming down his face grow in number like the droplets running against Sammy’s windowpane. Thunder rumbles in the air outside as Castiel pulls the blanket away from Dean’s skin, leaving the human feeling barren and cold.

Dean feels Castiel move him, lifting him up into his arms and re-positioning them both. In the end, Dean’s placed in Castiel’s grip like a bride, the alpha lying down against the headrest of Sammy’s bed as Dean sobs into Castiel’s already soaked tee.

“Just let it out…” Castiel murmurs, stroking Dean’s face from where tears slick it.

Dean grips onto the fabric tightly, water seeping out from his grip as he shoves his face into Castiel’s chest. Dean remembers too much- too many nights, too many days- and he can’t help but feel broken inside as he recalls the horrible year he had that started when he turned eighteen.

“Sam offered to murder him, if the knowledge brings any comfort to you.”

The comment causes Dean to give a solemn chuckle, and he rests lighter on Castiel’s forearms- as if a weight has been lifted away- one he didn’t know he was carrying.

“S-Shit, Castiel, I’m sorry…” Dean removes his face from the alpha’s chest, “I’m not b-breaking some cardinal rule again, am I?”

“No.” he brushes away another tear from Dean’s cheek, “Even if you were, I would make an exception this time.”

Dean shakes his head, closing his eyes, “ _Please_ don’t say it’s because I’m a human…”

Castiel chuckles, surprising Dean, “No, it is not because of that, Dean…”

“Then what is it? …” Dean asks, his jade eyes looking up to meet Castiel’s dark blue.

“I do not know what has happened between you and Alistair, but what I can inference through all that has been said and done, I can tell that it was not good, whatever it was…”

Dean sighs, nodding his head, “Yeah, it’s not the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“You do not have to tell me if you do not wish to… I am alright with the past remaining in the past.”

Dean shakes his head, sighing as he tries to calm himself, “No- I guess you have to know since Alistair is showin’ up on your doorstep… Besides, someone other than Sammy has to know- or I think I’ll go crazy…”

Castiel stares at Dean as he bites his lip.

“We used to be… _normal_ people- I guess…” Dean begins, closing his eyes to remember, his shirt wet from Castiel’s presence as he breathes, “We had no idea what life for werewolves was like because we were human… John had Mary, my mom, and the open road ahead of them… I came along about nine months later.”

Castiel chuckles, but silences himself to let Dean continue.

“We were happy, and we only got happier when my mom said she was expectin’ Sammy. I was four when he was born, and I was so excited to be a big brother. I told myself I’d be the best one ever, and that Sammy would love me like I loved him… It was only six months after he was born that things went to hell…” Dean’s eyelids tighten at the memories, the feeling of heat and the smell of smoke still as fresh as they were when they were present, and Dean shivers- “I woke up to find our house on fire, and I scrambled around to find John and Mary before somethin’ bad happened… When John found me, he told me to get Sammy- that I needed to hide myself somewhere once we got out of the house- and I was so confused… But I listened to him.”

Castiel is silent as Dean shuffles in his arms, squirming at the glimpses of flame- angry reds and yellows licking hungrily towards Dean, engulfing anything they could burn- “I got Sammy out, but he wouldn’t stop crying… This feeling in my gut kept telling me that we had to stay quiet- that something was really wrong- but nothing I did would work. I was literally standing in the middle of the street, crying my eyes out with Sammy in my arms, and my dad was screaming- nothing but Mary over and over again- inside of my house as it started collapsing in on itself.”

Castiel stiffens, but he doesn’t say anything.

“He came out afterward, but by himself… My mom didn’t make it out…” Castiel tries to stop him, but Dean shakes his head, “After that, John pulled Sammy and I as close as he could, and he told us we had to run before it was too late. God- I was just so _scared…_ The house kept burning and Sammy and I just kept crying… But I left like John told me to, and I carried Sammy away from our house as John stayed behind. I didn’t know where to go, or what to do, and I just hoped I’d find somewhere and Sammy would stop crying…”

“Dean…”

Dean grins softly, “Thanks for the concern, Castiel, but you need to know…”

“Not exactly… I could remain oblivious to what has happened to you and Sam.”

“In some alternate universe, maybe- but in this one… the one we’re living in-” Dean opens his eyes, shaking his head, finding Castiel staring at him in concern, “it’s important you know… If Alistair comes back… then so does my past.”

Castiel just stares at Dean, his eyes searching Dean’s for some answer- for something to say. He doesn’t find what he’s looking for, and gives up by averting his gaze.

“You can continue if you want to, Dean…”

Dean nods a silent thank you before looking down towards his chest, voice soft, “Did you ever hear a rumor about a werewolf experimenting with changing people?”

Castiel furrows his brow, blinking at the question, “I do not think I have…”

“Well- this guy- he thought there was more to changing a human into a werewolf than just biting them… I guess he got tired of the stereotype or had no teeth and could only chew at people’s gum with his flesh- but either way, he started on trying to find different methods on changing people into werewolves…”

“Dean, how is this relative? …”

Dean bites his lip, his fingers turning into fists, “Because that bastard was real, Castiel… He was the reason my house burned to the ground…”

“Dean-”

“He snuck into our house every night through a window and went to Sammy’s nursery… _Every damn night,_ he’d let blood from a slit in his arm drip into Sammy’s mouth… We were variables, Castiel- we were pawns in his little damn game… The whole goal was that when Sammy turned six months old, that his experiments paid off…”

Castiel’s eyes widen in recognition, “People who are born werewolves manifest into their canine form at six months of age…”

Dean grins down below in anger, a few tears slipping out, “There it is- the deal breaker…”

“Did… did Sam _shift?_ …” Castiel asks cautiously, unsure if his prodding is welcome.

Dean can only manage a nod.

“Oh, Dean…” Castiel pulls him closer as Dean begins crying again, “I am so sorry…”

Dean gives Castiel a tight smile, his bottom lip trembling for a second, “Yeah, well… Sorry doesn’t pay the bills, does it?”

“No…” Castiel murmurs, “It doesn’t…”

That’s when Sammy decides to burst through the door, his paws thudding on the floor as he snarls, ready to attack.

 

**< ><><>**

 

Castiel has to push Dean away as Sam barrels into his chest with full force.

The alpha hisses as he feels a rib snap, his fingers burrowing their way into the brown fur before clamping down on the offending strands.

“Sammy!” Dean screams, running over to pull his brother off of Castiel, “Sammy- stop!”

All Dean gets in return is a loud snarl, Sammy’s ears having flattened back in anger, and his eyes are staring straight into Castiel’s as his lip pulls up in rage.

“Sam…”

The youngest Winchester blinks, his tough demeanor quickly falling at the sight of Gabriel. In fact, he hangs his head in shame. Slowly, inch by inch, Sam removes himself from Castiel’s neck.

As soon as Sam is pulled off to the sid to deal with Castiel’s brother, Dean immediately rushes over to Castiel, sitting on the bed beside him. The alpha stares at Sam as Gabriel pets him behind the ears gently, whispering things to him that cause the tension built up in his muscles to loosen. Gabriel then gives Castiel a warm smile, and guides Sam out of the room, and it seems as though nothing had even happened at all.

“Castiel- you’re bleeding…” Dean stands up from the mattress, guiding Castiel to the bathroom before sighing, “Am I goin’ to be cleanin’ up after every fight you two have?”

Castiel hisses as Dean brushes his finger against the wound on the alpha’s neck, Castiel chuckling emptily, “I do not know, it depends on if your brother can refrain from attacking me.”

Dean doesn’t look up to Castiel, just winces at the words and begins to clean the wound with nimble fingers, “He’s just protecting me, is all…” he whispers.

“I don’t understand- if I wasn’t harming you, then why would he attack me-”

“He always jumps to conclusions.” Dean interrupts with a voice that is cold, one that knows something Castiel doesn’t- “We’ve had a tough life before this, one where we had to constantly be in fight mode for… It’s kind of hard to turn it off when all you’ve ever known has been having it on…”

Castiel would tilt his head, but Dean’s fingertips are working away at the separation of skin in his neck, “What do you mean, Dean? … Is there something I should know about? …”

Dean’s fingers still, and the human just stares at Castiel’s neck as he bites his lip, his jade eyes narrowing and hardening, frown lines standing stark against his face from the lighting- “It’s a long story.”

“Dean, you were telling me one just a few seconds before your brother decided to try and rip my throat out-” Dean slightly winces- “I believe we are already past this excuse. Besides, if there are issues that lie somewhere within your past that may affect my pack, I need to know about them.”

The human drops his hands away from Castiel’s neck, going over to the bathtub to get the rest of his things- Castiel’s eyes linger on his back as Dean gathers materials- his voice is quiet, “It was after… after the fire when everything bad started…”

Castiel sits at attention on the edge of the counter, his fingers gripped onto the ceramic until they are red and white all over.

“Sammy had…” Dean sounds broken, like the memory physically hurt him in ways Castiel could never fathom, and his shoulders slightly tremble and shake like his breaths as he exhales, “Sammy had shifted- in my arms… It’s why he was crying so much, because of the pain… I didn’t- I didn’t know what to do, and I was so scared…”

Castiel remains silent.

“This man- he just appeared out of nowhere… I- I was so helpless… I could still feel the smoke in my eyes- the heat on my skin- and my baby brother was a fucking puppy instead of a human baby… He said that he knew how to help… John never told me to avoid anyone, and I- I- …” Dean trails off, his hands gripping onto a towel tightly.

Castiel gets off of the counter, coming over to Dean to set a hand on his shoulder, yet, it seems to do nothing to ease Dean.

“He t-took Sammy, and he said that he had plans for us… Something big- something important… We had a purpose, and he believed it was his responsibility to ‘fulfill the destinies’ that were given to us…” Dean draws a sharp breath, voice wavering, “He never- he never mentioned what that meant…”

“Dean-”

The human shakes his head, fixing the towel, somehow composing himself in seconds leaving Castiel without any clue as to how, “That bastard’s name was Azazel…”

“Alistair’s father…” Castiel murmurs quietly, “I remember the man… He was- … _cruel-_ to those that followed him.”

Dean gives an empty chuckle, shaking his head, “That’s putting it lightly… He was a sick bastard, to say at the least…”

Castiel’s brow furrows, “How would you know that, Dean?”

“Because-” he states simply, “Sammy and I were forced to become part of his pack.”

Castiel stops moving.

 

 


	3. It's Where My Demons Hide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated again.
> 
> #wildcats

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

Dean watches the steady drip from the bathtub faucet, hearing Castiel’s breathing behind him quicken.

“You were part of his pack? …” Castiel bleats, obviously confused.

“He wanted to raise Sammy into… into some kind of monster. That night- when Sammy first shifted- it was to see if Sammy could become his prodigy.”

Castiel’s voice grows quieter, “He had plans for Sam…”

“Yeah, _big_ ones…” Dean whispers, “It was… was a big deal for him to turn Sammy into some kind of monster…”

“You’d think that Alistair-” Dean stiffens at the name, and Castiel goes on with his words carefully- “was supposed to take over Azazel’s place eventually, not your brother…”

Dean nods, and turns with a wet rag in hand, and he guides Castiel to the sink counter as he speaks on softly, “Azazel wanted someone who could be relied on… Alistair was _never_ that…”

Castiel’s gaze seems distant, as if most of his focus has gone into his thoughts and he has retracted himself- Dean wipes away the thick blood on his neck- “But your brother was a shot in the dark… There was no possible way Azazel would have known his plan to shift your brother and turn him into his second in command would have worked. He was taking a risk with involving you and your family, Dean. It does not click for me.”

“It does seem a lil’ weird when you think about it rationally…” Dean dabs at the marks on Castiel’s neck, pulling the reddened rag away to reveal the damaged skin, “But I guess that Azazel was too desperate to care about if things worked out or not… Either way, he was a cocky son of a bitch…”

“No disagreement there.”

Dean gives a slight chuckle, “Hey, this may sting, okay?”

Castiel closes his eyes, and Dean thinks the alpha has decided to think about things as Dean fixes his neck.

The human remembers all of those nights, remembers how lost and broken he felt under those orange streetlamps- screaming for Mary and John but receiving nothing but the cries from his brother and the howling of wind. The resurfaced images cause Dean to shudder without realizing it.

“Why did Azazel take _you_ in, Dean?” Castiel suddenly asks, his gaze directed onto the human.

Dean nearly curses at the abruptness that is the alpha, but instead sighs, “Because Sammy needed me, and I guess that Azazel wanted to see what he could try to do to shift me as well or something just as equally fucked up… Either way, John wouldn’t let him leave me either.”

Castiel stiffens on the counter.

“After Azazel found me with Sammy, John showed up out of nowhere. He got angry at Azazel and kept screaming at him about staying away from Sammy and I, but it was too late for that… Azazel attacked John that night and changed him. We were his from then on.”

Castiel narrows his gaze on Dean as the human bandages his neck, “But I don’t understand… How does this all connect to Alistair’s desire for you?”

Dean stiffens, his mind preoccupied with flashes of Alistair and blood rather than with conversation, and soon, he finds Castiel slightly shaking him for a response of any kind.

“It’s, um… _complicated…_ ” Dean whispers offhandedly, and his eyes stare but focus on nothing as his thoughts stray into the past again.

Castiel lingers on the silence between them, and it seems that there are more questions that he needs answered, but he remains silent instead of voicing them.

“I’ll go check on Sammy…” Dean says irrelevantly, and leaves Castiel leaning against the bathroom counter top.

Dean rushes out of the room, trying to get away from the questions that Castiel asked, and finds himself pushing against many bodies that are in the hallway. Dean honestly doesn’t know where he’s going- doesn’t really care at this point- and the thunder rumbles out and vibrates into boards of the house. Dean struggles as he tries to remember how to breathe simply, and his mind reels and spins with anxiety. Some of the werewolves give Dean weird looks as he pushes against them, but they’re practically nothing but white noise at this point to the human.

Dean doesn’t find the door fast enough, and he finds his clothes getting soaked onto his skin as the rain falls down heavily. His breaths are ragged and shallow, his anxiety building by the second. He thought that he was supposed to be getting away from his problems here, that joining the Novaks was supposed to fix all of the bullshit he’d been going through. However, it seems as though nothing is ever going to let up.

Dean shivers in the rain, the droplets surprisingly freezing against his skin as he takes a deep breath. Even as a human, Dean can smell the wretched stench that has always clung onto Alistair heavily no matter how many baths he took or usually overpowering scents he rubbed onto his skin. It smells rancid- like rotting flesh covered in blood.

“Dean!”

The human turns around, finding his brother rushing over to him, “S-Sammy?”

“Dean what are you doing out here!?” Sammy reaches his brother’s side, gripping onto his arm, “It’s pouring freezing rain and you decide to just _stand_ in it!?”

Dean shakes his head, biting his bottom lip, “Look, I know it doesn’t sound rational to be doing this-”

 

“Dean, Alistair is currently coming after you- you don’t need to be outside by yourself until he’s not a threat anymore-”

“Sammy, just…” Dean sighs, shaking his head, causing water droplets to fall off of his strands of soaked hair onto his crossed forearms, “I needed some air, okay? Storm and Alistair be damned.”

Sammy gives his older brother a look, one that Dean knows will lead to a speech about doing the right thing and doing shit to keep himself safe- “That doesn’t matter, Dean… If you needed a breather you should have found me first.”

Dean stares at the ground, finding that he can’t look Sammy in the eye, “I just- I want some alone time, is all, okay? I’m surrounded by werewolves and I don’t know what I’m gonna do now that Alistair is back… It’s just so much to process…”

“I know it is… I know that you want Alistair to be nothing but a dark part of your past- I get that- but that doesn’t mean you can go off and get yourself hurt or worse because things are the best in your mind right now… Not all of this is a bad thing, Dean. Sure, Alistair coming back was a low blow for life to give you, but this? The Novak pack? It’s been like another chance, Dean… We have food, water, medicine, good housing, jobs- _anything_ we’ve ever needed or even wanted, Dean. This is our home now, and it’s better than what we had when we were on our own.”

“You think I don’t know that!?” Dean hisses, and thunder rumbles above them, Dean rubbing at his arms, “I know that this place has been better for us- for me even- but I just… I’m not comfortable here… I’m not comfortable anywhere…”

“Why is that? …” Sammy looks concerned.

The rain picks up slightly, and the sky doesn’t look as menacing as Dean prepares himself for his admission as he stares at the mud forming near his feet- “I… How can I fit in here, Sammy? In this world- with you guys- I’m nothin’ but a liability to you… I don’t have a wolf in my head like you guys- I can’t smell or sense things like you can… I don’t know how I can live in a world where I’m nothin’ but the freak…”

Dean hears Sammy sigh, and the eldest Winchester looks up to see his younger brother staring at him in what seems like a close second to pity, “You aren’t a freak, Dean. You’re human. There’s nothin’ wrong with that. You need to stop thinkin’ so lowly of yourself because of this-”

“I went over the border, Sammy. I basically gave Alistair a scent trail to follow from his front door to mine. I might as well put on a neon sign that says ‘I’m right here come get me’!”

“Dean…”

“Not now, Sammy. I’m not in the mood, alright?” Dean shuffles on his feet, “I’ve have enough to deal with for one day.”

“Then how about we keep gettin’ sick off that list?” Sammy starts pushing Dean back into the house.

The eldest Winchester just gives a sigh of defeat, and lets Sammy guide him back ‘home’.

 

**< ><><>**

 

Castiel gingerly presses a few fingertips on his neck.

The skin is still slightly damaged from Sam's teeth separating, but thankfully, Castiel’s healing processes have begun to seal the gaps in the flesh. The damage isn’t as present as it was beforehand, and the pain has decreased greatly- however, there is a slight tingle on his skin that his never been present when Castiel has been healing.

He supposes it’s just his mind playing tricks on him, so he leaves it be.

Gabriel shows up a little while after Dean left, and he cautiously opens the door, “Cassie?”

“Yes, Gabriel?” Castiel is now in his room, going over some papers that need his attention, “Is there something wrong?”

“No, just… I wanted to talk to you- about earlier…” the omega comes to sit on Castiel’s bed, fiddling with his fingers nervously, “I wanted to apologize for what Sammy did-”

“If Sam feels any remorse or regret for trying to harm me, then why isn’t he here saying so himself?”

Gabriel sighs, “Because I didn’t want you two to fight again, that’s why. You guys are like a match and gasoline- it’s not the best idea to put you two near each other in one room because I don’t know how the other will ignite. Look, Sammy feels bad- he really does- and he wanted to say sorry, but I decided to tell you for him to avoid another fight between the two of you.”

Castiel sets the papers aside, deciding that his brother’s presence will lead to distraction and trying to pay close attention to the black letters on the papers before him will just cause strain on his eyes, “I suppose your words hold some merit, but Gabriel, I don’t understand why Sam even attacked me in the first place. We’re both alphas, yes, but Dean assured me that he wouldn’t be a problem. In fact, we weren't even doing anything that could give Sam the reason to attack, and yet Dean assured me that he was a docile alpha.”

“That is the problem though-” Gabriel stands up now, starting to pace around the room as he explains the situation to his older brother, “Sammy’s an alpha, so that means he’s gonna be an overly protective bastard when it comes to Dean. He smelled his brother’s scent, noticed it was fearful, then comes into the room to find you near him. You've already done things to piss him off before, so... It’s not exactly rocket science.”

“It does make sense now that I think about it… But Sam could control his wolf’s tendencies, however, I don’t understand why he would still snap in such a way.”

“Maybe it’s because he believes that you can’t control _your_ wolf.” Gabriel says seriously, “After all, you were nippin’ at Dean’s heels the other day while chasin’ him.”

Castiel feels remorse swell in his chest, “Like I have said before, I regret that my wolf wanted to get submission from Dean. That is not my fault directly.”

Gabriel sighs, shaking his head, “Maybe that’s the point of all of this between you and Sammy, Cassie- he doesn’t trust you _or_ your wolf with Dean.”

“And why is that?”

“Cassie, I hate to bring up the past, but… you’ve never been a hundred percent in the control arena. Your wolf has always been apparent in whatever you do… Just- I think Sammy noticed that you haven’t been able to reign in your instincts fully. Everyone knows werewolves have trouble with humans, so… the rationality is there.”

Castiel stares at his desk, closing his eyes to see flashes of smiling pink lips and gray irises, “Trust me, I know that better than anyone…”

Gabriel waits a few moments, knowing that he poked something that was still healing- even after all this time- and his voice is soft and his words are slow, “I know you do… So maybe you can relate as to why Sammy is concerned over Dean being around you.”

“Just- ... Leave me be, Gabriel…” Castiel grits out, finding certain memories resurfacing, washing up onto his conscious like rogue waves on a shoreline, “I… I need a moment…”

Gabriel leaves without saying anything, and Castiel sets his face in his hands, trying to will the images away.

“I’m sorry…” the alpha murmurs to himself, “I’m _so_ sorry, Amelia…”

 

**< ><><>**

 

Dean is with Sammy now. They’re inside his room, fixing the bedroom and bathroom after the slight tussle between both of the alphas. Dean is replacing the slightly bloodied sheets when Gabe walks in.

“Winchesters!” Gabe greets happily, “How’s the cleanin’ duty comin’ along?”

Sammy snorts from where he’s scrubbing his reddened sink in the bathroom, “About as good as cleaning gets… Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be _coddling_ your brother?”

“Cassie’s fine, Sammy… Don’t worry about him…” there’s a slight edge to the omega’s voice- it doesn’t go unnoticed for either Winchester.

“So…” Dean finishes fixing the edge of the bed sheets, feeling the slightly awkward tension that has formed in the past few seconds, “Castiel isn’t all ready to butcher someone?”

 

Gabriel makes a face, “That’s a very _strong_ word… but no, I think he’ll be too busy thinking to do anything towards Sammy over here.”

“Thinking?” Sammy tilts his head in confusion, popping it out partially in the doorway.

“I, uh…” Gabe rubs his neck, “I may have brought up somethin’ in his past he isn’t all too fond with… It was relevant- mind you- just… poor guy’s still bent up about it… Guess I would be too, if I were him.”

 

Dean blinks for a second or two and speaks, the Winchester’s cleaning routine stalled for the moment- “Bent up about what?”

The omega looks towards the floor, the air growing slightly tense in its composure, “It’s a long story, and I don’t know if Cassie will enjoy me tellin’ you about it… It’s about his past and it’s his call to make- _not_ mine.”

“I’ve had to open up to him.” Dean offers, interested to know what could make Castiel- the most impassive alpha (minus his tendencies because those were a given) Dean has ever met- hide his head away in shame, “I don’t think it would be such a bad thing.”

“But it _was_ a bad thing- at least for him…” Gabe shakes his head, “I- it’s not my right to tell you what happened to him. That’s something for him to tell you, if he even wants to.”

Dean looks down to his hands, the fingers dancing cautiously over the other as he replies, “Well… I guess he and I need to have a talk, then…”

Sammy growls, and it causes both Dean and Gabriel to stand at attention, “Dean, talking to Castiel is definitely  _not_ the best idea right now-”

“Actually, it _is._ ” Dean takes a few steps forward towards the door, ignoring the look he gets from his baby brother, “If Alistair is coming back, then we need to be aware of what happened to one another. I’m not gonna let that bastard one up me because he knew somethin’ I didn’t about one of you. He’s not gonna get the better of me that way- not if I can help it.”

“Touche.” Gabe nods, “Alright, just… go easy on him, okay? I don’t even know if he’ll open up to you or not. He’s fairly secluded.”

Dean saves that as something to question him with or deal with later, and he leaves the room.

Werewolves pass Dean just as they had earlier- impassive, indifferent about his presence- and Dean flows through them easily. He finds Castiel’s room easily, considering most of the people that walk by the door bow for a moment or show their respect by baring their neck. Dean holds back a small laugh, because really- werewolves have strange rules and practices, but Dean won't judge. However, that doesn't mean Dean’s always thought that some of the gestures or customs wolves had were weird secretly.

“Castiel?” all of Dean's good mood slips away as he knocks on the door cautiously, starting to wonder if coming here was the best idea- “Castiel, are you-”

The door opens, and Castiel’s face is mere centimeters from Dean’s- his blue eyes are stony looking and hold a hint of remorse in the irises- “Yes, Dean?”

“W-We need to talk.” Dean stutters out pathetically, and he flushes slightly at how he feels like an absolute idiot.

“About?”

Dean’s worries his bottom lip for a minor second before speaking, “Well, uh- the past, I guess-”

“You _don’t_ need to know mine…” Castiel growls lowly as his eyes narrow on Dean, and people walking behind and around Dean in the hallway stall instantly at the sound.

 

Castiel notices, and drags Dean inside of his room. The human holds his breath in his lungs, wondering if he should have listened to Sammy on this or not- that maybe Castiel would snap on him like before or worse... God- Dean doesn't want to think about it anymore, so he stops himself from going any further mentally.

Castiel goes over to stand at his window- startling Dean out of his haze- and the alpha's arms start bracing against the sill as he hangs his head in shame, “F-Forgive me for my outburst… I- I didn’t mean to be so… callous with you.”

Dean rubs his arm, looking towards the floorboards, “No, it’s okay. I get it. You have some skeletons in your closet that you’re not really proud of. You just wanna keep them hidden from people. It’s understandable for you to be defensive about it…”

“Dean, I do not have a reason to snap on you for only asking about something… I fear that I am losing more control over my wolf and its tendencies…”

“Is there somethin’ you can do about it? …” Dean asks cautiously as he looks towards the floorboards beneath him, knowing that this is a dangerous territory to be exploring- even if it’s just verbally- “Like… could you try yoga, or- ? …” Dean trails off.

Castiel’s shoulders tense, and Dean wonders what would be so bad about doing a ‘morning star’ or ‘downwards dog’ for a wolf coping mechanism- “There’s is only one solution that would work. However, it is one I cannot take.”

“And that would be? …” Dean lingers on his exhale.

Castiel pauses on his answer for a moment, and when he replies, his voice is quiet, “I would have to take on a mate.”

Dean quirks a brow even though Castiel cannot see the action, “What’s so bad about that-”

“Dean, it’s different when you’re a werewolf… I’m sorry to say that- but there is a _major_ difference between our coupling and yours…”

Dean blinks at those words, feeling a little bit of hurt rise up in his chest, but he squashes it down- refusing to acknowledge it any further- “I guess that’s true… but- what’s so wrong with takin’ on a mate? I’m sure that people in your pack would be willing to-”

“A mate is not meant to be platonically chosen. It’s not something I can control. Just like humans, our bonds require deep emotional connections- physical touches- scents, even… It’s far more complicated, having all of these dynamics within our minds… You see, my mate would have to be an omega, or at least have the potential of being completely submissive to me and my wolf. That is one curse of being an alpha.”

“They can’t be some beta or even alpha then?” Dean asks stupidly, “You can’t just magically find someone you think is cute that’s willin’ to roll over for you?”

Castiel sighs, shaking his head as he stares out of the window, “My wolf is fairly… _picky._ It’s demanding when it comes to what it wants in a mate. It absolutely hates alphas- even detests betas- but omegas… My wolf craves them. It sometimes terrifies me, what my wolf wants and does… I’m worried that if I take on a mate, that I’ll end up hurting them or worse… I don’t think I’m supposed to really let myself be happy in such a way… My wolf is greedy and possessive, and I’m surprised I honestly haven’t committed murder because of it yet… That’s why I’m afraid and reluctant to take on a mate, Dean… I don’t think I can trust my wolf with one…”

Dean has to process the words for a few seconds before he replies, and his voice is quiet and he tries to seem sympathetic and reasonable, “Castiel, you’re wolf isn’t all you are… There’s a human side to you- a kind one- and I know that it’s somewhere in there underneath all of that worry and pain you’re hiding… Your wolf doesn’t have to decide whether or not you’re happy in life- you do.”

“Then why is it that every time I try to get close to someone, my wolf decides to come to the surface?” Castiel hisses, and he whips his front around to glare at Dean- the human takes steps backwards, but Castiel closes in the distance quickly- “How come I have to reign back a part of me I never wanted in the first place!? Why do I have to change my life because I now have some _animal_ living in my head like a benign tumor that one day is going to get me or others killed!? Why does everything have to be so complicated!?”

Dean’s back finds the wall, and Castiel braces the sides of Dean’s head with his arms- Dean’s now officially trapped- “Castiel, please, _stop-”_

“You don’t understand, Dean…” Castiel growls lowly, his eyes dark as they train on Dean, “You don’t know what it’s like to have a monster living underneath your skin- waiting- planning… You don’t know what it’s like to have the one life you’ve ever wanted to get ripped from you because some bastard decided you had to suffer with him too-”

“I _do_ understand!” Dean yells back, his tone just as angry, “Don’t you remember earlier? The names Alistair and Azazel should ring a bell or two, shouldn’t they?”

The alpha loses some of his anger, recalling all that Dean said previously, “But that doesn’t mean you know what being a ticking time bomb is like, Dean… I could blow up and kill everyone if I’m not careful…”

Dean lowers his eyes, finding the words sliding out of his mouth without thought, “Then find some way to defuse yourself… Look, if your wolf is becoming such a problem that even talking about it makes you angry, then maybe you need to find a way to cut the wire before the clock reaches zero… If you don’t, you could-”

“I know…” Castiel murmurs, his palms leaving the wall to hang heavily at his sides, “I could go rogue…”

“Then maybe you need to start thinking about what you want, okay?” Dean offers quietly, and Castiel looks at him, his eyes genuine, “Start making this a priority before it’s too late for you to fix it… Look for ‘em. I dunno- pull their name out of a hat like some magic trick.”

Castiel tilts his head, “You do know some werewolf customs, don’t you?”

Dean shakes his head, but then stills, “I may know a few…”

“What do you know about?” Castiel asks, intrigued.

Dean swallows heavily, “I, uh- I know about scenting- or the touching… like- how you’re supposed to learn each inch of them- learn their taste… Then you’re supposed to try and… well… ‘ _tie the knot_ ’, and stuff…”

Castiel eyes narrow, “That’s an intimate part of the process… Most humans are only aware of certain aspects. Werewolves like to keep these things private, unless… Unless someone has propositioned you before and you accepted.”

“More like forced to…” Dean hisses, averting his eyes, his arms coming to wrap around himself protectively.

“You were- ? …” Cas leaves the question partially unsaid, like an open door that can lead to many places- but Dean knows this one all too well.

Dean closes his eyes and tries to will his anxiety away, “H-He never got that far… I wouldn’t let him… but- that doesn’t mean he tried or anything…”

Castiel is suddenly very close, and Dean’s eyes fly open to see those blue irises filled with anger, “Dean, _who_ was it?”

“Cas-”

“Dean, please…” Castiel softens a little, his concern evident, “I think I might know who you’re talking about…”

Dean just stares at Castiel for a moment, and then he averts his eyes to the floor, “I-It was Alistair, okay? …”

Castiel lets out a loud snarl that vibrates in the walls throughout the whole house.

“That bastard-” the alpha yells in rage, “I’m going to _kill_ him!”

 

 

**< ><><>**

 

Alistair is a _dead_ man.

Castiel’s skin ripples, his teeth already elongating. His wolf is beyond furious, and another roar rips itself out of Castiel’s throat as he finishes shifting.

“Cas-” Dean tries to calm the alpha, his voice blocked out by the growls and snarls of the alpha, “Cas- plea- stop!”

Castiel’s wolf wants to stop Alistair, that’s what. He wants to rip that damn pitiful excuse’s throat out for all that he’s done- to his pack- to Dean- and his nails click against the floorboards as he begins to pace in anger.

“Dean!” Sam’s voice comes frantically from behind the door, “Are you alright!?”

“Sam-” another growl vibrates in Castiel’s chest at the leering smell of another alpha- “I’m fine!”

The door flies open and Castiel drops himself into a crouch, snarling as Sam comes into view. The youngest Winchester stares at Castiel carefully, as if he’s trying to gauge something within those seconds.

“Dean…” Sam says quietly, as if volume would set Castiel off, “Why did he shift?”

“I talked about Alis-”

Another snarl interrupts Dean’s words.

Sam’s eyebrows furrow, and his expression changes as he realizes something- “Dean, I want you to do something for me.”

“Yeah?”

Sam keeps his eyes on Castiel, the Novak alpha glaring his way as his lip pulls up in warning- “I need you to move a few steps over to the side.”

Dean apparently complies, and the sound of his feet shifting causes Castiel to snap his attention away from Sam to the eldest Winchester. His crouch disappears, and his ears straighten up.

“That’s… weird.” Dean murmurs, and his green eyes watch Castiel curiously.

Sam shuffles forward a step, and suddenly, Castiel is posed to fight again. He gives the youngest Winchester a warning growl- the ‘stay back or I will hurt you’ message clear.

“Dean, do you have your pocket knife?”

Dean moves a little off to the side, but Castiel is too interested in Sam and his closer position to check out the noises, “Yeah, I always do. Why?”

“I just need to confirm somethin’... Could you prick your finger?”

“Sammy-”

“Just do it, Dean.” the youngest Winchester tries to keep Castiel’s focus on him now that the Novak alpha is so strung out- “I need to see how he reacts.”

Castiel lowers himself further onto the floor, and the wolf is about to attack the youngest Winchester when some smell hits the air.

It’s salty- rusty- and immediately Castiel barks in concern as he rushes over to Dean. The Novak alpha sniffs all over Dean to find the source, and when Dean’s bloodied fingertip comes into view, Castiel lets out whine and begins to lap at the wound.

“W-Why is he doin’ that? …” Dean murmurs, and his eyes watch Castiel carefully.

“Huh… I was wondering why Castiel over here was sending off the pheromones of an alpha protecting its mate.”

Both Castiel and Dean’s heads perk up at the comment, and immediately, Castiel growls softly and puts distance between himself and the eldest Winchester. His wolf snarls at him mentally, angry that Dean’s wound is still left unattended and bleeding.

“W-What?” Dean looks pale.

Sam sighs, leaning against the door frame, “Alphas sometimes let out certain pheromones for different reasons. It’s sort of like when an omega goes into heat-”

“Please don’t go into detail about wolf sex-”

Sam rolls his eyes and sighs, “I’m not talking about that, Dean. I’m explaining to you that wolves let out scents for different reasons. When I came down here to figure out why Castiel over here was losin’ it- I smelled his pheromones. That’s why I wasn’t too worried about you when I realized what they meant.”

“What do they mean, _Scent Master?”_ Dean teases, crossing his arms and furrowing his brow.

“They mean that Castiel was trying to protect someone his wolf considers to be its mate.”

Dean blushes with a pure red hue.

Sam smirks, “Oh, and that’s not the best part-”

“Don’t-”

“It means that Castiel’s wolf is going to be extremely possessive and protective over you. So, Dean, would you like to know what that entails?”

Dean shakes his head so fast, Castiel’s human mind wonders if he received whiplash, “No! I’m good, okay- I don’t wanna know… I think… I think I already know from…” Dean trails off, his eyes becoming distant.

Sam immediately loses all humor, his face becoming solemn, “Shit, Dean- fuck I forgot-”

“Don’t guilt yourself, Sammy…” Dean may only be a few feet away from all of them, but his tone makes him sound like he’s miles away mentally- stuck in some place where memories run rampant and guilt rises high above the unstable ground like clouds, raining down its burdens onto the unfortunate- “It’s part of the past…”

Sam looks as if he wants to say something else, but Castiel’s wolf won’t have it. Sam upset Dean- Dean’s now sending out a wave of fear- that meant Sam is no longer welcome in his presence. A snarl causes Sam to jerk to attention, and Castiel stands up, hackles raised and fur rustled to make him appear larger and more threatening than before.

“I’ll be back in a moment.” Sam murmurs, and his eyes wearily track Castiel’s movements, “I need to talk to Gabe about something.”

Castiel remains in his stance until Sam sets the door ajar, his footsteps giving Castiel the knowledge that he’s leaving. Seconds after his departure, Castiel trots over to Dean. He still has his look of distance on him- the hundred yard stare- and he slides down against the wall in almost subconscious defeat. Castiel is licking away every tear that forms, a whine rising in his throat as he wipes away the droplets as soon as they fall.

“It was when I was eighteen…” Dean whispers, and Castiel nearly jumps from surprise- he wasn’t expecting Dean to speak- “We’d been in Azazel’s pack for several years at that point… We knew how things worked, we knew what he wanted before he opened his mouth. Sammy was used like a weapon, John like a soldier, and I… I was like some piece of meat to them.”

Castiel lays down in front of Dean, his head in the human’s lap as he watches the eldest Winchester- fingers grab tightly onto his fur, silently grasping on for some emotional support, “Alistair was always kind of obsessed with me. It was shortly after Azazel brought us back to his pack that his son wanted me. We were both kids, and I just thought it was some weird wolf thing that I didn’t understand… I was so _wrong._ ”

Castiel makes a small noise of concern, burrowing his nose into Dean’s chest to try and soothe him.

“It was the night that I turned eighteen that I realized it… John had been weary of what Alistair planned for me, and Sammy tried to keep an eye on me while John was away. It just happened so fast…” Dean’s knuckles bury themselves into Castiel’s fur, and Dean pulls Castiel’s head next to his, and Dean sobs onto the wolf and its raven coat as he continues with an uneasy voice, “He just attacked Sammy and took me. He dragged me away to some- some place in the woods and kept me there for so long… He would tie me up sometimes and leave me for days on end- just to keep me in line. That bastard tried to own me, and he made his opinion of it obvious. He thought I was his- and he meant for it to be that way.”

Castiel lets out a small growl of anger towards Alistair, but Dean remains wrapped around his neck as the sound vibrates around them.

Dean shakily exhales, “I didn’t know how long I was gone… or if anyone even knew where I was- but it was a year worth of utter hell.” Dean’s breath catches in his throat- “I lost a whole year of my life to that bastard- and I’ll never get it back- I’ll never get that peace of mind back- I’ll never be able to look at my skin again without knowing what he’s done to it, how many times he’s touched it- and it’s killing me…”

Castiel whines again, pulling back to lick away the newly formed tears on Dean’s face before he allows Dean to just cry and grip onto his wolf’s fur again.

 

This time, however, Castiel’s wolf doesn’t mind when Dean desperately pulls on its scruff.


	4. I Wanna Hide the Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the new ch.!  
> Part of what happened with Alistair is going to be discovered by you in this ch. It's kind of dark, of course... whoo?  
> Also- more protective/possessive Castiel. OH.
> 
> Oh yeah- and Dean gets changed into a werewolf. (;
> 
> Enjoy!~

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Dean doesn’t know how long it’s been since the time he spent with Alistair. He doesn’t like to think about it, doesn’t like to remember how long he was trapped in that asshole’s possession- but it, of course, happens anyways.

The tears that stream down his face are from his dams breaking- from the walls he’s built up to block out his troubled past having been broken down only seconds ago. All of these pent up emotions are now flooding over Dean, and it’s like being drowned. Slowly over the years, he’s been dragged down by this weight, and it isn’t until Castiel began to reach for him in the pursuit of answers that Dean realized just how far he’s been from the surface- how much he needs just a single breath. The seafloor lines his back as he tries to reach out, and his hands desperately find some vice among the strands of raven fur.

“ _Fuck…_ ” Dean hisses out, his eyes shutting tightly.

His mind brings him back to the cabin that he was practically enslaved in. It reminds him of cold chains and rough ropes, of sharp knives and other dangerous toys that Alistair used to mark up Dean’s skin- to let him know that he was Alistair’s whether he liked it or not. Castiel gives a weary whine, letting Dean hold onto him tightly as he sobs. Alistair’s nasally voice fills his head- and it tells Dean that his skin is so soft and that he squirms too much- and Dean finds himself shaking against Castiel’s form.

“Dean?” Sammy’s concerned voice causes Dean to jump slightly, and Castiel immediately turns to face the source of the sound, growling.

The door opens, and Gabriel walks in with Sammy, causing Castiel to only soften his stance a fraction.

“Cassie, I’m not gonna do anything.” Gabe takes a step forward, the Novak alpha wary of his steps towards Dean, “I just need to see Dean for a moment.”

Castiel barricades Dean from his own brother and Sammy, his lips pulled up into a silent growl as the omega nears them step by step.

“Castiel…” Dean says quietly, and Castiel’s attention is immediately on him- Dean continues on with a pleading tone, “It’s okay- they’re not gonna do anything bad. I promise.”

The Novak alpha lets his guard down a little, backing away a few steps to let Gabe near Dean as he watches them cautiously. Gabe helps Dean up, then starts leading him to the door. However, Castiel doesn’t seem to be happy with that. He sends a low growl out, and Gabe turns to his pack alpha with a soft smile.

“It’s alright, Cassie. We’re not gonna do anythin’ bad with Dean-o over here. Sam and I are just gonna take him to a safe place for a moment to talk to him.”

Dean gets pulled out into the main hallway, other werewolves passing by gaze over to them with curious eyes. Gabriel sighs and shuts the door, looking at Dean with seriousness in his irises.

“What’s going on with Castiel?” Dean asks, crossing his arms and placing his gaze on the floor instead of Gabe and Sammy.

“I believe his wolf has found you to be… _suitable-_ for him.” Gabe smirks.

Dean blinks, furrowing his brow, “You mean- ? … You mean that Castiel’s wolf wants _me_ as his _mate?_ …”

Gabriel’s grin looks big enough that even astronauts can see it, “Oh, so Dean-o’s now actually aware of the big elephant in the room-”

“How was I supposed to know, okay!? Sammy talked about it a little bit, but I didn’t know if it was just the heat of the moment or if he was pullin’ my chain!” Dean shouts angrily, and suddenly there is a hectic whining at the door, and desperate claws scratch at the wood separating the alpha from the human.

“Seems like you’re just gonna have to figure this one out, then.” Gabe shrugs, patting Dean sympathetically on the shoulder, “I’ll go in there to try and calm him down. You and Sam-Sam can talk.”

Dean glares- because really? _Sam-Sam?_

Sammy is blushing by the time the door shuts, but he recovers onto the subject at hand quickly, “Dean, what were you and Castiel talkin’ about when he shifted?”

“Alistair…” Dean mumbles, but when Sammy gives him a confused look, Dean speaks with a louder voice, “We were talkin’ ‘bout Alistair.”

Sammy now makes a face out of concern, “Did you tell him about… ?” Sam trails off.

“Yeah, and he got really angry." Dean glances at the door and then quiets himself a fraction, "Sammy, what’s goin’ on?”

“I talked to Gabe about it when I got him, and he says that Castiel has refrained from getting a mate since they were turned.”

Dean furrows his brow, “Wait- Castiel was a turned werewolf?”

Sammy sighs like Dean should have known this already- that bitch- and he begins nodding, “Yeah- but that’s somethin’ for later. Right now, this is whole mate debacle is more so of somethin’ we should focus on.”

“I guess you’re right.” Dean crosses his arms, “So, what does Castiel and his wolf deciding on being abstinent have to do with me exactly?”

“It means that his wolf isn't like that decision Castiel made and is getting desperate-”

Dean glares at his younger brother, “I sound like the last option-”

“You’re not, just- Castiel’s wolf is frustrated and pent up because it has no partner. That means it’s going to stake claim on the person it thinks is its mate whether Castiel chooses to do so or not. Basically, you’ve got a wolf fawning all over you.”

“Like I didn’t have enough problems…” Dean grumbles, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Hey, it’s not that bad.” Sammy sympathizes horribly, and it only frustrates Dean a little more, “It just means that a wolf wants to win your heart-”

Dean rolls his eyes dramatically, “Yeah, a _wolf_ wants my heart, not a person. That sounds kind of messed up don't you think? Especially for Castiel? He could be against this, but because his animal side is havin’ some blue balls he’s basically got a partial crush on me… That doesn’t seem like a good thing for either of us- especially him.”

Sammy places a hand on Dean’s shoulder as a small sign of reassurance, “This isn’t the first time that this sort of thing has happened to someone, Dean. Wolves cause partial bonds-”

“ _Bonds!?”_ Dean echoes loudly, and there's sounds behind the alpha's door again, “Wait- Castiel and I are-”

“Sort of? … Look, it’s not what you think, Dean. This doesn’t affect you like it does Castiel. His wolf will always be in his head around you, anything you do or say- Castiel will pay attention to whether he wants to or not. If someone comes around you- Castiel is going to make sure that they know he’s there and that your his- even if you're not really. No matter what you do, Castiel is going to become a large part of your life now.”

Dean sounds quiet as he asks, “So, this is permanent? …”

Sammy sighs in slight defeat, “I don’t know. It depends on how long Castiel’s wolf wants to stay attached to you, and if you two do anything that his wolf will interpret as a step forward.”

“Then what do I have to avoid?” Dean sounds hopeless- well, he _feels_ like it.

“Him entirely, if you want to be certain that his wolf doesn't jump the gun.” Sammy shrugs and looks at Dean sincerely, “Anything can be taken the wrong way- especially with a wolf in your head. Don’t be surprised if Castiel’s wolf assumes things and decides to take action, Dean.”

Dean can hear Gabriel coaxing his elder brother inside of his room, and Dean closes his eyes for a moment to just try and simply breathe, “Is there anything I can do? Even as a human?”

“Afraid not…” Sammy admits, “Castiel and his wolf’s actions and scents would be easier to figure out when you would have a wolf yourself, but since you don’t…”

“Things just got a whole lot more complicated for me. I get it- my humanity strikes again.”

Sammy looks like he wants to say something, but honestly, Dean just doesn’t want to hear it.

The human shakes his head, sighing, “I’ll be in your room if you or whoever needs me… I need… I need a moment…”

Dean knows that his footsteps to distance himself from Castiel really won’t do anything to help him at the moment. However, it doesn’t mean he isn’t going to do it. He decides in a moments whim that Sammy's room is not enough to clear his head. Dean glances outside, and he worries his bottom lip. Some fresh air would be nice...

Dean ignores his better instincts, and then decides to go outside. _Alone._

 

**< ><><>**

 

Castiel sits on his bed, face in his hands. This has all gotten so complicated- and it’s all thanks to his stupid fucking wolf.

“Cassie, it’s not that bad-”

“But I _can’t_ have a mate- let alone have Dean as the contender!” Castiel shouts in despair, “Do you know how _frustrating_ this is!?”

Gabriel sighs in a bit annoyance and exhaustion, and he ends up sitting down on the edge of the bed to comfort his brother, “Cassie, Dean isn’t a bad thing that life let happen to you. He’s nice, he tries to do the right thing, and I’ve got a good feelin’ about him. For once, don’t be mad at your wolf… Just- let the chips fall where they intend to.”

Castiel shakes his head adamently, “ _No,_ Gabriel. I can’t do that. I’ll end up hurting Dean or worse- I may even change him without his consent- or something even more feral… I don’t want to do that, especially when Dean has already gone through a similar experience. I don’t want to be his second Alistair.”

“But you won’t be.” Gabriel says with confidence- something Castiel is certainly lacking at the current moment- “You protected him from Alistair, you didn’t attack him… Sure, your wolf got into its own form of handsy, but that’s just the usual way alphas act when someone or something catches their eye. You’re gonna be a possessive and protective bastard over Dean whether you like it or not.”

“Maybe that’s the point. I don’t have a choice in this, Gabriel. Once again, my wolf decides to mark someone that I don’t deserve in the first place…”

Gabriel furrows his brow, “You don’t think you’re good enough for Dean? …”

Castiel gives an empty chuckle, “Honestly, Gabriel, I don’t think I’m good for anyone. I’m not good for this pack, for this world… I honestly don’t think I’m even good enough for my wolf.”

“Don’t say things like that-”

“Why? Because they bother you?” Castiel looks up at his brother, seeing the tears well up in the omega’s eyes, “Does everything that comes out of my mouth voice your thoughts?”

“No!” Gabriel hisses, “They don’t! I don’t think you’re a bad person, and I don’t think your wolf is a bad thing either! I’m upset because I don’t like you saying and believing things that aren’t true!”

Castiel just looks away, staring at the wall and talking with a nearly impassive voice, “Tell me, Gabriel… What makes those things false? Don’t you remember what happened between me and Amelia? Don’t you remember what I tried to do-”

Gabriel growls, silencing Castiel with its power, and the omega stands up with his hands balled into fists at his sides, “Don’t start with that! You didn’t know- _I_ didn’t know! The past is the past, and that’s where it should stay and remain! Stop digging up what happened and just let it go! You have a pack now- a good pack- and you’ve been a good alpha and a good person! You help out strangers and help the sick, you’ve let wolves in when they had no place to go- and they would all die for you! Don’t act like that doesn’t mean anything, especially when you start thinking this way! You’re not a bad person Cassie, you’re a good one! You’re a good alpha, and a good werewolf! It’s shit that some things happened to us, yeah, but we move on from it! We don’t go sulking around when our wolf tries to surface! Especially when all it was doing was trying to find a place to put your heart because you think you aren’t allowed to have one!”

Gabriel stomps out of the room, leaving Castiel to stare at his door as it slams.

 

**< ><><>**

 

Dean wishes that he could disappear. Maybe for a few days, or a week or something longer- maybe to some place where he doesn’t feel so utterly alone.

Here, in this world, Dean is the odd one out- the sore thumb. Wolves only treat him like a piece of paper- something they can mark up and transform into a mural similar to themselves. Humans are meant to be changed and morphed in this world- not to be leading packs or be selected by an alpha’s wolf as a mate.

In short- Dean doesn’t belong here- at least, not while he’s _human._

The touchy subject has been brought up before, mostly when Dean was a small child. John had been helping Sammy learn how to shift fluidly when Dean first asked about getting changed, but after being yelled at for about an hour from John, Dean decided to never bring it up again. At least, not with John.

Dean was smarter than to ask Azazel about it- because seriously- that’s a damn death wish. Instead, he asked Sammy. He was more open to it (of course), Dean remembers, because he wanted to have Dean as a wolf- a kind of comfort or coping thing. The trials and circumstances Azazel put him under stressed him out beyond belief, and most of the times that Dean came to help combat that shit, Sammy was already wearing thin in his control. However, their plans were halted when John found out about it.

He was angry at first, especially at Dean since he already told him no, and then he just sighed and sat his boys down to talk to them in a civil manner about it. John just quickly explained that Sammy wouldn’t have been able to change Dean anyways until both of them were at least eighteen or older, and since Dean was ten and Sammy was only six, they would have failed in all of their attempts. Dean had pouted, telling his father that he wanted to be like them- to actually fit in with his new life and family- but John had abruptly turned him down. He told Dean that other than him and Sammy, that he had no family here. That changed slightly when Adam came along, and Dean was angry at John for sleeping with one of the members of Azazel's pack and getting the chick knocked up. That's all he was at the time- angry, frustrated. John pulled him aside when Dean found out Adam wasn't human and gave his son "the speech" again.

“ _There has to be at least one of us-”_ he had said to Dean that night, “ _who isn’t going to be forced into becoming a monster._ ”

Dean didn’t understand- he was only an angsty teenager then- but as the years passed and he and Sammy grew up, he realized what his dad meant. Azazel meant to make Sammy into a murdering machine, and he had already made John do things he wasn’t proud of, and Adam was on the sidelines getting trained as a backup. John wanted to keep Dean innocent and separate from that kind of guilt and darkness. However, Dean only understood when Alistair had been dragging him away while smirking, the whole time his flesh was covered with Sammy’s blood- even on his teeth and lips.

Dean shivers at the dark memory, his feet slightly stumbling over each other as he walks down the winding path. He’s grateful that those times are behind him, and that’s all they can be- even if they are memories- they are not his present. However, there’s always some way they can snake their way into now.

“Hey there, gorgeous.”

Dean jumps in fear, recognizing that nasally voice, “Alistair-”

“Good to know you still remember me.” the alpha appears from behind some trees, his smirk sinister as he slinks forward to stand in front of Dean, “But then again, how could you forget?”

“You bastard-” Dean takes a few steps back to try and run off, but as he begins hearing other wolves growl at him he knows that darting off isn't an option anymore, “you’re breaking pack law-”

“Do I really give a damn? No.” Alistair says simply, “I want you back, Dean. No boundary or opposing alpha is gonna stop me.”

Dean shudders in disgust, but tries to keep his voice strong for the sake of not looking afraid- those his scent should tell otherwise- “It should, but then again you’re an insane, obsessive bastard, so I’m not surprised…”

Alistair chuckles, and some of his followers begin circling Dean with their uneven, sharp teeth bared, “Oh, good to know that’s what you think of me…” Alistair bats his eyelashes, “It’s like you want me too-”

“Never in forever, you asshole!” Dean hisses out, feeling like he’s prey that is about to be inside of its predators jaws.

Alistair’s gaze darkens in mere seconds, “Too bad, because forever is all we’re gonna have.”

“What do you-”

Dean would finish his sentence, but Alistair flicks his wrist, and the wolves leap at Dean.

 

**< ><><>**

 

Castiel is pacing inside of his room.

Something is off- and he doesn’t know what- just that something is wrong and he needs to fix it. Castiel’s wolf is near the surface, begging for Castiel to let it free so it can scope out the danger and make sure that Dean is okay. The urge causes Castiel to sigh- Dean is _not_ his, never will be- and his wolf can get over that. However, as the buzzing underneath his skin worsens, Castiel decides to let his wolf go to make sure things are okay. Using Dean's sweet scent as a guide, Castiel tries to ease his fraying nerves.

His anxious paws carry him outside, and Castiel sniffs the air. As soon as the smells inside of it are processed, a loud snarl rips its way from Castiel’s throat, and a battle cry summons itself into sound.

The message is clear: _Alistair has Dean Winchester._

 

**< ><><>**

 

Dean feels grit and dirt cling and drag on his skin as Alistair whistles some happy tune- like a bird singing its song.

“It’s been so long, Dean- _far_ too long- since I’ve gotten a taste of you…” Alistair’s hand is gripping onto Dean’s ankles as he drags him along, “Have you been good for me, Dean? You haven’t let anyone else touch you like _I_ have right?” before Dean has a chance to answer or to tell the alpha to die or something, Alistair laughs manically as the wolves pad alongside him, “What am I sayin’, you probably couldn’t even stomach it, could you?”

“F-Fuck off…” Dean watches groggily as they inch along, his body jerking forward every few moments as Alistair tugs him- his skin feels raw and dirty.

“We will later, Dean, but some things have to happen first.” Alistair chuckles, and Dean watches the Novak territory slowly leave his view.

Dean’s head hurts, and his lungs ache- there’s blood all over his skin (he doesn't know if it's his) and his muscles burn from the strain and abuse they are currently receiving. However, Dean’s focus on his pain is ended when a loud, angry howl comes from the Novak territory. It sounds familiar- and Dean's chest fills with a small shard of hope.

Dean doesn’t know how he knows exatly, but it’s- “ _Cas-_ …” Dean’s broken voice cuts off abruptly, the sound getting blocked out from a coughing fit that appears out of nowhere.

“Quiet!” Alistair hisses lowly, and it sounds like he is afraid of whatever or whoever made that howling noise, “I can’t trust you around that… that _alpha…_ ” the last word is especially venomous.

“Cas-” Dean begins to call out, but Alistair’s shoe meets his ribs and the ability to speak is lost to Dean.

Alistair growls, “You need to learn when to keep your mouth _shut,_ darling.”

Dean coughs roughly, more of his breaths become ragged, and his vision is swimming.

Other angry howls cut into the air, causing Alistair to growl in frustration, “Seems like my plan is going to have to speed up, then… Dean, why do you have to make things so hard for us?”

“B-Because I don’t want us-” Dean coughs out weakly, other wolves growling at him for denying their alpha, “I _never_ wanted us… It’s always b-been just you…”

“You shouldn’t be sayin’ things like that, Dean-” Alistair’s eyes darken with his warning, “you might make my wolf upset…”

Dean coughs up little dots red onto the dirt below, leaning heavily onto his forearms for support as Dean tries his best to glare at Alistair, “I don’t give a fuck about your wolf-”

Another snarl sounds off in the distance, this time being closer than before- and Dean begins to reach for the sound’s direction. He makes pitiful sounds from the pain as he slightly begins to crawl towards safety, only to have Alistair laugh at him.

“You were always so stubbornly naive, Dean… Here, let me clarify some things for you-” Alistair shifts to his mangled wolf in seconds.

The alpha looks like a sickly gray thing, mangy and scarred, and Dean gags as he notices the look in its eyes. Another snarl comes from the surrounding area, and now Dean can hear paws thundering against the ground as Alistair saunters closer. Dean glances down to see his thigh is bloodied, the denim ripped from assaulting teeth. Dean groans as he sees crimson drip down off of it, trickling onto the dirt below to create a slight puddle. God- he's going to die-

“P-Please _don’t-”_  Dean pivots to look at Alistair, trying to defend himself, but he’s so weak and Alistair’s wolf- despite its sickly looks- is so strong, “I don’t- _please-”_

Alistair’s wolf snarls and gives a look that's completely feral, its fangs bared as it looms over Dean hungrily. The human can hear his heart and the paws from the Novak pack beating in his ears and on the ground, and he swallows nervously. Alistair’s wolf growls one last time, parting its jaws to expose its mouth fully- and Dean screams in fear of the sharp, deadly canines.

Just as Alistair’s teeth clamp down on his neck roughly, Dean screams at the top of his lungs, “ _CAS!”_

 

**< ><><>**

 

“ _CAS!”_

Castiel’s wolf surges forward at the panicked sound of Dean’s voice, Sam close behind, as a snarl escapes his jaws. The alpha of the Novak pack smells Dean’s blood in the air, and it sets himself in fight mode. Several wolves from Alistairs pack try to attack, but Castiel throws them to the ground using the vice of his teeth. The whole time, his paws never cease their sprinting, and they only still over the dirt when a familiar, beaten form comes into view.

Castiel looks on in horror as Dean lies on the ground, his eyes rolling back into their sockets, his neck bloodied and currently in between Alistair’s jaws. Sam roars, nearly jumping forward to end Alistair where he stands, but Castiel stops him with a glare.

This is between him and Alistair- especially concerning Castiel’s wolf and its desire to rip out the opposing alpha’s throat for hurting Dean.

“ _Hello, Castiel. Nice for you to… join the party…_ ” Alistair gives Castiel a wolfish grin.

“ _What did you do to Dean!?”_ Castiel demands, his teeth appearing as the flesh on his muzzle twitches in pure anger.

Alistair starts pacing around Dean, as though he were the alpha’s prize and Castiel was not the proud winner- “ _I merely did something that should have happened years ago… I mean- with the things I knew... I'm surprised I didn't change him sooner._ "

Castiel growls lowly, but it seems as though Alistair knows something all of them don’t, so he says nothing.

“ _Does Sam even know?”_ Alistair teases, his teeth glinting in the limited light.

“ _Know what, you sick bastard!?”_ Sam shouts in a growl, already in position to murder Alistair where he paces.

Castiel holds back another feral sound to try to get answers instead, the whole time his eyes keep glancing to Dean- his body is still and bloody- “ _What are you even talking about, Alistair? …_ ”

The other alpha gives Castiel a look, one that causes the fur on Castiel’s neck to stand on end, “ _Azazel spoke of ways to predict what kind of wolf a person would become when they were bitten…_ ”

“ _How does this apply to Dean?”_ Castiel listens closely, but his eyes are on Dean, focusing on the minute twitches in his form.

Alistair notices the change in Dean’s movements as well, and his eyes turn a shade darker, “ _It applies to him because I know what he’s going to be… Azazel told me when he first came to the pack-”_

“ _We didn’t come into your pack!”_ Sam snarls fiercely, “ _You forced us in there- you tortured Dean!”_

“ _That’s because he didn’t listen._ ” Alistair would shrug nonchalantly if he were in human form, “ _Too bad his instincts are going to be tellin’ him otherwise. He's going to be beggin' for me before you know it._ ”

Castiel takes a step forward- his wolf demands to take control for Alistair thinking about Dean in such a way- his paws cautious as he proceeds, “ _Alistair, if there is something you need to say, I suggest getting it out now while your throat is still intact._ ”

Alistair gives a wolfish laugh, and he doesn't even seem moved by the threat, “ _So impatient… Hm, guess you can wait to find out yourself since you don’t know patience-”_

Sam lurches forward instead of Castiel, beginning to attack Alistair as his other follows begin to bring their own onslaught into the fight. Suddenly, the air is full of snarls and howling, flashes of teeth and claws everywhere as forms collide with one another.

Castiel, however, doesn’t close in on the other wolves- his irises remain locked on Alistair as he growls.

“ _Wanna come make your threat from earlier true?”_ Alistair taunts, “ _Wanna hurt me because someone else changed your poor lil’ Dean Winchester instead of it being you?”_

Castiel’s wolf wants to snap his neck, but Castiel doesn't give a retort.

“ _Aw, the big bad wolf is out of retorts!”_ Alistair drops himself into a fighting position, “ _That’s good enough for me-”_

The offending alpha leaps at Castiel, his teeth bared and ready to maim. Castiel sidesteps the launched attack easily, his wolf adding itself into his conscious so he can fight effectively. Castiel’s eyes look over to Dean for a split second, and all he sees is red and movement from him. The smell of Dean’s blood is still heavy in the air- now beginning to mix with the other scents of wolves- and it causes Castiel’s alpha to become enraged.

However, all of the fighting is stopped when a high-pitched wail breaks through, and Castiel looks over to see Dean curling up into a ball on the ground.

“ _CAASSSS!”_ Dean screams, his voice sounding as though his vocal cords were falling apart.

The Novak alpha growls towards Alistair, his wolf surfacing and taking full control. In seconds, Castiel has Alistair pinned to the ground, his deadly canines wrapped tightly around Alistair’s neck.

“ _I’m n-not surprised…_ ” Alistair grits out, “ _That lil’ whore always s-smelled of you after you met…_ ”

Castiel’s jaws tightens on his flesh as his reply.

Alistair coughs, some blood seeping out of his muzzle as he speaks, “ _Go ahead- do it… Either w-way it’s not gonna save your p-precious Dean-”_

Castiel’s wolf takes initiative, and finishes Alistair with one swift twist from his jaws.

The Novak alpha stares at Alistair’s now lifeless form. His eyes begin to dull, and his mouth hangs open loosely as blood spreads out onto the dirt. However, as Dean begins writhing on the ground, Castiel’s attention is quickly diverted away from Alistair’s corpse.

“ _D-Dean?_ …” Castiel knows that he more than likely can’t understand him- but he’s too strung out at the moment to consider being rational.

“Cas…” Dean coughs up blood just like Alistair had, except this time, Castiel wants to stop its flow- “C-Cas… _p-please…_ ”

A whine escapes Castiel’s throat, and he licks away some of the blood in an attempt to somehow comfort Dean. It only worsens Castiel’s internal panic when the crimson liquid doesn’t taste human anymore.

“N-Need you…” Dean lets out a pitiful noise, grabbing onto Castiel and anywhere on his form that he can reach.

Castiel lowers himself onto the ground, allowing Dean to weakly climb onto his form. The whole time, Dean coughs and sputters out nonsense, and his fingers stick to Castiel’s coat with his blood.

Sam rushes over out of nowhere, his muzzle covered in a dark red as he barks to Castiel, “ _Is Dean okay?”_

“ _I don’t know-”_ Castiel answers honestly, whining as Dean nearly falls off of his back, “ _I think- I think Alistair changed him-”_

__

Sam lets out a quick noise of despair, and rushes over to help Dean get onto Castiel’s back, “ _That bastard!”_

“ _We’ll worry about it later, right now, we need to get him back to the house so we can access the damage._ ”

The fight is still rampaging on- even with Alistair lying dead on the ground in the midst of it- and no other wolf is truly paying attention to anything other than the offending wolf in front of them and where their teeth will sink in. It's like a massacre. 

Castiel takes a breath to try and calm himself, and he feels Dean sag from exhaustion on his back- “ _Find Gabriel. Get him back to the house as soon as you can. You’re in charge of this fight-_ ”

“ _But I’m not the pack alpha!”_ Sam barks out in shock.

“ _You are for now._ ” Castiel looks seriously at Sam as he cautiously stands, Dean holding onto his coat weakly, “ _I have to stay with Dean, and that means I won’t be able to finish this fight. You’re the only person I can trust right now, Sam. Please…_ ”

Sam takes a few seconds, but then nods, “ _Alright… I’ll try to find Gabe first…_ ”

“ _Please do, I don’t want him getting hurt.”_ Dean groans weakly on Castiel’s back, urging the need for Castiel to leave even further, “ _If there’s anything urgent, just take care of it as you see fit. We’ll discuss this later._ ”

Sam lets his gaze linger on Castiel for a moment, and he mutters, “ _Be careful with my brother…_ ”

“ _I will be._ ”

Seconds later, Castiel is going at half-speed down the trail that leads back to his territory. Dean clings on to his fur loosely, barely being able to hang on as he coughs. Castiel, despite the fear of Dean losing consciousness before they reach the pack house, is stalled due to Dean vomiting. Castiel has to stop by the stream to allow Dean to let his stomach lurch out its contents, and he waits patiently as Dean lays on the bank, washing away blood and other fluids with a shaky hand.

“C-Cas…” Dean groans, and the alpha is immediately by his side, “Need… _home…_ ”

Castiel helps Dean climb back onto his back, and his eyes look over to the bank. The dirt is bloodied from where Dean laid on it, and Castiel fights the urge to try and remove it. There are bigger problems than that right now- and Dean needs him.

Castiel begins the trek back once again, his trot not helping his nerves- the ones that beg Castiel to sprint. However, Castiel knows that Dean won’t be able to hold on if he does that, and making things worse won’t help at all.

“Alpha…” Dean mumbles almost unconsciously, and Castiel’s ears perk up, “Cas… my… _m-my alpha…_ ”

Castiel sees the house come into view, and he can’t be more grateful than he is now. His paws carry himself and Dean inside, and Castiel’s wolf backs off so he can fix Dean. Dean groans when he reaches the floor, and his eyelids are shut tightly in pain as Castiel shifts back into human form.

“Dean, are you okay?” Castiel asks, his voice gruff as he picks up Dean bridal style.

Dean’s hands grab onto Castiel tightly, his nose moving into the crook of the alpha’s neck, “Cas…”

Castiel furrows his brow, but continues with carrying Dean into the medical bay at the house. He comes into the room, placing Dean down on the examination table gently as Dean lets out a long, pleading whine. His scent shifts, causing Castiel to look over at Dean with concern.

“Dean, what hurts? …” he asks cautiously, his mind reeling for answers.

“E-Everything…” Dean’s hands fly over his stomach, “F-Feel sick…”

Castiel rushes over with a trashcan, reaching Dean in enough time that he’s able to puke again without getting it all over himself and the table, “Just breathe, Dean… This will all go away in a few moments. The bite always causes sickness.”

Dean opens his eyes only a fraction, and from what Castiel can see, his gaze is a frightened one- “Wait... C-Cas… what’s happenin’ to me? …”

“I believe that Alistair’s bite has caused you to… change...” Castiel trails off.

“Oh god-” Dean lurches forward, vomiting again, and Castiel pats his back while feeling absolutely useless.

Dean settles on the examination table seconds later, coughing, “Cas-”

“Just rest, Dean. You'll feel better in a few moments once your body starts to heal itself. You'll find that you'll regain strength after every minute that passes, I assure you.” Castiel wipes away some of the sweat that has formed on Dean’s brow, “In the mean time, I’ll try to fix as much as I can…”

Dean’s eyes flutter shut, and Castiel immediately begins searching for supplies. He gathers bandages and ointments, placing them next to Dean as he starts to tend to his wounds. Dean shifts slightly under Castiel’s care, and the alpha tries his best to calm his riled up wolf.

“Cassie!?” Gabriel rushes into the room, his hair askew and a few bruises are forming on his skin, “Oh shit- Dean!”

“Alistair bit and changed him…” Castiel says weakly, Dean nodding off for a few moments below, “I don’t know what to do-”

Gabriel comes up to his older brother’s side, “You’re doing fine, okay? Dean needs you to be calm right now. Can you do that for him?”

“Yes.”

Gabriel nods, “Alright- then keep bandaging him, okay? I’ll help out.”

Castiel looks down towards the floor, his heart sinking with hopelessness, “But Gabriel, what if- what if he doesn’t survive the first transformation, or-”

“Stop right there.” Gabriel’s voice is assertive, and Castiel listens to him, “Dean _isn’t_ going to die- no one- is going to die, you got that? Keep your head level, and focus on getting Dean healthy again, okay?”

“Okay…” Castiel echos, but it doesn’t help him in any way.

The thought of losing Dean makes Castiel worry, and his wolf seems to be on an even worse downfall because of it. Dean lays on the table, face no longer scrunched up in pain, and his breathing is even- but shallow. Castiel’s instincts beg him to fix it- to fix Dean- but the alpha doesn’t know how. Gabriel senses this fear, and he tries his best with his scent and words to calm his brother into a rational state. It doesn’t work as he intends it to. At least, not fully.

“Cas…”

Castiel’s head snaps upwards instantly, his attention full on Dean as his eyes slowly open, “Dean? …”

Gabriel sighs, “Alright- just… just keep yourself in line, Cassie. Dean should start recovering in a few seconds, but that doesn't mean he can push himself just yet. I'm leaving now. I have to see how Sam is-”

“No, you’re not going back out into that fight.” Castiel growls.

Castiel expects Gabriel to lay down his guns, except, someone else reacts to the sound.

Dean whines on the examination table, turning over and over several times before stilling in a submissive position. Castiel’s mouth goes dry as Gabriel awkwardly clears his throat.

“I-I’m gonna go now…”

“Okay…” Castiel whispers, eyes still heavily training on Dean.

Dean finally realizes what he was doing after a few more seconds, and he suddenly pops out of his position as if he would die if he didn't. His face is red from embarrassment, and Castiel feels even worse when he curls up into a tight ball. Castiel wants to comfort Dean, to ask him how he feels- but he would probably just make things worse for them at the moment. Especially for Dean.

“Dean…” when this only causes Dean to move away from Castiel, the alpha sighs, “Dean, look at me-”

“No…” Dean grits out, “I don’t- I can’t-”

Castiel reaches out and places a hand on Dean, only to have him sprawl out on the table in the exact position from earlier. Castiel is sure his scent is giving off pheromones of arousal, and that his pupils have dilated, but he does not act on his urges for Dean’s sake. In fact, he removes his hand and takes a step away, his wolf roaring in his head to accept the sign of submission and-

“W-Why, Cas?” Dean chokes out suddenly, “Why am I doing this?”

“I don’t… I’m not sure.” Castiel admits sheepishly, “I won’t be able to know for certain until time passes on, and the first full moon arrives…”

Dean swallows, and his jade eyes meet Castiel’s- they are full of fear and uncertainty- “W-What do you mean? …”

Castiel pauses for a moment, not wanting to answer Dean- but he has to- “When humans are changed into werewolves, depending on their age as well, the next full moon is when they will shift into their wolf form… Not… not all people survive it…”

Dean pales.

Castiel wishes he can say something to comfort him.

“Cas… I’m… I’m scared…” Dean looks at the alpha pitifully.

“I was scared too…”

Dean’s brow furrows, and he uncurls slightly- he already looks hundreds of times better, so there’s hope Castiel can now cling onto- “W-What do you mean? …”

Castiel sighs, looking down towards the floor as he speaks, “Gabriel and I were not born werewolves… We were turned.”

“I thought… I thought you weren’t. Sammy and Gabe told me, but they never gave any details...” Dean mumbles, looking away.

“It’s alright- not many people know what happened…” Castiel closes his eyes, “It was quite some time ago…”

Dean moves slightly on the table, starting to sit up, “What happened? …”

The alpha pulls up a chair and sets himself down into it, closing his palms together as he remembers that time that changed everything- “Gabriel and I were on a camping trip. Gabriel had just graduated high school, and I had been attending college for nearly two years at the time. To celebrate, Gabriel and I decided to go camping for a few days- to let all of the stress we had built up over some months go… I was twenty, Gabriel was eighteen- we were just kids trying to have a fun weekend. We didn’t… how could we have known? …”

“Cas…” Dean shuffles closer, and he doesn’t seem aware of the distance shrinking in between them.

“It was late at night, the fire just went out…” Castiel remembers it well- the smell of smoke and pine trees, the crackle of embers as they flew into the air like reverse snowflakes- “Gabriel and I were stargazing for a little bit. I remember that the moon was the biggest I’d ever seen it. It was nearly one in the morning when Gabriel and I decided to head back into the tent to sleep… Except, we never got to.”

Dean listens on closely.

Castiel recalls the sounds as if they were happening just now, and he can feel the fear that had been coursing through his veins as if it was still there- “Something snatched us before we’d even gotten our fingers on the tent’s zipper. It was growling and making all sorts of feral noises. Gabriel and I were absolutely terrified- we didn’t know what it was… Well, until it decided to bite us. I didn’t know what was happening, and it took having the creatures teeth sinking into my neck for me to realize that I was getting bitten by a werewolf.”

“Cas.” Dean is leaning off of the edge of the table now, his gaze concerned when Castiel meets it.

“It’s alright, Dean.” the alpha assures quietly, “I suppose at the time I thought my brother and I were just going to die. The wolf that had attacked us was blood-thirsty and violent, and it seemed like we weren't going to get away in time. We would have been meals to that thing if someone hadn’t of found us… They were nearby campers, thankfully ones that were hunters- and they had guns and weapons to drive the werewolf away. Gabriel and I left that place as soon as we could…”

Dean is paying attention fully now, his fingers turning a ghostly white against the examination table, “What happened after that?”

Castiel wants to answer Dean honestly, but, the past is too much of a cold slap to the face for the alpha to admit its existence. Instead, Castiel just blinks away the actual memories of what happened to him afterwards- the changes, the blood lust- and he forces them back down into the mist of his subconscious. There… but not completely.

“Cas? …” Dean prods cautiously, and he looks concerned as he begins to inch forward.

“I’m fine, just-” Castiel doesn’t look at Dean- can’t when all that comes from his lips are lies- “it was a hard change is all… Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take care of my pack. If you need me, I suggest sending someone for me.”

 

Dean opens his mouth to say something, his expression telling Castiel that he's hesitant. Maybe it's to plead for the alpha to stay, maybe something else is wrong- Castiel will never know, because Dean just shuts his mouth. The alpha watches as Dean nods his head and averts his eyes, making him seem absolutely small on the examination table.

Castiel stands up, leaving Dean alone in the room- but honestly, he’s running away from the truth.


	5. I Wanna Shelter You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay- update!
> 
> Sorry this took a while- I just have so many fics n' stuff to do, and life comes into play as well.
> 
> Another thing that set me back was that I scrapped my idea for DCBB. It was just so long I didn't think I would finish it in time. However, that doesn't mean I gave up the story or on DCBB. I made another idea for DCBB, and decided that I'll post the one I had written originally for it later on once I am more calm in the writing realm.
> 
> I did have enough written to make one more update without adding anything, but I would have left out at a crucial point.  
> Basically- you guys are delving into the deeper plot here, and you're going to find out how Dean is different. Cas, as I've decided, shall just have an unusually defiant wolf side. Sorry.  
> Oh yeah... and Meg shows up?
> 
> Enjoy!~

 

* * *

 

 

 

Dean sits on the table in slight shock.

Well, with everything that’s happened in the past thirty minutes- can you blame him?

“Dean!” Sammy rushes into the room, instantly grappling Dean into an embrace that makes the eldest Winchester’s ribs ache with the strain, “Oh my god- I thought you were going to _die-”_

“Sammy…” Dean pushes back gently, trying to seem sincere with his words, “Don’t think things like that…”

 

Sammy bites his lower lip, obviously fighting back his troublesome emotions, “I know you’re better now- I mean, you don’t even look like you’re injured really, but… I just- how can I not when you’re all bloody and limp? …”

Dean sighs, “Just think that I’m gonna be _really_ sore in the morning. Other than that, don’t go jumpin’ the gun, okay?”

“Okay…” Sammy agrees quietly.

“So…” Dean tries to ignore the obvious tension in the room, one formed by talking about his demise- “How is everything? What happened?”

Sammy sighs, his shoulders falling, “The fight stopped a little while after Castiel brought you back here. Gabe and I helped get rid of the remaining wolves from Alistair’s pack… For Alistair… well, Castiel killed him.”

Dean blinks for a moment, surprised slightly, “Isn’t that against pack law or something?”

“Sometimes… it’s… it’s blurred around the edges. I think this time will be a consideration to that.” Sammy sighs, “Besides, I wanted that bastard’s death for some time now. I won’t give Castiel any hell for what he did because _I_ would have done it myself.”

Dean just shakes his head, seeming small in the space he is in, “So Alistair’s gone? … _For sure_ this time? … I don’t have to worry about him anymore?”

Sammy has a small grin, one that’s slightly sad because of the memories that man gave to the both of them- and one that’s slightly happy for the fact he can’t form any more for the both of them- “Yeah, Dean… Alistair’s gone- for good. You have Castiel to thank for that.”

“I’ll give him a word or two later…” Dean grumbles, “Right now, I wanna know how things are in the pack.”

“Dean-”

“There’s people I care about here, Sammy. Bobby, Ellen, Jo… our old pack- they’re just as important to me now as they were when I was technically their alpha. Now come on, I want to help.”

Sammy watches on with weary eyes as Dean, “Sure, Dean… go ahead. Knock yourself out.”

As Dean rushes to help his pack- old and new- and foreign feelings and urges bombard him. However, they aren’t as important as the members of Dean’s old pack.

 

**< ><><>**

 

It’s been a week since Alistair’s attack on Dean.

Things have slightly changed in the Novak pack since then.

Dean now works in the kitchen at the pack house. It’s nice, and Dean enjoys it well enough. Everyone who has ever eaten his food has said it was good, so he isn’t worried about his placement. Mostly, however, Dean enjoys cleaning up the place. It sounds weird enough, yeah, but Dean likes seeing the metallic surfaces shine and the air to smell of lemon cleaner- so sue him if you think that’s a bad thing. (His brother is practically the pack lawyer, so _good fucking luck_ in court.)

To add onto these new developments, Dean has his own room now. It’s slightly smaller than Sammy’s, and its layout is fairly spartan, but Dean doesn’t mind. He’s more so of a “functionality-is-best” person anyways- and being in a pack house- well… there’s not much room for individuality. That means Dean’s okay with having no rock band posters or magazine clippings adorning the walls. He doesn't need to adorn the place with anything to tell people it's his. Sammy sometimes checks in, so does Gabe on random occasions, but other than that- Dean doesn’t have anymore visitors. He's okay with that too.

On that note- Cas has been more distant to Dean now, and the eldest Winchester doesn’t understand why. Sammy said he’s just going through things. Maybe it's something like guilt for taking down Alistair without considering pack law or his conscious first- but Dean doesn’t buy it. Castiel obviously cares a little bit about those things, but to _this?_ When _Alistair_ was involved? No fucking way. Castiel wanted to murder Alistair just like everyone else did, and after having the putrid alpha sneak over into their territory and kidnap Dean, no one would have cared if the whole thing ended when Alistair’s life did. That’s why Dean thinks something is up- because _really-_ what could honestly be holding Cas in some emotional or physical vice?

“Something just doesn’t seem right to me, Sammy…” Dean mumbles, helping his brother was dishes, “Doesn’t he seem… _off_ to you? …”

“Dean, what does it honestly matter?” Sammy makes a face as he scrapes some old food off of the ceramic surface before handing it to Dean, “It’s not really our concern. Besides, Castiel isn’t even acting that differently. In fact, he’s nicer to me than he was before.”

Dean grunts, trying to remove a stubborn piece of food with his nail, “Well, maybe that’s for the best, but… Has Gabriel said anything to you?”

The youngest Winchester sighs, “No, Dean. He hasn’t. To be honest, I don’t think Castiel has really been interacting with anyone recently.”

“I should go talk to him… or Gabe should. After all, you two talk almost constantly.”

Sammy blushes fiercely, “Dean, what are you-”

“I’m not _blind,_ dammit. I can see how you two are actin’ with one another. Jesus, Sammy, if you wanna have Gabe be your mate just-”

“Please stop right there.” Sammy groans, “I don’t- I can’t think about that.”

 

Dean sets the dish that had been in his fingers aside, tilting his head, “Why is that, hotshot? What’s so bad about Gabe that you can’t court him or start doing whatever it is you alphas do when you see somethin' you like?”

Sammy shakes his head, “It’s not that he’s bad, Dean- fuck- he’s _perfect,_ I just… It’s not that simple, Dean. I can’t just go pouring my heart out to him… It doesn’t work that way-”

“Then how does it work?” Dean shrugs as Sammy groans, “Oh, stop complaining- if you actually start thinking that there’s a possibility of you two instead of thinking it’s a dead end, maybe somethin’ can actually happen between you guys.”

 

“When did you ever become a master of feelings, Dean? Yesterday?”

“Maybe, you lil’ shit.” Dean rolls his eyes playfully, “Just- _try_ for once. I’m your big brother here, so I’m gonna give a shit if you’re happy or not. If Gabe makes you feel like sunshine and rainbows, then I say go for it. There may be some problems with Cas, of course, but I think that he’ll eventually come around. Besides, it’s Gabe’s choice in the end, anyways.”

 

Sammy just looks too shocked to speak.

“Come on and hurry up, we’re almost done with this load.”

Dean and Sammy finish up the load of dishes, and are heading back to Dean’s room when they run into a face they haven’t seen in a few days. Cas blinks as he sees the Winchesters- as if maybe they weren’t supposed to even be in the same hallway as him- and he clears his throat.

“Hello, Sam.” the pack alpha’s eyes move over to Dean, and they dilate, “Hello, Dean…”

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.” Dean offhandedly comments, trying to make a regular conversation form from the awkwardness as he smiles slightly, “What’s been holdin’ you up?”

Cas blinks for a few seconds, his answer impassive as he says it, “Business, I suppose.”

Sammy nods, looking slightly confused as his doubt slips into his voice, “Yeah, business…”

“I’m supposing you have been spending time with Gabriel.” Castiel looks towards the youngest Winchester then, and his gaze narrows, “Tell me, how has _that_ been going so far?”

 

Sammy turns a bright red at the unsaid accusation, and everyone knows this will only lead to a fight, so Dean of course swoops in to save the day- “It’s been goin’ good. All three of us hang out sometimes. We have movie nights every now and then. You should join us.”

 

Cas’ expression visibly changes from a hostile manner to one of surprise- “I don’t know if I could prolong my work for so long-”

“Work?” Dean raises a quizzical brow, “Since when did you become a businessman?”

“I always have been one. Being the pack alpha requires that there is strenuous paperwork and such everyday that I have to take care of. Which reminds me, I have a lot of that still sitting on my desk. If you’ll excuse me…”

Cas passes in between both of the Winchesters, his shoulder gently brushing against Dean’s. Dean looks towards Cas then, his breath caught in his throat as he watches the alpha walk by himself for the rest of the hallway’s length.

“I guess somethin’ _is_ up with Castiel…” Sammy murmurs, “It’s not like him to be so… disconnected.”

“I told you!” Dean sighs, “Come on, let’s go talk to Gabe and see what all three of us can come up with…”

So that’s what they do.

 

**< ><><>**

 

Castiel shuts the door to his room abruptly, leaning his back against the wood for support. His breath is ragged and short, and his wolf begs to be let free so he can see Dean again and mark him as his.

“ _No._ ” Castiel growls to himself, his wolf whining in his mind, “We are _not_ to do that to Dean, do you hear me?”

His wolf backs away, but only slightly. 

In all reality, Castiel’s desk is not covered with papers as he described it to be while talking to the Winchesters. In fact, it’s completely clear of any clutter, just like the rest of Castiel’s room. What does this mean?

It means that Castiel was lying, and was making an excuse for himself so he wouldn’t be near Dean.

Now… why is that? …

_Want. Ours._

Castiel’s wolf chants in Castiel’s skull, like some feral ritual that would cause Dean to magically become its possession.

“No. Dean is not to be owned, _especially_ by you.” Castiel throws himself heavily onto his mattress, his near-constant headache growing in strength, “We won’t take him…”

_Take him. Mark him. Breed him. Ours._

His wolf paces at the edge of Castiel’s conscious, its crude sense of possession over Dean causes Castiel to feel worrisome- especially as certain images of the eldest Winchester appear in the forefront of his mind.

“We will do no such thing…” Castiel weakly counters, and he burrows himself underneath the covers, “He is not ours…”

_Want… Need… Dean…_

“Fuck…”

 

**< ><><>**

 

Dean leans against the wall in Sammy’s room, watching as Gabe and Sammy discuss the strange behavior that Castiel has adopted recently.

“I don’t know what’s going on with him,” Gabe answers honestly, “if I knew I would tell you. I promise.”

“Well, we need to figure something out, then.” Sammy turns to face Dean, “Do you have any ideas?”

Dean shakes his head, “No, not really…”

Gabe smirks, and Dean worries over what that expression exactly entails, “Hm, I have an idea, Dean-o. How about we test somethin’?”

“Test what?” Dean slightly glares at Gabe.

He may have only been here in the Novak pack for a week or two- but he already knows Gabe well.

“Just a hunch of mine…” Gabe trails off for a moment, then instantly looks at Sammy, “Oh my god, _Sam-Sam!”_

Sammy furrows his brow, “Yeah? …”

“Remember how I talked to you about that dickhead Balthazar?”

Sammy looks weary as the conversation progresses, “Yeah? …”

“Remember how I always told you he flirted with anyone who passed by him or like, breathed?”

“Okay, wherever you’re going with this- I’m not doin’ it.” Dean crosses his arms defiantly.

Gabe rolls his eyes lightly, “Oh, don’t be a sourpuss, Dean-o. It’s all just fun and games. I promise I’m not makin’ you jump a canyon or something. Who do you think I am?”

Dean narrows his gaze, “You’re Gabriel Novak. That automatically should make me nervous.”

“Ah, this is why you and I are friends.” Gabe smiles, then looks at Sammy, “Come on! Operation Jealousy is a go!”

Dean groans, "Wait... _Jealousy?"_

 

**< ><><>**

 

Dean feels like some game pawn as Sammy and Gabe lead him to some space in the pack house. They have sly grins on their faces, as if they know something Dean doesn’t, and that worries the eldest Winchester.

“Please, I’m too young to die.” Dean pleads jokingly- well, _part_ of him is serious…

“Oh, shush, Dean-o. You’re gonna be fine.” Gabe still has his hands at Dean’s back, pushing him forwards, “I wouldn’t throw you to the wolves, per say.”

“I’m gonna shoot you.”

“You don’t have a gun.” Gabe counters.

“I could, but you might not know about it.” Dean gets some enjoyment out of the slowed pace that Gabe changes to, and he seems to be more cautious.

Suddenly, however, they’re in some eating area of the pack house. It vaguely reminds Dean of public cafeterias in movies or whatever, some that he saw while watching TV at one in the morning throughout the years.

Gabe lets Dean go, and looks towards Sammy, “I’m gonna go get Cassie. You two stay here for now.”

“Alright.”

Sammy watches Gabe leave- so much so- that Dean has to snap his fingers a few times in front of his brother’s face to get his attention. They move to a nearby table and sit down. Sammy, however, still looks out of it.

“Hey, earth-to-Sammy!” Dean lightly smacks his younger brother’s cheek, “Get your knot out of your head, _jeez._ ”

“ _Dean!”_ Sammy scolds, cheeks blazing from the words.

Dean snorts and rolls his eyes slightly, “Oh come on, stop actin’ all surprised n’ stuff. You make bedroom eyes at Gabe constantly. Just fuckin’ ask him, dude.”

Instead of denying his feelings like beforehand, Sammy sighs, “I don’t know if he’ll accept, Dean. Gabe… Gabe has been through hell because of alphas, betas even, and I think he doesn’t wanna get hurt in those kind of ways again…”

“Are you _assuming_ that he doesn’t want to try, or do you _know_ for certain? By that, I mean that you actually heard him say the words, ‘I don’t want a mate’ come out of his mouth.”

“I guess I’m assuming it…”

Dean sighs, and he hopes that his brother will stop being so damn hesitant in the near future, “Sammy, stop convincing yourself things. If you really want to know, casually bring it up or somethin’. There’s other ways than just directly asking. You won’t know for certain what he wants until Gabe tells you himself.”

Sammy looks down towards his lap in defeat, “I guess you’re right…”

“There’s no guessing. I’m _always_ right. Now come on, who is this Balthazar guy you two were talkin’ about?”

“I’m right here, darling.”

Dean’s head spins to find some guy staring at him suggestively, and Dean furrows his brow, “Uh… hi?”

Balthazar slinks into the chair next to Dean, his eyes dilating and his voice sweet and heavy with a British accent, “So… would you mind explaining why you’re asking about me, gorgeous?”

Dean makes a face, and Sammy represses a chuckle from the expression as Dean replies, “I heard rumors about you, that’s it.”

“What kind of rumors?” Balthazar inches closer, a half-smirk working its way onto his face, “Maybe I can tell you if they’re true or not.”

“Look, I don’t care if you can weight lift twenty pounds with your big toe while belching the ABC’s, I honestly don’t care at all-”

Balthazar presses a fingertip to Dean’s lip, and the eldest Winchester glares at the man as Sammy loses it in his seat- “Shush, love. Don’t strain yourself over something so trivial. I’m Balthazar, the _only_ beta ever known to be able to produce a knot-”

Dean moves away in a disgusted way and gags as Sammy falls off of his chair from his full-on laughter.

“Are you surprised, my love?” Balthazar soothes- as if Dean’s repulsion was nonexistent- “Most people are when they find out, and let me tell you puberty was an experience-”

“Please stop, oh my god- _gross!”_ Dean keeps gagging, and at this rate, he’s going to vomit.

Suddenly, however, the banter between them and Sammy’s laughter are cut out by a loud snarl. Dean’s head whips around to see Cas, his body tensed with anger as he marches up to them. Dean pivots his torso, holding up his hands in defense as Cas moves past him to growl at Balthazar. People begin to stare at the commotion with unrestrained interest.

“Oh… alpha…” Balthazar comments awkwardly, his flirty aura gone in mere seconds.

“Balthazar.” Cas’ voice is low and angered, and something in Dean makes him want to cower from or change the tone Cas is using, “What have I told you about your bragging and flirting?”

Balthazar averts his gaze towards the floor submissively, his voice small, “T-That it isn’t wanted-”

“Yes, it _isn’t._ Now, I’d like for you to apologize for imposing your untrue abilities on Dean. _Now._ ”

Dean flushes at the words, and finds Balthazar’s attention on him once again- except it’s pitifully apologetic- “I’m sorry, Dean… It- it won’t happen again. I d-didn't mean to try and get you to s-sleep with me-”

“Like it ever would.” Cas snorts and turns to the eldest Winchester, “Dean, follow me please.”

“Cas-”

Dean, against his will, is forced into a standing position. Cas then drags Dean away from Balthazar. The whole time he is growling with venom underneath his breath. Gabe and Sammy know better than to follow them right now, and Dean wishes they didn’t because he’s kind of scared to face Cas in this mood alone. Dean swallows as he recognizes Cas’ door, and he’s placed inside. Cas shuts the slab of wood a few seconds after, leaving Dean locked in the room by himself.

“What the fuck- _Cas!”_ Dean bangs on the door in anger, “You asshat, let me _out!”_

“Not until I deal with Balthazar and the others, Dean.” the alpha growls, and suddenly, Dean doesn’t have the will to fight him anymore- “For now, you shall remain in my room alone. If another wolf decides to treat you in such a way, I will not hesitate to remove them from your presence. Now please, relax and enjoy your alone time- one free of horny, egotistical _betas.”_

Dean blinks a few moments, thoroughly confused at Cas’ words. However, before he can get any answers from the alpha, Cas is already retreating away from his door.

“Cas! Cas- _please!”_ Dean bangs on the wood, “Shit! Shit shit _shit!”_

Dean slumps down on the ground in defeat, swallowing his saliva heavily. God- this isn’t how he expected Sammy and Gabe’s plan to go… Ugh- if only he had answers- … _Wait…_

Dean stands up then, deciding to find out things on his own. He walks over to Cas’ desk, finding it clear of any papers minus one. It’s a yellowed thing, worn with some age. It looks to be several years old, and the pen it is written in has slightly faded. Dean’s brows furrow in confusion, and he picks it up to begin reading.

“ _My dearest Castiel,_

_I don’t know what’s going on with you… but something has changed._

_You’re not the same man I fell in love with in high school. You aren’t- … you’re not the Castiel I once knew._

_Maybe it’s the stresses of college, or maybe it’s just life starting to get to you in new ways- but I can’t handle this madness anymore. I tried my hardest to move past this, to let it go, to let things just solve themselves- but it’s not working._

_You’re so possessive now, and you’re compulsive in your actions. I can’t go outside anymore without you lingering heavily over my shoulder. I have no more privacy here- and this is my own home. I’m supposed to feel safe, I’m supposed to feel happy- … I’m supposed to love you…_

_But I don’t._

_At least, not anymore._

_Whatever has happened to you, whatever has warped you- I can’t live with it anymore. I just can’t._

_You leave bruises whenever you touch me in front of others- like some signature of your tie to me- you growl at people on the street when we walk by them- as if they might steal me away…_

_I am not your property, Castiel. I am not to be owned._

_Even if I love you- or loved you, when I think of my feelings now- not even once have I considered this. This… feral side that you have somehow possessed._

_I’m scared for my life now, and I’d rather leave peacefully then call the police._

__

_So… I’m leaving you. I’m leaving us._

_I’m leaving this small little town of Pontiac, Illinois and I’m not looking back._

_I know that you’re probably going to freak out, or get angry at me like you’ve been doing a lot lately, but it doesn’t matter anymore._

_I’ll be gone- I’ll become a memory. We’ll move on with our lives as if we never met._

__

_I wish we hadn’t… almost._

__

_Goodbye, Castiel…_

__

_I-”_

The last bit of the paper is ripped off, and whether or not Castiel did it or whoever had written this did, Dean will never know. He can just tell that there’s a sinking feeling in his chest, and he sets the letter down on the desk as if the paper had managed to scald his fingertips. He brings one hand to cover his mouth, trying to feign off his feelings rather than deal with them.

However, it is quickly interrupted as someone knocks on the door.

“Y-Yeah? …” Dean stutters, jumping slightly.

“Dean, I… I apologize for my actions…” Cas is at the door- and suddenly Dean’s heart is beating somewhere near his throat- “I’m afraid that I was a bit… over the top…”

Dean rubs absently at his arm, “Yeah… I suppose you were.”

The door opens, but Cas isn’t looking at Dean. The floor holds his gaze, and Dean feels Cas’ regret easily enough. The tension between them grows, but the change is something that remains unspoken.

“You may go now, if you wish.” Cas steps aside from the doorway, but his eyes remain hidden from Dean.

“Cas…” Dean takes a step forward, and he can see it- can see the strain in Cas’ muscles and neck as he fights the urge to meet Dean’s irises with his own- “Cas, please look at me.”

Cas shakes his head, “I _can’t…_ ”

Dean pauses for a few seconds, “... Why not? …”

“I cannot trust myself around you anymore-” Cas blurts, but he stops himself from going any further.

“Cas, just talk to me.” Dean inches forward, slightly moving his hand forwards, “Just tell me what’s going on and what’s wrong…”

Cas doesn’t move, but Dean can tell he’s fighting to be still- “Nothing’s wrong…”

Dean gives a false smirk, his chuckle empty, “Yeah, of course.”

“Dean-”

“No, Cas.” Dean is assertive in his tone, his anger slightly building, “You sit here and act like everything’s okay- that there’s nothin’ wrong- and suddenly, you do somethin’ like blow up. There’s obviously something going on, and you won’t tell me. You won’t let me help you. It’s like I’m not good enough-”

Cas’ head snaps up then, and Dean is startled by the movement, “That’s _not_ the reason why, Dean.”

“Then what is it?” Dean is slightly irritated- he hates this ‘dance around it' thing- “Can you just fucking _tell_ me?”

“No, it’s not-”

“Simple.” they say at the same, and Dean groans, “Ugh, that’s all it ever is to you guys. It’s not simple to Sammy, it’s not simple to you- just, _fuck!_ When has anything ever been simple! When has anything ever been easy! You two act like saying one damn thing is the end of the world! That just opening up about things is just too much! You drag us all in and then you shove us all out in seconds! Just- pick a god damn direction, okay!?”

Cas stares at Dean, his gaze hard, “Dean, please leave…”

“Fine- you stupid fucking _alpha-”_ Dean stomps his way out of the room, “I’ll remember this the next time somethin’ fuckin’ happens!”

Dean pushes past other people in hallway, not even giving a shit anymore.

 

**< ><><>**

 

It’s a few days after the argument between Cas and Dean when _it_ happens.

The full moon is scheduled to be that night, and Dean is weary as the hours tick on. These could be his final hours, and he won’t know for certain until the moon makes its way into the sky. However, that’s not the only thing that is up in the air at the moment.

“I wonder what you’ll present as…” Gabe murmurs off to the side- he’s lying on his hip, his arms bracing underneath his head as he stares up at the ceiling.

They’re in Sammy’s room at the moment.

“I hope I’m not an alpha…” Dean is on his stomach, lying on the floor, “That would be _awful.”_

They’re all sweating as they lay around- the air conditioning went out the other day, and now the heat is unbearable for almost everyone- well, except Sammy, for some reason.

“I would laugh, honestly.” Sammy chuckles, “Seriously? Three alphas in one pack? Talk about ridiculous.”

Dean shrugs, his shirt sticking awkwardly to his back, “Yeah… God, I’m so _nervous._ ”

Sammy and Gabe suddenly become serious, “It’s reasonable for you to be.” they say in unison.

Dean just tries to relax on the floor, “Any tips I should know?”

“Changing hurts like a bitch.” Gabriel murmurs, “I remember my first full moon well enough…”

“Cas started talking to about that…” Dean begins, “About how you and him were attacked n’ stuff. He never finished his story…”

Gabe’s mood slightly sours, and Dean feels slightly guilty, “It’s a soft spot for him. What happened afterwards really hurt him.”

Dean looks down towards the floor, his face resting on his forearms, “He wouldn’t tell me when I asked about it. He just let it be. But… I know that there’s something in the past that’s affectin’ him now.”

“I agree.” Gabe murmurs.

“Was there someone in Cas’ life? … Someone… someone special?” Dean tilts his head up to look at the youngest Novak.

Gabe furrows his brow in suspicion, “Who wants to know?”

“I do.” Dean states, “The other day when we he found Balthazar flirting with me, he locked me in his room for a bit so he could make sure that perv couldn’t speak to me- which I’m glad for, he’s nuts… Anyways… While I was in there, I… I found something.”

Sammy leans over the edge of his bed alongside Gabriel, and they look interested in what Dean has to say.

“There was a letter on Cas’ desk. It was kinda old… like- at least over six years. It was handwritten in pen.” Dean recalls the feel of the paper against his skin, “It talked about how he changed or somethin’... They mentioned Cas becoming possessive and stuff, and that they planned on leaving him, but… the bottom half the letter was gone. It was ripped away. I don’t… I want to know who wrote it.”

“Dean-” Sam begins to scold him for snooping, but Gabe shushes him with a finger.

“Her name was Amelia.”

Dean’s face contorts for a moment, trying to find a single emotion to express- “Wait… Cas used to have a girlfriend back home?”

“He did. Look, Dean… This is a very sensitive thing for my brother. He got his heart broken by that girl, and it wasn’t his fault… Not really…”

“What do you mean, not really? …”

Gabe shakes his head, “Dean, I want to give you answers- I do… But this is something you and Cassie have to talk about… If he’s even willing…”

Dean groans, “Then why should I try-”

“Because it may be what’s holding him back.” Gabe says seriously, and the air hangs heavily between them, “What happened between Castiel and Amelia broke him, and I don’t know how he managed to piece himself back together. Understand that my brother took this seriously- and _still_ does. If you really want to know why he doesn’t want to speak to you, or take on a mate- ask him about Amelia. You’ll find out… maybe.”

With that, Dean decides he has to go talk with a person named Castiel. He looks up at the clock, and realizes he doesn't have much time left. 

 

Better late than never.

 

**< ><><>**

 

Dean knocks on Cas’ door, his knuckles white from how hard he’s turning his hand into a fist.

“Cas…” Dean says quietly, “Let me in.”

“Dean? …”

Dean sighs, the evening light covering the hallway turns darker by the second, “Yeah, it’s me. Come on, I need to talk to you.”

The door slightly pulls back, and blue irises stare at Dean- Dean flinches under the gaze- “What is it? …”

Dean slinks past Cas and into his room, eyeing the place slightly before sighing, “I, uh… Look, Cas… I don’t have a lot of time- and I think you’re aware of that- so let’s skip the petty bullshit and get straight to business.”

“Dean-”

“No… not now… not when we both know I may not have the time.” Dean bites his bottom lip for a second, and then sighs, “Cas… I’m just coming out and saying it. Who is Amelia?”

Cas pales.

“Look, I understand if you don’t wanna talk about it, but-”

Cas growls lowly, and all of the sudden, Dean is pinned up the the nearest wall- “You’re _not_ allowed to come into my life in such a way, Dean…”

“Really?” Dean chokes out, their faces merely inches apart- Cas’ breath hits his face- “Last time I checked, I told you about the things that happened to me… I told you about Alistair-”

Cas pulls back then, a low, feral noise vibrating in his chest. A part of Dean wants to curl up and make sure he doesn’t anger Cas any more than he already is.

“ _Don’t_ speak of him.” the alpha hisses lowly, fists twitching at his sides, “His name is never to be spoken here.”

Dean averts his gaze, his body still pressed against the wall as though he were pinned, “Look… I didn’t have to tell you what happened, but I _did._  I opened up to you and told you some of the darkest things that have ever happened to me. You could at least tell me who-”

“ _No._ ” Cas asserts, and Dean quiets, “You’re _not_ entitled to that-”

Dean growls despite himself, and it surprises both of them, but Dean whirs the emotion away to get on with speaking, “Look, Cas- just answer me. I may not live through tonight…”

The words cause some of the tension to leak out of Cas’ muscles, “Why do you want to know? …”

“If there’s one thing you could do for me, it’s this…” Dean murmurs, “I wanna know why you think you’re never good enough.”

There’s a pause full of nothing but silence.

“It was my wolf.”

Dean nearly jumps in surprise from Cas’ soft spoken words, “Y-Your wolf?”

“Yes.” Cas sighs, sitting down on the bed, “It was after Gabriel and I left the camping grounds that… that things within me began to change…”

Dean swallows, wondering where this might lead him on his quest for answers.

“Amelia was my fiance at the time… We’d been together since high school… She- she realised that something was different about me, but never really voiced her concerns. God- so many things were left unsaid…”

“Cas? …” Dean thinks about going to the alpha before Cas shakes his head.

“I’m fine.” Cas sighs and continues on with his story, “Amelia and I began to act differently around each other- mostly with it centering around me… I… I became very possessive over her out of nowhere. Just the thought of someone touching her- of even looking at her-” Cas balls his hands up angrily- “it still angers me on some levels. But… Amelia became fearful for her safety. Thankfully, she left me before the full moon, so she escaped unharmed…”

Dean ignores some of the words Cas used- such as escaped- and goes for his main question, “But if you didn’t hurt her, why are you so upset?”

 

The alpha sighs in defeat, “Because, Dean… My wolf was out of control. When I first shifted, it was a disaster… I followed her scent, tried tracking her- I became a _monster,_ Dean…”

“No, you didn’t…” Dean somehow ends up near Cas without really thinking about it, however, there are worse situations at hand than physical placement, “I understand the urges, okay? Even if I may not survive the night-” Cas visibly winces- “I’ve been around enough people to know what it’s like for them to live with a wolf in their head… It’s shit sometimes, yeah, but you move past it.”

“I’ve _tried,_ Dean.”

Dean shakes his head, sitting down on the bed beside the alpha, “Then that’s all that matters. Trying is better than doin’ nothin’ at all…”

“I suppose you’re-”

Cas’ words are cut off by a sharp pain in Dean’s abdomen, and suddenly, Dean is on the ground- screaming.

“Dean!”

Dean’s nails dig into the wood of Cas’ floor- the world feels like it’s on fire- and Dean cries out at the pain. His muscles rip themselves apart, only to string and stitch the fibers together in different patterns and shapes. His bones break and shift in different directions, the splinters settling themselves in new positions. Dean’s screams go hoarse, turning into noises that are not recognizable as human.

“Dean!” Cas screams once more, concern evident.

Dean’s hands scramble across the floor as he feels his body reshape itself. The pain is too much for Dean to handle, and he blacks out.

 

**< ><><>**

 

Castiel watches as Dean shifts into his wolf form.

It’s a horrific thing when it’s someone’s first time- the pain is overbearing, and all of the sensations are just too much. Castiel remembers his all too well…

“Dean? …” he cautiously asks, finally seeing that Dean’s body has stilled.

A light brown wolf lays on the ground, its breathing shallow. Its body is lithe, lean in places where Castiel has muscle. In fact, Castiel believes that Dean’s wolf is slightly smaller than his own. Castiel ignores this, however, and shuffles closer, shifting himself to get a better grip on Dean’s condition.

“ _D-Dean?”_ he stutters.

Dean remains still.

 

**< ><><>**

****  
  


 

Too much sound.

Too many sensations.

“ _D-Dean?_ …”

Dean waits a few moments, wondering if he’s dead. Instead, he looks up, finding Castiel looking at him in his wolf form. Immediately, scents began filtering into Dean’s nose. His paws scramble for purchase on the ground as he whines, and immediately Dean is standing on four shaky legs.

“ _C-Cas? …_ ” Dean is nervous, his fear evident, “ _Am I… Am I dead or something?_ …”

Cas comes up to Dean, sniffing his fur, his cold nose seeping in between the strands, “ _You seem to be alright…_ ”

Dean’s body shivers, and suddenly he’s on his back underneath Cas’ muzzle. A low whine escapes him, and Cas' pupils dilate from the sound.

A few seconds of tense silence passes.

“ _Dean…_ ”

Dean jumps up, nearly yelping, “ _S-Sorry…_ ”

“ _It’s fine... You don’t-”_ Cas looks flustered, even in wolf form, “ _you don’t know what you’re doing yet…_ ”

“ _Yeah, um…_ ” Dean paws at the ground, “ _I think I need a moment… outside… for some air…_ ”

Cas lets Dean trot past him, and as soon as Dean is out of the room- he’s sprinting outside.

There’s this burning underneath his skin- or… or _fur?_

Either way, Dean doesn’t know what it is, just that it’s a foreign sensation- and all of these new urges and thoughts forge themselves in Dean’s mind. The wolf nearly trips over its paws a few times, but Dean manages to step in and help balance his new form out before he falls over. Dean continues to sprint as fast as he can manage- trying to get away. However, it’s short lived, because Dean’s legs stop carrying forward as some invisible barrier presents itself.

“ _The borders…_ ” Dean huffs to himself.

The moon hangs heavy over the clearing now. There is no sweet sound of summer, just the sound of vacant wind and Dean’s exhausted breaths. Fear pricks some of Dean’s conscious, and a whine escapes his throat before he can stop it. In a daze of adrenaline and fear of the unknown, Dean’s wolf carries him to an unexplored section of the woods. Barely any twigs snap under his weight, and he moves throughout the trees silently- like some ghost.

A scent catches his nose, and immediately, Dean is crouched defensively onto the ground. His wolf- something so completely new to him- begins to go into a mode Dean is curious of. His paws carry him to a small burrow, one in which a rabbit peaks its head out of. Dean’s wolf immediately stills, watching the rabbit move intently.

However, the wind around Dean picks up- sending his scent flying into the air. The rabbit leans up and smells him, and before Dean’s wolf can pounce on it, the rabbit rushes back into its burrow. Dean lets out a frustrated growl, his wolf angered over losing its prey when suddenly something catches his attention. Whether it be the creaking noises from rotten boards or the soft chatter of a family of mice, it doesn’t matter. In the end, Dean finds a familiar shack come into his view easily nonetheless. Dean’s heart sinks down in his chest, his body lowering itself slightly from fear as he pads forward a few times.

_Not safe. Dangerous. We should stay away._

A new voice says in Dean’s head, and Dean figures that it’s his wolf- especially when his paws lock up from where they are placed onto the ground.

 

Images of the cabin when it was new appear in Dean's mind. He sees the place as it was when he first saw it- he remembers the sound of chains and his pained crying. Alistair's voice vaguely rings around his skull: " _You'll never get away from me, Dean._ "

 

Dean flinches, but he does not run.

‘ _Give me this one thing, please…_ ’ he whispers to his wolf, trying to console it in some way, ‘ _I need to see it…_ ’

Dean finds himself shifting, and it’s not as painful as before. As his senses slightly dull to the likes of his human form, Dean finds that the area around him is nearly pitch black. The only lighting being offered to him is from the full moon as it hangs solemnly in the sky. Dean carefully moves forward, his bare soles gingerly meeting the forest floor as he moves on towards the sagging structure. Moss hangs heavily from the sagging rafters, part of the roof already having caved in from fatigue. Dean walks into the doorway, his fingers lingering on the frame, brushing against the splintered wood as he passes it. When Dean draws his hand away, his fingertips are lit enough for Dean to see that there is soot on his skin.

“It burned…” Dean rubs his fingertips together, watching as the ash smears against the ridges in his fingerprint.

Dean continues looking through the cabin with an extreme awareness to the creak of the boards. Plants grew in the gaps between the wooden logs, and wild vines clambered up the damaged river rock of the fireplace’s skeleton. Dean looks around the remains of the cabin thoroughly before his eyes land on some journal lying on the ground. When Dean approaches it, he can tell in the dim lighting that the edges of its cover are burned and bent from damage and wear. Dean picks it up, blowing ash and dust away from the false leather to find the name _‘Alistair’_ embedded into the surface with golden letters.

“Shit…” Dean whispers, opening the book to its first page.

“ _Azazel once spoke about telling someone’s dynamic before they changed._

_I used to think it was kind of stupid, and I shrugged what he said off…_

_It wasn’t until Dean came along that I realized I should have listened._ ”

Dean shudders at the words, but forces himself to keep reading.

“ _Dean has been here for a few months. I asked Azazel to tell me what he thought Dean would be if I turned him._

_He just gave me a smile and told me to figure it out myself._

_Bastard._ ”

The next couple of pages are blank, and some of them waterlogged and burnt. Thankfully, the page that Dean wants to read is unharmed.

“ _It’s been months, but I still have nothing._

_I’ve probably done everything I could possibly do to figure out Dean, but it hasn’t worked._

_Seems like my plan for lock picking my way into Azazel’s library will come in handy._ ”

Dean’s interest peaks. _A library?_

Out of all the years from living in that hellhole, Dean should have known about its existence… Maybe not, then.

“ _I found several things I needed._

_There’s a few published books that seemed helpful, but the crown jewel has to be Azazel’s personal notebook._

_I trust his discoveries more than those from ‘educated’ professors. It’s handwritten things- things that are keys to unlocking the mystery that’s Dean Winchester and his dynamic._

_However, it seems that my luck ran out while I was snooping around._

_Azazel is smarter than to just let that shit stay out in the open. He has it stashed away somewhere else- somewhere safe. Somewhere that only he knows about._

_If I’m truly going to figure anything out, it’s with that journal._

_I have to find it._ ”

Dean flips through a few more pages, finding layouts drawn in pen. The titles above inform Dean of what the images are depicting, and Dean realizes that Alistair drew maps of Azazel’s hidden rooms. Dean furrows his brow. Maybe this journal was something he needed as well, because answers would be nice as to what he could be, or being able to predict what someone’s wolf is before they get one would be a major step forward for werewolves in general.

“ _I’ve searched everywhere, it’s no use._

_Azazel doesn’t know what I’m trying to do, at least, so there are some small miracles. I’m surprised he hasn’t caught on yet, honestly. He could be faking ignorance, but I’d rather have the latter just in case._

_Either way, Dean is still something I can’t figure out. The textbooks that I stole from Azazel’s library weren’t too informative. Like I had guessed, they were shots in the dark- only theories and hypotheses. Scientists are so damn useless nowadays._

_If you wanted to print a book, fill it with useful information- not pointless drawl._

__

_-Azazel mentioned on letting Dean become my mate._

_Not sure if he is being serious or not… I’m hoping he is._ ”

Dean’s head snaps up, his instincts rearing their heads as he hears the sounds of someone nearing the cabin’s remains. Dean panics silently, looking all over for anything- for any way to escape in case he needs it. Instead, he finds a bag, one that can stay on him once he shifts- and he silently thanks whoever is listening for this small miracle. Dean hurriedly places Alistair’s damaged journal into the musty bag, and straps it onto his waist. His wolf surges forward, causing Dean to shift silently and efficiently as he listens to the approaching footsteps carefully.

His nose picks up several scents- one that smells familiar, and two others that are close in relation. Dean knows that if he memorized scents a little earlier before he left, that maybe he would have a fighting chance. However, he’s an idiot who jumps the gun and bolts at the first chance he gets. He’d go back, but… this calls for his attention.

Dean hunches down to the ground, hoping that he won’t be noticed.

“ _Are you sure he’ll even be here, Cassie?”_ Gabe sounds, and Dean’s ears prick to attention, “ _He could be anywhere in the woods at this point-”_

__**  
  
**

“ _Gabriel, stop. The scent trail is the freshest around here. If we’re going to find Dean, then he’ll be somewhere around this section of the woods._ ”

Dean huddles underneath the charred remains of the cabin and its innards, hoping that his scent will not be noticed or he would not be found.

There’s a sigh from someone, “ _Castiel, I can’t smell anything really fresh here…_ ”

“ _Maybe that’s because I’m the only one who has even scented Dean while in wolf form. Just- let’s keep looking for a few more minutes, and then we’ll look elsewhere, alright?”_

“ _Fine._ ” both Sammy and Gabe mutter.

Dean doesn’t dare try to even breathe as he curls up against his form tightly. His wolf urges him to go out and talk to Cas, to tell the alpha that he’s okay and to calm his nerves- but Dean can’t. He knows- the human portion of him, at least- that as soon as Dean comes back to the Novak pack, Cas will not let him out of his sight. He’ll especially not let Dean out of the borders if he learns about Dean’s desire to snoop around Azazel and Alistair’s territories.

So, Dean has an ultimatum, he can either listen to his wolf- _or-_ he can go find Azazel’s notebook somewhere in that hellhole and get answers to some of the questions that he needs to have laid to rest.

It seems that the trio breaks apart slightly to look for Dean, and the scents strengthen as they move around to search for the new werewolf. Dean stays quiet and still, hoping that he will not be discovered before he has a chance to find out what he needs to know.

The air around Dean saddens slightly, and the scent he has recognized to be Cas- musky, like pine and leather- swarms around him. Dean subconsciously scents the air as he hears Cas sniff around the ruin of the old cabin. Cas’ scent causes Dean’s wolf to become uneasy, sending Dean the signals of: fear, worry, anxiety.

Dean has to hold back a sympathetic whimper as Cas nears the wreckage of the cabin’s skeleton, his black coat slightly glinting in the moonlight. His irises have become almost a neon blue with the darkened setting, and his gaze sweeps around the room until they land on Dean.

Dean freezes, and his fear causes his mind to shut down basic thought to only chant the words: ‘not here- not here- not here’ over and over like a record. The alpha nears Dean, his nose twitching as he begins sniffing around the area. Dean’s wolf screams in his head that he should submit and allow Cas to find him- but Dean can’t- he’ll run if he has to.

Cas’ muzzle stops only centimeters, from Dean’s nose, and Dean’s fur stands on end as Cas’ eyes dart minutely. However, Cas doesn’t seem to see Dean.

The alpha lets out a whine of defeat, and begins the scratch the cracked wood floor a few inches in front of Dean in desperation. Dean’s wolf begs for Dean to show himself, but Dean doesn’t listen. Instead, he hopes in his head that Cas will know that he’s safe and okay- that there’s no need to worry- and he tries with all of his might to wish that Cas knew that everything was alright.

The alpha stops scratching, and then tilts his head. He makes an inquisitive noise, and softly yips.

“ _Dean?”_

Dean would huff a breath of relief if he could, but instead, he just silently reassures Cas through his scent.

The alpha’s pupils widen with surprise, and the wolf tilts his head in confusion. He stares at the space that Dean occupies with pure fascination before shaking his head. Cas begins to leave the room when he glances back just once. His paws linger on moving forward, but with a final, nearly-silent whine, Cas leaves.

Dean stares out into the ruined room before him in shock.

Yeah- answers would be nice right now.

 

**< ><><>**

 

Castiel pads up to his brother and Sam with a heavy pang of worry in his heart.

“ _Did you find anything?”_ Sam asks, still concerned over his older brother, “ _Gabe and I couldn’t find a damn thing._ ”

Cas wants to mention the weird event inside the ruins of the cabin- that somehow Dean had told him in his thoughts that he wasn’t in immediate danger, and even though Castiel could find no physical trace of him there, his scent had appeared and reassured the alpha that he was okay.

“ _Nothing._ ” he lies instead, “ _I found nothing._ ”

“ _Well, we’ll keep looking._ ” Gabe trots ahead of the alphas, his nose stuck to the ground, “ _Dean can only get so far, right?_ ”

Castiel glances at Sam in defeat, and both alphas feel just as hopeless as the other.

 

**< ><><>**

 

Dean waits until they’re gone to sprint away. The bag clings to his form easily as his paws thump against the forest floor, and soon, Dean finds himself coming upon the Novak’s border again. Despite his interest in what is located in Alistair’s old territory, Dean’s wolf begs for him not to cross the border.

_Alpha will be upset. Can’t upset alpha. Alpha is scary when angry._

It supplies wearily, whining in fear inside of Dean’s skull.

Dean tells it to calm down, that Cas wouldn’t hurt them because of this, and he crosses over.

Dean knows a little about pack politics, especially when the leader of one dies. A few things can happen. First, is that another alpha will take over the pack- just like Dean had with his- and things will remain normal. Second, is that the area will become a neutral zone for any wolf to crossover- this only happens when no one steps up to lead the pack. Knowing Alistair, he would have gotten weak-willed followers to join him, that way he would remain in charge and not be questioned by his pack members over authority. With this knowledge, Dean figures that Alistair’s territory has now become abandoned, and all of his past followers have moved on to either become loners, or members of other nearby territories. This means that Dean can explore the old pack house and its secrets- especially for the ones he needs to solve.

Dean’s nose guides him through the land, telling him he’s arrived at his destination when a large, dark house looms in the distance. Dean stops his running, turning it into a trot that takes him up to the front door. Dean shifts easily, pulling back the slab of wood so he can enter the house easily. The place is dark, and it seems as though it was ransacked before everyone ran off. Dean doesn’t blame them, he’d get as much as he could before he went on his own, too.

Using Alistair’s drawn maps and his heightened senses to make his way through the pitch black hallways, Dean begins to explore the place without stopping. It isn’t until he comes upon a room that reeks of what- even as a human- he identified as Alistair’s sour scent that his feet still. It’s a little bit stale now, but it’s there nonetheless, enough so that Dean can put Alistair’s old notebook away to follow the trail the bastard left behind.

Dean ends up finding a door that is slightly askew, and he walks into it. The room is slightly lit by moonlight coming through little window slots, and Dean begins to use the natural glow to try and find what he can. After a few minutes of nothing, Dean decides that it’s best to give up. However, a scuffling in the corner causes Dean to look over to see some hole in the wall. As he nears it, his nose begins to pick up a scent his wolf knows by instinct.

_Pup._

A small tiny wolf sits in the small gap in between wooden beams and plaster, and it whimpers weakly as Dean nears it. Instantly, like some switch getting flipped in Dean’s mind, he shifts. His wolf coons, and the small pup whimpers. Dean’s muzzle reaches into the small space, and he begins to lick the fur softly as if this will fix everything for it. The pup gives a needy noise, and Dean grips onto its scruff lightly to take it out of the hole. Thankfully, it’s the only pup in the space, and Dean huffs a breath of relief as the pup wails on the floor beside him.

“ _Shush, it’s okay, I’m here…_ ” Dean softly assures, beginning to lick the dust and cobwebs away from the pup’s coat, “ _You’re safe now…_ ”

“ _Hungry!”_ it cries, and its eyes are swollen shut.

Dean looks around the room quickly, finding nothing- “ _I have no food-”_

“ _Hungry!”_ it wails again, and its shrill voice makes Dean feel awful for not being able to sate such a simple desire.

A low noise comes his throat, one of disappointment and guilt, and it makes Dean begin looking around the room for answers when a small bundle of fur bumps into his leg.

“ _Mama!”_ it sneezes on Dean’s front left leg, and Dean stares at it before it begins to paw at him, “ _Mama! Mama!”_

“ _I’m not…_ ” Dean trails off, because how can he really deny this little thing the only thing that’s calmed it down?

It crashes into Dean’s leg, sneezing again, “ _Up! Up!”_

Dean doesn’t understand- he’s never been good with pups- and lowers himself down to the floor, “ _Up?”_

Immediately, the small thing goes to Dean’s stomach and begins sniffing through the fur.

“ _You’re not gonna find anything…_ ” Dean grunts, setting his head on his paws.

He snorts as he watches the small thing begin to suckle on a bit of his fur coat, only to whine when it finds hair on its tongue rather than what it wants.

“ _Told you._ ”

Dean, however, is just content to watch it try anyways. Well, until a growl rings inside of the room.

 

**< ><><>**

 

“ _Cassie, are you sure this is something we need to do?”_ Gabriel asks.

All three wolves stand at the edge of the territory, forms stalled by the wall of scents before them.

“ _Yes, Gabriel. This is where Dean’s scent trails leads. I’m going to follow it._ ”

The omega sighs, “ _Alright, lead the way then…_ ”

Castiel does. He follows Dean’s trail until it leads to Alistair’s abandoned pack house.

“ _This isn’t good…_ ” Sam says wearily, his fur standing on end, “ _Why would Dean come here?”_

“ _I don’t know-”_ Castiel pads forward, “ _but we’re about to find out._ ”

 

**< ><><>**

 

Dean’s on his paws in seconds, the pup crying out as another wolf snarls at Dean.

“ _Get away from her!”_ she growls, her teeth exposed threateningly.

“ _I don’t want to fight…_ ” Dean assures, “ _I’m not going to harm your pup-”_

__**  
  
**

The wolf snarls, “ _I don’t care! Get. Out._ ”

Dean pulls his lip up as a small warning, “ _Grab your pup and leave. If you need a place to stay, go to the Novak pack house-”_

“ _I live here!”_ she barks, “ _I’m not leaving because some asshole orders me to!”_

The pup whines at Dean, huddling against his paw, “ _Mama!”_

The other wolf snarls, and leaps forward. Dean decides that kicking the pup out of the way is better than it getting tangled in the fight, and it yelps as it lands a few inches away in enough time to not be slammed by the wolf’s body.

Teeth snap at Dean’s neck, trying to puncture the flesh as Dean pushes against the wolf on top of him. His teeth thankfully find purchase on the wolf’s scruff, and Dean is about throw her on the ground when a familiar scent reaches his nose.

_Cas._

 

 

**< ><><>**

 

Castiel rushes forward at the sound of the fight, his wolf roaring in his mind as he smells Dean’s scent hanging heavily in the air. Sam and Gabriel are right behind him, their paws thudding heavily on the floor as they all come to find a scene before them.

Dean is holding a she-wolf down by her scruff, growling into her neck as she whines underneath him in pain. Castiel’s eyes, however, dart to a small pup that’s wailing on the floor.

“ _Mama! Mama!”_ it cries, and Castiel’s paternal instincts begin to rise to the forefront of his mind.

Gabriel and Sam watch in shock as Dean lets go of the she-wolf, nearing the pup and sniffing it for any blood or injuries. The unknown female watches the interaction closely, still splayed on the ground from where Dean had her, and her eyes widen as she begins to see Dean licking at the pup- hers, Castiel is guessing- affectionately.

“ _Dean?”_ Sam asks, and the eldest Winchester looks up from the pup at the end of his muzzle.

“ _Oh… hey guys…_ ” he states, and he grabs the pup by its scruff and brings it over to the she-wolf, setting it gently in front of her; she licks at it gratefully and whines in happiness as it begins to search through her fur- “ _I know this is really confusing right now, but I swear that I came here for a reason._ ”

“ _And that would be?”_ Sam takes a step forward, his fur bristled, “ _Dean, you came to Alistair’s pack house- something I never expected you to do- and for what, exactly?”_

Dean averts his eyes slightly, glancing back over his shoulder to the she-wolf and her pup, “ _Answers._ ”

“ _Dean, that’s not good enough-”_

There’s a growl from Dean, and his fur rises on his form, making him threatening. His lip pulls over his teeth, green eyes narrowed on his baby brother. Sam takes a step back; whether it be from shock or fear, Castiel doesn’t know.

“ _It is good enough, Sam._ ” Dean deflates a bit, calming himself with a huff of breath.

Sam doesn’t step forward, and he sounds off when he speaks, “ _You’re… different._ ”

“ _I am a werewolf now, so…_ ” Dean shuffles some of the dirt on the floor with his paw, “ _But there’s something here that I need to find. It could explain why I’m so…_ ” he pauses, “ _different._ ”

Castiel takes a step forward, “ _If you need to find something here, I suggest you hurry and discover what you are looking for. This pack house is in a neutral zone, therefore, it isn’t safe to be here. Sam, help your brother search for what he needs. Gabriel and I will talk to this she-wolf about her and her pup._ ”

Dean joins up with Sam, and Gabriel walks with his older brother to the she-wolf and her pup. She growls at them at first, but a bark from Dean makes her calm herself from anything hostile. Her pup wriggles around, but it’s too busy eating to care much about Gabriel and Castiel’s presence.

“ _What is your name?”_ Castiel watches as the she-wolf lifts her head, and going by the look on her fur and the prominence of her ribs, she isn’t eating enough here.

“ _Why should I tell you?”_ she counters.

Castiel sits down, keeping his wolf from asserting itself like it wants to, and he proceeds to speak calmly, “ _This place isn’t safe for you or your pup. I can tell you’re not getting enough food, and that you’re struggling to make ends meet. If you’re wise, which I hope you are, you’d drop the stubborn attitude you have and talk._ ”

She sighs in defeat, knowing that Castiel is right whether she likes it or not, “ _Meg._ ”

“ _Excuse me?”_

“ _Meg…_ ” she repeats, “ _I-I’m Meg._ ”

 

**< ><><>**

 

Dean pads alongside his brother. They haven’t spoken much, and the only sounds shared between them have been the soft clicks of their claws against the wood floors, and the soft panting of their breaths.

However, it looks as though Sammy has something to say, “ _So, Dean… How are you feeling?”_

“ _Good, I guess._ ” Dean sighs, “ _Sammy, if there’s something you need to say, just get it off your chest._ ”

They both stop walking, and Sammy turns to face his brother, “ _What’s going on with you, Dean? I mean- I understand that you just got your wolf form, but… I can’t read you, I can’t tell what you are. You’re giving off the tendencies of alpha and omega, and I just- I can’t figure it out…_ ”

“ _I don’t know what’s up with me either, but-”_ Dean sets himself down on his paws, “ _the reason I came here is that Azazel had some notebook. He apparently wrote all of these notes down in there- like how to predict someone’s dynamic before they presented, or rare things someone’s wolf could have._ ”

“ _And how do you even know about this?”_

Dean takes a paw and points to the small bag he has strapped to him, “ _I found this in the cabin Alistair kept me in-”_

“ _Dean…_ ” Sam softly interrupts, “ _You found that place?”_

__

Dean sighs, “ _Yes, I did- but that’s not important right now. This, however, is._ ” Dean watches as Sammy waits for him to continue, “ _Anyways, I found an old journal Alistair used to write in. It mentioned Azazel’s notebook, and Alistair wanted to find it badly._ ”

“ _Did he find it?”_

“ _I don’t know._ ” Dean admits, “ _I didn’t read that far, but I doubt if there’s anything else inside of it anyway. I just took it with me because it had maps of the place in it._ ”

Sammy begins to pace slightly, something he always does when that big head of his is working, “ _Alistair said that he knew what you were, Dean._ ”

Dean’s fur stands up a bit, “ _When?”_

“ _That day, when he kidnapped you._ ” Sammy’s mood sours a bit, “ _You were already bitten and knocked out cold when he said it, but… He told us he knew._ ”

“ _Then he must have found it, then._ ”

Sammy shakes his head, “ _We don’t know for sure, Dean. He could have been bluffing._ ”

Dean stands and pads forward, “ _Only one way to find out, then._ ”


	6. But With the Beast Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long!  
> It took a while for me to figure out how to describe what Dean was n' stuff.  
> Anyways, a lot happens in this chapter...
> 
> Like what?  
> Well... Dean goes into heat? But there's a twist?????? :O
> 
> Enjoy!~

 

* * *

 

 

 

“ _Do you even know what we’re looking for?”_ Sammy asks, sniffing through ransacked desks and emptied drawers in what seems like defeat, “ _A guess would be nice…_ ”

“ _No- I don’t have some idea what it looks like, Sammy. Sorry. Alistair didn’t know what it looked like, so there was no description available._ ”

Sammy pads over to his older brother, “ _Actually, there might be. You said that you didn’t finish reading all of his journal, right? Maybe there’s something in there about it._ ”

Dean sighs, shifting into his human form, “Yeah, I guess you’re right about that…”

The journal doesn’t have much to offer, cutting off of a few pages from where Dean had been forced to stop. It’s pointless dribble on Alistair’s desire for Azazel’s journal and the eldest Winchester, and Dean now labels the journal as useless. However, Sammy seems to be enthralled with trying to find answers, and he’s always been one for books.

“How old do you think this is?” Sammy murmurs.

“Real old, Sammy. It mentions us showing up in Azazel’s pack.”

Sammy flips a page and apparently reads one of Alistair’s obsessive entries about Dean, and he grimaces, “God, Dean- you read _all_ of this?”

“Every word.”

“Dean, I-” another page flips over from the movements of Sam's hand, and his expression worsens in its severity, “ _god,_ I never knew how fucking obsessed he was.”

Dean walks over to a random bookcase, his back still facing his baby brother as he whispers, “I haven’t been able to forget…”

Sammy is about to say something too emotional, something too close to home for Dean to try and ease some tension out of the conversation as Gabe enters the room. Dean turns to face the omega as he stalls, the words that he was going to say dying in his mouth.

“Oh- did I, uh, interrupt somethin’?”

Before Sammy can say anything, Dean blurts, “No, you didn’t. How did things go with you guys and the lone female?”

Gabe sighs as some of the tension leaks out of his shoulders, “Cassie managed to get her to talk after a little bit of stubbornness. Her name’s Meg; she's an omega.”

“Meg?” Sammy and Dean ask in unison.

“You know her?” Gabe looks over to Sammy, eyes narrowed.

Sammy nods, seemingly oblivious to the glare that Gabe is currently giving him, “Yeah, she was in Azazel’s pack when he took us.”

“She was around our age at the time. Sammy sometimes played with her n’ stuff when… when Azazel wasn’t using him…”

Dean and Sammy both wince at the admission and the memories it brings to the surface.

However, the conversation is cut short whenever Cas comes into the room, Meg padding behind him as he shifts. Her pup is between her teeth, mewling and pawing at the air as Dean tries not to shift himself and make the pup comfortable.

“Meg has decided that she is to join our pack. Dean-” the alpha looks over at the eldest Winchester, his eyes illuminated by moonlight coming through the barren and broken windows, “find what you are looking for quickly. Anyone or any wolf can enter here, and I would prefer to not have an altercation- especially with Meg and her pup involved.”

“ _Wow,_ Cas.” Dean has a tone to his voice that he didn’t know he possessed as he slinks by the alpha in question, “Who knew you could be so protective? I mean, it's not like _we're_ here too.”

“Dean.” Cas asserts, but Dean just rolls his eyes and walks past the alpha as his arm tries to stall him, “ _Dean-”_

The eldest Winchester continues on looking for the journal as Gabe slinks up to his side- the sound of Sam shifting into his wolf form evident as the two walk side by side.

“Sammy pissin’ you off?” Dean asks.

“Yep.” Gabe glances over to Dean, the anger towards Sammy evident to the other Winchester, “Cassie doin’ the same thing for you?”

“You have _no_ idea…” Dean growls, “Just- seriously. He’s fuckin’ thick headed…”

Gabe gives a snort in agreement, “You’re tellin’ me… God, just- Sam can be so blind sometimes! He was literally _sniffing_ some betas tail yesterday!”

Dean is about to complain on about Cas when Gabe’s pheromones- angry, his mind tells him- fill his nose, “Gabe, are you _jealous?”_

“J-Jealous?” Gabe echoes, putting a hand to chest as though the word offended him, “ _No!_ I was mad at him because that poor girl had to have his damn snout up her ass!”

Dean shrugs, “Yeah, suppose that’s not the best of sensations to have…”

“So,” Gabe dismisses the current topic of ‘alphas suck balls’ as they enter a room, “what are you lookin’ for?”

Dean begins snooping around the room as he speaks, “A journal. Azazel kept one around here somewhere and I need to find it.”

“What’s so important about this journal, Dean? Can’t you just… live without it?”

Dean stops his fingertips on the spine of an aged book, exhaling before turning towards the inquisitive omega, “This journal can give us _answers,_ Gabe. Azazel was… a pioneer in figuring out things with wolves. If he figured out how to change Sammy by turning himself into some type of dripping blood donor, then he could have discovered other things too. Besides, I don’t… I don’t think I’m normal.”

“Of course not, you’re no longer human-”

“Not that, Gabe.” Dean bites his bottom lip for a second before speaking, “Earlier, you guys were looking for me. When you followed my scent you found the cabin that Alistair held me captive in.”

Gabe makes an expression, obviously saving his questions for either Dean or Sammy later, and crosses his arms, “Yeah, we were at some shack or somethin’, but it was burnt down not too long ago. Why?”

“I was there when you guys were.”

“No you weren’t.” Gabe says skeptically, “We sniffed around for your ass six ways till Sunday. Everything we got was stale.”

Dean sighs, “Gabe, I want to try somethin’... Promise me you won’t freak out, ‘kay?”

Gabe nods, but looks hesitant to believe Dean.

Dean readies himself then, “Alright, we’re gonna shift into wolf form, and I want you to scent me, okay?”

Gabe shrugs, shifting easily as Dean follows suit. The omega comes over to Dean, sniffing curiously around his neck and behind his ears. The wet nose presses against Dean’s neck- against his pulse- and pulls back.

“ _Got cha._ ” Gabe barks.

Dean takes a few steps back, taking a deep breath before he speaks, “ _Now, I don’t know if it’ll work or not, but… When Cas explored the cabin, I was inside of it._ ”

“ _He would have found you if you were, Dean._ ” the omega huffs in disbelief.

“ _I thought he was going to, but… I don’t know. I panicked and something happened and I was-”_ Dean pauses, “ _invisible._ ”

Gabe sits on his paws, tilting his head in disbelief as he yips, “ _Are you sure that you_ _didn’t eat any mushrooms in that forest or somethin’?”_

“ _Just here me out before you call me loony._ ”

“ _Alright, alright…_ ” Gabe holds up a paw- a canine equivalent to holding up both hands innocently.

Dean concentrates, chanting ‘not here, not here, not here’ like he had with Cas, and instantly Gabe jumps to his feet.

“ _Dean!”_ the omega takes a few steps back in fear and surprise, “ _Dean!?”_

Cas and Sammy burst into the room, staring at Gabe as the shift hastily.

“ _Where’s Dean-”_ Cas orders as Sammy blurts, “ _Did someone take Dean!?”_

Dean barks, stopping the chant almost instantly as all of the wolves turn to eye him widely.

“ _Huh,_ ” an unfamiliar voice reaches Dean’s ears, the small pup from before comes running up to his leg as there’s a snort, “ _looks like someone can do a little magic._ ” as Dean looks over to Meg, she grins wolfishly, “ _Never thought I’d see you again, Dean Winchester. Especially as a wolf._ ”

 

**< ><><>**

 

“ _A hybrid._ ” Meg repeats, Dean licking the pup gently as the trio of confused wolves ask about how Meg is strangely calm with Dean’s ‘magic’.

“ _But-”_ Sammy blurts, “ _how can he just… disappear!?”_

“ _Calm down, Sammy-boy, he ain’t goin’ anywhere. It’s just magic._ ”

Gabe takes a step forward, his annoyance slightly evident, “ _Dean said he turns invisible, so I don’t know how that’s some trick…_ ”

“ _It’s not a trick._ ” Meg states, sitting calmly on her paws, “ _Like I said, magic. Magicians don’t use that, all they’re doing are just illusions._ ”

“ _Meg, explain._ ” Cas is sitting as well, occasionally glancing at Dean interacting with Meg's pup, “ _Enough dancing around it, just tell us. Please._ ”

Meg sighs and settles herself before speaking, “ _Fine… Look, Dean-o here isn’t leavin’ and he isn't invisible. He’s able to make you believe he’s not there when he is. An illusion._ ”

Sammy huffs, “ _But that doesn’t explain_ how _Meg-”_

Dean plays lightly with the pup, flipping over slightly and nipping at it as Meg speaks- Cas watches the interaction curiously- “ _He hides his pheromones, and he can snake his way into your heads and affect what he wants to. That’s how he’s a hybrid._ ”

“ _How do you know this?”_ Cas asks, but his eyes never leave Dean and the pup.

“ _I figured it out whenever you guys found him with me…_ ” her snark dies slightly at the memory of Dean asserting himself, “ _I was ready to get Dean away from my kid when he got into my head. He calmed me down, but… it freaked me out- ‘cause I could hear him in my thoughts._ ”

“ _Dean’s telepathic?”_ Sammy asks in slight disblief, glancing over to his brother who is now letting the pup jump all over him as he lays there lazily.

“ _In some sense, yes._ ” Meg sighs as she looks over to Dean and her child, “ _However, most of it is done by touch. He can make himself seem invisible because it’s a defense mechanism._ ”

Cas pads over to Dean then, curious as to why Dean is so laid back when all of this is happening, “ _Dean?”_

“ _Yeah, Cas?”_ Dean yawns, it ending abruptly as the pup slides onto his muzzle and wags its rapidly tail over his nose.

“ _I believe we need to find Azazel’s journal._ ”

Dean would answer, but considering his face is full of an entertained pup, he’s a lil’ busy. Cas tilts his head curiously, moving the pup over to speak to Dean.

“ _Dean, do you have any idea where this journal can be?”_

Dean shakes his head when Meg does the wolf version of a clearing throat.

“ _I think I might be able to help with that._ ”

Dean yips as the pup runs into a bookshelf, and Dean jumps to his feet, jogging past Cas in seconds, “ _Really? You’ve seen it?”_

“ _Being Alistair’s ‘bitch’ does seem to have it’s perks._ ” she comments, and Dean makes a sympathetic noise in his throat, “ _Yeah, I know, Dean-o. You were always his favorite toy, though._ ”

Cas growls at Meg.

“ _Just statin’ the facts, ‘alpha’._ ” Meg hisses the last word as she motions for Dean.

Dean follows Meg into the room from before, the she-wolf- omega, as Gabe informed him- grabs some journal from where the pup was.

“ _I found this on the floor in Alistair's room soon after he died. Sorry about the edge though, my daughter’s teething._ ”

“ _S’fine._ ” Dean takes the journal and shifts, putting it into his bag and changing back into his wolf form, “ _As long as I can read it, I'm not worried._ ”

“ _Azazel’s handwriting isn’t too rough._ ”

Dean tilts his head, “ _You’ve read it?”_

Meg nods simply, “ _That’s how I knew what you were. Alistair used to have it with him whenever he… visited._ ”

“ _He was always curious as to what he could do._ ”

Meg nods, but the two say nothing more on the subject.

Dean pads back out into hallway, Meg on his tail as he sees the other wolves come into view, “ _We have what we need now. We can leave._ ”

Cas nods, “ _The sooner we can get back to the pack house, the better._ ”

“ _Yeah-”_ Gabe sneezes, “ _dust is hurtin’ my nose…_ ”

Sammy flanks the omega as Dean helps Meg pick up her pup. He stays behind the others and walks with her as they trek back to the Novak’s land. Her pup is quiet, minus some shuffling in the grip of Meg’s jaws. Dean feels pity for Meg- even if it’s just one pup she has to take care of when there could be more. He remembers that people who were werewolves since birth- such as Meg- commonly have more than just one kid in a single batch. That means that there was more than what was loosely hanging in her jaws as she paced silently beside him. Dean’s heart clenches at the thought.

However, he’ll let Meg tell him what has happened to her since everything went down in Alistair’s pack so long ago. If she even wants to.

“ _Dean?”_

The eldest Winchester’s attention moves up from Meg to Cas, the alpha turning to look at him as he huffs, “ _A moment, please._ ”

“ _Sure._ ”

Dean pads up, joining Cas at his side as the alpha takes them a few feet away from their little group. His blue eyes are illuminated by moonlight, and his fur ruffled by a gentle breeze as he turns to look at Dean.

“ _I need you to read that journal and tell me what you find._ ”

Dean would raise a brow if he were in human form, but instead he snorts lightly, “ _Find things on what, exactly?”_

__

“ _Rogue wolves._ ”

“ _Why?”_ Dean’s concern peaks slightly, the emotion starting to weave its way into his words as he speaks, “ _Is there a reason you need to know things about it?”_

__

 

**< ><><>**

 

Castiel watches as Dean stiffens before him. His jade eyes are worried as they scan over Castiel’s form, searching for any sign of injury or something to focus his worry onto. His scent tells Castiel that he’s slightly anxious over what he has to say next.

Castiel wishes that it could be simple enough to tell Dean why he needs him to start looking this up. He wishes that it was easy to just admit that his wolf is becoming more and more of a problem than anything else, and it’s bothering him now. But he can’t- not when Dean can ask why and everything that’s already fragile between them can break apart.

“ _I just need you to look it up for me._ ” Castiel avoids bringing himself up in the situation, avoids telling Dean about how his wolf wants to taste and mark him- “ _Pack business._ ”

Dean doesn’t seem satisfied by the answer, and his eyes gaze on the alpha suspiciously as he mumbles, “ _Okay… I’ll look into it for you._ ”

Castiel nods, secretly thankful that Dean isn’t asking anymore questions.

Lord knows that he doesn’t have any good answers.

 

**< ><><>**

 

Dean knows something is up with Cas.

Yeah, sure- he’s known this for a while now, but… Something is different- something has changed. Now that Dean has his wolf form, he can see more of what Gabe talks about when he’s afraid of his brother losing it.

Dean can sense the feralness to Cas, he can see that extra glint in the alpha’s eyes that isn’t caused by the way light catches his irises. He knows that Cas’ wolf isn’t just sitting on the sidelines obediently. His wolf is trying to call the shots, is forming game plans, is trying to take down the opposing teams- whether or not Cas thinks they’re “opposing” in the first place. His wolf has its own agenda, and it’s obvious that it’s trying to use it and is trying to turn against Cas to get what it wants.

However, its desires are unbeknownst to Dean.

So… Dean makes a plan.

 

That’s what he’s going to figure out.

 

**< ><><>**

 

“ _Rogue: unprincipled._

__

_I would agree with such a term when it is applied to that of a man and his wolf. Sanity is a fine tether, whether we are aware of that or not._

_Rogue wolves, as I have seen in many cases, are dangerous creatures. They are no longer the person they were before their wolf seized full control. More often than not, rogue wolves are detained and chained up like the animals they have become willingly or not._

_I know nothing of cures or any prevention methods to this. I’ve tried before, fearing that Alistair may fall victim to part of himself. However, nothing I have ever done seems to have worked._

__

_Yet, I hear rumors. I hear them on the wind, on the lips of family members related to those I have tried to help. They speak of a certain type of wolf- a special one- able to pull werewolves from the brink of feral insanity. I tried asking where they have heard or found such a thing, but none offered anything useful. Figures._

_I’ve decided to chase down this rumor in hopes to find truth. Who knows, maybe I can find some sort of other type or gene of werewolf to experiment with._ ”

Dean cringes as he flips the pages. Alistair’s journal is nothing compared to Azazel’s. Azazel numbered the pages, tabbed them, highlighted certain lines to bring attention to important information. His journal is more of a textbook, and it offers Dean mountains of information on things he never he knew about. From treatments for wounds to the arrangement of the teeth in a canine’s skull, Azazel’s journal is a detailed and informing piece that Dean is honestly surprised to find in his hands and not in some library or museum.

“God, Azazel. You were a smart bastard when you weren’t… _experimenting…_ ” he whispers to himself, flipping onto a page that catches his eyes.

“ _Hybrid"_

Dean’s attention focuses onto the page intently, readying himself for what he is to find.

“ _Hybrids are something I have rarely been able to account for. It’s what the people were telling me about as I tried to stop their family member from becoming rogue. At first, I thought they were rumors. Nothing but figments made up by desperate minds who wanted answers when they had nothing lining their backs but doubts._

_I was wrong; they were right._

__

_In my travels, I have only come across one werewolf that I have been able to label as such a thing. Her name was Mary Campbell._ ”

Dean’s heart stops in his chest- “Mom…”

“ _Mary could do things I never expected a werewolf to do. She could heal with a single touch, could change the directions of your emotions like the moon controlling the tides. I asked if she could come back to my pack, if I could see all that she was capable of- but she disappeared right before my eyes as she refused._

_At first, I thought that she had teleported or something ridiculous- but I realized after a few moments that she was still there with me. Her scent had shifted, and it felt as though she was snaking through my mind to erase her presence._

__

_I’m labeling it as a defense mechanism. One that involves tricking the other wolves around them to think they are gone when they aren’t._

_Yet, as I confronted what seemed to be like empty air about it, she didn’t answer, and the buzz in my skull seemed to get louder. I asked her again if she would accompany me, and when I received no answer, I found that more… drastic measures, were going to be taken for her compliance._

__

_John Winchester was just a man when they met, but after falling love, Mary changed him not soon after, or thought about doing so. Her diary wasn’t too informative on it, but it was enough for me to figure out the puzzle and move its pieces accordingly._

_All it took was a threat to John’s well-being and Mary crumpled like a house of cards._ ”

Dean pauses for a moment, taking a deep breath, “So this is why John knew who Azazel was when he attacked all those nights ago…”

Even though it’s hard on Dean’s conscious, he forces himself to keep reading.

“ _She promised me a week’s worth of studying. It’s not a lot, but it’s better than nothing I suppose._

__

_\- I have discovered that hybrids have a split… personality._

_Mary seems to display traits of both alpha and omega quality, and it seems as though she gets the urges of both as well. However, when asked about it, she said John- her mate, apparently- caused her to shift more towards her submissive tendencies._

_I believe that a hybrid is a mixture of both an alpha and an omega, and it is only until they meet their mate that one side is fully determined for the relationship. Yet, this change only applies to interactions with the mate in question, considering Mary is displaying both traits until I mention John to gauge her reaction._

_Interesting._ ”

“Fuck…” Dean breathes as he stomach revolts the idea of his mother being some experiment of Azazel's, “God this is too much-”

Dean rushes over towards a trashcan in his room, vomiting into it as his mind reels in a way similar to his stomach as it convulses. The room spins slightly in his vision as he exhales roughly, coughing and sputtering as he falls back against his wall. Sammy enters the room, face drawn up in concern.

“Dean?” as the alpha notices the way his brother is nearly hyperventilating, be begins to run over to his side in mere seconds, “Oh my god- Dean!?”

“S’fine…” Dean coughs again, “ _M’fine…_ ”

“No you’re not-” Sammy’s hand nearly slaps itself onto Dean’s forehead, “you’re running a fever!”

Dean tries to wiggle away from Sammy’s huge palm, “No touch… no touchy.”

Sammy groans, “Dean, you’re not a child.”

Dean growls.

Sammy picks his older brother off of the floor, the eldest groaning in annoyance, “Dean, shut up. You’re sick with somethin’ and you can’t be stubborn with me about it. I’m takin’ you to see Gabe.”

“Why Gabe?’ Dean whines, angry at how his brother has him slung over his shoulder like a sack of flour.

“He’s pretty good at taking care of people, and he might know what’s wrong with you since you’re newly changed.”

“I wanna see Cas-”

“No Castiel, Dean.”

Dean growls, wiggling on his brother’s shoulder, “ _Cas!”_

Sammy flails in the hallway, slapping a hand on his brother’s face as he begins to scream the other alpha’s name. The other werewolves watch in interest as Sammy tries to calm Dean down, some of them starting to circle around them as a nearby throat clears itself.

Dean looks up to see Gabe watching him and his baby brother in slight amusement and disappointment as he puts his hands on his hips.

“You know, for adults, I thought you two could behave.”

“Shut up…” Dean groans, “Sammy, get off of me-”

The younger Winchester picks his brother up again, and Dean protests with flailing again, “No, Dean! Gabe is going to make sure you’re okay!”

“But I want _Cas!”_

Suddenly, Gabe is in Dean’s face, “Dean- what did you say?”

Dean freezes on his brother’s shoulder, “I, uh- I said I want Cas…”

“Sam, we need to get him in my room _immediately._ ”

“Why-”

“I think you’re brother is presenting and he’s going into heat.”

Dean hisses as a sharp pain hits him, a long, wanton “Cas” slipping through his lips.

Wolves around Dean growl as Sammy realizes what kind of situation they’re in.

“Fuck!”

Dean grips onto the back of Sammy’s shirt tightly as a hot, burning feeling rushes into his veins. Wolves that are in the pack run after them, causing Dean to whimper in fear as he sees that none of them are Cas.

“Sam- come on!”

“I’m trying!”

Dean wails on Sammy’s shoulder as another wave hits him, an onslaught of “hurts”, “burns”, and “Cas” tumbles over Dean’s lips, as he watches the world swim as his stomach cramps.

However, a loud snarl rises out of the mess of sounds, and Dean finds a large black wolf roaring at the other wolves as Sam turns around a corner- the scene leaving Dean’s sight.

“ _Cas…_ ” he weakly calls out, and the last thing he sees is his hand reaching out pitifully at air as his vision blackens.

 

**< ><><>**

 

Castiel snarls at his followers.

His mind is practically blank over everything other than “ _mate, protect, mine_ ” as it runs through his head like a ritualistic chant.

The other wolves, the ones trying to steal _his_ Dean away, stall almost instantly. They all whine, lowering themselves in submission to Castiel as they whimper apologetically for chasing after Dean when they should all know he is anything but theirs.

He is Castiel’s- and Castiel won’t stand for any members of his pack to be unaware of this fact.

He waits a few moments to assert his message, his angered and territorial growls causing the wolves to flinch as they hear them. His pheromones surge around them like of torrent, demanding that they stay away from Dean or they will face Castiel and all of his fury otherwise.

When Castiel is certain that the others know their place, he jogs through the hallway, using Dean’s sweet scent as a guide. When Gabriel’s door appears before him, Castiel whines and scratches at the wood to be let in. From behind the wood, Castiel can hear a familiar wolf panting as it whines back. Sam and Gabriel are talking about letting Castiel in or not as the alpha continues on scratching at the pesky wood before him.

“I don’t know…” Gabriel mutters, “First heats are kind of a weird thing…”

“What do you mean?”

Gabriel sighs as Castiel begins growling at them to let him in- Dean whines in response, begging him to come in- “You… you just want someone _near…_ It’s that way until you find your mate.”

“But…” Sam sounds conflicted, “You never mentioned anything like that- I’ve never heard anything like that-”

“It’s because most people _don’t care._ They just want to fuck and leave you, Sam.”

Sam pauses, “Gabe-”

“We’ll talk about this later,” Dean whines highly, Castiel’s ears perking to the noise, “right now we just need to let Dean and Cassie near each other. It could help Dean, Sam.”

“What if it doesn’t?”

Gabriel sighs, “We don’t have many options, Sam… Open the door.”

 

**< ><><>**

 

Dean pants in the corner, having shifted into his wolf form as his body went into something close to survival mode. All he can smell is Cas- all he wants is Cas- and he pushes himself in the corner as his body aches and his soul seems to break into little shards.

However, as the door opens, Dean figures out why.

As soon as he and Cas make eye contact, Dean feels something else weaving itself among the pieces. It’s warm, reminding him of something he can label as ‘safe’ or ‘home’. A low whine escapes him, pleading for Cas to come over and just lay against him as his body begins to do what Dean would describe as ‘self-combust’.

Cas practically surges forward, trotting over to Dean as he whines in discomfort. Sammy and Gabe say something, but they leave and put the door slightly ajar as Cas nears Dean.

The alpha’s nose touches Dean, and another noise works its way out of Dean’s throat as Cas slightly growls. Dean feels Cas’ tongue begin to lick his throat in a comforting way, and the new-omega pleads for him to just lay against him. The alpha listens, placing himself along the curve of Dean’s back and licking behind the omega’s ears.

“ _Cas…_ ” Dean says tiredly, setting his head down on the alpha’s paws as he begins to relax since this hell started.

“ _I’m here, Dean._ ”

Dean hums, finding the burning in his veins subsiding as he exhales. He even closes his eyes and lets sleep take him.

 

**< ><><>**

 

Castiel has a happy rumble escaping his chest as Dean sleeps. The omega- Castiel’s wolf is content with this discovery- lays limply against Castiel as he licks and comforts him.

Castiel’s heart swells as he realizes that Dean wanted him during his first heat- that no other person or wolf was apparently supposed to be doing what he is right now.

The sound of Dean calling for him was enough to set Castiel’s wolf into protection mode, it surging forward to dismiss the threat only until the alpha smelled the air. Now, that sweet scent is around him as Dean dozes off below, and Castiel can’t help but thump his tail against the floor in pure happiness as he licks Dean’s coat affectionately.

Castiel’s wolf is content for the moment, happy that Dean is here and safe from the betas that had been chasing him only moments earlier. However, Castiel himself is just so happy to have someone so perfect, so _amazing,_ sleeping next to him. Dean, even as a human, managed to catch his eye.

However, the good moment is broken as Gabriel enters the room in wolf form with Sam beside him.

“ _Cassie._ ” he greets shortly.

“ _Gabriel._ ” the alpha replies, “ _Sam. What is it?”_

Sam comes forward, his chest puffed out, “ _You know what you’re doing, right?”_

Castiel just stares.

“ _Cassie, you’re putting mate pheromones all over Dean._ ”

“ _I can’t control it._ ” Castiel says curtly, trying to defend himself, “ _Besides, it will keep the betas from trying to jump or hurt him._ ”

Sam’s anger deflates slightly, but not fully, “ _Yeah, well… Dean may not want you as his mate. This is his first heat, so he isn’t sure how this sort of thing goes._ ”

“ _Are you saying that Dean doesn’t want me?”_ the words hurt Castiel in ways he can’t describe.

“ _We don’t know, Cassie._ ” Gabriel steps in, defending Sam partially, “ _You’re the only alpha he’s really been around since he changed. He won’t react to Sam ‘cause he’s family._ ”

Castiel’s good mood immediately slinks away, “ _So you’re saying that Dean may not know what he wants because he hasn’t seen all that he can have?”_

Sam stares at his brother as Gabriel nods, “ _Sorry, Cassie. I’m not sayin’ that he doesn’t want you, just that you may not know if it’s for sure or not… He did just present, Cassie._ ”

“ _I am aware of that._ ”

Castiel doesn’t say anything else. He just rests his head on Dean’s side, knowing that the words he’s been told are true. Dean has only just presented- he’s only just become an omega officially. He probably isn’t even aware of what’s going on at the moment. For Castiel to go off and label him as his mate already is nothing short of the word unfair.

So Castiel tries to reign himself back.

 

**< ><><>**

 

Dean dreams of blue eyes and raven hair.

He blinks open his eyes to find Cas sleeping against him. His head is resting on Dean’s side, and Dean’s head is still resting on his paws. The newly-presented omega sighs in content, finding his body abuzz with a happy feeling. He hasn’t been this comfortable in a while, and he’s grateful. Especially so now that his weird, first heat has gone away- all thanks to an alpha named Castiel Novak.

But then Dean remembers what he read in Azazel's journal, and what it all meant.

“ _Holy fuck._ ”

**  
  
  
  
**


	7. There's Nowhere We Can Hide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dude- I've been gone for over a month.   
> Whoops.
> 
> DCBB took control over me, and I had a week long vacation, and then I had other shit like family business to attend to. It's been a weird while, so, yay?  
> Either way, I decided that I've waited too long on this fic and updating it, so here I am.
> 
> This ch is sad in some aspects, and I apologize.  
> Also- cliff hanger. Ohhhhhhhhhh~
> 
> Side Note - School is starting up again soon (gosh darn it), and I decided that I'll have a new updating schedule and whatever. It'll be a week to two weeks or whenever I can manage an update, because I put school behind fic last year and I sort of paid the price for it in some ways, but this year is going to be different. Especially since I have to start looking into colleges and other things, and grades matter now more than ever.
> 
> Enjoy!~

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Dean scrambles away from Cas' form, his chest heaving as the other wolf slumbers on unknowingly. Dean’s limbs shake, and his paws almost slide against the wooden floor from panicking as his mind tries to process what he just discovered.

Cas is his mate?

Like- _platonically,_ right?

This isn’t some romantic, ‘I need you for the rest of my life’ thing, right?

Oh shit- he’s fucked- _this is all fucked-_

“Dean?”

Dean pivots to see his brother holding the door with a cautious aura about him, and Dean just breathes heavily in and out of his nose.

“Hey, there’s no reason to be hyperventilating, Dean…” Sammy takes a few slow steps forward and rests his weight on one knee, petting Dean behind his ear, “What’s got you so worked up?”

Dean would normally move away or bark at his brother for making him feel like the family pet, but instead, he just lets his head move into his brother’s gentle fingers. A rumble vibrates through his chest lazily at the contact.

“So, do you wanna shift and talk about this, or should I get my own fluff on?”

Dean barks softly, sitting down and waiting for his brother. Sammy rolls his eyes and changes, licking his nose for a moment before shaking out his fur.

“ _Would you mind tellin’ me what’s freakin’ you out now?”_ he asks.

Dean looks over to Cas and takes a deep breath- now or never, he supposes- “ _It’s about Cas._ ”

“ _He didn’t hurt you did he-”_

“ _No, Sammy,_ ” Dean huffs and sets his head down onto his paws, “ _I just read a few things in that journal that freaked me out because it deals with how I’m supposed to deal with stuff. One of those things being Cas.”_

Sammy tilts his head, “ _What do you mean?”_

The newly presented wolf looks over to the slumbering alpha, his reply quiet- “ _I think Cas and I are mates…_ ”

“ _What!?”_

Dean doesn’t look towards his brother, “ _Sammy, just calm down… I don’t know for sure right now, but… the chances of it being true are pretty high._ ”

“ _Why’s that?”_

“ _I’m kind of like an alpha and omega at the same time; and before you say anything, I know, it’s complicated. But the thing is that I have more of an omega’s quality because of my mate being an alpha, and the only one here other than you-”_

“ _Is Castiel…_ ” Sammy interrupts, his voice distant until he snaps out of his thoughts, “ _But Dean, come on-”_

Dean growls softly at his brother- “ _Sammy, just let it go for right now. I need to figure things out before anything settles in stone, okay? There could be a chance that things are just goofed up or my system is just jumpy…_ ”

Sammy shakes his head, “ _But Dean, there’s never really a mistake when it comes to mates-”_

“ _Well there is one this time._ ” Dean retorts angrily, and he reels himself back before he jumps to attack his own flesh and blood, “ _Give me some time, Sammy. Maybe things will be clearer then than they are now…_ ”

“ _Yeah, I hope so, Dean._ ”

The eldest Winchester sighs, looking over to the other alpha for a minor second, “ _Alright, so we’re agreed on this? You’re okay with me getting my shit together before you go jumpin’ for Cas’ throat?”_

“ _Yes, Dean. I’ll wait…_ ” Sammy rolls his eyes- “ _But, if he gets forceful or possessive in ways he shouldn’t, I won’t hesitate to go back on my words._ ”

“ _I know you won’t._ ”

Sammy nods, turning around then, “ _I’m off to go see Gabe now._ ”

“ _Wait-”_ Sammy stalls and faces Dean, “ _what was Gabe talking about earlier? You know, about the whole ‘fuck and leave you’ thing?”_

Sammy visibly looks pained, and his snout points towards the floor as he replies- “ _I don’t know, but… I plan on talking to him about it._ ”

Dean nods, feeling an awkwardness seep into the air around himself and his brother, “ _Well, just make sure he’s alright. Also, don’t go stickin’ your nose where it doesn’t belong, Sammy._ ”

“ _Yeah, I know, Dean. I’m not going to pry where he doesn’t want me to. I’m not like that._ ” Sammy rolls his eyes for good measure, “ _Now, I’m going to go solve that issue with him. You should get started on your own mate problems there, bubba._ ”

Dean’s flabbergasted as his younger brother trots out of the room, tail and snout turned upwards in victory for having stumped his sibling. Dean grunts unhappily as the chocolate brown wolf leaves, and he shuts the door back with his snout. The door shuts quietly into its frame, and Dean turns to look at Cas slumbering in the corner of the room. The raven wolf’s chest rises and falls rhythmically as he breathes, his whiskers twitching on the side of his face. Dean sits down and lays his head on his paws, staring at Cas as his mind tries to figure things out.

So, Cas is his _mate?_

Maybe it’s because, like it was mentioned earlier, Cas is the only alpha around Dean since he was turned. Maybe it’s because Dean’s new wolf is just misunderstanding the situation because Dean never harbored any feelings for Cas other than gratefulness for saving his pack. It'd be bad enough if that wasn’t the only thing riding on this, but there’s more. There’s Dean’s past and Castiel’s hidden one. There’s the fact that the alpha is practically a mystery to Dean- complex and hard to understand. It would be a different situation if Dean at least knew who his wolf was staking its claim on.

This is all just a little too much for Dean to process, because really, he was only turned a week or so ago- and now look where that got him.

Cas moves a little in his sleep, his lip twitching up over his teeth partially. Dean watches him carefully, making sure that the alpha doesn’t wake up, because Dean knows he might freak if he finds the body next to him gone.

“I just don’t understand,” Dean mumbles to himself, eyeing Cas as he settles more and calms, “ _why does my wolf think you’re the one when I barely know you?”_

 

**…**

 

Dean had left Cas to sleep on his own in favor of padding down the hallways of the pack house. Other wolves eye him, noticing that he’s still in his wolf form as he passes by. In all honesty, Dean hasn’t shifted for the fact he knows that this form can protect him better if any beta tries to get the jump on him. Dean doesn’t want to interact or deal with another Balthazar, either.

Instead of running into that mess, Dean stumbles upon Meg grabbing a box of cereal out of one of the pantries with her jaws.

“ _Don’t you think it’d be easier to get it using your hands?”_ Dean asks, padding up to the she-wolf as she sets the Cheerios on the kitchen floor.

She rolls her eyes, “ _I don’t have the time or energy to shift back and forth for the luxury of laziness, Dean._ ”

“ _So do you ever shift back into human form?”_ he asks, curiosity peaked as he helps her place the cereal box into a bag on her side.

Meg shakes her muzzle and gets some applesauce from the bottom shelf with ease, setting it in the bag before she replies- “ _No, I never do._ ”

“ _Why?”_ Dean stretches so he can get her a jar of peanut butter, his head tilted as he tries to figure out the complex character that is before him, “ _Surely being on four paws gets tiring after a lil’ bit._ ”

“ _It doesn’t when it keeps you and your pup safe._ ” Meg replies curtly, starting to trot ahead of Dean, “ _Don’t you have your big, strong alpha to go back to?”_

Dean is taken aback by that- “ _What? I’m not Cas’ bitch-”_

“ _You certainly smell like it. And him._ ” she retorts cooly, her nails clicking against the floor as she walks past their other pack members, “ _I’m not judgin’ you for it. I’m just an omega who doesn’t want to be dominated by anyone._ ”

“ _But like, isn’t it in your instincts to?”_

Meg turns on Dean abruptly, her lip pulled up in a silent snarl- “ _Dean, you have no idea what I’ve been through. That pup is probably the only thing that I’ve got left in this fucked up life of mine, and you know what-”_ she gets up into Dean’s personal space, her scent fiery with anger and sour with the undertones of guilt and regret- “ _if she’s the only thing I want to have in my life, then that’s completely fucking okay._ ”

“ _I never said that it wasn’t a bad thing,_ ” Dean defends himself softly, feeling intimidated by Meg as she glares hotly at him, “ _just that I wasn’t sure if we could go above that or somethin’... Remember, I new to all of this shit._ ”

“ _I’m aware of that, because if you weren’t, I would have already attacked you._ ”

“ _I’m not the only person that’s asked, am I?”_ Dean feels some pity for the she-wolf rise in his chest, but he dismisses it because Meg is too strong of a person and werewolf to even remotely deserve such an emotion.

Meg sighs, her angry demeanor gone in seconds, “ _Sadly, yes, you’re not the only one…_ ” Meg sits down then, her body slumping with what looks like fatigue- “ _It’s hard being an omega. Alphas want to own and possess you, and they usually only treat you like sex toys that get really fun once a month… Betas can be assholes, but most don’t even give a shit about you and could care less. Other omegas understand, usually… but there’s some out there that have traditional views, and they’ll repress themselves and allow others to treat them like dirt because ‘that’s how it’s supposed to be’ in their minds. I’ve gotten a lot of shit over the years for not being like that._ ”

Dean looks towards his paws, “ _So that’s what Gabe meant by ‘fuck and leave’..._ ”

“ _Yeah, alphas will wait till your in heat, and they’ll promise all of these sweet things to you and they’ll make you feel like you’re on the top of the world-”_ she huffs a breath, “ _only for you to come crashing back into reality when it ends and they would prefer to walk out through the door rather than walk with you to the doctor for your morning sickness._ ”

“ _Shit, Meg…_ ” Dean feels at a loss- and god, he hates it when he can’t really comfort someone because it makes him feel like utter shit that he can’t offer anything helpful- “ _I- I’m sorry._ ”

Meg doesn’t get angry at him again, though Dean believed he would with his pitiful reply to such a sad admission, “ _It’s alright… It’s nothing you did, Dean…_ ”

“ _So that’s how you got your pup?”_ Dean asks cautiously.

“ _Yes. I went into heat, and a lone alpha near Alistair’s pack offered me the fantasy life if I let him knot me._ ” Dean minutely winces at Meg’s choice of words, “ _Out of desperation and hormones, I agreed like an idiot. He just used me for three days and then left. I found out I was carrying my pup a week later._ ”

 

Dean wants to comfort Meg by rubbing himself on her- something he knows Sammy did to John when Adam went rogue- but he knows that the action probably won’t be appreciated considering Meg has never liked people in her personal bubble, “ _I’m sorry that he did that to you._ ”

Meg shakes her muzzle, standing up, “ _It’s not your fault, Dean. That happened before you managed to wiggle yourself back into my life… So, would you like to meet Ruby?”_

“ _Ruby?”_ Dean echoes.

“ _My pup, officially. I know you already spent time with her, but…_ ” Meg shrugs, “ _She misses you, and I need all the help I can get in makin’ her happy._ ”

Dean smiles, nodding, “ _Yeah, I’d love to. You know, you’re a good mom, Meg. Despite all the bullshit that’s happened, you’re better than most wolves are when this happens to them._ ”

 

“ _I know,_ ” she would smile if she was in human form, and Dean wonders what it looks like- “ _I tried to be different in that aspect. I mean, I already fell for that asshole’s lies before, so might as well prove him wrong when he said I’d be nothing without him._ ”

“ _What are you, then?”_

“ _A mother._ ” Meg answers simply, “And a damn good one.”

Dean can’t seem to disagree.

 

**…**

 

Castiel wakes up feeling odd. He supposes it’s from his mixed feelings about Dean and what had happened when his first heat had struck. He remembers what Gabriel and Sam had told him- that Dean hasn’t had the opportunity to really find a mate because all his wolf knows is Castiel. The alpha sighs, deciding to check and see if Dean is alright. However, when Castiel opens his eyes, Dean is gone.

Castiel jumps up onto his paws in an instant, his nostrils flaring to see who had been in the room. Instead of finding any other scents, minus Gabriel’s and Sam’s, there is nothing in the air that can prove that Dean was taken away by force.

Castiel calms only a fraction, deciding to follow Dean’s scent because he knows that his pack members are far too eager to jump onto Dean without his consent. As the alpha wanders through the halls of his pack house, betas whine and bear their throats in apology as he passes. They know that their earlier behavior with Dean was and is unacceptable, and Castiel makes a mental note to call in a meeting later to address what had happened. The more he lays down the law on this, the less chance that Dean will have at getting taken advantage of by his own pack.

As Castiel finds a newer, fresher scent from Dean, he realizes that another joins it. The alpha recognizes the sweet scent of milk and pup, and his mind automatically recalls the image of Meg. Castiel finds it a little strange that Dean would be following the she-wolf, but he guesses that maybe instincts wanted him near that sort of thing, especially when his first heat hadn’t been too long ago.

The scent trail leads Castiel outside, causing him to trot a little faster because anyone could ignore pack law and cross over the border if they caught the underlying tone of heat in Dean’s scent. All wolves, except omegas, are attracted to the sweet, rich scent of an omega- even if they aren’t in heat. It’s in their instincts to stalk after it, it’s a biological need to chase and claim and own and breed. Castiel finds it archaic in some aspects, especially with how some wolves treat omegas (Meg being an example) in heat and just in general. That, however, doesn’t mean that all alphas or betas are aware that what their wolf demands is wrong and cruel. They just find it as the natural order, as ‘how things are supposed to be’.

Dean’s scent grows stronger as Castiel nears its source, and the alpha has to control his wolf because it feels like sprinting to make sure that Dean is okay. Castiel knows that it’s because his wolf believes- despite what had transpired between himself, Gabe, and Sam- that Dean is its mate. If Castiel were in human form, he would surely be sighing by this point.

No matter what he does, his wolf will always find a way to ruin everything it can. Castiel isn’t surprised.

 

**…**

 

“ _How did you come up with the name Ruby?”_ Dean asks, finding the small entryway into the den that Meg had dug at least ten feet away from the pack house, the dense foliage and tree trunks offering shelter and privacy for the den’s location.

“ _It just came to me, I guess._ ” Meg admits, slinking into the hole of the den before Dean, “ _She’s pretty like a gemstone, precious in all sorts of ways. Seems like I needed to pay homage to that._ ”

Dean can hear the pup- Ruby, Dean reminds himself now- mewling as Meg comes over to her, “ _That’s really beautiful, Meg._ ”

Meg snorts as she lies on her side, and Ruby instantly attaches herself onto her mother, “ _All omegas think about baby names at some point in their lives. Ask Gabe about it, and I’m pretty sure he’ll give you a list of ‘em._ ”

“ _He doesn’t seem like the type, though._ ”

“ _Is he an omega?”_ Meg replies curtly, and Dean huffs a breath because he knows that she’s got a point, “ _It’s in our genetics to want kids, Dean. In our heats, we beg for something more than just a knot. We crave it just like everything else. If we didn’t, then I’m sure the werewolf population would be quite small compared to what we have with our urges._ ”

Dean settles down on the dirt floor of Meg’s den, watching Ruby mix on her mother’s stomach as she eats- “ _But… I wasn’t a born werewolf like you… I’m changed. Doesn’t that mean I just have the desire, but not the ability?”_

Meg shakes her head sadly, “ _No, it doesn’t. Changed omegas are just as capable of making kids as born ones are. It’s just harder on them in some aspects._ ”

“ _So, if I go into heat-”_ Dean notices the look that Meg gives him, “ _okay, when I go into heat, I can have kids if I’m not careful? But- but I’m a male._ ”

“ _Yeah, you can, even when you’re a guy. Welcome to the miracle that is lycanthropy._ ”

Dean stares at the dust that is clinging to the fur of his paws, and he swallows, “ _B-But I don’t want that…_ "

**  
  
**

“ _You’re going to, in heat, at least. Though I’m sure you’ll find yourself wanting a little one for yourself soon enough, anyways. Instincts always hit changed omegas the hardest, since you don’t know what to expect or how to deal with them. I at least know how to fight against them or resist. You don’t._ ”

Dean sighs, watching Ruby as she mewls quietly against her mom’s stomach to signal that she’s full, “ _Can I avoid it?”_

“ _Not really. Nature intended for it to happen, and she’s found ways to overrule any attempts we try to make at protecting ourselves. She’s a bitch, in that sense._ ”

Dean lays his head down on his paws as he mumbles, “ _I didn’t ask for this…_ ”

“ _Neither did I-”_ Meg counters, and Dean feels like a fool for going on the self-pity route on this when Meg obviously suffered more- but then again, this isn’t a competition on who has had the shitest life- “ _but I’m dealing with it, Dean._ ”

“ _How can I? I just- this is so much to take in and I don’t… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, Meg…_ ”

“ _Embrace it, obviously._ ” Dean’s head lifts so he can stare at the she-wolf for her advice, his shock evident as she goes on, “ _If you don’t know how to be an omega, Dean, try to fake it till you make it- or better yet- fake it till you become it._ ”

“ _So I’m just supposed to pretend I’m the best omega ever, and somehow I’ll end up becoming that?”_ Dean shakes his head, “ _In case you haven’t noticed, Meg, I’m not even a true omega. I’m a hybrid; one that just happened to be submissive for their mate-”_ Dean’s muzzle shuts abruptly at the words, afraid that he has said too much, and going by the look on Meg’s face, he has.

“ _Wait, you’ve met your mate already-”_

“ _I didn’t say that-”_

“ _You implied it, Dean, and that’s enough for me._ ” her tail wags happily as she cocks the furry equivalent to an eyebrow, “ _So Dean Winchester, who’s the lucky wolf?”_

Dean stares at the ground and is glad that you can’t at least be seen blushing while in wolf form, though going by the snort from Meg, you can fucking _smell_ it or something- “ _I don’t know if they really are my mate or not, Meg… I did just present, to be fair…_ ”

Meg shifts a little, causing Ruby to make a yip of displeasure as she has to find a new spot to cuddle into, “ _A wolf just doesn’t label anyone as their mate, Dean. I know that you’re kind of newbie at this, but even with that in mind, your wolf claiming that it has a mate isn’t a mistake._ ”

“ _Well, it is. I know it is._ ” Dean argues lightly, “ _S’not fair, Meg… I only just got changed, I literally just sort of presented… Why do I already have to have a mate, too? … Why can’t I just be normal or at least have time to process this shit?”_

“ _Because life isn’t fair, Dean- especially for those who share themselves with a wolf._ ”

Dean sighs, “ _I know, but… why does it have to be that way?”_

“ _I can’t answer that for you, Dean. I don’t think anyone can…_ ” she says solemnly, adding, “Now, can you at least give me a hint as to who your wolf is fawning over?”

Just as Dean is about to answer with a ‘never, not in a million years’, the alpha himself practically barrels his way into the entrance of Meg’s den.

 

**…**

 

Castiel feels regret pool in his chest at the gawking sound Meg is making, but mostly for the fact Dean is underneath him, wide-eyed and belly up with his muzzle a centimeter apart from Castiel’s.

“ _Get off of me!”_ Dean barks angrily, flailing under the alpha.

“ _S-Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”_ Castiel jumps off of the other wolf with embarrassment running high.

Dean grunts, straightening himself and shaking dirt off of his fur coat, “ _What did you do? Fall in here or somethin’?”_

“ _I wasn’t expecting the drop, no._ ” Castiel admits, and when Meg’s pup whines, the alpha looks over to be reminded that he and Dean are not alone, “ _Oh, sorry about the intrusion._ ”

“ _S’alright_.” Meg gives the wolf version of a shrug, “ _Now, could ya at least give me a reason why you tumbled into my little nest?”_

“ _I was looking for Dean. He wasn’t with me when I woke up._ ” the alpha answers, and Dean stiffens beside him.

Meg nods, though there is a twinkle in her eye, “ _Okay, that’s fine. I’m sure you two have a lot to talk about._ ” she winks at Dean, and Castiel represses his wolf from giving the other omega a warning growl.

Dean scrambles out of the den before Castiel can even move, and going by his scent as he passes the alpha, he’s practically mortified. Castiel eyes Meg carefully, and the she-wolf just gives him a snort and proceeds to lick her pup.

Castiel leaves soon afterwards, and when he exits Meg’s den, he finds Dean pacing back and forth in an uneasy trot. The alpha tilts his head at the omega, giving a small yip to make Dean stall for a moment.

“ _Dean, are you okay?”_

Dean hangs his head and shuffles his paws on the moss below, “ _I’m- I don’t know…_ ”

Castiel feels off kilter at the moment, especially knowing just how awkward things are between himself and Dean. Had the omega noticed Castiel’s pheromones on his fur and understood what they meant? Had Dean figured out what had been going on and is now frightful of what that means and entitles?

“ _I’m sorry._ ” Castiel blurts.

Dean’s head jolts upwards at the words said to him- “ _What? …_ ”

“ _I’m sorry,_ ” Castiel begins, “ _I don’t know if I’ve made you uncomfortable or have caused you to feel frightened around me or worse. It wasn’t my intention._ ”

“ _No, you didn’t-”_ Dean looks flustered, “ _Cas, you didn’t do anything wrong… I know this is going to sound cheesy and corny, but- it’s not you, it’s me._ ”

Castiel tilts his head, “ _I don’t understand, Dean._ ”

Dean settles himself a little on the forest floor, looking fatigued and worn, “ _Things are just complicated right now, Cas… There’s things I’ve got to figure out before I can go off and explain the whole shebang to you._ ”

“ _You can try to talk about it now. I’m sure I’ll be able to understand-”_

“ _No!”_ Dean jumps up, and Castiel takes a step back from the sudden movement, Dean realizes what he did and reels himself back partially, “ _I, uh- I just can’t do that, Cas. It’s not that simple… Give me some time, and I’m sure I’ll be able to figure things out. Hell, by then, there may not even be a problem._ ”

Castiel furrows his gaze on Dean, not understanding ironically enough- “Dean-”

“ _Sorry, Cas. That’s just how things have got to be for a lil’ bit._ ” Dean sighs, beginning to trot back to the pack house, “ _Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve got some research to do._ ”

Of course, Castiel realizes as Dean practically sprints away from him, the whole first heat fiasco has gone unmentioned.

 

**…**

 

Dean shifts once he’s inside of his room. He practically slams his door shut after he locks it, and Dean leans onto the wood as he shuts his eyes while taking a deep breath.

“What the fuck is happenin’ to me? …” Dean murmurs, feeling his pulse race and his skin heat, a shaky hand presses against Dean’s neck, and a small gasp escapes him at the sensation it causes- “fuck…”

Dean feels his feet slide out from underneath him, his ass hitting the floor roughly as a whine stalls in his throat.

“Oh shit- oh fuck…” Dean hisses, his hand sliding his hand along the heated curve of his hip, his sensitive nerves causing him to jolt against the slab of wood at his back.

Several growls echo outside, and Dean slithers away from the door just as several sets of claws dig into the space underneath the door.

“No no no-” Dean falls and stumbles back, whatever excitement or arousal that had brewing in his veins had suddenly dissipated, leaving Dean to feel nothing but fear as some of the wood splinters and the paint falls off as chips onto the floor below.

However, before any wolf can truly break in, a roar from outside the door causes Dean to still immediately. The other wolves whine and stop attacking Dean’s door almost instantly, before it sounds like a fight brews outside. Several sounds of pain escape muzzles as several bodies are flung against the wall outside.

There’s one more snarl before Dean shifts to figure out what’s going on, “ _\- there is going to be a pack meeting in five minutes, and it’s mandatory that you all be there._ ”

Several sets of paws scramble off into the rest of the hall, and Dean shifts, rushing over to get a shirt and sweats on as there is a soft knock on the door, “Dean?”

Dean fumbles on getting his leg into his sweats, nearly falling over in the process as he hops over to the door, “I’m gettin’ dressed, just a sec.”

“That’s fine…” Cas mumbles and Dean can hear some shuffling outside, “I’m using a nearby curtain to cover up, just so you are aware.”

Dean raises a brow, “Uh, okay, Cas…”

“I didn’t want you to open the door and get embarrassed or worse.”

“Thanks for taking me into consideration.” Dean finishes slipping his shirt of his head as he pulls back the door, “Now can you tell me why you’re here?”

Cas is staring at the floor rather than looking at Dean, and a red curtain hangs loosely over his shoulders like a makeshift robe, “I heard the betas outside of your door trying to get in… Dean, I apologize for the way my pack is treating you, and if you want to leave I would understand-”

“ _Woah woah woah,_ Cas, no one said I was gonna be leavin’...” Dean furrows his brow for a moment, “Look, I know that your followers are actin’ kinda… weird, but weird things have been happenin’ lately. What do you expect?”

“I expect them to treat you right and properly, Dean.” Cas asserts, some anger seeping into his voice as he speaks, “That’s why I’ve called a pack meeting to address this issue. Hopefully this will deter them from doing anything else to you.”

Dean smiles, “Well, thanks, Cas.”

The alpha nods sheepishly, and his eyes still haven’t lifted to look at Dean- “It’s fine, Dean…”

“So, are you gonna go take care of your big pack meeting or what?”

Cas jolts for a second, “Oh- I- thank you for reminding me, Dean.”

Dean snorts a small laugh as the alpha stumbles away, a smirk wide on his face, “Yeah, Cas. Anytime.” and he shuts the door.

Dean’s face falls a moment afterwards, remembering that he has bits and pieces to look into inside of Azazel’s journal. He rushes over to where it had been open on his desk, and he exhales hard.

“No-” Dean rummages around a small space, his hands flying up into his hair- “oh my god it’s gone-”

“I was wondering when you would notice.” Dean jumps, looking over to see a form shrouded in shadow, their voice sinister, “I know several people who would pay a hefty price for this book right here, especially for the information it contains, but I know that they’ll pay an even larger sum for you.”

Dean’s brow furrows as he takes a step back, swallowing, “Who are you?”

“An old friend,” the person shrugs, “but that doesn’t matter. All that does is getting my way. I guess that for right now, you have a warning, Dean.” there’s a chuckle, and the form steps forward, “You and I aren't finished yet.”

“Zachariah…” Dean murmurs.

“The one and only.” Zachariah smirks and holds Azazel’s journal to his side, “I’m so happy that you remember me so well! Gah- the last time I saw you was when Sam was a little pup and you were just a toddler! Such fun times!”

Dean swallows, only to find his mouth dry, “What do you want?”

The older werewolf makes an expression, one of pondering as he tsks, “What don’t I want, Dean? I mean, you’re not the only one that’s changed. Since we last saw each other, I’ve become quite the businessman. Especially when it comes to anything werewolf related.”

“That still doesn’t explain what you want with me…” Dean eyes Zachariah carefully as he begins to casually step around the room.

“Oh, Dean- you’re still so naive sometimes. I mean, come on. Really?” Zachariah throws his arms in the air as a sign of fake shock, “You’re a hybrid, well, at least according to Azazel’s terms. Do you know just how rare you are? Do you know how many wolves would _love_ to just own you-”

“I’m no one’s pet.” Dean growls, his hands balling up into fists, “I’ll _never_ become that.”

Zachariah rolls his eyes, sighing, “Always so stubborn. Dean, this world is basically a market. People have stocks, have investments… Some fall through, some don’t… Well, you my friend, are like a gold mine. I’ll be set for life and beyond just from having you under my thumb alone.”

Dean’s lip twitches over his teeth, and his wolf is near the surface, “Sorry, but, becoming your bitch isn’t on my to do list.”

“Oh, it will be. Especially if I have some catalysts.” Zachariah smiles, “Would you care if I took Sam back, Dean? Or how about that other omega, Gabe, is it? I mean, what would you do if they were at stake, hm? Or what about that she-wolf and her pup?” Dean stiffens, his eyes widening at the older werewolf’s threats, “Who knows what you’ll do if I throw that alpha into the mix-”

“Don’t you even _think_ about it.” Dean snarls, his wolf nearly winning over him in the control arena at the thought of Zachariah hurting Cas for his own gain.

“Ah see, there it is. The soft spot- the weak chain among the link.” Zachariah laughs, his suit wrinkling as he does so, “Dean, sometimes you make it so easy to play this little game. You give me the perfect the ammunition, I swear.”

Dean softens only a little, his fear building against his chest, threatening to explode and pour over his ribs like an over-flowed glass, “What do I have to do? …”

The older werewolf grins in a feral manner, “That’s the spirit, Dean.” he takes a step forwards, and Dean takes one back, “First off, I’m going to be collecting you in a weeks time. You will not tell anyone about our arrangement, nor will you try to run off or disappear. I will find you, or you’ll find yourself coming back to a pack house full of strangers. You will keep yourself fed, clean, and in proper health before I return.”

“Anything else?” Dean quietly inquires, feeling hopelessness line his chest like useless padding as his heart thumps in terror at the thought of what is going to happen to him in seven days time.

“Keep that alpha off of you.” Zachariah sneers, looking disgusted, “Clients won’t be interested in renting or buying you if you smell like another wolf. We want your scent to be as pure as possible.”

“But what if something happens?” the other werewolf seems angry that Dean would argue and or debate against him and his rules, “Maybe something along the lines of a spontaneous heat?”

“Then I’ll just come get you then, Dean. Don’t think you have an out or that there are options here for you. I can assure you, they don’t exist. You can either believe me, or just keep lying to yourself till your delusional.”

Dean exhales over his bottom lip roughly, letting his chin fall against his chest in a sense of defeat- “O-Okay… I get it… A week from now…” Dean licks his lips to try and ease some of the adrenaline in his veins, to try and keep himself from falling apart, as if he were a pane of glass under too much pressure while being forced to bend at an angle, “I’ll be yours…”

Zachariah grins, “Just like it should be. Now I’ll see you later, Dean. I’ve got seven days to get the word out that you’ll be on sale soon enough.”

As the other wolf leaves- Azazel’s journal in hand- Dean slumps against his mattress, heaving oxygen in and out of his lungs.

“What am I going to do? …” he whispers lightly, and he scrunches his eyes at the thought of what is to come soon enough.

**  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used this song to write this time: 
> 
> Stay High - Tove Lo [Hippie Remix]  
> (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQaeOuKYgAc)


	8. Look Into My Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey- I updated. Weird.
> 
> Anyways, I finished my DCBB and I'm currently editing it. I'm seriously read to post this, but I only have the rest of this month, and then September to really wait. Then I get my publishing date and boom- here I am yet again with some new shit, dude. Mostly, however, I've been busy trying to get into contact with my artist, alongside finding a beta or two.
> 
>  
> 
> ( _Also, if you are willing to beta my DCBB, PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT. That would be lovely._ )
> 
>  
> 
> Also, school has been keeping me busy, of course. But still, I've managed to work some time into my hectic schedule to write, so praise me. This is so hard, haha. Seriously.
> 
> A little more happens in this chapter, like an almost-sex-scene, n' stuff. I don't want to say anymore, or else I'll spoil it. This is mostly filler, but I hope you guys aren't disappointed in me either way.
> 
> Okay- I think that's all I've really got to say. Yay?
> 
> Enjoy!~

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Castiel stands in front of his followers with a strict face, his anger barely hidden underneath his skin. The betas, all wide-eyed and reeking of fear and regret, are huddled together in a large mass in front of a small stage. The alpha had built the structure specifically for this purpose alone: pack meetings.

 

“You are all well aware of why you’re here.” Castiel’s voice is heavy and loud as it cuts through the looming silence, and some betas flinch as they eye their alpha, “Disrespect in my pack is unacceptable, especially when you pups seem to be _ignoring_ my orders.”

 

More betas tremble.

 

Castiel waits a few seconds to let his followers breathe. He hates being this rough like this, so callous with his rulings; but sometimes, his role demands him to do so. Specifically when it comes to his followers disobeying and going after _Dean._

 

“I thought I had told you to stop treating Dean Winchester like a piece of meat for the taking, but, going by the scratched paint and claw marks on Dean’s damaged door, it would be safe to assume that you all did not heed my words in the slightest.”

 

Several betas down below whine in apology, some bare their throats, while most just look at the floor and avert their gazes in obvious submission. Castiel, however, is not satisfied.

 

“I do not care for any whimpering or unspoken apologies. It does not change the fact that you pups _disobeyed_ me and tried to attack Dean Winchester in more ways than one.” there’s more whining down below as Castiel’s voice deepens, and his wolf lingers on the edge of his words- an unsaid threat- making the betas recognize the consequences for their actions, “Each and every single one of you will respect Dean Winchester from now on, you will give him space, and if you _dare_ touch him against his will-” Castiel growls angrily, punctuating his words with a feral warning that all wolves will understand by instinct alone.

 

The betas lower themselves to the floor almost instantly, exposing their necks to the alpha. Some even shift into their wolf forms to show him their belly with a small whine.

 

Castiel shifts to his own wolf quickly, jumping off of the stage down to his rebellious followers. He doesn’t quite care for words at the moment. His wolf is far too furious with its pack over their disobedience alone, but when it knows that they tried to take _Dean_ as their own… Castiel’s wolf finds words tedious and useless to make his point known. Instead, the alpha growls as he paces slowly among the frightened betas, his upper lip drawn back to expose his sharp canines in a display of dominance and anger. Betas strain on the floor when he nears them, their hearts fluttering their chests as their alpha shows his displeasure thoroughly.

 

After walking around his pack for several moments, asserting his place as alpha and making his power known to those below him, Castiel decides to growl at the betas to stand. With a dismissive yip, he calls off the unplanned meeting, and the other wolves scramble away with their tails between their legs or their heads ducked.

 

Partially satisfied with the fear installed in his followers’ brains, Castiel trots back through the hallways to find Dean.

 

They have much to talk about.

 

**…**

 

Dean has already wiped away the tears and washed his face by the time Cas knocks on his door. He knows that it’s the alpha behind the wood because really, who else would pick a time like _now_ to come see him?

 

Dean finishes patting the water droplets off of his skin, walking up to his bedroom’s door with a resigned sigh.

 

God- how is he going to manage this?

 

“Dean?” the other werewolf asks cautiously, as if he’s afraid of Dean refusing to open the door if he didn’t know who it was- “It’s me… Castiel.”

 

“I know,” Dean pulls back the door and holds his breath for a few seconds, noticing how seriously Castiel is eyeing him, “who else could it possibly be?”

 

“Your brother, Gabriel…” Cas pauses for a second, “Meg.”

 

Dean would roll his eyes if he were in a better mood, but since Zachariah’s words linger in his thoughts, he just gives a small smile that doesn’t quite make it instead- “Point made… Now, why are you back here again?”

 

Cas opens his mouth for a moment, then shuts it, and his expression is calculating for a few seconds, “I came to see if you were alright, and that I wanted to inform you that the pack meeting was over. The betas shouldn’t bother you again.”

 

‘ _In a week, it won’t matter._ ’ Dean thinks, but he keeps that to himself.

 

“Thanks, Cas…” Dean says quietly, looking towards the floor because his chest tightens at that thought- “It means a lot…”

 

Cas takes a step forward, voice littered with concern, “Dean… Are you alright?”

 

“M’fine.” Dean lies, and he tries to keep himself from showing that everything is the exact opposite of the word.

 

Cas moves a couple of inches closer, “Dean, I can tell that you’re lying.”

 

Dean looks up at Cas then, brows furrowed, “How is that possible?”

 

“Your heart skips a beat when you lie.”

 

“Maybe I just have a fucked up rhythm or somethin’. Like a condition, not a false comment.”

 

Cas blinks at Dean for a second, tilting his head, “I don’t understand, Dean…”

 

Dean just snorts and walks into his room, “Any other news?”

 

“Not that I can think of,” Cas steps into Dean’s room, and he begins sniffing the air- “um, Dean… Did a beta bother you while I was away?”

 

Dean freezes on top of his bed, staring at the alpha as his nostrils flare, “No… why?”

 

“I can smell that one’s been here, quite recently, actually…” Cas looks at Dean eyes narrowed in confusion, “You’re not making sense, Dean. First you lie to me about your well being, and then you lie to me about the beta’s scent that is lingering in your room…”

 

“It’s a long and complicated story, Cas. It’s not worth your time-”

 

Cas is sitting beside Dean on the bed in an instant, “I’ll decide that for myself, Dean.”

 

“Just- Cas… Can you leave this _alone?”_ Dean knows that his voice sounds pained, and it only causes Cas to come rushing forward in concern.

 

“Dean, no one did anything while I was gone, did they? You weren’t hurt or-”

 

“No, Cas…” Dean brushes off the hand that had somehow placed itself along Dean’s shoulder, “I just feel off, is all.”

 

Dean hopes that he sound convincing enough for Cas to believe him.

 

“Okay.” Cas backs off a few inches, but it barely adds any distance between their two bodies.

 

Dean rubs at his arm, trying to somehow alleviate the awkward itch under his skin, “So, uh, how was the pack meeting?”

 

Cas takes a moment to answer, but every second of silence that passed was full of Cas staring directly at Dean, causing him to feel even weirder than before, “Good.”

 

It’s all he says.

 

“I’m guessin’ that they didn’t give you problems?” Dean doesn’t look up from the floor as he speaks, knowing that if he does, all he will be able to see is a bright blue that has managed to burn itself into his retinas.

 

“No.” Cas sounds almost distant, “They know not to.”

 

“Cas, are _you_ alright?”

 

Cas stiffens at the words, and Dean’s head snaps up. The alpha is staring at Dean, eyes almost foreign, and a tongue darts out to wet his lips as he stares. Cas’ nostrils flare, causing Dean to stand and take a step back, some concern making its way into his cautious movements.

 

“Dean.”

 

Dean blinks, swallowing hard, and he feels even more like prey as the alpha eyes the motion of his throat.

 

“Uh, Cas… You’re starting to scare me… Are you sure that-” Dean’s cut off by a body slamming into his own.

 

The world doesn’t stop spinning until his back hits the wall that had once been five feet away, and, as motion abruptly stops, Dean finds all of the air getting hit out of his lungs with the force that his spine had met the plaster with. A nose is pressed directly into the crook of his neck, and the sound of someone taking a deep breath is too close to Dean’s ear for comfort.

 

“Cas-” Dean shakes, because he literally _is_ afraid now- “Cas, come on, man. Just- stop. _Please._ ”

 

There’s a warning growl, and hands pin Dean’s arms against his sides, “ _Submit._ ”

 

The words are rough and callous as they are pronounced, and Dean tries not to freak out at how wolfish Cas sounds at the moment.

 

“Cas, this isn’t you. Get back in control- this is all in your head-”

 

“Quiet.” Cas purrs into his throat, licking against Dean’s jittery pulse point hungrily, “ _Mine._ ”

 

Dean sighs, gently pushing against Cas’ chest, “I don’t like this, Cas.”

 

Dean is pushed further into the wall, and he winces as he can hear the boards groan and the plaster begin to crack under the weight and pressure pressing against. Cas growls lowly, daring Dean to challenge him again. Dean truly considers it, consequences be damned, but before he can do anything, Cas pulls back from him as though he were scalded.

 

“Dean, I- my wolf- I didn’t- _I’m sorry._ ” Cas sounds utterly terrified of himself, and Dean breathes heavily in the new space around him.

 

“Castiel-”

 

The alpha is out of his room as the last syllable of his name falls off of Dean’s tongue.

 

**…**

 

Castiel has to lean against walls as he stumbles back to his room. Betas carefully eye him as he forces his way past them, breathing heavily through his mouth so his traitorous body doesn’t make him go back to Dean.

 

The alpha feels ashamed of his wolf- specifically for it taking control so it could attempt to take Dean against his will. The thought makes Castiel shudder. He knows that his betas will more than likely call him a hypocrite now.

 

Their alpha tells them to leave Dean Winchester alone and not to touch or take him without his consent, yet there he was, with his teeth getting ready to sink into Dean’s neck as he asked Castiel to stop himself.

 

What kind of leader is he if he stoops so low? What might they think of him now after this? What kind of alpha would he be, trying to control his pack, while he can’t control his _own_ wolf?

 

Castiel shifts and sprints off into the woods, trying to scare away the dark thoughts in his mind.

 

**…**

 

Dean sits down on his bed, face in his hands. He takes a deep breath, trying to figure this out before he slips up or worse- someone finds out. He knows that Sammy wouldn’t let Dean go with Zachariah, even if the man threatened to rip him limb from limb- which, Dean won’t let happen.

 

There’s a reason that they’re brothers, and it’s more than just blood that comes into play.

 

“Hey,” there’s a small knock, and Dean looks up to see Gabe lingering in the doorway, “how are you holdin’ up, Dean?”

 

Dean lets out a shaky exhale, laughing without much humor, “ _Peachy,_ Gabe…”

 

“Come on,” the other werewolf walks over to sit down on the end of the mattress beside Dean, setting a reassuring hand on the other werewolf's back, “let it out. I know you’re dying to, going by the look on your face.”

 

Dean feels some of the tension leak away from his muscles, and he shakes his head solemnly, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, Gabe.”

 

“Not many do… Presenting is always a risky and strange business.”

 

“I’ve noticed…” Dean swallows, twiddling his thumbs over each other in a nervous dance, and he decides that getting one thing out of him is better than nothing at all, “Gabe, how do you know if you met your mate?”

 

Gabe makes a face, “Wait- hold on. Your _mate?_ Dean, you understand that you’ve been an omega-”

 

“I don’t have a set gender, really.” Dean blurts, but Gabe doesn’t look angry- in fact, he seems intrigued, “It’s because that way my body can use both for whatever my mate is…”

 

“So if you’re only supposed to show a certain set of traits when you meet your mate, then…” Gabe pauses, and he pales, “Y-You’re Cassie’s mate, aren’t you?”

 

Dean blinks in shock for a split second, licking his lips even though his tongue offers no saliva to wet them, “Uh, no…”

 

“I can tell that’s a lie, Dean.” Gabe looks like he’s just a mess of emotions, as though he doesn’t know which one to pick because they all look so prominent, “Now tell me, and be honest, are you my brother’s mate?”

 

The eldest Winchester looks away, his voice soft as he speaks, “I- I might be…”

 

“ _Might be?”_ Gabe echoes, his tone disbelieving, “Wolves don’t mess this sort of thing up. You just can’t be ‘sort of’ mates, Dean. It’s not possible.”

 

“Well _something_ went wrong-” Dean’s voice breaks and he has to avert his gaze in embarrassment when hot, fresh tears form, “God, I just- this is all just so much to take in, Gabe… I was a human only a few weeks ago… I can't- I don't know what to do.”

 

Gabe shuffles closer, placing his arm across Dean’s back to offer comfort, “I can relate. Getting changed is always the hardest whenever things are trying to settle down. It’s hard on people, because they know that this if their life now- that there’s always going to be some beast in their head with them no matter what they do- that wasn't there before.”

 

Dean shakes his head, “That’s not it, exactly…”

 

“Then tell me what it really is.”

 

“It’s complicated…” Dean takes a deep breath, wiping away his tears, “I like Cas, but not like _that,_ really. I respect him and I would like to get closer to him, but it’s almost impossible. He just blocks me out whenever I try to get in, and sure, he’s opened up to me about some things... But I just feel like… like-”

 

“He’s still holding out on you. Like he doesn’t trust you enough to even tell you something that you may already know or suspect.” Gabe nods, understanding, “Sometimes, I think that if I weren’t his brother, and that I wasn’t there for most of what happened, I probably wouldn’t even know as much as I do about him.”

 

Dean chokes on an inhale, “I just don’t want to be mates with a guy who can’t even tell me who he really is and what happened to him…”

 

Dean also doesn’t mention that he’s about to offer himself up to Zachariah to protect this man as well. Figures... the irony.

 

There’s a pause, “Dean, is something else wrong? …”

 

“N-No.” Dean answers far too quickly for it to be believable.

 

“Dean-”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Gabe looks confused, and his nose crinkles as he makes a face, “Sorry? For what?”

 

Dean pivots and faces away from Gabe, “Just for this-” Dean’s hands move around him in hopes that he can divert him from the truth enough to where the other werewolf can't sense a lie, “I know I seem emotional and all of that, and that is just some wilted daisy act-”

 

“Wilted daisy act?” Gabe echoes, raising an eyebrow that looks nothing but judgmental, “No offense, Dean… but _what the fuck,_ mate?”

 

“I’m just sorry, okay? For me being all over the place because I’m confused and lost, and I may be mated for life to someone who doesn’t want to let me in on their past one. I’ve only been a werewolf for what, now? Almost a _month?_ It’s just fucking pitiful, is all.”

 

Gabe shakes his head, “Not everyone is going to immediately be masters of their fate, or their wolf, Dean. You certainly can't control others, sometimes your wolf, too- but one thing you can keep in check-” Gabe points a finger and pokes Dean in the ribs, “is yourself.”

 

“What are you trying to say, Gabe?”

 

“I’m telling you that you just can let life walk all over you because you’ve had a bad day-”

 

Dean snorts, “It’s more like a few months, actually… Maybe more.”

 

“Point taken,” Gabe sighs then, “but the point stays, Dean. There’s going to be bad days- ones that make you feel like utter shit, ones that will make you stoop lower than you’ve ever gone before- but there are _good_ ones too. That’s what matters. Not the in between days, not the bad days- just the good ones. Those are what you need to keep yourself going.”

 

“I probably haven’t had a good day since I was four…” Dean murmurs, and he shivers involuntarily to the fearful memory of smoke and ash, of heat and flame.

 

Gabe nods but doesn't press on the subject, thankfully, “Sometimes, we just seem really unlucky, but all bad streaks break eventually, right?”

 

Dean gives an empty laugh, and he grips onto the denim he’s wearing like a lifeline, “God- I _really_ fucking hope so…”

 

Otherwise, Dean may not have anymore “good days” to be looking forward to.

**…**

 

It's a day or two after the initial meeting with Zachariah, and Dean is covering his eyes as he lays across his mattress.

 

 _Four days._ That's all he has.

 

God- he feels like a dead man.

 

Dean takes a deep breath in to calm himself, and he forces his brain to calm down from the panic attack that it had been building itself up to for the past few hours or so. It's a taxing process, and Dean feels practically drained as he remembers how to let his chest rise and fall without hitching in any way. It sucks, in some sense.

 

Just as Dean closes his eyes to sleep, there's a knock at Dean's door, causing the hybrid to look up to see his brother creaking his door back to enter.

 

“Dean,” Sammy asks quietly, “are you okay?”

 

Dean swallows, avoiding his brother’s gaze as he walks inside, “I’m alright.”

 

“Really?”

 

“ _What?”_ Dean glares at his brother before he can stop himself, and he regrets it as soon as he notices the expression on his sibling’s face as he sits down on the end of bed.

 

Sammy shuffles a little bit on the edge of Dean’s mattress, “I’ve known you for my whole life, Dean. I know when you’re lying. Besides, your scent contradicts what you’re telling me.”

 

Dean thinks about Zachariah, and he shivers as he sits up.

 

“Hey, if something’s going on, you know you can tell me, right?” Sammy comes an inch closer, and his concern is evident.

 

“I know, Sammy, but I-” Dean almost opens up to his brother- _almost-_ “it’s something really personal. I wish that I could talk about it, but... it’s just not going to work out that way.”

 

Sammy sighs as he removes his gaze from Dean, and he begins to stare at the floor, “Is this about Castiel?”

 

The eldest Winchester’s head snaps up so he can stare at his brother, “What?”

 

“You told me that you needed to make up your mind on if he was your mate or not. I’m guessin’ that this is giving you problems?”

 

“Cas isn’t- he was- …” Dean closes his mouth for a moment, and he tries to suppress the feeling of dread when he is reminded of his ‘deal’ with Zachariah, “It isn’t just Cas, Sammy.”

 

“Then what else is there?”

 

Dean presses his lips together tightly.

 

Should he tell Sammy the truth? Should he try and explain to his brother that he had no choice but to agree?

 

Dean worries the poor flesh of his mouth in between his teeth from anxiety, and he mentally steels himself from disappointment to go the coward’s way out.

 

“Nothing. Forget I said anything.”

 

Sammy scowls and tilts his head, “Dean, don’t brush whatever is bothering you off-”

 

“I said to just forget it, okay?” Dean hisses, and then deflates, “Sorry, I- I’m just stressed, is all.”

 

His brother nods, and he looks away, “I can understand. A lot has happened in the past few days. It’s going to take some time for you to get used to the changes.”

 

Dean nods, his voice becoming solemn, “Yeah… _time…_ ”

 

' _Too bad it's something that I don't have._ ' Dean thinks.

 

**…**

 

A few days later, Dean decides that he’s had enough with dancing around Cas, and that for the last day that he has, he’s going to get things set straight before he can’t do it anymore. He approaches the alpha’s door with some apprehension, and he follows through with knocking. He’ll know at least, if Cas doesn’t answer him, that he tried.

 

“Cas?”

 

The alpha takes a few seconds to open the door, and when he does, he stares at the eldest Winchester, and a small smile work its way onto his face, “Ah- hello, Dean. Do we need to converse?”

 

“Yes, actually…” Dean rubs at his neck nervously, walking inside of Cas' room as the alpha gestures for him to come in, “I wanted to apologize about earlier- wait, scratch that- I’m just… I’m trying to say sorry. For everything.”

 

“Everything?” Cas echoes, confusion evident in his tone.

 

Dean nods while he avoids looking at the- _his-_ alpha (not for much longer), “Yeah. I know that things have gotten… _hectic,_ around here since my pack and I have joined your ranks, and for that, I wanted to apologize.”

 

Cas gives Dean a look, “Do you regret me taking in your pack-”

 

“Oh _god no!”_ Dean blurts, and he blushes when he remembers that alphas hate interruptions- but as he looks at Cas, he finds the other werewolf lost instead, “It’s not that, Cas. Thank you for that, but… I know that we’ve caused you a lot of grief- _me_ in particular- and that things haven’t been going as smoothly as they should be.”

 

The alpha eyes Dean curiously, “You think I’m upset or mad with you, don’t you?”

 

‘ _No,_ ’ Dean thinks, ‘ _but you will be soon enough._ ’

 

Instead of voicing the truth, Dean shakes his head and lies through his teeth, “Nah, Cas. S’not that at all… I just think you’ve gotten tired of all this drama.”

 

Okay- so it’s not a _complete_ lie. Dean knows that he’s had the life of a soap opera star the past couple of days.

 

“While some things have proven to be troublesome, I don’t regret taking you in or having you as company, Dean. I’m…” Cas pauses for a moment, and his voice becomes softer- almost affectionate- “I’m actually quite fond of you.”

 

Dean stills.

 

“I hope that doesn’t bother you…” Cas murmurs, “I didn’t mean to offend or disturb you by that comment.”

 

The newer werewolf swallows nothing and shakes his head, “I’m just surprised, is all…”

 

“How come?”

 

“It’s just that-” Dean licks his lips, noticing that the alpha tracks the simple movement, “well, I sort of thought you hated me.”

 

Cas snorts, which is unusual, considering how professional the alpha projects himself to be, “That isn’t possible, Dean.”

 

Dean stares.

 

“While it is true that we’ve had some bumps in the road so far, I cannot deny the fact that I have come to care for you, Dean. You’re part of my pack.”

 

Dean tilts his head, “So it’s all instinctual-”

 

“In some ways, but not all.”

 

“What are the other reasons, then?” Dean asks.

 

Cas shrugs, “They are unknown to me, I’m afraid.”

 

Dean huffs a breath, but it’s a relaxed and humorous sound, “Of course.”

 

“Sorry that I lead you along, Dean.” Cas smiles, “Now, is there anything else you would like to discuss that we both know?”

 

Dean’s good buzz seems to crackle and pop, much like an aged wire, and in fear of letting something slip up or burn in the metaphorical flames of regret and self-loathing, Dean rips it out of him before he loses it instead, “I- I don’t know…”

 

“You looked troubled,” Cas comments, “is there something I should know.”

 

‘ _Yes._ ’

 

“No.”

 

Cas raises a brow, “Dean, I can hear your heart smell you. Your scent-”

 

“Can tell you when I’m lying, yes. Sam already informed me of that one, too…” Dean shakes his head, getting back on track, “It’s nothing I can talk about, so just let it be, Cas…”

 

“Why?”

 

‘ _Because you’ll get hurt. Zachariah will take you, Sammy, and Gabe away because of me if I don’t do this- yet, I can’t fucking tell you any of this or else it happen either way- no matter what I might do to stop it._ ’

 

“It’s complicated.”

 

Dean despises those two words when stringed together, because has has said them far too much in the pas few days, and he's sick of the sound on his tongue.

 

Cas nods, though he doesn’t look too satisfied with Dean’s answer, “Well, maybe when things clear up, I can lend a hand.”

 

The sentence makes Dean feel slightly better, and it reminds him of something else.

 

“Actually,” Dean blurts, but his voice is quiet, “there is _one_ thing…”

 

“Yes?”

 

Dean knows that he’s blushing profusely by this point, and his voice is irregular and full of pitch shifts as he stutters along, “H-How do you know if someone is your… your mate?”

 

The alpha before him stiffens.

 

“I know that this is a personal question and it’s basically asking ‘how do I know if someone is my soul mate’, but… I need to know.”

 

Dean hears a muffled growl, yet, when he looks up, Cas is calm and composed. He brushes the noise off as just his mind playing tricks on him for being so untruthful to everyone.

 

“You just do.”

 

“That’s helpful. But I just need to know, Cas. I might have met them and-”

 

This time, however, as Cas’ lip comes up in a snarl, Dean knows that the angry roar he hears escape from the alpha before him is real.

 

“Cas-”

 

“ _Who._ ” it’s not a question- it’s a demand.

 

Dean swallows, his instincts beginning to scream at him to stop, “W-What?”

 

Cas looks as if he’s about to either kill Dean or someone else, “ _Who,_ Dean?”

 

“I don’t-”

 

Dean finds his back against a wall with an alpha breathing heavily into his neck, “Dean Winchester, do not lie to me when you answer. _Who. is. it._ ”

 

Dean swallows, and the action feels weird with Cas’ face pressed up against his throat, “Cas, I- I- I don’t-” a loud moan suddenly escapes Dean, and heat flushes through his veins, “Oh shit… _Cas…_ ”

 

“Y- You… _heat._ ” the alpha’s voice instantly changes.

 

“What- Cas- what is going on?” Dean has to rest his head against Cas’ shoulder as thought becomes jumbled words and phrases that don’t make sense, and Dean can feel Cas’ grip tighten on him.

 

“You’re in heat.” he growls, “Dean, please… You don’t understand- your smell- I _can’t-”_

 

Dean moans without meaning to, and Cas grinds against him at the sound.

 

“C-Cas… earlier-” Dean chokes out, finding the back of his skull thumping against the wall as another tidal wave of heat rolls through him, causing Cas to groan as his throat becomes exposed, “mate.”

 

Cas pulls back only a few centimeters, his voice sounding rough and strained, “What?”

 

“Mate…” Dean exhales harshly, grabbing onto Cas and pulling him closer, “M-My mate.”

 

The alpha stills, “Y- You’re- I’m-”

 

“Yeah.” Dean nods lightly.

 

Cas seems to stop breathing.

 

“Cas, come on, please…” Dean begins to rock against the alpha’s body without intending to, but the friction feels so nice that he can stop himself or apologize, “Cas. _Alpha-”_

 

That elicits a reaction from the older werewolf, and Dean is glad for it. He suddenly finds teeth grazing over his flesh, and a heated growl from the other man makes Dean shudder as his instincts begin to take control.

 

Cas is his mate. Cas is going to take care of Dean. Cas is going to-

 

“Stop right there, Mr. Novak.”

 

Cas removes his face from Dean’s skin, and Dean can tell he’s forcing himself to look at the intruder instead of him as he whines, going by the twitch in his form that jerks in the direction of Dean.

 

“ _Get. Out._ ” Cas snarls.

 

“Afraid that I can’t,” a voice snarks, and there’s some movement on the opposite side of the room, “you see, you can’t have Dean.”

 

The alpha roars.

 

There’s a chuckle, and if Dean weren’t in heat, he would be so much clearer minded. However, with Cas against him and hormones rushing through him, he’s too focused on rutting against Cas’ thigh to truly care if someone else if present.

 

“Dean here is now property of Garrison Services.” as Cas stiffens, the air around Dean grows tense and sour, “I’m positive you know of our purposes.”

 

“Yes, I am aware…” Cas growls, “But Dean hasn’t consented to such a thing.”

 

The other voice chuckles as Dean softly huffs a breath into Cas’ shoulder, and the alpha shudders as the other werewolf rubs against him as he muffles a moan into his skin, “He has, actually. It took a little convincing, but he agreed nonetheless.”

 

“Dean,” the alpha turns to him then, cupping his face, “tell me. Did you agree to become a consort at Garrison Services?”

 

“I-” Dean trembles against Cas’ form, finding his heat worsening as he gains barely any satisfiable friction on Cas’ jean clad thigh, “maybe. Can't r-remember.”

 

The alpha stiffens, “Dean, did they make you say yes to anything at all?”

 

Dean nods at that, too busy with gripping onto the alpha to care much about the tedious task of talking.

 

“You _bastards-”_ Cas begins to snap, but he’s silenced by a laugh.

 

“I might not have told him _every_ detail, but he knew that he was coming with me either way.”

 

Cas holds onto Dean tightly, “He’s part of my pack. You can’t take him without my consent-”

 

There’s a tsk noise, and a small chuckle, “Not anymore. The rules changed, Mr. Novak. It was considered unfair for an alpha to speak for an omega on something such as this. They ‘need’ their own voice.”

 

“Dean isn’t an omega-”

 

“Not completely.” the voice taunts, “However, Garrison still wants him and he said yes. We’re here to collect.”

 

Cas holds onto Dean tighter then, “You can’t have him.”

 

“No, Mr. Novak. I’m afraid that _you_ can’t.” there’s a snap, and Cas snarls as something is sprayed in his face, causing him to let go of Dean who slumps from his own weight against the wall, and the weakness of his muscles is brought on by heat, “Come along, Winchester. Michael and I are interested in seeing your first performance.”

 

Shit- it’s Zachariah.

 

“P-Performance?” Dean echoes tiredly, “But I’m not a performer-”

 

“You’re going to learn, Dean. Now come on.”

 

Dean is about to object when Cas throws himself forwards, aiming for Zachariah. He misses, however, as the beta sidesteps him. Cas fumbles around, and Dean can tell that he must have gotten sprayed with some irritant as his eyes squeeze shut and he coughs.

 

“ _Cas-”_

 

“Dean, come.”

 

“I’m not a dog!” Dean snaps, but he quiets as Zachariah chuckles.

 

The gray-haired beta smirks as he lifts up some canister, and before he pushes it down, he says, “Technically, you _are,_ Winchester- and every dog needs to have a master.”

 

Dean can’t help but scream as some mist comes into contact with his skin. He thought that the burning from his heat was bad, but shit- that can’t hold a candle up to this. Dean falls onto the ground, writhing around as he hears more scuffling and snarling, but he’s too busy dealing with the sensation of what feels like his skin melting off to care.

 

“ _You bastard!”_ he hears Cas yell, and there’s a roar from the alpha.

 

“ _Cas!”_ Dean screams, and he finds his body getting lifted by unfamiliar hands.

 

“ _DEAN!”_ he hears Cas shout, and tears work down Dean’s face as he struggles against the foreign arms encasing him.

 

Other voices join in as Dean rubs feverishly at his watery and stinging eyes, and he’s so focused with trying to figure out what is happening, that he forgets that he’s being carried away. It's as if he’s some runaway bride who just left the altar, in some way.

 

Mucus clogs Dean’s throat to the point where speech is impossible, and the hybrid coughs and sputters as he’s whisked away.

 

“Dean!” he hears several voices beg after him- Sammy, Gabe, and Cas- and Dean feels guilt weigh him down as though it were a plague.

 

‘ _I’m sorry._ ’ Dean thinks.

 

If only he got to actually say it.

  



	9. We Still Are Made of Greed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! Another update! :D  
> Be proud because omfg this was hard, lol.
> 
> A lot happens in this. Things happen- things are said- and Castiel may be breaking down bit by bit before us. Just prepare for the alpha to lose his tough exterior, because losing your mate can break anyone apart into a million tiny pieces.  
> Also, we meet Michael, and that mofo is creepy. Idk what happened with his characterization, but the only thing I can sort of think of is: "Silence of the Lambs"  
> Dean also begins fighting back, whoo! Not that he didn't before, and you'll see why, but yeah. Get prepared for BAMF!Dean, though some of you already know what I plan on happening with him- hell, you've known for like, 2 ch.s now.
> 
> Enjoy!~

 

 

* * *

 

 

Branches snap as Castiel shoves his way past them, making an obscene amount of noise as he progresses further into the woods, alerting things in a mile radius of his presence. However, he doesn’t care. No- not when everything is weird and foggy, not when Dean is gone. He coughs a few times, finding his throat raw from whatever the beta from earlier had sprayed him and Dean (the thought of his mate screaming makes him growl) with. The alpha’s eyes still sting, and his nose is stuffed and runny at the same time.

 

“Dean!” Castiel yells, even though he knows that by this point, Dean- his _mate-_ is long gone.

 

However, that doesn’t mean he stops trying.

 

“Dean!” fallen leaves and forest debris crunch under Castiel’s shoes, and his throat feels destroyed from the rough treatment it has endured in the past hour or so, “ _Dean!”_

 

“Cassie,” the alpha jumps, pivoting abruptly to face his younger brother, “he’s gone-”

 

Castiel growls his disagreement, and his wolf begins rearing its head at the words, “No! He can’t be! He’s just a few minutes out from here, I know it! I can catch up- I can _find_ him!”

 

Castiel tries not to cry as Gabriel comes forward to put an arm on his shoulder, “Cassie… That was Garrison Services on our doorstep. Do you know how fucked we would be if we tried to go after them?”

 

“Sam is a lawyer.” Castiel blurts angrily.

 

“One in training, actually-” the youngest Winchester supplies as he joins the two Novak brothers among the tree trunks, “but just because I’m aware of the judicial processes doesn’t mean you’ll win, either. GS is known for taking down anyone and everyone in court. We have no legal footing on this.”

 

Castiel breathes in through his nose roughly, finding himself unable to be around two people who have already given up on finding Dean- his _mate,_ god fucking dammit- “But they kidnapped him, blackmailed him- they did _something,_ Sam! They aren’t innocent!”

 

“I wasn’t saying that they were, just that we have no chance of getting to prove that in front of a judge until they’re bribed off with a ‘special, exclusive GS membership’.”

 

“Does Dean even know what GS is?” Gabe asks, and the omega frowns when Sam shakes his head.

 

“He never had the reason to pay attention to such a thing. He was human, remember?”

 

Castiel remains silent as he looks off into the trees. His shoulders slump, and a small whine escapes him.

 

“Cassie?”

 

Castiel feels his throat tighten as he speaks, “H-He- we- I-”

 

Cassie has to lean his weight onto his brother when his legs give out, and Castiel feels Gabriel hold onto him with concern, “Cassie, shit-”

 

Sam comes forward, and the two help Castiel sit down on the forest floor without falling on his ass, “He said he was my mate… then… then Zachariah _took_ him, and- “

 

Castiel’s voice gives out, and so does the wall that was holding all of his emotions back.

 

“Shit, Castiel…”

 

However, it’s the wrong Winchester that speaks.

 

“What do I do?” Castiel hates how quiet his voice is.

 

He should be yelling, shouting, screaming- _anything-_ because Dean is gone now and Castiel isn’t sure on how to get him back.

 

Gabriel comes face to face with Castiel, and the omega looks his brother in the eyes as they talk, “Listen to me. This is what you’re going to do. You’re gonna pull yourself together, and you’re going to pick yourself up. Once you get your feet on the ground, you’re going to begin looking for some way to get Dean- your mate- back. You got it?”

 

“Yes…” Castiel assures.

 

It doesn’t sound confident, despite the small hope that he’s been forcing himself to feel.

 

**…**

 

Dean sputters as he feels his hands get tied behind his back, and if he could, he would fight against them. But he’s still weak from his abrupt heat- he’s still recovering from whatever Zachariah had sprayed him with- he’s still dealing with the fact he’ll never see his friends again.

 

His eyes are swollen shut from their reaction to the spray, causing Dean to try and use the sounds around him for guidance. He can hear the rumbling of an engine, and as he’s set down and a door shuts, it’s safe to assume that Zachariah is taking him elsewhere.

 

A small, broken sound escapes him. He doesn’t know what causes it.

 

“Oh shush, little omega.” Zachariah soothes, “The pepper spray will wear off in a few more hours, maybe not until tomorrow. I forgot that you’re more sensitive to it than your alpha counterpart.”

 

Dean doesn’t correct Zachariah about his gender. Instead, he reels himself together, because he needs a game plan- and fast.

 

“Michael was looking all around for you, or at least, someone like you.” the beta begins, and Dean doesn’t know where he is in the car- he hopes it’s not in the seat next to him or something- “I’m sure that you’re already aware of Azazel’s discovery of hybrids, considering I found little tab marks and sticky notes strewn about the pages of his journal. It’s cute, by the way, just wanting to educate yourself altogether. If only it mattered.”

 

The hybrid wants to break the beta's neck.

 

There’s a small sigh, “Anyways, Azazel’s work has led me to a conclusion. You, Dean Winchester, are now the pinnacle of Garrison Services’ 'employees'. Now let me guess- you’re confused, aren’t you?”

 

Dean refuses to answer him in any way, and he remains motionless and silent.

 

“I’ll just assume that’s a yes…” Zachariah doesn’t sound pleased, but Dean could care less about this man and his happiness, “You’ve got a big career ahead of you, Dean. You’re going to be our prize at GS- our exclusive and unique asset that sets us aside from the other competition. You see, Garrison Services offers… _rentals,_ out to those who have the money and the need-” Dean feels his heart rate quicken its pace, “and for you, Dean, I’ll imagine the requests for you will come quite often.”

 

There’s a pause in the conversation, and Dean is wary about its presence.

 

“Can you imagine? A consort that’s able to service _both_ alphas in ruts and omegas in heat? We could double business with you alone, Dean. I can tell you now that you’ll be rented out like the little whore you are- with a reservation book and all.”

 

So that’s what he is here. A pawn- a marketing tool. Dean would swallow nervously if his throat could handle it.

 

Zachariah chuckles, “But first, before we put you up for sale-” Dean cringes, “we do have some business to discuss.”

 

Oh- this conversation just keeps getting better and better.

 

“Michael and I are going to have to prepare and train you- one on one, I’m afraid- to be a perfect consort. It won’t take too long, however, considering we won’t let a little ol’ heat of yours pass by without using its benefits to the fullest.”

 

Dean wishes that he could self-combust.

 

“I’m sure that we’ll have to start tomorrow, anyhow. I don’t think customers will be too excited to buy our new package if it looks as swollen as a ripe grape.”

 

It… Zachariah called him an ‘ _it’_. Ugh- for a beta, Dean thinks that Zachariah’s far too egotistical for someone who’s not even at the top of the gender chain either.

 

“You should probably rest, Dean. It’s good for your health.” Zachariah insists, and Dean feels something pierce his arm, and it takes him a few seconds to realize it’s a needle injecting him with something.

 

However, the realization came far too late, as Dean soon finds himself drifting off into what feels like a chemical coma.

 

**…**

 

“We’ve been searching for hours now, Cassie…” Gabriel has to rest his form against a tree as his exhaustion becomes evident, “I don’t think-”

 

“ _Don’t._ ” Castiel’s voice shudders, threatening to break on him as he speaks, “ _Don’t you dare say it._ ”

 

“I wish that I had every reason not to, but we’ve found nothing, Cassie. It’s been over twelve hours since Dean was taken-” the alpha closes his eyes at the memory of Dean screaming as Zachariah sprayed him, of Dean screaming for _him-_ “and we’ve found nothing. Not even a scent trail. There isn’t a trace of him in this woods because we’ve searched every fucking inch of it by now- at least twice, even. Just… We need to stop.”

 

Castiel snaps his gaze up to his younger brother, and his wolf nearly takes control at the fury he feels towards the idiotic suggestion, “I will never stop looking for him.”

 

Gabriel realizes what he said, and he visibly fumbles, “I- I didn’t mean it like that, Cassie… I just wanted us to stop for today is all… We could regroup after some well-deserved sleep, okay?”

 

“I don’t think I can with- with- …” words escape the alpha.

 

“I know. But you’re not invincible. You can’t keep going on forever without taking care of yourself, even though I know you want to.”

 

Castiel takes another step forward that leads into the thicker, denser part of the woods, and he holds back a whine, “I don’t want to quit. I don’t care about those things, Gabriel. Knowing that Dean’s out there- that GS has him- it makes it all seem so… _tedious…_ ”

 

“Dean would be mad at if you if he found out that you weren’t keeping yourself in check because of him.” Gabriel comes forward, putting a hand on his brother’s shoulder, “He’d tell you to eat a sandwich and take a nap, wouldn’t he?”

 

“More than likely, yes…”

 

Castiel doesn’t voice the feeling that this conversation makes him feel as though he lost Dean to death- not corrupt businessmen.

 

“He cares about you, Cassie. You’re _his_ mate. It would hurt him more to know that you were letting yourself go to look for him. He wants you to be safe and taken care of, just like how you want it for him. It’s a mutual desire, and you know what that means?”

 

Castiel doesn’t speak.

 

“It means that you’re going to come back to the pack house, and you’re going to sleep for at least four or five hours. Then you’re gonna eat and take a shower. I understand that you think like you’re wasting away energy or more by not looking for Dean, but there is only so much you can do in a certain amount of time, and if you push yourself to try and accomplish more- _especially_ with this- you’re only setting yourself up to fail miserably.”

 

“I know…”

 

Gabriel begins to lead his broken-hearted brother away from the thickening lines of the trees, and instead, guides him towards their pack house, “Trust me, as soon as I think you’re okay to do this again, we’ll begin searching right away. For now, we can only wait and worry.”

 

“I wish that wasn’t case…” Castiel mumbles, and he feels his motivation drain out of him from utter exhaustion.

 

“Me too, Cassie…” Gabriel sounds sympathetic, but truthful, “Me too…”

 

**…**

 

Dean awakens to find himself in some sterile, white room. He has to blink a few times to let his eyes adjust from the blurriness, and he groans when he feels his head pound in annoyance from whatever had happened him. There's something underneath him, and when Dean's hand weakly explores around, he comes to the conclusion that he's on a mattress.

 

“Ah, you’re awake.” it’s a new voice that speaks to him now, and Dean doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or not, “Took you long enough. You were out for several hours, at least.”

 

Dean is about to make a snarky comment, and he opens his mouth to speak. However, when he does, all that comes out is a weak, broken squeak.

 

“You’re allergic to mace, apparently, and it caused you to lose your voice. Talk about an unfortunate turn of events.” there’s a pause, “Oh, you were sprayed while you were in heat, weren’t you? That’s even worse, considering how sensitive you become. I’d say that I’m sorry, but I’m not.”

 

Dean glares at the man instead.

 

“Before you ask," the guy chuckles at the irony of his words, "the antibodies we had to inject you with to stop your reaction also stopped your heat. You lucky little guy."

 

Dean pushes himself up to where he's sitting on the bed, and he winces in pain as he does so.

 

"Oh! I almost forgot to introduce myself, Dean. My name’s Michael!"

 

The man comes forwards to outstretch a hand, yet Dean makes no move to shake it.

 

“Ah, a rude one, I see.” Michael comments as he places his arm back against his side, “Normally I would… _reprimand,_ that kind of behavior, but seeing as I might be requiring your services soon…”

 

Services? … What?

 

“Confused, are we?” Michael laughs wholeheartedly.

 

The hybrid stares as many minutes pass, and overall, he just feels helpless as the man before him treats him as though he were a good joke- a punchline.

 

Michael giggles for a moment longer, and he wipes away an imaginary tear from his eye, “I haven’t laughed like that in years. Thank you, Dean… Now, back to business.” Michael sits down beside Dean, causing the other to scoot away abruptly as if he were scalded, “Don’t act like that now. You and I need to get used to each other, considering my heat is in a few days. I plan on using you to get me through it.”

 

Using? Now there’s a nice word.

 

Michael takes a finger and traces the edge of the mattress with its tip, and Dean begins to feel disgusted at the weird way that Michael seems to be going about it, taking his time to feel every fiber that he comes across- learning it, touching it- “Normally I would use another one of GS’ consorts, but… You’re special, Dean. Unique, even… You would be so much easier to handle than our… ‘substitute’ omegas. I want an alpha, Dean- a _real_ alpha. You’re going to be able to give that to me.”

 

If Dean’s throat could handle and endure such a thing, Dean would vomit right there on the spot. Besides, he doesn’t know how long it’s been since anything but acid has resided among his stomach contents.

 

“It’s even better because you’re a hybrid. You’ll be gentler- careful. You’ll be a good alpha to me- right, Dean?”

 

Dean jumps off of the bed as Michael makes a move towards him, and his lips pull back in warning. One more move like that, and Dean will only touch Michael to kill him.

 

Michael seems a little hurt at the unspoken rejection that he had just received, and he purses his lips for a second before scowling, “I’m so tired of getting that. All of the omegas we have here hate me. They don’t like having to play the role of an alpha when they aren’t one. They despise me because I prefer it- that I used them for it… I just can’t handle actual, full-blooded alphas. They’re just so possessive and domineering… But _you-_ you’d be so nice. You’d be different. You’re exactly what I need, Dean. Why can’t you see that too?”

 

That’s it- it’s official now. Michael is fucking _insane._

 

“Zachariah told me that you were with an alpha when he got you.” Dean feels his saliva sour at the memory, as if the sadness and guilt he feels is a bad taste that overpowers everything else in his mouth, making it harder to swallow, “What was it like, Dean? Did he control you? Or better yet, did he _own_ you? I want to know what being with a real alpha is like. Is it good, or is it bad… Should I do it myself… Those kind of things.”

 

Michael stands, and with the movement, Dean shifts into his wolf form.

 

His lip pulls over his muzzle as he lets out a weak growl, and he mentally curses at how "terrifying" he sounds. However, despite his pitiful attempt at being scary, Michael still seems to be affected. The omega stares at him wide-eyed, and he begins to walk away.

 

“I can tell that I’ve overstayed my welcome…”

 

Very much so.

 

“I just don’t understand why you don’t want to help me…” Michael looks like a hurt child, and Dean feels no compassion or pity towards the delusional omega, “Isn’t it in your instincts to aid me through my heat?”

 

‘ _No, they want me to rip your head off of you shoulders..._ ’ Dean thinks.

 

As Michael makes the mistake of taking another step forward, Dean wishes that his vocal cords would work later on. If they did heal and recover, he could relay the threat using a human tongue instead of a canine’s as he snarls brokenly.

 

“Zachariah will be very angry at you if you don’t help me, Dean.”

 

Dean snaps his teeth at Michael, causing the omega to scramble away to leave in a hurry. Dean waits till he is gone, and he lays against the tiled floor below him with a huff.

 

He needs to figure out what he’s going to do, and _fast._

 

**…**

 

“Cassie…”

 

The alpha feels a hand stirring him awake.

 

“Cassie, get up. Sam has news on Dean-”

 

Castiel is up in seconds, “Where is Sam?”

 

“The kitchen.” as Castiel begins to leave, his younger brother grabs onto his arm, “Wait, Cassie…”

 

“What is it?”

 

Gabriel sighs, and he makes the alpha sit back down, “Be gentle with Sam, okay?”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I know that once you find out what it is, you’re going to be as mad as he was.”

 

Castiel furrows his brow, and he feels more confused at the look on his brother’s face as he echoes one of his words, “Was? …”

 

Gabriel nods, “Y-Yeah… He sort of- _snapped,_ while you were asleep.”

 

“Gabriel, what happened?”

 

“He found something on Garrison’s website. It’s- it’s an ad about Dean.”

 

Castiel stares.

 

Gabriel swallows, and Castiel feels his heart speed up in fear for his mate, “S-Sam found it while he was doing research, and it- it made him nearly go rogue. I’m not joking about that either, I just- it took a bit to calm him down-”

 

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

 

“Really? Do you think I have a _death wish_ or something?” Gabriel shakes his head, “Cassie, you’re stressed enough about Dean alone. Putting you around his compromised brother sounds like a good idea, doesn’t it?”

 

Castiel nods as his shoulders slump, “Point made… But what about Dean?”

 

Gabriel bites his bottom lip, “I-It’s bad, Cassie. Sam almost lost himself to his wolf for a reason.”

 

“W-What do you mean?”

 

“They plan on renting him out to _anyone,_ Cassie. They’re taking advantage over the fact he’s the only known hybrid in existence. Any alpha, beta, _or_ omega can sign up for him if they want to. Any language- anywhere in the world- as long as they can pay for it, they can have Dean for a small period of time.”

 

Instantly, Castiel stands with a growl, “Has there been any offers?”

 

The younger werewolf nods with a solemn air about him, “T-There was an issue on the website because of it… So many people we’re signing up for Dean that they- … They crashed the site, Cassie. Do you know how many people that has to take- especially for a popular, international company such as Garrison Services?”

 

The alpha pales, “H-How many? …”

 

“Millions.”

 

Castiel’s vision whites, and the world around him turns into an overpowering mess that clogs all of his senses. Before Castiel is lost to it all, he has last thought that comes to his mind.

_Dean_

 

**…**

 

“You’re causing quite an uproar.”

 

Claws cease their clicking against the flooring as Dean stops pacing. For a moment, he's confused as to why no one is the room with him, until he looks over to the wall opposite of him. There, he sees a new development, and he growls when he realizes that Zachariah is standing behind a pane of glass to speak to him.

 

_Coward._

 

“There’s been rumors that you’ve been booked up until the year 2065, I believe.” Zachariah gives Dean one of his sinister smirks, “That’s a long career, don’t you think?”

 

Dean wishes that Zachariah could be in reach of his claws or teeth, because he desperately wants to rip this man to shreds.

 

Zachariah takes a step to the side, and his hands are clasped behind his back, giving him the outer appearance of a businessman when all Dean sees is ‘snake’, “You crashed our site because you’ve become so popular. The world is obsessed with you already, and they don’t even know who you really are… It’s quite amazing, isn’t it?”

 

Dean stands rigidly on his paws, and he glares. There is nothing but silence between them, and Zachariah looks on from his safe spot with some contempt. Then, he snorts, and he hold up a familiar looking book.

 

“Azazel discovered a lot about you, Dean- or at least, a lot about what you are. However, I don’t think he was able to figure everything out. You’re a complex little thing, Dean- a rarity- a medical breakthrough or phenomenon. You’ll be making me copious amounts of money until the day I die.”

 

Zachariah grins. However, Dean’s gaze trails on the journal until Zachariah puts it somewhere out of sight, causing Dean to feel anxious about its disappearance.

 

“I have scientists wanting to come test on you, I have experts dumbfounded and lost. All of that is thanks to you and your mother for being different- and maybe a little kudos towards Azazel for discovering your classification.”

 

Dean watches on with doubt lining his rebellious stance. There’s got to be some point to this- some catch that Zachariah is dancing around.

 

There’s a small snort from the beta, “Do you know how much financial potential you have, Dean- or at least- potential that _I_ can use for myself? Hell, if I went up to every single world leader with you on a silver platter, I’d bet they would be handing me over the keys just to have a little taste of Dean Winchester.”

 

The hybrid growls, and he’s pleased with how threatening it sounds now since his throat recovered.

 

“I could own the world and every single person on it,” Zachariah laughs sinisterly, “all because four people and a runt meant _everything_ to you. What a shame, right? Who knew you could be so easily manipulated… Maybe they should come down for a brief visit-”

 

Dean is up against the window in a matter of seconds, and Zachariah’s smug attitude is replaced with one of fear as he sees the rage that he’s aroused in the hybrid before him. Dean snarls, snapping at the barrier with his teeth as his paws pound against it in rage, and the poor pane of glass shudders and cracks from it. Dean only stops when he realizes just how utterly terrified Zachariah is.

 

The man is lying on the floor with his suit wrinkled and misplaced from falling, and he looks like an idiot as he stares in horror at the werewolf before him. It’s even more satisfying when Dean remembers that betas can’t shift, and if he were to break this glass- the _only_ thing separating them at the moment- Zachariah would quickly become the new fuck toy in this situation.

 

The message is clear, though, as Dean huffs ragged breaths that steam up the glass, and he bares his teeth to accentuate it. A small growl, one that causes the beta to flinch, is the only verbal warning that Zachariah will ever receive.

 

_If you harm any them in any way, you will die, and I will make sure that I’m the one to end you._

 

“P-Point taken, Winchester…” Zachariah stands on wobbly knees, and he looks disheveled and out of character, which satisfies the hybrid, “But don’t think that this is over!”

 

With that, Zachariah slithers off- much like the coward that he truly is- with his metaphorical tail hidden away underneath his tailored suit.

**…**

 

“Castiel!” a hand gently smacks against the alpha’s face, “ _Castiel,_ come on! You bastard, come on!”

 

The scent of blood is what causes Castiel to open his eyes and respond as fast as he does, and when he sits up abruptly, he can hear bodies jolt away from him.

 

“Stay back!” one voice screams, and another adds, “He’s unstable!”

 

Castiel wonders what they’re talking about until he notices the crimson on his skin, and his stomach churns.

 

“Oh god- what have I done-” Castiel’s slickened palms shake as he continues to stare at them, and bile works its way up into his throat as he realizes that he can taste rusty-salt in his mouth.

 

“Castiel…” it’s Sam that speaks, and the Novak alpha looks up at the only Winchester that’s left in his life at the moment with fear, “You need to listen carefully before-”

 

“Just tell me, Sam.” it’s a weak order, one filled with terror and uncertainty, and with the way that Sam’s chocolate eyes soften on him in pity, he’s guessing that there’s a reason why his followers believe he’s unstable.

 

“You attacked Gabe.”

 

Castiel stares at Sam for a moment, and suddenly, without warning, he vomits onto the ground beside him.

 

Oh god- he attacked Gabriel- his own blo-  _n_ _o…_ Castiel can’t think about blood anymore- not when it’s on his hands and staining his lips, and _especially_ when it’s Gabriel’s.

 

“How bad is he? …” Castiel barely manages, and his voice is about as even as his erratic heartbeat.

 

Sam pauses for a moment, “He might need a day or two to recover…”

 

“ _Oh god-”_ Castiel would put his face in his hands, but he doesn’t want to cover more of himself in his sibling’s blood, so instead, he hangs his head in shame, “why haven’t you murdered me?”

 

“Because I know that you didn’t mean to do it…”

 

Castiel looks up at Sam for that.

 

Sam sighs, and the other wolves realize that Castiel isn’t a threat anymore, and they begin to drift away as though they were demons finding a new victim, “You’re stressed about Dean, and I know that- that he’s your mate… When Gabriel left, I thought he was just going to wake you up, I didn’t- I didn’t-”

 

“Sam?”

 

A fist connects to the side of Castiel’s face, and despite the way that his wolf roars in his head, Castiel believes that the surprise attack was well-deserved. He finds himself clutching his cheek as he notices that Sam is standing. The other alpha holds back a growl as he looks down upon him like vermin- like an enemy.

 

“I earned that…” Castiel comments off-handedly, and he rubs at his healing flesh.

 

“Oh, a _thousand_ times over…”

 

Castiel pauses for a moment, “You’re quite protective over my brother.”

 

“As are you.” Sam comments, “And I would say it’s for the same reasons.”

 

Castiel’s eyes widen in shock, “Y-You’re Gabriel’s mate?”

 

The youngest Winchester nods, “Yeah, I am, so you should be _very_ grateful to me that I’m not ripping you a new one for hurting Gabe. I should- I _really_ should- but I understand why you did it, in some sense.”

 

The Novak alpha just winces as he rubs a particularly sensitive part of his jaw.

 

“I understood as soon as I realized you hurt Gabe.” Sam begins as he still looks like he wants to beat Castiel to a pulp, and if he did, Castiel would let him, “I just- I wanted to hurt you for what you did, but I realized that you’re just angry. You’re angry that Dean’s gone and the people who took him are gone too. You have no one to focus that rage on, and when Gabe told you about the ad on GS that I found, you lost it and turned on him. I know that it was unintended. Gabe was just there, and you exploded because all of that fury just kept building and building because you’re stressed about getting my brother back. It was an accident, a bad one, but still unintentional. However, keep in mind that I would _maim_ you if I didn’t understand that.”

 

“I wouldn’t stop you now if you did…” Castiel looks away as he feels complete shame, “I don’t know what happened. Gabriel just told me about the offer and how… how so many people wanted to use Dean, and I just- I _lost_ it, Sam. The thought of people touching Dean against his will makes me-” Castiel’s voice cuts off, and he finds a sob escaping him, “it’s going to happen, and there’s _nothing I can fucking do._ ”

 

Sam rests a hand on Castiel’s shoulder as he leans down beside him, “That’s why I’m not ripping you limb from limb, Castiel. I know that you’re only lashing out because everything is so fucked up right now.”

 

Castiel shakes his head, and his tears fall onto the floor with a reddened hue to them, “I can’t keep my mate safe, I hurt my own brother… Sam, how can you even stand to be around me when I hurt the two people that you care the most for?”

 

“Because I would be in the same position as you if the tables turned. I can’t blame you for something that I know I would do too…” Sam trails off.

 

“What if I killed Gabriel, Sam? What if I never find Dean and I just-” Castiel is cut off by another sob.

 

“I don’t think we should focus on the what-if’s, Castiel.” Sam helps the poor excuse of a pack alpha off of the floor, and he wraps an arm around him, “We need to find Dean, and we need to keep you from repeating this again, okay?”

 

Castiel hiccups, “Sam… I could go rogue…”

 

“I know.”

 

Castiel shakes his head, “I don’t want that to happen…”

 

“Neither do I,” Sam whispers, and he leads them off into the kitchen, “and that’s why we’re going to try our hardest to get my fucking brother back…” there’s a small pause, “Even if it kills us.”

 

**…**

 

Dean stares at the white wall before him as he begins another round of counting to a thousand. The whole time he’s been cranking up the numbers, he’s been letting his mind slowly forge ideas on what he’s going to do. He’s had a few that seem good enough to try, but he doesn’t have time to hope that they will work or to test them out. You see, Michael is apparently planning on “renting” him soon, and Dean knows that his time to be called upon is quickly approaching. The saddest part is that Michael won’t be the only one to do this.

 

The thought of being a sex toy to whoever desires him makes Dean feel helpless and violated, and it hasn't even happened.

 

A small part of him wants Cas here- pressing against him, holding him close to tell him it’s all okay- but Dean knows that he can’t wish for his mate to really save him now. Even though Dean knows that Cas is trying, the odds of Cas actually succeeding in getting him back are slim to none.

 

That means that Dean has to save himself from this.

 

There’s no reliance here- no dependency. All that is available is Dean himself and his wolf. There are no options here, so Dean knows that as soon as the door to his room opens, he will have small window of opportunity to get himself free from GS altogether.

 

Nothing less, nothing more.

 

“Winchester,” Zachariah’s voice suddenly sing-songs from outside, “it’s show time.”

  



	10. I Can't Escape This Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't know how long this fic is going to be, but I know that there's going to be a few more chapters, at least, before we really start talking about the ending here. I guess that after those 2 or 3 are posted, I can write an epilogue that dances through time, and wallah! This fic is finished!  
> I'm going to go ahead and put the end number of chapters on here too, considering that we're almost at the end of the road here. ):  
> Apologies.
> 
> Also- I didn't beta this all the way through, I only formatted. If there are any errors, please tell me, and I'll go and fix them. Thank you!
> 
> Anyways, this ch. is pretty emotional, mostly because I wrote this to "The Mercy of the Living" from The Walking Dead, and that song is a muse to my angst.  
> Either way, we see a breakdown from Cas, we found out something important about Michael, and Dean escapes GS. Whoop whoop.  
> Also, lucky you guys, this update is a little longer than my usual 5,000 words. (;
> 
> On a side note- I found out my posting date for my DCBB.  
> It's **October 31, 2014**.  
>  Mark your calenders. Haha, just kidding.  
> THE DATE CHANGED DUE TO GLITCHES AND MY ARTIST NOT DOING ANY DRAFTS, SO I HAVE AQUIRED A NEW DATE AND A NEW ARTIST. APOLOGIES.
> 
> (Or am I?)
> 
> Enjoy!~

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Never before in his life did Dean think that walking down a hallway would be so dramatic and stressful. However, today has shown him up in that aspect, considering how frayed his nerves have become with Zachariah leering over his shoulder like some dog would over a new bone.

 

“I’m excited to see how you perform during this, Dean,” Zachariah comments, poking Dean’s back with Azazel’s journal- which, in all honesty, is like grinding salt into a festered wound- “I suppose you could call this your… trail run.”

 

“Nice to know that I’m some sort of pawn in training…” Dean murmurs with some acidity in his tone.

 

Zachariah laughs for a few moments, and the annoying sound echoes down the hallway and rings in Dean’s ears, “More like a cash cow, actually. Ah, you’re going to make some fine steak, Dean, and GS is going make so much money off of you, I’m sure of it. I can already smell the Franklin’s on my fingertips.”

 

Dean rolls his eyes, and he’s partially thankful for the fact that his back is to the beta, “Maybe that’s just your weird, aged scent clogging up your nostrils, buddy- because all I can smell on you is retirement homes and Bengay.”

 

Zachariah gives Dean a warning growl, to which the hybrid only smirks at. Zachariah is about as terrifying as a two-year-old in the throes of a sugar-filled temper tantrum sometimes.

 

“That sass of yours is going to be gone soon enough, Winchester. I suggest that you should start saying goodbye to that mouth of yours.”

 

“I’d rather use it while I can, you know?” Dean shrugs, noticing that they’re almost halfway down the hallway ( _god damn,_ is this thing a mile long?), “Besides, I think that I’ve got a few good quips left in me before this is all over. I don’t want them to go to waste.”

 

Zachariah grumbles his displeasure.

 

Dean only holds his head higher, because even if he tells Zachariah that he’s an idiot, he’s still going to be facing Michael in a few short moments. Which, in some sense, is quite terrifying.

 

Dean knows that as a hybrid, he does in fact have some alpha in him. How much exactly, he doesn’t know. If Michael really is in heat, and it’s bad enough to trigger Dean’s mixed instincts, then this whole situation could get pretty ugly. The only hand that Dean has to play in this shit card game is that he already found his mate; but that’s like putting down a straight whenever Michael or Zachariah have a royal flush up their sleeve.

 

In short, Dean is unsure if this is going to even work out. However, he knows that this is his only chance to be able to escape Garrison Services unscathed, and he’s got to try, no matter the circumstances.

 

“You’re going to be good while you’re with Michael, understand?” the beta hisses, “If you’re not, then you’re going to begin regretting that decision fairly quickly.”

 

Dean presses his lips together tightly at the threat, because he knows that Zachariah is a sick man- which will entitle cruel and even taboo punishments that would make Hitler look like a watered down version of a tormentor.

 

The hybrid takes a deep breath as Zachariah goes on, “It shouldn’t be much longer now.”

 

Right… _Show time._

 

A door comes before them, and Dean’s limbs go rigid. Even with it shut, Dean can smell the sickly sweet scent drifting out from the space between the bottom of the door and the floor. His nose wrinkles and he coughs. Zachariah laughs at him.

 

“I’m imagining that you can already smell Michael’s… _condition,_ ” the beta snorts as Dean sputters in front of him, “I wonder what is going on in that little brain of yours. It’s probably wondering if you should go in there and take Michael, or if you should go find an alpha. Either way, we’ll find out shortly, won’t we?”

 

Dean is about to combat the beta when the door slides open, and he is unceremoniously tossed in as he’s ostracized from freedom.

 

“Have fun!” Zachariah gives a small wave as he smiles at Dean sinisterly, and the door slides shut just as abruptly as it had opened.

 

As it closes, Dean’s supply to fresh air is cut off, and he finds himself suddenly enveloped in a scent that makes his eyes water and his throat itch.

 

“No!” Dean yells, beginning to bang on the door, “You can’t lock me in here! _Fuck!”_

 

Behind him, there’s a pitiful whine that makes him shiver, and, despite his best efforts, salivate. _God-_ he hates being a weird half-and-half werewolf, because of course somewhere down the line, he’d end up in a situation like this. Dean growls lowly, finding his muscles tense with apprehension as there’s a thud to his side.

 

“Dean, you came,” Michael sounds relieved, Dean, however, is mad at the fact the omega knows that he was forced here- that he _didn’t_ have a damn choice to show up at his room- yet, Michael seems too ready for Dean to jump his bones to care for the technicality, “I need you so much, _please-”_

 

“No, you need an actual alpha or fucking therapy,” Dean hisses, “I’m not your damn heat partner, despite what you and Zachariah seem to believe.”

 

Dean turns when he hears a sob, and he sees Michael in a disarray. A blanket is wrapped around Michael as if it were an anaconda, constricting him in a fabric-esque vice as he squirms on the floor. His hair is disheveled, he’s sweating, and there are deep, purple bags under his eyes that remind Dean of bruises.

 

Michael doesn’t look like he’s in heat; he looks _sick._

 

“Actually,” Dean whispers with wide eyes, “I think you might need a doctor…”

 

“No, what I need is an alpha, and that’s you,” Michael grits out as he winces, “Don’t you understand? I can’t be with a full-blooded alpha- I _can’t_ go through my heat with one.”

 

Dean shakes his head, “Yeah, and it looks like you can’t get through it with a hybrid, either.”

 

The omega cries out in agony, and his teeth begin biting his lip so hard that the pull away with crimson lining their edges, “That’s because you’re not helping me, Dean… You just can’t stand there and expect your presence to get me through this.”

 

“Well, you’re going to have to deal, because I’m not touching a single inch of you.”

 

A frustrated and desperate weeping fills the air, and Dean has to take a step back as he notices how utterly wrecked and unstable Michael becomes at the rejection.

 

Dean thinks that he’s going to have to endure the torture of the distraught omega before him when the door opens, and he’s yanked out of the room.

 

“Seems like you got _lucky_ this time, Winchester,” Zachariah comments icily before the men grabbing onto Dean begin to drag him away.

 

As Dean begins the trek down the long hallway once more, agonized screams fill the air as Zachariah whispers words of comfort to Michael. He says that he’s going to be okay, that the pain will pass, that there’s an alpha or another person out there who’s going to want to help him. They are all hushed sentences that slip off the tongue- they are promises that hint at a better tomorrow; at being okay. Zachariah believes that talking it out and telling Michael that it will be alright will work, and that his sincere words will stop the egregious pain that the omega seems to be enduring. Despite the betas hopeful beliefs, they do nothing as Michael seems to wail harder than before.

 

But the worst part of it all?

 

Dean begins to feel _pity_ for them.

 

**…**

 

Castiel wakes up feeling as though someone dragged him through a blender, and then took the time to put him back together molecule by molecule. In short, he feels like utter shit.

 

As the alpha sits up and rubs at his puffy eyes, someone snorts from beside the bed, “I wondered when you were going to get up.”

 

He pivots to see Sam quirking a brow at him.

 

“Were you here most of the time that I slept?” Castiel says with some irritation as he throws his legs over the side of the bed, turning his back to the youngest Winchester.

 

“Dude, you think I’m that creepy? No, I came in here a few minutes ago after I checked on Gabe.”

 

Castiel rubs at his face, sighing, “How is he doing?”

 

Sam pauses for a moment, “He’s alright…”

 

“Sam-”

 

“He has to be in wolf form so he can heal,” Sam answers curtly, “You did quite a number on him.”

 

Castiel puts his face into his palms as shame and guilt weigh him down, “I wish I hadn’t.”

 

“Look,” Sam begins, “I already explained to you that I understand why you snapped, and Gabe isn’t mad at you, okay? There’s nothing to beat yourself up over-”

 

Castiel growls, and Sam grows quiet.

 

“You say that, but it isn’t true,” Castiel grits out, “I hurt my own blood because my wolf is _unstable._ That can’t just be dismissed, Sam.”

 

There’s a pause from the other alpha, “But you’re under a lot of stress at the moment. Everyone understands that.”

 

“That doesn’t change anything.”

 

“It does whenever people know that Dean is your mate and that he’s gone,” Sam sighs, “I’ve already told you, Castiel, anyone would lose control of their wolf if they found out that their mate got taken. It’s a natural reaction to be hostile, even towards people you thought you’d never hurt previously.”

 

Castiel shakes his head, “But it’s pathetic, Sam. I’m a pack alpha. I should be _better_ than this.”

 

“You’re half animal, half man,” Sam murmurs, “Stop expecting perfection.”

 

Castiel stands as he hangs his head, “No, I shouldn’t… but I shouldn’t have to keep finding myself making so many mistakes…”

 

Silence overtakes the conversation, and Castiel shakes his head.

 

“Tell me, Sam, what is it that you wanted?”

 

“I wanted to know what we’re going to do now that things have sort of settled down,” he says, taking a few steps towards Castiel, “We need to make a game plan now. Any ideas on where to start?”

 

The pack alpha furrows his brow, “Has there been any updates on GS’ website about Dean?”

 

Sam shakes his head, “Last time I checked, no. They’ve gotten their website back up from where it had crashed, but… nothing has been posted in the last hour.”

 

“We need to keep tabs on it, just in case,” Castiel murmurs, “Something else may be added, and it’ll keep us informed on how Dean is doing or what’s happening to him.”

 

“Agreed,” Sam pauses for a moment, and he narrows his eyes on nothing in particular as he speaks, “How are you holding up, Castiel?”

 

The question stuns him for a moment.

 

“Castiel?”

 

Castiel opens his mouth, yet nothing comes out. Sam looks at Castiel with concern edging his expression, but he says nothing as the pack alpha tries to find his voice and what to say with it.

 

“I-” he forces out, “I don’t know, exactly.”

 

“Should I be worried that you don’t?”

 

Castiel presses his lips together for a second, and then shakes his head, “I don’t think so… Feelings are just complicated things, and I’m afraid that I’m not well at conversing about them.”

 

“Dean would say that he doesn’t do chick-flick moments,” Sam comments off to the side, and Castiel’s heart clenches at the thought of his mate.

 

In his head, he can hear Dean tell him that with a smirk, only to kiss him seconds later to explain that he was the only exception to the rule. His irises would be alight with mischief and warm with adoration.

 

Despite them being positive images, the alpha shuts down the train of thought before it becomes far too painful for him to imagine.

 

“Sorry,” Sam notices how Castiel has grown quiet, and that his eyes are red-rimmed and watery, “I- I didn’t mean to-”

 

“It’s fine,” Castiel mutters with a voice that sounds quite vulnerable.

 

Sam looks at his hands and around the room for a moment, as if pondering what he was going to do next, “So, uh, do you want to talk about it? I know that- that this is hard and all, and that you miss Dean. I do too, trust me I do, but… You’re his mate. This has got to be utter hell for you with him gone and all-”

 

In milliseconds, Castiel is crying. Sobs tear their way out of his lungs, past his throat, and over his lips as though someone was pouring complete heartbreak into him and this was it overflowing the rim of Castiel’s control. There was no more denying it, there was no more hiding behind the label of “alpha” as Castiel finds his knees buckling below him. His ass hits the floor with a heavy thump, yet, it doesn’t even phase him.

 

Sam rushes to his side then, looking completely out of place as the person who is supposed to be leading him- _guiding_ him- falls into pieces over the fact that his mate is gone and there’s not much he can do to get him back.

 

Castiel cries for the fact that he’s a horrible mate, a horrible alpha, a horrible brother, and a horrible friend. He cries for the fact that he was a horrible lover to Amelia, and that he was a horrible monster whenever his wolf took charge.

 

He cries over everything until he he has no more tears, and Sam is by his side the whole time. His hands linger a few centimeters away from Castiel’s shoulders as they shake when he breathes; his face is drawn up into an expression of uncertainty as Castiel weeps below him.

 

He isn’t the only one.

 

Betas line up outside of Castiel’s bedroom doorway. Their faces are impassive, but their eyes speak louder than anything else. They all look upon Castiel as though he were a pitiful sight to see- which, in all honesty, is not too far from the truth. However, after a few more moments pass, the betas begin to file into Castiel’s room silently one by one, as if they were attending a funeral and now was the time of mourning.

 

Together, they all stand quietly as their alpha wails over everything that he has repressed for years.

 

**…**

 

It’s late at night now, and the room surrounding Dean is dark and quiet. The hybrid was dozing off into a light, fitful sleep when it happened.

 

Out of nowhere, Dean feels a heavy weight tug in his chest.

 

At first, he’s unaware of what it it could be exactly, until he feels the pain and a wave of complete sorrow wash over him like a tsunami. It takes him by surprise, and it forces the hybrid to lean onto his bed as he is swamped with emotions that are not his own. It’s a foreign thing, and Dean is confused as to how he’s able to experience such a thing.

 

However, he remembers that Sam mentioned something similar to this before years ago. It takes Dean a moment, but he recalls that Sam told him that whenever you have a serious bond with someone, you can experience another person’s feelings. Their pain- their happiness- their doubts. Everything is somehow translated over to you whenever the other is having intense emotions. For a second, Dean is unsure of who it could be exactly, until he remembers what happened before Zachariah stole him away.

 

“ _Cas…_ ” Dean whispers, and his eyes begin to water at how utterly broken the other man feels over the connection.

 

Dean takes a deep breath, and his heart clenches as he feels the hopelessness and the regret pouring through into him, as if Cas had a worn, emotional dam that finally just gave in, and now, Dean is drowning in all that has been building up for who knows how long. The hybrid gasps for air, and his hands grip onto the generic sheets of his mattress as a small, choked noise escapes him.

 

There’s got to be something he can do. There has to be some way for Dean to tell Cas that everything is okay, despite the lack of words and the distance between them.

 

So Dean feels, and he hopes.

 

**…**

 

“Deep breaths, come on, Cas,” Sam whispers as he and another beta help Castiel back into his bed after his breakdown left him lethargic.

 

The alpha still coughs or has a random sob that appears without warning. Each one makes him feel drained even further, and he stares at the ceiling above him as his limbs grow heavy and stiff with exhaustion.

 

It’s a shame that Castiel hasn’t done anything, yet he finds himself so utterly _useless._

 

His eyes close as he hears most of his betas shuffle away, silent, just like they had appeared. Sam, however, lingers at the foot of the bed, and Castiel doesn’t have to look at him to know that he’s worried.

 

“Are you okay now?” Sam asks softly, and there’s a small edge to his voice- one that is filled with hesitancy and concern.

 

“Better.”

 

Castiel swallows, wincing as the saliva goes down his sore throat, and he thinks about Dean and how he wishes that his mate was okay. It makes Castiel feel hopeless, being unable to find where to go and to figure out how to get Dean back safe and sound, and he can’t help but feel like he’s the worst mate in existence. He failed Dean, just like he’s failed everyone and everything else. It’s a demeaning thought, and Castiel finds himself quite shamed over it.

 

Yet- that’s when something happens.

 

Much like how a flower can grow from a field of ash, something begins to sprout and blossom among the hollows of Castiel’s pride and his damaged self-worth, causing his eyes to snap open. The warm feeling trickles over Castiel’s emotional scars and festering wounds like a healing balm, and the alpha begins to sit up slowly as Sam stares at him.

 

“Castiel?”

 

Love, hope, happiness- they drape over Castiel. It’s similar to wrapping a blanket up around yourself to feel comfort- to feel safe- and Castiel finds his lips parting as he stares at nothing before him in awe of what he’s feeling.

 

“Castiel?” Sam repeats, seemingly confused as to why Castiel is mesmerized by what seems like the wall.

 

“I feel-” Castiel begins, but he finds that he’s at a lost of words when it comes to describing the sensation spreading through his veins to sink into his bones.

 

Sam furrows his brow, “You feel what?”

 

“ _Dean…_ ” Castiel whispers, but it was not to answer Sam’s question.

 

The youngest Winchester’s jaw drops, and for a moment, he’s stunned into silence, until he figures out that Castiel is somehow connected to his brother despite the current situation, “Wait- you can feel Dean?”

 

“I don’t know how or why,” Castiel murmurs, “but I can.”

 

Sam nods, “It’s because you’re mates. But… I’ve never heard of the connection being this strong before.”

 

Castiel holds onto the warmth that Dean gave him desperately as he looks at his brother, “What do you mean?”

 

“It’s unusual, is all, considering how far apart you two must be… Most mates have to be closer than that, and the furthest they can be apart is in another room or something.”

 

“How far do you think Dean might be?”

 

“Considering that GS’ headquarters would be in the ‘Porn Capital’ of the the US,” Sam thinks for a moment, “it would probably be somewhere in the San Fernando Valley or in Orlando, Florida.”

 

Castiel swallows, “Go onto the website. See if the address is listed there.”

 

“I can’t believe we didn’t think of this till now,” Sam grunts, and he rushes off to the nearest computer.

 

Castiel, however, is too busy placing a hand over his ribs gently, praying that this sensation of “Dean” would never end until he had his mate back safely in his arms.

 

**…**

 

Dean sleeps somewhat peacefully, and he’s glad for it. You see, despite the initial panic that Dean had felt from Cas, after some emotional, wordless coaxing, the alpha had felt relieved and hopeful as Dean’s eyelids became far too heavy. Now, the buzz that had been fluttering around his chest has grown silent, and Dean feels its loss.

 

However, as Dean sees Zachariah come to the window to his room once more, he finds that he doesn’t have much time to grieve.

 

“Is Michael calling for me again?” Dean asks with irritation, yet, the urge to fight dies down as Dean notices the look of absolute defeat on the beta’s features.

 

“You were my last hope…” he murmurs.

 

Dean tilts his head and parrots the words back, “Last hope?”

 

Zachariah grips onto the railing that is below the pane of glass, “He has a disorder, it’s abbreviation is MOD. He struggles to find any relief when his heat rolls around, specifically with alphas.”

 

“Uh, what does this have to do with me?”

 

“Michael is disadvantaged since he’s an omega,” Zachariah ignores Dean’s previous question, “and during his heat, the only thing that can satisfy him is a knot. No matter what alpha he is aided by, nothing comes of it. He's just left as a mess, and he has come to hate alphas for not being able to sate him. I know it sounds crude, but… there are things in life that can’t be censored, despite your best intentions.”

 

Dean feels like this is a weird thing for Zachariah to be doing. For him to be explaining what’s wrong with Michael? Yeah- talk about _unusual._

 

Zachariah turns his gaze onto the floor, and his voice is quiet, “He gets sick because he can’t climax, and I have to coax him through the pain he feels while going through an insatiable heat. Every month, of every year, since he’s been eighteen. Do you know what that’s like? To see your baby brother go through so much pain because of something that’s happening to him?” Dean’s expression hardens, “Yet there’s- there’s- …”

 

“There’s _nothing_ you can do,” Dean finishes with some bitterness of his own, and Zachariah looks up at him with some surprise.

 

“Yes…” the beta murmurs, but he shakes his head and gets back onto his topic of Michael and his suffering, “We tried so much throughout the years. Doctors, medications- we even hired on alphas to try and help my brother get the relief he needed, but nothing worked,” Zachariah’s voice breaks minutely, and he takes a deep breath, “I lost a lot of money while trying to find something that would work, and I ended up in debt with my baby brother still in desperate need of help.”

 

Dean remembers how low he felt whenever Sammy changed that night of the fire- how he lost his mom, his home- and suddenly, and Sammy was wailing because of the transformation. For a few seconds, Dean is that small toddler on the street again, carrying his baby brother in his arms as soot lined his clothes and the edges of his tear tracks.

 

He shivers.

 

“I started Garrison Services for him, that way he’d be able to find someone who could help him through his heats, that maybe he’d find some _single ounce_ of relief for once in his life… But that never worked out,” Zachariah closes his eyes, and Dean sympathizes with him, despite wanting to rip his throat out, because he _understands,_ “I used the money that I made to fund research into things, and that’s when I found out Azazel and his own ‘scientific’ explorations. I thought that maybe I’d find something- something worth all of this suffering from the both of us.”

 

Dean swallows, and he looks down towards his feet for a moment, “I’m guessing that’s where I come in…”

 

“Eventually, yes,” the beta quiets for a moment, “There were many previous failures, however… We think it’s incurable… But you- _you_ were supposed to work out.”

 

There’s a sudden bitterness to his tone, and from what he has said previously, Dean can figure out why easily enough.

 

Dean’s head snaps up to see Zachariah lift a hand slowly to his eye, and it comes away with a tear on the tip of his finger, “I have shed so many of these out of frustration and sorrow… It’s funny to think about, considering…”

 

“Considering what?”

 

“How heartless everyone thinks I am, including you,” Zachariah shakes his head, letting the tear fall off of his fingertip and onto the floor below him, “No, I feel just like the rest of you, and I feel every single time I have to watch my brother go through pure agony because of something _biological._ ”

 

Dean’s gaze softens, “Then why take me against my will because of the same thing?”

 

Zachariah looks up at him.

 

“You say that you hate to see your baby brother suffer, that you hate that something so 'biological' can put a rift in between the two of you,” Dean shakes his head, “I’ve got a little brother, and I’m sure you know about him, considering… I miss him, Zachariah, and I know that he misses me too.”

 

For a moment, the beta looks almost convinced.

 

“I understand that your brother is going through hell, trust me, _I get it,_ ” Dean watches as pain flashes across the other man’s features, “but that doesn’t mean you can go and put other people through it too because you’re trying to even the odds for your own family. That’s not right-”

 

“Not right is seeing him scream at the top of his lungs because something medically is wrong, and it affects him for a week out of every month!” Zachariah yells, and Dean takes an unintentional step back, “Not right is hearing him asking you to mercy kill him because he thinks he can’t go through with it anymore! Not right is having to pull him into a cold shower, because otherwise, he could go into shock and you can lose the only thing you have left! Not right is promising him a tomorrow when you have _no idea_ on how to guarantee it! That’s what’s wrong here, Dean! I’m just trying to make it right!”

 

Dean presses his lips together for a second, and he tries to find an angle that he can come from that can calm down and get Zachariah on his side for once, “Yeah, but… Kidnapping and blackmailing people to ‘help’ him isn’t right, either. You could go to jail over that, and who would your brother have then?”

 

The beta pales, and it looks like Dean’s words have struck some vulnerable cord within him.

 

“Come on, you said that you have a heart,” Dean murmurs.

 

“Yes, but only for _him,_ ” Zachariah contradicts quietly, but it still looks like he’s torn.

 

The hybrid takes a breath, “Then imagine what he must feel like at the end of the day. His brother has to force people to help him-”

 

Zachariah’s head snaps up, “I’m not forcing anyone-”

 

“Remember why I’m here?” Dean asks curtly, causing the beta to avert his gaze once more in shame, “You told me that you’d do stuff to the people I care about, including my own little brother. Michael knows this, and yet you think like it doesn’t bother him. When you’re in heat, you crave your mate, not some random dude that your brother blackmailed into pity fucking you.”

 

Zachariah winces at the words, “I’ve been trying, Dean…”

 

“Yeah, but you’ve been manipulating people too,” Dean watches as some tension is added onto the beta’s shoulders, “If you really want to help your brother, find him someone that he _wants_ to be with. Not a stranger, not someone who has to be paid or shoved into a room with him. Surely, out of the billions of people on this Earth, there has to be one out there who loves your brother, and just doesn’t know it yet.”

 

Zachariah stands, and he presses the button, causing Dean’s room door to open. At first, Dean is confused as to what this means until men come in looking like they’re about to jump him. Everything goes eerily silent for a moment, and Dean swallows nervously at the idea of being used like the beta was intending all along.

 

“Yes, Dean, and that person is _you._ ”

 

Dean looks back over to Zachariah with fury boiling through his veins. He thought that Zachariah would understand- that somehow he had gotten under his skin and he finally felt some compassion- but it seems like that just wasn’t the case here. No, Zachariah was still cold and callous, and he was going to force Dean to love his brother like any other person he thought would help.

 

Dean snarls towards Zachariah, “No, it _isn’t._ I’ve already found my mate. I’ll do nothing for your brother. I may even make what he’s going through worse.”

 

That doesn’t sit well with Zachariah, and his face sours before his brow furrows. He glares at Dean like he’s some bit of used gum on the bottom of his pompous dress shoes.

 

“It _can’t_ get worse than this,” he growls out, and Dean knows that there’s nothing more that he can do now, at least, if it’s with talking.

 

The men who are getting ready to tackle him stare at Dean with emotionless faces, and Dean swallows as he scrambles for an idea. What happens next is practically instinct for Dean.

 

Dean shifts in seconds and jumps forward, pushing the men out of the way as he bolts into the hallway. Zachariah barks out several orders to catch Dean and to lock down the facility, but he’s not quick enough to stop Dean’s form from crashing into him.

 

The hybrid growls as he pushes Zachariah into the floor, and that’s when Dean notices the notebook in the inner pocket of Zachariah’s suit.

 

“Don’t you dare,” the beta threatens weakly.

 

Dean ignores him and rips the fabric apart until he finds the journal in between his teeth, causing the man below him to look pained and defeated.

 

“I’ll make you _pay_ for this!” he snaps as Dean jumps away, all the while his teeth are snagging onto the cover of Azazel’s journal.

 

Dean sprints until he comes face to face- or snout to snout- with a large door, and he hopes that Zachariah didn’t put the place on lock down as he pushes his paws against the metal. Thankfully, it opens, and Dean darts through to what seems like a busy, public street.

 

People scream at him bounding out of the building with Azazel’s journal tucked away against his canines. Cars swerve around him and honk, but Dean is too concerned with getting away to wait for the crosswalks to let him go or for the lights to turn red. He runs for a long time until he finds himself at a beach, and his chest heaves as some panic settles itself among his thoughts.

 

He stalls when he comes across a building that rests along the edge of the sand, and Dean trots up to it. His tail wags when he sees a sign on the window.

 

It says: “ _Orlando Homeless Shelter_ ”.

 

Dean goes in with some high hopes. He holds his head high as he comes up to a desk with a woman standing behind it. For a few moments, Dean doesn’t think she notices him, that is, until she holds out some generic clothing towards him without even glancing up from the papers she is reading.

 

“You can find a room to change in down the hall,” Dean yips, and she sighs, “When you’re done, come up front so we can get things settled for you.”

 

Dean sets Azazel’s journal down, and then places his front paws on the edge of the counter. Using his teeth, he sets his clothes onto his back, and he grabs Azazel’s journal so he can trot to go change.

 

He does it quickly, since he’s afraid of Zachariah searching for him, and as he pulls the generic clothing onto his skin, he feels misplaced- lost, almost. It’s a sour feeling that rests somewhere below his stomach or somewhere in between, and he sighs as he goes to talk to the woman at the desk.

 

As he approaches, she finally looks up from her papers, and she seems quite startled for a moment as her cheeks turn scarlet.

 

“You said that I needed to get some things settled?”

 

“Uh, y-yes,” she stutters out, straightening her glasses nervously, “I need to know your last name and what you need.”

 

Dean nods, intentionally ignoring how the woman licks her lips and stares at him longingly, “It’s Novak, and I need a phone book and whatever can make a call.”

 

She hands the items over immediately, “Here. Contact whoever you need.”

 

Dean thanks her and steps off to the side to give himself some sense of privacy, however, the cord from the phone keeps Dean tethered to the desk and near the creepy lady who, going by how she’s biting her lip when Dean looks into the mirror on the wall, is staring at his ass. That’s nice- you know, being sexualized. _Again._

 

Dean sighs, but begins flipping through the pages of the phone book despite his sour mood. He finds the familiar name and dials the number in, swallowing nervously as it tries to connect through.

**…**

 

Castiel is reading some new update on GS’ website when the phone rings. He groans, wishing that he didn’t have to deal with people while he’s trying to find his mate.

 

The alpha picks up the phone, growling as he speaks, “Hello?”

 

“ _Uh, hi there, Cas. Cranky much?”_

 

Castiel stiffens.

 

“ _Alright, I’m guessing that right now some sort of shock is settling in,_ ” Dean murmurs, and Castiel’s fingers grip onto the handset harder as he hears his mate’s voice go into his ear through the gritty quality of his phone’s speaker, “ _but I just want to let you know that I’m alright and that I got away from Zachariah and GS altogether._ ”

 

Castiel looks around for a pad of paper and a pen, “Where are you?”

 

“ _Somewhere in Orlando, Florida, I think,_ ” Dean murmurs, “ _I’m not sure where I am exactly, but… I found a homeless shelter, and I’m using its phone to call you._ ”

 

“Stay there then,” Castiel sees Sam come into the room, and he motions for the other alpha to grab his laptop, “I’m going to by a plane ticket as soon as I can-”

 

“ _No!”_ Dean shouts, and it causes Castiel to freeze.

 

There’s a pause, and Castiel can hear Dean breathing over the line.

 

“ _Um, sorry,_ ” Dean mutters with some embarrassment, “ _I just- I hate flying, man. Makes me really nervous… Could you- could you drive down here instead? I prefer traveling by car._ ”

 

Castiel nods, “That’s alright, Dean.”

 

Sam instantly rushes over, tugging the phone away from Castiel, despite the fact that Castiel growls at him for doing so.

 

“Dean! Dean, are you okay!?”

 

Castiel can hear his mate chuckle over the line, and now, he has the chance to appreciate the feeling of knowing that Dean is at least out of GS’ clutches, “ _Yeah, just a little tuckered out is all. Shit got crazy up there, man… I’m honestly just glad to be out._ ”

 

“Yeah, me too,” Sam blinks for a moment and then shakes his head, “I’m, uh, guessing that you want to talk to Castiel now?”

 

There’s a snort over the line, “ _‘Course I do, you big sasquatch. He’s my mate after all._ ”

 

Sam makes a weird face, but Castiel’s chest swells with pride as a smile plasters itself over his lips.

 

“I think you just made his day,” Sam chuckles.

 

“ _Bitch, I made his_ life, _excuse you,_ ” Sam laughs as Castiel’s smile grows, and he feels relief at the fact that so much tension has been lost, and that it’s been the first time in days that he and Sam having been pacing in circles and biting at their nails with worry.

 

Sam rolls his eyes, “Jerk. Alright, here’s Castiel.”

 

Castiel may seem a little too eager to grab the phone away from Sam’s outstretched palm, but he doesn’t care, especially when Dean is on the line waiting for him.

 

“ _So, Cas, how’s things been since I’ve been gone?”_

 

Castiel types ‘driving directions, Orlando Florida’ into the search bar as he speaks, “It’s been… strenuous, to say at the very least.”

 

There’s a pause, and Dean’s voice changes a little bit, “ _Nothing bad happened while I was in the dark, right?”_

 

Castiel presses his lips together for a moment, “I- I accidentally attacked Gabriel, but-”

 

“ _What!?”_

 

Castiel hangs his head in shame, “It was an accident… I feel bad enough with what my wolf did, but… Gabriel was explaining to me that GS put an ad out on you, and that a large amount of people were interested. It caused me to snap, and my wolf just happened to choose my brother as a target because it was so enraged.”

 

“ _Oh,_ ” Dean seems to calm, “ _okay, that makes sense now… How is he?”_

 

“Alright, from what Sam told me,” Castiel gets the directions and sighs, “Where is the homeless shelter, Dean?”

 

Dean makes a small noise, and then he’s asking someone off to the side what the address of the building is. He relays it to Castiel who types it in, and then prints off the directions.

 

“I’m coming to get you right now, but it’s going to take some time, Dean, since I’m driving.”

 

Dean’s breath hitches, “ _How long?”_

 

“A day, at the longest. I’ll have to stop and sleep on the way, since we’re in Illinois. I haven’t slept much, so... ”

 

“ _That’s alright,_ ” Dean says quietly, “ _I’ll just wait here until then, like you said…_ ”

 

There’s a solemn tone in their voices, and Castiel closes his eyes as he murmurs out something that he’s been meaning to say, “Dean, I- I love you, you know that, right?”

 

Castiel can practically hear the smile that stretches across Dean’s lips, “ _Yeah- I love you, too, Cas… I really missed you, you know?”_

 

“I do, and I missed you as well,” Castiel whispers, “I thought of you during every single waking moment.”

 

“ _Same,_ ” Dean exhales, “ _Just- I think I have to go… The receptionist chick here is giving me bedroom eyes and I’m honestly kind of tired of that._ ”

 

Castiel growls, “If she touches you, Dean-”

 

“ _It’s okay, Cas, I’m not gonna get jumped,_ ” there’s a small pause, and Dean’s words are almost bitter when they are uttered softly, “ _I’ll make sure that I won’t be…_ ”

 

“Good,” and it’s all Castiel has to say on the matter.

 

Dean sighs, “ _Alright, Cas. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”_

 

Castiel feels some hope rise in his chest, “Yes, Dean… Tomorrow.”

 

They exchange a long, dragged out farewell, and it leaves Castiel feeling emptier than before as he places the phone back onto the charger. Yes, Dean is safe, and Dean is okay- but he isn’t here, he isn’t in Castiel’s arms. There’s still the possibility of something happening, and Castiel won’t rest peacefully until he has his mate back.

 

That’s a guarantee.

 

**…**

 

Dean gives the phone back to the lady at the desk with a forced smile, and she drags her fingers against his hand as she retrieves it. Dean tries not to shiver with disgust, but rather clears his throat and jerks his hand away.

 

He leaves fairly quickly after that, and he decides that some reading along the shoreline would be a nice pass time. He has Azazel’s journal in his hands as he exits the shelter and out onto the beach, and he breaths in a lungful of salty air with some relief. The chemical sterileness disturbed Dean whenever he had been stuck inside of GS, so for there to be actual scents and other fragrances that tickle his wolf pink, it’s almost like a blessing.

 

He finds a seat on one of the wooden lounge chairs, and he settles down onto it as he opens Azazel’s journal to where he left off.

 

What he finds surprises him.

 

There, in a small plastic bag, is a USB taped to the upper corner of the page. Dean’s finger touches it gingerly, and he wonders why Zachariah attached something like this inside of the journal. For the moment, however, he decides that it’ll be something to bring up whenever Cas comes to see him tomorrow.

 

Even though the journal is open before him, Dean doesn’t read it. The thought of Cas and going home has distracted him from the words, and it leaves the hybrid reading the same highlighted term over and over again until he’s sure it’s somehow burned into his retinas.

 

Cas is going to be here after the moon crosses and leaves the sky, and then, Dean will be on the road leading him back home. It’s a realization that has Dean nearly sobbing, considering how homesick he’s been for the past who knows how long that he’s been trapped in Zachariah’s clutches. For him to be back at the pack house- to be with Cas, Sam, Gabriel, Meg, and Ruby- it’s enough to make tears collect at the rims of his eyes and blur Dean’s vision as he blinks.

 

He’s finally going _home._

 

**…**

 

Dean is restless that night, despite his best efforts. He’s already read all of the leftover entries in the journal, even if they were written by Azazel or Zachariah, and every single one is now stored away in his brain. The last key of the puzzle rests within the USB, but Dean will have to wait much like he is for Cas.

 

The hybrid stares at the wall of his temporary bedroom, and his knees are up against his chest as he sits on top of the mediocre mattress. The room is dark, and even though there are walls all around him, Dean can hear the gentle lap of the ocean’s waves as they wash over the sand. He sighs, trying to find some comfort. Yet, he finds none.

 

He’s too hard-wired at the moment to fall asleep, so he waits. He waits until the sun comes up, he waits until it begins to get into the middle of the sky, and he waits until his eyes begin to sting from the strain he’s put them under. It’s just when he’s about to pass out from complete exhaustion when a familiar scent reaches his nose, and soon, his eyes are stinging because of the tears that are falling from them.

 

“Dean?” Cas leans into his room cautiously, only to be swamped by the hybrid in the next second, “Are you alright?”

 

Dean buries his face into the crook of Castiel’s neck and breathes in the alpha’s scent over and over again, “Just take me home, Cas… _Please._ ”

 

Cas nods, but says nothing, and Dean’s grateful that he’d rather talk about what happened later when they’re back at the pack house. He helps Dean into the car’s backseat, and as soon as Dean is buckled in and the engine starts, Dean finds himself dozing off.

 

**…**

 

Castiel keep driving past the point of when he had stopped previously. Dean is still passed out in the back seat of the car, and Castiel knows that when his mate wakes up, he expects to be back home. Castiel knows that the past few days have been utter hell for his mate, so he keeps his foot on the gas pedal and his eyes on the road.

 

He gets them back late in the morning, and Dean is still asleep when Cas carries him in. Sam is up, surprisingly, and he offers to help the other alpha carry his brother, but Castiel refuses. Right now, all that he needs is for Dean to be next to him in bed. That’s all Castiel wants before he closes his heavy eyelids, and it’s what he’s going to get.

 

He sets his mate onto his mattress gently, and he climbs in soon afterwards. Dean shuffles closer to him, and he presses his nose into Castiel’s neck as he stretches out and relaxes. Castiel, however, wraps an arm loosely around Dean’s waist and buries his nose into Dean’s hair as he breathes.

 

“I’m so glad you’re back home,” Castiel murmurs, and then he is lost to his state of exhaustion with his mate sleepily clinging onto him.

  
  
  
  
  



	11. Don't Want to Let You Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I've been gone for a while, and I apologize for that. 
> 
> I was so busy with DCBB, and I got caught up in getting it ready, so this fic took a backseat. Well, I had setbacks, and it pushed working on this fic back even further, and I apologize for that, too. Google Drive was a bitch and it nearly made me lose my whole story- to make it brief, it locked me out of my own document to where I couldn't edit or manage anything- and that was a mess all within itself. I also had problems with my first artist, and I had to reschedule due to art and technological issues. So, for all of that, I apologize again.
> 
> I also had mid-terms to deal with, and now that I'm a junior, grades kind of matter now more than ever, so I've been studying my ass off for the past few weeks and all of that. So, I apologize about being caught up with English crosswords and a skeleton overview packet for Anatomy and Physiology. :/
> 
> Anyways, I'm back now, and I've tried making up for all that lost time with a huge ass, heavy update. Seriously- there's like... a lot of stuff going on.  
> Besides, I wanted to tie up everything nicely for the last chapter, which is our epilogue. For that, expect time stamps, mostly- and lots and lots of tooth-rotting fluff, I guess. XD  
> Now, back to this chapter. I tried to tie up everything as best as could for the majority of the fic. I'm sorry that I didn't really focus on Sabriel all that much, but they're a background ship in this, and I didn't want to randomly change to Sam or Gabe's POV (we haven't had it before this) just for some random smut. I tried to mollify you guys with having Gabe explain the situation as well as he could to his mate's brother without grossing him out, so... yeah?
> 
> As for Zachariah and GS, that is also taken care of as well. Don't worry about it. I'm not evil enough to send Dean back to that hellhole. However, I am mean enough to drag them through hell first. I know, I know. I'm an ass.  
> Oh, and Meg and Ruby finally make a return, and Ruby can speak a little! How adorable! Also, expect A LOT of Ruby feels. (: (There's also a big thing that happens with Meg, so ha- suck it!)  
> Dean's developing powers are put to the test as he and Cas explore his memories of what happened inside of GS- but there's a catch, because someone else's past may come into the spotlight as well. :o  
> Expect Meg, Gabe, and Dean to become like, pack moms. I swear to the Flying Spaghetti Monster that it's gonna happen. (Haha, Doggie Daycare.) Many pack feels will be felt?
> 
> Last but not least, there's some smut. Need I say more? (;  
> It's a little rushed though, but there are good reasons for that. You're just going to have to read it to understand.  
> To add onto this, Dean and Cas act like hormonal teenagers, basically. One moment they want to jump each other's bones, then they're arguing, and then they're sort of flirting. (Oh, that's how they are in the show, though) I couldn't help myself. XD
> 
> Cas' wolf is also a little shit- even more than before- and we finally find out why.
> 
> Also, there's a scene later on in the update in which Dean references something from a movie called "Monkeybone". I linked that too, because it's just perf all around.
> 
> Because of length issues, the 12th chapter is the rest of this update, and the 13th chapter has now become the epilogue. Sorry about that!
> 
> Enjoy, and sorry about the long wait!~  
> Happy holidays, guys!

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

(Day 1)

 

Dean wakes up to Cas nuzzling his neck almost religiously.

 

“Cas,” Dean murmurs groggily, “Cas, come on, man. Get up.”

 

The alpha snorts, kissing Dean’s neck quickly, “Yes, Dean?”

 

Dean rolls his eyes and pushes the other man back an inch or two, “Look, despite how supportive I am of us cuddling for a few hours, we’ve gotta get up because we've got stuff to do.”

 

“Do we _really_ have to?”

 

Cas must be begging or something, because all of the sudden, he’s pulling out these pleading eyes and fluttering his eyelashes at Dean. It causes the hybrid to laugh at his mate for a few good minutes.

 

“No we can't, you ass, but I promise that we’ll do something else later.”

 

The look of hope on Cas’ features is enough to make Dean smile as he leads him out of the room. He grabs Azazel’s journal off of the side table as he passes by it, as well.

 

“So, I need to show you what I found, Cas.”

 

“Which is what, exactly?”

 

Dean flips to the page in the journal that has the USB attached onto it, “I found this taped in here. I’m guessing that it’s Zachariah’s-” Cas twitches at the name- “because it wasn’t in there before then. I was wondering if we could hook it up to a computer here and see what’s on it.”

 

However, before they can get somewhere, Dean is suddenly swamped with a big brother death hug.

 

“Oh, hey there, Sammy. Think you could’ve warned a guy, though?”

 

“Sorry,” Sammy pulls back a few inches, his hands lingering on Dean’s shoulders subconsciously, “I just missed you, and when Castiel came in the door with you, I didn’t have a chance to see if you were okay… Speaking of which, are you alright?”

 

Dean shrugs, averting his gaze as he does, “As best as I can be, I guess. A little shaken- a little stirred.”

 

Sammy raises a brow and lets his arms fall to his sides, “You sound like you’re ordering a drink.”

 

“A beer would be nice, actually,” quietly, Dean adds, “I’ve earned a few, I think.”

 

“There’ll be some time later for that,” Cas interjects, placing his hand at the small of Dean’s back to move the group forwards, “Right now, however, we have this to take care of. If we truly want to relax, we have to sort out a way to keep GS from ever getting their hands on Dean again.”

 

Dean shivers, “I’m right here, Cas. Don’t make it sound like I’m still missing…”

 

Cas wants to say something, going by the uncertain expression he’s sporting, but he doesn’t. No, instead, he sends Sammy a nod and proceeds on into another room. It’s a little tiny, and inside of it, there’s a few basic desktops.

 

“Wow, Cas, I didn’t-”

 

“Dean,” the alpha places a finger or two over Dean’s lips, silencing him, “What happened back there in the hallway?”

 

Dean pushes Cas’ hand away gently, tilting his head as he does so, “Uh, Cas, I don’t know what you’re talking about-”

 

“Yes, you do,” he asserts, “You get all quiet and skittish whenever someone mentions GS,” Dean shivers, and he curses, “ _See,_ Dean? This right here, this fear rolling off of you. What happened?”

 

The hybrid averts his gaze, crossing his arms almost defensively, “I’m not here to be analyzed, Cas. If I wanted that, then I wouldn’t have broken out.”

 

“Don’t say things like that.”

 

“It’s true, Cas,” Dean barely stops himself from snapping, and Cas looks as though he’s at a loss for the reaction, “I was poked and prodded while I was down there, like- like some fucking _science experiment-_ some fucking _toy_ for them to play with. I escaped to be left alone and to come back here. I want to _forget._ If I knew that all of you would be prying under my skin about what happened, then I probably would’ve avoided coming back- ...”

 

Dean’s words fall silent as he sees the expression on Cas’ face, and also for the heavy sourness of his usually sweet scent. His eyes are on Dean as though he were someone else- some foreign thing- and they are full of wariness. Dean, despite being so verbally challenging, takes a step back to put some space between himself and his mate.

 

“Cas, I’m sorry-”

 

“Let’s just work on getting this USB sorted out, shall we?” Cas asks curtly, and he refrains from making skin contact as he takes the small drive away from Dean’s fingertips.

 

Dean watches as the alpha goes to one of the computers and turns it on, sliding the USB into one of its ports as he does so. His movements are almost calculated, angry in their delivery, and his face is set into this scowl that makes Dean regret ever opening his stupid mouth.

 

“If you don’t want to be bothered by anymore things about GS,” his words are cold, almost distant, “then I suggest going back out into the hallway to speak to your brother. I can handle this on my own if need be.”

 

Well, if _that_ doesn’t make Dean feel like more of an ass, he doesn’t know what will. Because even if Dean is a complete dick to Cas, especially so by telling him he wishes that he didn’t come back, Cas still doesn’t want him to be uncomfortable. He’s willing to go through the clusterfuck that’s waiting on that USB just to make sure Dean isn’t triggered by anything on it. Which, if things hadn’t sort of gone to shit a few moments ago, would’ve been the most heartfelt thing ever. Now, though, it’s a bitter thing, resting on Dean’s tongue like a bad aftertaste. It makes him swallow his pride for a few seconds, put down his guns, and walk over to Cas.

 

He wants to stay, wants to help Cas with the more than likely coded and encrypted files, but the thought of seeing the horrors he’d experienced on screen, well, it terrifies him. He can’t even really remember what went on while he was there, because he knew if he paid attention to all that went on around him, he’d break.

 

So he ignored things- made himself forget- and he buried those sights, sounds, and smells so deep that whenever he thinks of GS or Zachariah, most of the time he was in there is blurred; unfocused. He’s guessing that it’s a coping mechanism, that he’s rejecting the memories of what happened because remembering is too much of a risk. It’s too much of a nightmare that he doesn’t want to experience over again.

 

That’s why instead of staying like the tough part- the _stubborn_ part- of him wants to, he kisses Cas on the head softly, whispering, “Thank you, Cas…”

 

The alpha doesn’t react to the touch, or at least verbally. His body strains towards Dean, as though he were a magnet in some pull, and his breath comes out in what sounds like a strangled exhale.

 

Dean leaves after that, not wanting to dwell on what he fucked up, and to avoid seeing the contents of the USB.

 

His brother, who always fucking _knows_ when something has happened, comes up to him as soon as Dean is out of the room, “Dean, what went on in there?”

 

Dean shakes his head, “Don’t worry about it, Sammy. Just- I want to see Gabe.”

 

“Oh, okay,” he’s seems mollified for the time being, but he looks at Dean with some concerned curiosity as he goes on, “He’s sort of tired at the moment, since he’s healing.”

 

“What did Cas do, exactly?”

 

Sammy rubs at his neck, “Just the usual sort of thing, I guess? He scratched him up pretty badly, and he lost some blood. Mostly, though, healing’s taking a while because, well…”

 

“Well what?”

 

Sammy looks almost mortified, “Uh, have you, um, seen a section in that journal over, _oh god,_ pregnancy?”

 

“It was mentioned, but-” Dean blanks, “Wait, _what?”_

 

“He went into heat around the time that you had that flare up thing with Castiel,” Sammy rushes out, “Things just- _happened._ ”

 

Dean punches his brother in the arm, “God dammit, Sammy! Did you not think about even using protection!?”

 

Sammy looks offended as he gapes, “Hey! You can’t while there’s heat involved! Do you even know what happens because of it?”

 

“Not really,” Dean admits, sighing, “But having a lil’ wolf baby on the way right now, you don’t- we can’t- it’s just not the right time, Sammy.”

 

“You think I’m not aware of that?” Sammy reels himself back a little, his eyes losing their fire, “Just- what’s done is done, Dean. Gabe’s pregnant, and he’s healing slower than he should because his body is sort of trying to keep two people supported at the moment. Normally, I wouldn’t be concerned, but he’s been running a fever-”

 

“And you don’t say anything!?”

 

Sammy rubs at his face, “Dean, Castiel would never forgive himself. You know that. You also know that he was so strung out over you that telling him about Gabe’s condition just would’ve drove him over the edge.”

 

Dean quiets at that.

 

“I need your help, Dean. There might be something you can do with your powers, right?”

 

“T-There might be,” Dean rushes out as Sammy leads him towards his own mate, “I’m not sure, though. The journal was really only filled with hypotheses and random discoveries about anatomy and behavior.”

 

Sammy doesn’t seem to hear that, or if he does, he’s too desperate to forgo the possibility that his older brother can help, “There’s no time for that, Dean. We’ll see what we can do. We have to.”

 

The two brothers rush to Gabe’s room, and by the time they get to the door, Dean’s nose is assaulted by some bittersweet smell. He clamps his nostrils closed with his hand for a few seconds, coughing at the same time, as Sam looks at him with some pity.

 

“You get used to it after a while,” the alpha murmurs, “It’s just the scent of sickness and, well… _baby._ ”

 

Dean shakes his head, clearing his throat as he pushes back the door to Gabe’s room.

 

“Sam-Sam it’s you,” Gabe pauses, looking over to Dean with widened, dull eyes, “and, _fuck me,_ Dean-o too.”

 

“Dean escaped, and Castiel brought him back. They got in earlier this morning.”

 

Way to go Sammy, keep things laconic. It means that there’s less for Dean to be reminded of.

 

“That’s good,” Gabe breathes out, his words soft and groggy, “I’m glad to see that you’re okay, Dean.”

 

“Wish that I could say the same about you,” the hybrid mutters, coming up to the other side of his mate’s brother (his mate who did this to his own blood), “How are you feelin’, Gabe?”

 

The omega shrugs, smirking despite how pale and sickly he looks, “A lil’ tired, I guess. Still not used to all of this-” he lifts a hand and makes it wave around loosely, only to place it on his stomach seconds later, “yet.”

 

Dean smiles weakly, “Yeah, Sammy told me about that. You haven’t killed him. Why?”

 

“Dean!”

 

Gabe laughs quietly, his eyelids drooping as he smiles, “Because, he’s my mate and I love him along with all that other gooey crap. Besides, I don’t wanna raise this kid without its dad.”

 

“You have been spared,” Dean gives his baby brother a pointed look, “but know this. If you don’t take care of Gabe or your baby, I’m going to murder you so Gabe doesn’t have to.”

 

“This is why I love you, Dean-o,” Gabe then promptly passes out.

 

“Check his forehead, will you?”

 

Dean places the back of his hand against the omega’s temple, feeling his pulse race under clammy, warm skin.

 

“He’s still running that fever,” Dean whispers, grabbing onto the washcloth that Sammy hands him, “Do you think he’ll be alright?”

 

Sammy sighs, “I’m hoping that he will be. I’m worried, though. I think the wounds might be infected.”

 

_Story of their lives, apparently._

 

“Well, there’s only one way to find out, really…”

 

Sammy understands what that means, because he comes over to help Dean moves Gabe to examine the wounds in question.

 

“They’re on his sides and back, thankfully,” Sammy whispers, and Dean is confused for a moment until he thinks- oh yeah, stomach is baby territory, “Be gentle, though.”

 

They manage to move Gabe without any real issues, and they pull up his loose shirt- and damn, Dean did not want to know why Sammy’s old tee is on Gabe’s body while faintly smelling of heat and rut- to examine the damage.

 

What Dean sees makes him wince.

 

“Shit, Sammy. You should’ve said something sooner…”

 

Sammy doesn’t retort back, because he’s too busy whining and placing his hand lightly against the swollen wounds on Gabe’s back.

 

“This is all my fault,” he grits out quietly, and Dean can see the self-loathing tears form already, “I shouldn’t have let him go see Castiel. I shouldn’t have let this happen altogether.”

 

“Sammy, stop.”

 

“You weren’t here, Dean. You don’t know how simple it would’ve been if it were me who told Castiel about the ad instead. Gabe would be safe. Our _kid_ would be safe.”

 

Dean feels slightly awkward at the reminder that his brother is going to be a father, and that suddenly, he’s fallen into the stereotypical alpha brooding over their pregnant omega. He doesn’t like the look, especially so when he knows that it’s well-deserved right now.

 

“Look, stop blaming yourself and focus on what really matters,” Dean sits on the edge of the bed to get a closer look, “Now, go get me a first aid kit. We’ve got some work ahead of us.”

 

Turns out that Dean has a knack for forgetting about things when he’s got a task in front of him. The methodical swabbing of antibiotic creams and the rolling of gauze keeps his mind off of the fact that _Cas_ did this. It also just helps him avoid the thoughts over Cas in general, which, just like Garrison Services and a beta named Zachariah, is a sensitive subject. And for right now, sensitive subjects are what Dean is trying to avoid altogether.

 

“You must be thinkin’ a lot,” Sammy comments, pausing on wrapping Gabe’s shoulder with bandages, “You keep starin’ at Gabe’s skin like it did somethin’ wrong.”

 

“Nah, I’m the one who fucked things up, actually,” Dean sighs, “I think I really pissed off Cas, Sammy.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Dean pauses, letting his hands fall onto the mattress, “He pulled me aside earlier and asked about what happened while- while I was _there._ ”

 

Sammy remains silent.

 

“I can’t remember, Sammy. I don’t want to, but even then, I’ve made myself forget what happened… I just snapped on him about it.”

 

The youngest Winchester gets one of his knowing looks, “What did you say now?”

 

“I said that I wouldn’t have come back if I knew that he was going to be so on my case…”

 

“ _Dean-”_

 

“Look, I don’t need you to tell me that I fucked up, okay? I didn’t- I didn’t mean to snap on Cas like that. It’s just that trying to go through all that happened, even through memory… I just can’t, Sammy. I’d fall apart.”

 

Sammy gives Dean a pitying nod, “I get it, but still, Dean. You didn’t have to go off and tell Castiel that you regret coming back. That’s like telling him that you don’t care for him or that he’s a horrible mate.”

 

Dean would facepalm if he wasn’t covered in nasty wound stuff and sticky creams, “ _Are you fucking-”_

 

“Dean, talk to him. Tell him that you didn’t mean it that way, and that the wounds are too fresh for you to go off and talk about them.”

 

“Just- everything is so _fucked_ right now, Sammy… There’s Gabe getting hurt, there’s Cas losin’ his shit, and then there’s me trying not to lose my own…”

 

The alpha beside him is fixing the bandages on his mate carefully as he speaks, “It’s true that things are a little more complicated than any of us would like right now, but we’re gonna get through it, Dean. Or, we’ll at least try to.”

 

Dean snorts, “I think we’ve always sort of rolled with it.”

 

Sammy smiles at Dean solemnly, and then returns to worrying over his mate.

 

“Call me if somethin’ happens, okay?” Dean stands, making his way to the door, “I need to check in with Cas.”

 

Sammy nods, turning back to Gabe and his wounds, “Remember what I told you, Dean.”

 

Dean is about to leave, but he stalls and looks over at his brother. He doesn’t mean to linger or to watch either, but he does it anyway.

 

He notices how Sammy’s hands are careful as they ghost over Gabe’s exposed skin. The touches are filled with concern and admiration, as though his fingertips were somehow proclaiming worship by tracing the wounds like a silent, unworded apology for something they hadn’t done. Sammy looks practically broken over the condition that Gabe is in, and by the frown and the wrinkles on his face, Dean can read those lines in the flesh as regret and guilt. It’s the sight of an alpha fretting about the only omega or _person,_ even, that they’d ever love in such a way. In short, Sammy looks like a lovesick, worried mate.

 

Dean’s throat clenches without warning, and the hybrid has to leave right then and there.

 

He’s just not used to seeing his baby brother all grown up.

 

 

**…**

 

Dean doesn’t go to Cas, or at least, he doesn’t want to go to Cas just yet. There’s one person who he hasn’t seen in a while that he hasn’t heard about, and he’s a little eager to revisit.

 

He’s in his wolf form now, trotting down a newly beaten path with his tongue lolling out as he comes across the den he was looking for.

 

“ _Meg?”_ Dean barks out, sniffing the air to see if her scent- pepper, dirt, and dust- is fresh, “ _Meg, it’s Dean-”_

 

His form is suddenly getting pinned to the ground in a playful way, and when he looks up, Meg is grinning wolfishly at him.

 

“ _Long time no see, Winchester. I’m happy that you’re back._ ”

 

Dean huffs a breath, “ _I’m happy to be back too. Really missed being crushed by your heavy ass._ ”

 

She snorts and gets off of him, “ _This is the heaviest I’ve been in months, thank you._ ”

 

“ _I can still see parts of your ribs._ ”

 

“ _Like I said,_ ” she mutters darkly, “ _months._ ”

 

The poor, slow lightbulb above Dean’s head flickers to life weakly, “ _Shit, Meg. If you want to bite my head off, I wouldn’t-”_

 

“ _It’s alright, Dean. Don’t worry about it,_ ” she pushes him towards the den with a paw, “ _Besides, Ruby’s missed you a whole lot. She’s been sniffing around for you, too._ ”

 

Dean sticks his nose into Meg’s den, sniffing a few times to get a hearty scent of milk and pup, and he pulls back to say, “ _I’ve missed her too._ ”

 

“ _Then get in there and see her. She whines at least once a day for you._ ”

 

Dean freezes, “ _R-Really?”_

 

Meg notices the look of surprise on Dean’s features, and she tilts her head, “ _Yeah, she has… You’ve never been around a pup, have you?”_

 

“ _No, not really,_ ” Dean murmurs, “ _There weren’t a whole lot of actual pups in Azazel’s pack throughout the years that I was there, and even then, I was human at that time. I wouldn’t have- well, it’s not the same._ ”

 

“ _Of course it isn’t,_ ” Meg bumps into Dean’s shoulder, “ _Especially when you have those instincts in your head._ ”

 

Dean’s about to ask her what she means by that when he hears a small howl from inside the den. His ears prick up, and instantly, his going inside snout first without even thinking.

 

“ _There it is,_ ” Meg laughs as Dean wiggles his butt to fit through the hole, “ _The protective other mother has arrived._ ”

 

Dean ignores her comment.

 

“ _Ruby?”_ Dean calls out, finding his tail wagging with some excitement.

 

A small, warm bundle of fur crashes into Dean’s paw, making him look down to see a bigger, fluffier Ruby gleaming at him.

 

“ _What did you do to your kid?”_ Dean asks with horror as Meg slips in behind him, “ _Did you like, give her steroids or something? Did you replace her with an older pup?”_

“ _No, you doofus. She grew, just like all pups do. You were gone for some time, Dean. I think it was about a month or two._ ”

 

Dean pauses.

 

“ _Dean?”_

 

“ _I’ve missed two whole months?”_ Dean turns to see Meg staring at him.

 

She only nods.

 

“ _I need some air._ ”

 

Dean scrambles out of the den, panting hard, and the world around him swims and blurs into unrecognizable shapes and colors.

 

“ _Dean,_ ” Meg appears at his side, letting the hybrid lean onto her as his paws buckle from underneath him, “ _you’re having a panic attack-”_

 

“ _I- I know…_ ”

 

“ _Was it something that I said?”_ Meg sounds concerned, and almost a little guilty, as she tries to calm Dean down.

 

“ _Lost time._ ”

 

It’s all Dean manages to get out before things go dark.

 

**…**

 

When Dean opens his eyes, he’s in some bed with some form lying against his own.

 

“You’re awake.”

 

Oh, it’s just Cas.

 

“What time is it?”

 

“Almost midnight,” the alpha murmurs, petting Dean’s head as he does so, “You were out for a few hours.”

 

Dean snuggles closer into his mate’s side.

 

“Dean, are we going to talk about-”

 

“Cas, _please._ ”

 

The alpha sighs, pushing Dean back an inch so they can make eye contact, “Dean, something happened at Meg’s den. She told me that she mentioned how long you were gone, and that you freaked out because of it.”

 

“I… I didn’t know that it’s been two months.”

 

Cas tilts his head.

 

“I thought I was only gone a week, Cas. I didn’t know that I was gone for almost _nine._ ”

 

The alpha stills, making Dean begin to worry.

 

“Cas?”

 

“I read what was on the USB,” he begins, impassive by choice, as though to coddle Dean, “I’m guessing it was one of Zachariah’s personal collection, since it was so easy to get inside of.”

 

“Cas-”

  
  
“The documents on it showed tests that they’d run, or at least, the aftershocks of them. The USB was full of toxicology reports and diagrams detailing what they had done to someone.”

 

Dean trembles as Cas grips onto him tightly, “Please-”

 

“Why didn’t you say anything to me?” Cas asks with hurt in his voice, the words trembling with how close Cas is to crying.

 

“Cas, I- I can barely remember what happened. I’ve tried though- like, to go through the memories, sort of. But I _can’t._ It’s just- it’s too soon, man.”

 

Cas shakes his head, “We’re going to have to talk about it, Dean. We need to discuss what went on, and either way, we need to make a game plan for when Zachariah tries to kidnap you again.”

 

The saddest part is that there is no “if” in this situation.

 

“I know, Cas, but…” Dean decides then to somewhat change the subject, “You said that they conducted experiments?”

 

Cas pulls Dean closer to him, as though the idea of such a thing is enough to set him off, “Yes, they did.”

 

“They never did anything though... I would _know_ if they did.”

 

“Dean, they made note that the drugs they used on the toxicology report would render some memories unattainable, and that you seemed to… _mentally withdraw,_ during the trials.”

 

Dean swallows, causing his voice to come out weak and uneven, “So you’re saying that I was their guinea pig, and I don’t even remember it?”

 

The alpha nods.

 

“That- well…”

 

Dean thinks hard, or at least, tries to, about the past “week” inside of GS. He now understands why it’s so hard for him to recall what happened- why it’s so hard for him to realize the truth. It isn’t just emotional barriers that are keeping him back.

 

“Do you think Zachariah intended for me to forget stuff?”

 

“I don’t know,” Cas admits, “But I’ve read that in common therapy practices, during sessions, if someone has another person to walk through the past with, it can help them remember.”

 

Dean huffs a breath, “Cas, you aren’t a therapist.”

 

“No, I’m not. But you’re a hybrid. I’m sure that we could bend the rules here to our benefit.”

 

For a second, Dean quirks his brow at his mate, “So we’re going to use my super powers to help me remember what happened to me while I was gone?”

 

“Yes, in some sense,” Cas murmurs, looking focused on his thoughts, “Though I’m sure that there will be some issues when it comes to figuring out how to specifically relive blocked memories. There may even be replays of things that we don’t want to see, from either you _or_ me.”

 

The hybrid tilts his head, “What are you saying?”

 

“I’m telling you that there’s a chance that you can get inside of my head instead of yours during this. I’m going into your memories with you, Dean. The possibility of you accidentally falling into mine is pretty high, considering.”

 

“Are you willing to risk that?”

 

Cas remains silent.

 

“It’s just- you’ve always been so protective over your past. Like, more than anything else in your life, really. I want to make sure you’re down for this knowing that some dark shit that you want to hide has the chance to get light shed on it.”

 

Cas takes a small inhale, “If we can get answers, and if we can figure out all that Zachariah’s done, then I’ll be okay with that being a side effect.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes, Dean. If we’re going to be able to fend Zachariah off, we need to find out all that we can before he’s on our doorstep.”

 

Dean pulls Cas a little closer to him, and he buries his face into his mate as well, “I don’t think I could face him again…”

 

Hands rub their way down the planes of Dean’s back in a comforting manner, “I won’t let them take you, Dean. Not again- _not_ when I just got you back.”

 

For a while, the two find solace in each other’s presences, and they try to fend off the foreboding feeling that the dark times are not quite over for any of them just yet.

 

**…**

 

(Day 2)

 

Dean wakes up to the feeling of Cas licking his neck, and overall, it surprises him.

 

“ _Whoa whoa,_ Cas, hold on,” Dean tries to push back a little, but he finds Cas’ hands gripping onto him tightly, impeding his movements.

 

“Stay.”

 

Dean looks up to see Cas trembling, like he’s fighting some part of himself off, and it makes the hybrid worried.

 

“Cas, are you okay?”

 

The alpha swallows, and his words are unusually shaky in their delivery, “I- I think I might be going into a r-rut.”

 

Dean is instantly on alert, “Okay, just calm down. We can get through this, Cas. Come on.”

 

The other werewolf whimpers, and he buries his face in Dean’s neck in a pathetic manner.

 

“I, uh, I don’t really know much about ruts, but I’m guessing that it’s like a heat, but for alphas,” Dean hates when he word vomits, it’s like he has nothing important to say, really, it’s all just gibberish, “You’re good, right?”

 

Cas breathes in and out for a moment, his muscles twitching underneath his skin, and his words are labored and heavy, “Dean, I don’t- I don’t want to do anything… Just- not yet. Not when we don’t k-know what can happen.”

 

“Do you think you can control yourself enough to hold back?”

 

Cas shakes his head to say no, and his hands come up to grip onto Dean, trapping him in a vice.

 

“Well, um… Maybe I can try to ease it or somethin’, you know? Like, before it gets bad-”

 

“Stimulation will only make it worse, Dean. _Especially_ if it’s from you.”

 

Cas’ gruff correction makes Dean rush to find a solution, “I could try using my mental stuff, right? I could go in and calm your wolf, or- I don’t know. Anything is worth trying out, isn’t it?”

 

The alpha seems too far gone to really disagree or agree at the moment, because his exhales come as pants against Dean’s collarbone. It’s then that the hybrid decides to take action before Cas does something against his human side’s will.

 

He begins to move Cas to the headboard when the alpha growls low, “It’s okay, Cas. I’m just repositioning us, alright?”

 

This seems to mollify the wolf in Cas just a fraction, because the growl shifts to that of a displeased rumble as Dean has Cas sit against the back of the bed.

 

“I’m going to get on your lap now.”

 

Dean straddles Cas’ hips with blush tinting his skin, and he tries to not feel anymore flustered as that rumble changes into a heady purr. The hybrid swallows, and he puts his forehead against his mate’s sweaty and heated one.

 

Dean takes his hands and cups Cas’ face, and he closes his eyes and focuses on getting inside of Cas’ head. It takes a while, like he’s beating against some mental barrier asking for entry, and the defenses are holding strong and hard. Dean hisses a little as his head begins to ache from the exertion, but he presses on, looking for some crack or weak point in Cas’ walls for him to slip in through.

 

Dean’s about to give up from the pounding in his head just as he manages to break in, and it’s a relief on his body to finally feel that pressure give way. The hybrid has to take a moment, and during it, he can feel Cas’ hands on his hips. Their grips are tight, but it’s obvious in the minor tremor in their fingertips that these vices are ones of desperation.

 

Dean has to breathe for a few seconds before he can jump back into the fray, and when he does, he can feel Cas pull him a little closer.

 

“It’s okay,” Dean chokes out, finding that this is _way_ harder than he imagined, “We’re okay.”

 

“D-Dean,” Cas sounds like he’s about to cry, and Dean doesn’t understand until he feels something drip onto his leg.

 

His mental connection with Cas is severed when he pulls back to see a small droplet of scarlet on his thigh. Dean stares at for a moment, and he opens his mouth to say something, only to taste rust and salt. Cautiously, the hybrid brings a hand up to his face, and he finds that one of his nostrils is bleeding heavily onto his hand.

 

“Maybe I’m not fine, actually,” Dean coughs, because he can feel it going down his throat, too.

 

Cas’ reaction is almost instant, because Dean finds himself getting patted all over with panicked hands.

 

“Cas-”

 

“ _Dean,_ ” the alpha’s voice breaks, and it causes the hybrid to try and not wince at how heartbroken his mate sounds, “You shouldn’t have done that.”

 

He begins to shake his head, only to regret the action as his vision swims and his stomach rolls with his neck, “I wanted to help, Cas.”

“By what? Nearly giving yourself an aneurysm?”

Dean is about to retort that Cas isn’t the only one allowed to worry about his mate, but he’s cut short by Cas carrying him bridal style to the bathroom.

 

“I can walk, you know,” Dean mutters, but there’s not much fight in him considering that he probably can’t walk straight with having to tilt his head back and all.

 

Cas doesn’t say anything. Instead, he sets Dean down onto the counter top and grabs a washcloth, then wets it. Carefully, the alpha brings up the fabric to Dean’s nose, and it makes him give a whine of discomfort as pressure is applied.

 

After Dean’s eyes open, he sees just how Cas is reacting to his pain, and it’s not pretty, “Dean, I’m _so_ sorry.”

 

“Cas, it’s not your fault.”

 

“ _Yes it is,_ ” Cas grits out, and despite his anger, his hands are nothing but gentle against Dean’s bloodied skin, “I could feel you wanting to get in, and what did I do? I fought it. Or my wolf did. I don't know which it was, exactly... But either way, this is my doing.”

 

Dean places a hand over Cas’ wrist, and he stares into the other werewolf’s eyes with as much sincerity as he thinks he can convey, “Cas, stop. Seriously. All you do is blame yourself. Just quit it. I wanted to see if I could help you, and I fucked up, alright? It’s all on me this time.”

 

“Yes, _this time._ I couldn’t have worded it more perfectly myself.”

 

Dean’s brow furrows, “Cas?”

 

The alpha closes his eyes and hangs his head in shame, and for a second, Dean can feel nothing but complete guilt flood through him. It makes him gasp for a moment, and yet, Cas doesn’t look up- as though he knows what Dean just felt.

 

“I know that my brother isn’t in the best of conditions right now because of me,” the alpha begins, and his voice is bitter as he speaks, “I don’t know if Sam is aware of it or not, but my nose works. I know my brother’s scent, and I know what it’s like whenever he’s sick.”

 

“Cas-”

 

“I know that he’s got an infection and that it’s because of what I did to him,” Cas grits out, and his hands clench on the edge of the counter beside Dean’s hips, “I know that he can’t heal because of what I’ve done.”

 

Dean, without thinking, opens his mouth, “Uh, Cas, not to be a angst-kill here, but, um… Sammy’s more of the reason why he can’t heal normally, not you.”

 

Cas’ head snaps up at that, and for a few seconds, Cas looks confused. However, when realization sets in, Cas looks like he’s about to commit murder.

 

“He did _what?”_ Cas snarls.

 

“It was after my little heat flash, you know, the first one when I sort of presented to you? Apparently I set Gabe’s off or something, Sammy didn’t want to go into details thankfully, but I’m sure we can connect the dots well enough ourselves, and let me tell you, it does _not_ form a sailboat,” Dean rushes out, his lungs aching from his slight rambling.

 

Cas glares at Dean, “How long have you known about this since you’ve been back?”

 

“Not too long either way, because you know- ...” Dean trails off and ducks his head and avoids his mate’s furious gaze, “It was after the… the USB incident… I meant to tell you, but… We were fighting, sort of. I didn’t want to make things worse by breaking the news or something.”

 

Dean thinks that Cas may seriously throttle him or something, going by how pissed he seems to be, but when Dean jumps from Cas’ touch, it’s more out of surprise than from pain. Gently, Cas lifts Dean’s face back up by his jaw. The alpha seems calmer now- almost apologetic for being so rough with Dean.

 

“While I am upset, it’s not directed at you, Dean. I’m sorry if I gave that impression. I am, however, very, _very_ infuriated with your brother.”

 

Dean nods, shrugging, “It’s understandable. I mean, I wanted to drag him out over the metaphorical coals myself, but… it isn’t the best of times for any of us.”

 

The alpha sighs, “I know, and I wish that it wasn’t. Conditions aren’t good enough to bring a pup into the mix. In fact, it may just make things worse.”

 

“That’s what I tried telling Sam, but he’s right. What’s done is done. Gabe is pregnant-” Cas flinches at those words, and Dean proceeds on cautiously, “and there’s nothing we can do that’s really going to change that.”

 

“I just wish that they would’ve said something before this… It would make things less complicated for Sam, but especially for Gabriel. We could’ve gotten him to a doctor or something else already.”

 

“Sammy was worried that you would've murdered him and left his body to rot, and that’s even worse for the baby and Gabe.”

 

Cas huffs, “Even though I’d like to, what is it- rip your brother a new one?- I know that it would be counterproductive more than anything else.”

 

Dean smiles, and he brings Cas a little closer to him so he can peck his mate’s cheek, “Look at you, acting like a caring big brother. It’s a good look on you.”

 

“I wish that blood was on that list,” Cas grimaces, and when Dean is about to ask why, he can see where his lips left crimson marks on the alpha’s skin.

 

“Oh, sorry about that,” Dean takes a clean edge of the washcloth from earlier to wipe it away as he flushes a little in embarrassment.

 

As he rubs away his blood from Cas’ skin, the alpha stares at Dean in a way that makes goosebumps appear along his arms and legs. Without thinking, Dean shivers under his mate’s gaze, and Cas’ pupils dilate at the reaction.

 

“You’re still not in a rut, are you?” Dean asks suddenly, because oh yeah, he needs to know if he's about to get jumped like a hurdle.

 

Not in _that_ way, exactly- but you get it nonetheless.

 

“I’m not sure, but seeing you bleeding and hurt might have completely scared me out of it. Or at least, severely prolonged its appearance for a bit. I don’t which happened yet.”

 

Dean licks his lips, and Cas’ eyes follow the action, “Well, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see, right?”

 

Cas hums in agreement, only to take a step forward a second later to bury his face into Dean’s neck. Dean chuckles, and he’s reminded of how Cas woke him up this morning by doing the same thing as he wraps his arms around Cas’ shoulders.

 

“I ached for you while you were gone- like I was voided of a part of myself, and the hollowness couldn’t be ignored,” Cas murmurs, his lips moving against Dean’s pulse point as he speaks, “The days felt endless, and nights felt just as infinite.”

 

“That’s a poetic way to say you missed me, Cas,” Dean whispers back, “but I like it. I like it a lot, actually.”

 

Cas rubs his face against Dean’s shoulder, and it causes the hybrid to make his body meet the other’s eagerly, “I missed your skin, your voice- your _scent._ I wandered around the house endlessly, searching for something that I couldn’t find- that I could never pinpoint. I forgot how many times I woke up to find myself in another room, clinging onto something that held only a trace of your presence.”

 

Dean’s breath catches in his throat as Cas presses in just a few centimeters closer, “Cas…”

 

“I know that sex-” Dean can’t help but jolt at the word, and of course, Cas doesn’t miss that reaction, “isn’t something we should be focusing on, at least, until we know that you’re okay and that we won’t get interrupted like before.”

 

Dean’s mind flashes back to Zachariah’s cockblock, and he grimaces as all the heat he was feeling dissipates into nothing, “Oh wow, he’s a _huge_ buzzkill.”

 

Cas nods, “Yes, which is why I don’t want him to walk in here if I’m fucking you.”

 

Dean blinks at his mate, because really- when did Cas get such a mouth on him?

 

“Now, how about we get things ready for when we encounter him next? The sooner we get that out of the way-” Cas nips at Dean’s neck just for a split second, and it’s enough to make Dean melt against the counter top, “the quicker we can get to… other things.”

 

Dean breathes out heavily, causing him to slump against the alpha as he pulls him off of the counter, and he tries not to sound eager when he speaks, “O-Okay.”

 

Let it be said that if Zachariah interrupts something again, Dean will happily show that bastard where to shove it.

 

**…**

 

Research, as expected, begins almost instantly after Dean and Cas exit the bathroom. They’re currently exploring the contents of the USB when Sammy walks into the room.

 

“Hey, Dean. Hi, Cas.”

 

The two turn to look at the youngest Winchester, but it’s Cas that speaks first, “Dean told me that you impregnated my brother.”

 

“Wow, Cas. Way to be fucking _subtle,_ ” Dean chastises.

 

“Wait, you told him, Dean?” Sammy looks hurt, sort of.

 

Actually, he looks like he’s about to be hurt- which in all sense, could be true.

 

“He already knew that something was up, Sammy,” Dean reasons, “Besides, how long could you keep your mouth shut for before something else went wrong or got worse?”

 

Sammy seems bested at that, and Dean tries not to feel some pride in quieting his usually retortive brother.

 

Cas, however, has something else to say, because he stands up from the desk chair and stops right in front of Sammy. Despite their major height difference, Cas looks intimidating as hell, and it doesn’t go unnoticed by either Winchester, going by Sammy’s nervous twitching.

 

“I’m only going to say this to you _once,_ ” Cas begins, his voice low and threatening- and _holy hot damn_ Dean should stop this train before it gets to the next station of thought, “If you hurt my brother, I will hurt you. If you hurt my nephew or niece, I will hurt you and then some. However, if you ever let something as big as this go unnoticed for as long as it did, I will maim you. I’m afraid that murder is off of the list because of my brother’s dependency on you, as well as the child’s, but that doesn’t mean that torture isn’t off of the table.”

 

That’s it- Dean is gone. Goodbye, friends. He’s off to Heaven, having died from secondhand embarrassment and extreme arousal.

 

What a way to go.

 

“Dean, please stop thinking about 'you-know-what'. You’re stinking up the room, and I’ve endured enough hell today,” Sammy looks mortified at the moment.

 

Cas, however, seems to disagree, because he shoves Sammy out of the room and shuts the door.

 

“He could’ve had something important to say,” Dean points out with a small pout, making the alpha watch how his bottom lip juts outward and shines with spit, “It could’ve even been about Gabe and the baby, for all we know. Besides, I thought we agreed that we would wait to have sex till things cleared up.”

 

Cas whines pathetically, looking extremely conflicted as he glances back and forth from his mate to the hallway. But, eventually, after some questioning looks from Dean, Cas gives in and pouts his way back over to the door. He opens it, and thankfully, Sammy is still there.

 

Dean pauses for a moment, “Wait, we’re you going to _listen in_ or somethin’, you perv?”

 

Sammy at least has the decency to blush furiously.

 

**…**

 

When they reach Gabe’s room, Cas seems to stall a little bit whenever his brother’s weird scent fills the air.

 

“Y-You can smell it,” he comments with some disbelief.

 

“Of course you can. Have you ever been around a werewolf who’s pregnant?” Sammy asks.

 

Cas shakes his head, “No… Gabriel and I are changed werewolves, just like you two. Except we’ve never had a pack until now, and even then, there’s never been a pregnancy.”

 

Dean quirks a brow, “So, in every sense of the word, we’re fucked, aren’t we?”

 

“I mean, there isn’t anyone here who has-” Sammy stops mid sentence, “Wait, I take that back. Dean, I need you to head outside and shift.”

 

“Why’s that?”

 

Sammy glances towards Gabe’s room as he answers, “Meg will know how to help us.”

 

**…**

 

Cas heads out with Dean to fetch Meg, but he doesn’t say why he's accompanying him. Sammy had offered to let Cas help him out with Gabe instead, but the other alpha refused. Dean’s guessing it’s because he doesn’t think he can handle seeing his brother in such a state.

 

He can relate.

 

Either way, it doesn’t matter at that point, because the two wolves come upon Meg’s little home away from home. The she-wolf comes out of the mouth of the den, and she snorts when she sees the other two werewolves.

 

“ _It’s like you two to just randomly show up,_ ” she mutters just as Ruby slips out from between her legs, “ _and it’s just like her to dart off…_ ”

 

Dean thinks that Ruby is going to run around the woods nearby, but he stands corrected when the little pup bounds her way right into his leg.

 

“ _Just like old times,_ ” Dean huffs a laugh softly, and he lays down on his stomach, “ _Hey there, Ruby._ ”

 

“ _Dean! Dean!”_ the pup yips, and she licks his face, “ _I missed you!”_

 

Dean’s head shoots up to Meg who laughs at him, “ _Yep. She can sort of talk now. Surprise?”_

 

Cas is looking at Dean with something close to an awed hunger, in some sense, because his pupils dilate and his fur fluffs up against the wind. A heady scent floats its way over to Dean’s nose, and when it reaches his nostrils and enters his lungs, he wishes that he and Cas weren’t upholding their own version of celibacy till things were better. Because, _oh yeah,_ he’d be so down for going a round or two in the forest right now.

 

“ _Ew, stop it you two. I don’t want my daughter exposed to that stuff,_ ” Meg comes forward and bites her pup by the scruff, and she picks her up and sets her down by the entrance of the den, “ _Stay in there for right now, Ruby._ ”

 

“ _But I wanna see Dean!”_ she whines, and Dean fidgets from surprise as his inner wolf chants _‘pup’_ over and over.

 

Meg snorts, “ _Whimpering like a newborn isn’t gonna change my mind, lil’ one. Just head in there, and stay. Dean will come back later, I promise._ ”

 

Ruby’s tail hangs in between her flanks, but she nods and mopes her way back into the den nonetheless.

 

“ _So,_ ” Meg says once Ruby is out of sight, “ _what made the lovely couple grace me with their presence today?”_

 

“ _We need your help,_ ” Cas takes a step forward, his stance like soldier’s almost, “ _You’re the only one in the pack with enough knowledge on pregnancies to help us out._ ”

 

Meg tilts her head, “ _But the only two people who can- wait… Dean, you’re pregnant?”_

 

Dean’s coat bristles at the accusation, and his muscles tense as he smells that scent from Cas once more. However, he shakes his head.

 

“ _I’m afraid that it’s my brother, actually,_ ” Cas corrects, and Meg looks- well, she looks almost disappointed.

 

“ _Figures that Gigantor and Smalls would swap crotch spit first,_ ” Meg mumbles, and Dean tries not to gag.

 

Seriously? Crotch spit? Like- _what?_

 

“ _Well, I’ll go help you all out. I mean, I am the only one who’s been infected with cooties here._ ”

 

Should Dean even feel surprised anymore?

 

Cas nods, “ _You might need to bring Ruby with you. This may take a while._ ”

 

Meg goes inside of her den to fetch her daughter, and Cas takes the opportunity to come over to Dean.

 

“ _So, that whole conversation was awkward as hell._ ”

 

The alpha huffs a breath, only to rub his muzzle against Dean’s shoulder, “ _I found it enlightening._ ”

 

“ _Enlightening?”_

 

Cas head butts Dean, and a deep, pleased rumble resonates from his chest, “ _I like the thought of you with pups. I like it a lot, actually._ ”

 

Dean snorts at what seems to be their new personal, and sexual, joke, “ _Yeah well, what can I say? I’ve always had a personality that made me glow._ ”

 

“ _Smartass._ ”

 

Dean raises a wolf’s furry equivalent to an eyebrow, “ _When did you get such a foul mouth?”_

 

“ _You’ve been quite an influence._ ”

 

The hybrid gapes, “ _Hey, you ass, don’t put the blame on me!”_

 

Cas just rumbles again, and pushes Dean up on his paws, “ _Come on, we’ve got things to do._ ”

 

Dean grumpily stands just as Ruby and Meg leave the den, and together, they all go back to the pack house.

 

**…**

 

“ _Dean, where am I?”_ Ruby asks as she climbs up Dean’s back just to slide down his muzzle.

 

“ _It’s a pack house,_ ” Dean states easily, snorting as Ruby trips on her paw and face plants, “ _All of the wolves in Cas’ pack live here._ ”

 

“ _Am I in Cas’ pack?”_

 

Dean looks over to the alpha who is watching their interactions quite carefully, “ _Well? Answer the kid._ ”

 

“ _Yes, Ruby. You’re part of my pack,_ ” Cas gives Dean a look, but it quickly gives way to a more affectionate one as Ruby curls up beside Dean from exhaustion.

 

Ruby waits a moment, seemingly out of breath from her playing, and she sounds completely tuckered out as she speaks, “ _Then why do I live in a den outside?”_

 

Dean looks at Cas for answers, but it seems that even he’s at a loss for them. However, it’s then that Meg walks out of Gabe's room and joins them.

 

“ _It’s because your mom prefers to have her own space._ ”

 

Ruby gives a small whine, “ _I wanna live in here, though! It’s warm and it has Dean and Gabe!”_

 

The she-wolf rolls her eyes at her daughter, “ _They can always visit. Now come on, it’s time for your nap._ ”

 

“ _Can I nap right here?”_ Ruby asks, her voice pleading, “ _Dean’s warm and I missed him!”_

 

“ _Fine, but if you give him any trouble, I’ll give you some back. Got it?”_

 

Ruby nods, and she begins to pass out, “ _Yes, Mama._ ”

 

They all wait till Ruby is fast asleep to say anything, and going by the slump in Meg’s form, there’s going to be a lot that is said.

 

“ _How is he?”_ Cas asks, and he sounds concerned as he moves closer to the door.

 

“ _He’s weak and sickly, but, I mean, he could be worse._ ”

 

Cas freezes at that, “ _Meg…_ ”

 

The she-wolf sits down, “ _What do you want me to tell you? That everything’s okay? That everything is going to go back to being sunshine and rainbows? Uh, no. I’m not going to bait you like that._ ”

 

“ _Are they going to make it?”_

 

Dean feels a surge of complete desperation come through his bond with Cas, and he winces at the sound of his voice and the feel of his guilt. Seriously- when Cas feels, he _feels._

 

“ _The infection isn’t a nice or small one,_ ” Meg begins, “ _It’s had time to fester, and it doesn’t help that his healing is slowed from the baby. But, we do have some silver linings to this shit storm._ ”

 

Cas tilts his head, “ _And that is?”_

 

“ _Dean._ ”

 

Dean’s ears prick, and he finds that both wolves are now looking at him, “ _Whoa whoa whoa, hold on. What do you mean that it’s me?”_

 

“ _Hybrids can heal better than a regular werewolf if they need to, depending on if they’re desperate enough. I’m sure that your wolf will be more than sympathetic to Gabe, considering. All you have to do is summon some of your mojo, and viola._ ”

 

“ _I don’t know if it’s going to work,_ ” Dean admits, and he hates how selfish or pathetic he sounds, “ _I’m not used to my… abilities, yet. I’m also not sure if I’ll be causing healing or harm to Gabe if I used them, and I also know for a fact that I’m not really good at it. I tried something this morning, and I nearly cracked my head open._ ”

 

Meg looks over to Cas, “ _Is that true?”_

 

The alpha only nods.

 

“ _Well, you’re going to have to train yourself in the ways of hybrid, then,_ ” Meg begins to walk back into the room, “ _I suggest that you start as soon as you can. The quicker you are, the quicker you can get Gabe back to normal. Besides, I don’t think he’ll hold out for that much longer anyways if you don’t._ ”

 

The words shock Dean, and he somewhat curls in on himself and Ruby as Meg leaves.

 

Cas senses his discomfort, because he comes over to Dean and lies against his back. He licks around Dean’s ears, attempting to try and ease the tension that’s straining Dean’s muscles.

 

“ _Cas, I could hurt him or something,_ ” Dean blurts, “ _The stuff could rebound or go wrong, and I can’t risk that. I can’t risk making the bad things worse._ ”

 

Cas rumbles lightly, and the sound makes the hybrid relax only a little, “ _I know, which is why you and I are going to resume practicing._ ”

 

“ _Are you sure?”_ Dean pivots enough to where he can look at his mate, “ _You nearly lost it this morning just because I got a nosebleed._ ”

 

“ _It’s not like we have much of a choice, Dean. We still have to go through your memories, if we can, and now Gabe needs you to perform a miracle. It’s not that I’m not concerned about what’s going to happen, it’s that we’re all desperate enough to put some risks aside to avoid the bigger ones._ ”

 

Dean tries to relax against his mate, and he lays his muzzle down along the length of Cas’ outstretched legs, “ _I wish that we didn’t have to compromise…_ ”

 

“ _I know, Dean, because I’d give anything to not chance having you get hurt, but… there’s no wiggle room here._ ”

 

The hybrid huffs a breath and closes his eyes, “ _Isn’t that the story of my life?”_

 

Cas snorts, laying his head down along Dean’s neck as he does so.

 

The two older wolves fall into a light sleep while Ruby snuggles into Dean’s side.

 

**…**

 

Dean wakes up to sheets and Ruby bouncing on him.

 

“ _Get up, Dean! Get up!”_

 

The older werewolf groans, stretching his limbs out and licking his nose as he does so, “ _What time is it?”_

 

“ _It’s nighttime!”_ Ruby pounces on his side, making Dean lose his inhale with a huff, “ _But Castiel told me to get you up because he said something about ‘pack tis’?”_

 

“ _Practice,_ ” Dean corrects, and he gets up to shake out his fur, “ _Come on, kiddo._ ”

 

Dean jumps down on the floor, and he’s about to leave whenever he hears a whine come from his bed. Instantly, his head swivels to see Ruby struggling with jumping down. Her paws hesitate, and she’s going back and forth along the edge of the mattress.

 

“ _Hold on, I’m coming._ ”

 

Dean grabs her by the scruff and helps her get onto the ground, and as he lets go of her to continue walking, she headbutts his leg again.

 

“ _What?”_

 

“ _Carry me!”_

 

Dean snorts, “ _Ruby, you’re old enough to walk on your own now._ ”

 

She hangs her head, “ _I know, but you were gone. I wanted you to play ‘pick me up’, but you weren’t here. Mama said that you missed out, and I feel bad because of that._ ”

 

“ _Aren’t you a lil’ piece of work?”_

 

Ruby bumps into his leg again, “ _Please, Dean? I’ll be good, I promise!”_

 

Dean rolls his eyes and gives in, not only to satisfy Ruby, but himself as well. However, it’ll take him months- maybe even years- to tell anyone that he does feel a little cheated whenever he realizes he missed out on so much with Ruby. Just because he’s obviously trying to make up for lost time doesn’t mean that he’s going to be willing to admit it.

 

But, either way, it’s how he finds Cas, much to the alpha’s surprise. Dean stands there for a moment, just randomly in the middle of the hallway while staring up at Cas, and all the while, Ruby dangles from his mouth. Cas, in human form, eats up the scene hungrily, and his eyes turn a shade darker.

 

Dean knows how this goes by now. He’s not dumb enough to be oblivious to the fact that Cas gets hot under the collar whenever “pup” and “Dean” are put together in any way, especially so whenever Dean is around Ruby. He gets it- you know, alpha instincts n’ all. To be fair, Dean gets them sometimes himself.

 

“Dean,” Cas snaps the hybrid out of his thoughts, his voice curt.

 

Dean gives a muffled bark, and Ruby yips and waves a paw at Cas.

 

“ _Hi alpha!”_ she sing-songs, and she shakes to get out of Dean’s hold, and when he lets go, she jumps onto his leg and begs to be picked up.

 

Oh, and about the denial thing- while we’re on it, Dean might as well say that he will never admit that his heart fucking _melts_ whenever he sees Cas pick up Ruby as though she were some orphaned puppy or something. This shit could easy be in of those desperate housewives calendar, or it's definitely romance novel material- but even then, Dean would buy either in milliseconds and hide it for years after it was printed.

 

“I’m guessing that Ruby got the message to you,” Cas comments, quirking a brow at how Dean looks at him.

 

The hybrid yips his confirmation.

 

“Alright. Head back into our room in about an hour, and be in human form. If you need me before then, I’ll be at Meg’s den. She’s been looking for you Ruby. What did she tell you about running off?”

 

Ruby hangs her head and whines pitifully, and it makes Dean feel guilty or something. Though, that feeling doesn’t last long, because it’s replaced by surprise. Ruby ran off to be with him?

 

“ _I only wanted to see you, Dean. I promise that I wasn’t being bad,_ ” Ruby explains, sounding melancholy in Cas’ arms, and she tucks her head into the space of his elbow to hide her face away.

 

It’s the cutest and saddest fucking thing Dean has ever been an eyewitness to.

 

“ _Well, I’m sure that Meg will appreciate that, at least,_ ” Dean begins, “ _but you just can’t run off on her like that, especially right now._ ”

 

Ruby lifts her head, “ _Why?”_

 

Cas senses that the two are having a conversation, and he lets Ruby plop herself onto the floor in front of Dean.

 

“ _Right now, there’s some big men that are more than likely going to randomly appear here in the pack house._ ”

 

“ _Like magic?”_ Ruby asks, her voice sounding hopeful.

 

Dean shakes his head, and that’s when he realizes why parents worry about the naivety of their children, “ _No, it’s not magic, Ruby. They aren’t wizards or fairy godmothers. They’re bad people who will do bad things to you if you let them._ ”

 

Ruby whimpers, and Dean lowers himself a little to offer some sense of comfort as she shakes her response out, “ _B-But I don’t want them to hurt me…_ ”

“ _Neither do we, so that’s why you have to stay in our sights. We want to keep you safe, Ruby, and if you run off on us, we won’t be able to do that._ ”

 

This seems to have an impact on the pup, because she sits like a small soldier and raises her muzzle, “ _Yes, sir! I promise that I won’t run off again, Dean!”_

 

“ _Scout’s honor?”_ Dean asks, holding out a paw.

 

Ruby smacks it enthusiastically with her own, “ _Scout’s honor and then some!”_

 

Dean chuckles affectionately, “ _Alright. Go get ‘em tiger!”_

 

“ _I’m not a tiger, I’m a werewolf, silly!”_ she barks back, and she bounds off to her den with Cas rushing to keep up with her.

 

Dean snorts as he watches his mate disappear with Ruby, and he decides that it’s high time that some research gets done.

 

He trots down the pack halls, aware of all of the betas’ eyes on him, until he gets to the computer room. The hybrid grabs a blanket out of a nearby linen closet and drags it into the room, shutting the door once the fabric is out of the way. Once it’s closed, Dean shifts back into human form and wraps the blanket around him.

 

He feels a little weird and lumpy, but hey, it beats being naked.

 

“Alright, research,” Dean awkwardly shuffles over to the computer with the USB still attached to it, and he brings it back to life with the flick of a finger, “Let’s crack this bitch wide open.”

 

It takes a few minutes for Dean to figure out all of the lingo on the files that are saved onto the drive, but after that, he’s golden. Google is helpful enough on medical terms he’s unaware of, and the rest, Dean just inferences.

 

“How much have you gotten done so far?”

 

Sammy’s voice makes him jump, and Dean glares at his baby brother for a moment until his heart is back under control, “You could’ve knocked, you ass. There’s a madman after me, remember?”

 

“Oh right- _shit-_ I’m sorry,” Sammy rubs at the back of his neck, “I’m just completely exhausted and stressed right now.”

 

It’s that admission that makes Dean realize just how worn Sammy looks. There’s bags, deep and purple, lining his eye sockets, making him look sickly. There’s also more definition to the contours of his skull, and by this, it means that Sammy’s skin looks paler and parchment-thin. Dean’s eyes can follow the curve of his baby brother’s cheekbones, and he can see where his nose goes from bone to cartilage. His hair even looks brittle and dull, which is unusual for the “werewolf Simba”, as Dean called him over the years, who had a flowing mane of glorious locks. All in all, his brother looks like some walking, talking corpse.

 

“Dude, you look like you’re about to _drop._ Have you slept or done anything remotely human recently?”

 

“Other than shower, eating a little, and going to the bathroom, not really, no.”

 

Dean narrows his eyes, “Sammy, you’ve gotta take care of yourself-”

 

“But Gabe needs me, like, at every second. If you think that _I’m_ drained…” Sammy trails off, and his eyes begin to shine with unshed tears.

 

Dean sighs, “Sammy, we’re doing all that we can. I want to try and heal him right now, but I’m not sure if I can. I have to figure out how to do it first without fucking anything up.”

 

Sammy nods, “No, I get it. You don’t want to make bad things even worse. It’s alright. This is just very… taxing, at the moment.”

 

“I can tell,” Dean murmurs, and he pulls a chair up beside him, “Come on, take a seat. I’m sure that you need it. Like, how did you even get a free moment to come up here?”

 

“Gabe’s asleep right now, but he told me earlier that he wants me out of his room at least once today… I decided to just wander around the house for a moment, and I ended up here.”

 

Dean nods, “Well, put your head down on the desk or somethin’ and get some shut eye, okay? You deserve it.”

Sammy doesn’t argue. Instead, he sets his head down onto his arms and sighs. Dean can tell by the way his brother’s breathing shallows and slows that he’s asleep almost instantly, and for a moment, Dean wonders how long it’s been since his brother got the chance to get some shut eye.

 

However, there’s work to do, and it’s calling Dean’s name.

 

The hybrid goes back to reading what’s on the screen, and he ends up becoming enraptured with what’s before him.

 

Zachariah wasn’t kidding when he said that he’s done research of his own, because before Dean, there are a lot of high-in looking lab reports and other professional documents. They all talk about things related to hybrids, such as reactions to certain medications or reactions to certain stimuli. Dean stares at them for a moment, and he wonders how these results were able to be found if- if- …

 

So far, Dean’s the only hybrid in known existence, other than his mom.

 

The realization has Dean blinking at the computer screen blankly until his mind comes back online, and when it does, he scrolls down to see the box titled “PATIENT” filled in with “DW918” in inky print. Using the shortcut for search, Dean types the number and letter combination in, and the results are staggering.

 

Before the hybrid is about a thousand or so documents- all of which are results from testing or something else.

 

Dean’s breathing picks up, and his hand trembles over the mouse as he scrolls down through the massive collection that apparently pertains to him.

 

Words like “FAILED” or “INCONCLUSIVE” appear, but it only frightens Dean further whenever he sees “AFFECTIVE”. He clicks on the one document with the green label, and his free hand grips onto the edge of the desk with enough force to crack the wood a little.

 

“ **AFFECTIVE**

 **PATIENT:** _DW918_

 

 **MEDICATIONS:** Mild sedative - diazepam (Valium); _V.193_ (TEST - A. Irr.)

 

 **NOTES:** No violent reaction to sedative; vital signs normal. Patient, however, mentally withdraws during the procedure. This is not a side effect of the drug.

 

 _V.193_ causes abnormal amounts of testosterone to be produced, causing _DW918_ to become extremely violent and territorial. Restraints were used, and other sedatives were administered.

 

Reactions are somewhat slowed afterwards, causing us to believe that this is due to the sedatives within his system. Stimulus to joints and nerves remains somewhat regular, despite having been given tranquilizers.

 

The patient seems to ignore everything when sedated, despite interactions that are instigated by doctors and nurses. Conversations fall silent, and replies are never given. The patient doesn’t seem to react to his own name being spoken, which causes some concern among his caretakers. Observation on the patient’s mental condition is being considered at this time.

 

 _More results are pending._ ”

 

Dean closes the document and swallows thickly, and he glances over to his baby brother. He sleeps peacefully beside him, his chest rising and falling rhythmically as the seconds drag on and pass.

 

If only Dean could feel so relaxed.

 

The hybrid sighs, turning back to the computer with hesitancy. He’s honestly afraid of what else he might find- but he’s even more horrified at the fact that he can’t recall any of this, either.

 

Dean looks back over to his brother again, and his voice breaks as he whispers, “Why can’t I remember any of this, Sammy? I mean, I lived through this, apparently. Shouldn’t I be, like, aware of what happened?”

 

Sammy doesn’t reply. Instead, he drools over his forearm onto the desk, making Dean raise a brow as he sighs.

 

“You’re such a great listener, Sammy. I always knew I could rely on you.”

 

“He is asleep, Dean.”

 

The hybrid jumps at the sound of his mate’s voice, and he turns to see Cas watching him from the doorway, “When did you get here?”

 

“Just now,” Cas begins walking forward, and stalls a little bit when he notices Dean’s ‘attire’, and he shakes his head, “Dean.”

 

“Would you rather have me sitting here naked?”

 

With the way Cas’ pupils darken and enlarge, Dean doesn’t think that the alpha would really mind that.

 

Dean swallows, “I take back my previous question.”

 

“Dean,” Cas comes forward enough to rest a palm along the gentle slope of Dean’s exposed shoulder, his touch reverent, “while I do enjoy the thought of getting to finally bond in the physical sense-” Dean’s mouth goes dry- “it’s going to have to wait.”

 

“I know,” he murmurs, and the playfulness that he’d been feeling previously drains away as he glances back at the screen, and he changes the subject, “So… Are you ready to play roulette with some memories?”

 

“If you’re willing, then yes.”

 

Dean sighs and stands, and he turns off the computer and takes the USB with him, “It’s settled then.”

 

Dean wakes Sammy up and quietly tells him that he’s leaving with Cas, to which his brother nods and stumbles his way out of the room. Dean watches him leave with worry brewing in his chest.

 

“I don’t think that Gabe is the only one who isn’t alright…” Dean murmurs.

 

“I agree,” Cas comes to stand next to Dean’s side, and the two stare at the vacant doorway with some understanding of what’s going on.

 

Dean, however, turns to look at his mate, “What do you think’s wrong with Sammy?”

 

“It’s the bond.”

 

Dean raises a brow, and he feels like a parrot as he says, “Bond?”

 

“It’s been known to happen,” Cas says quietly, and he drops his gaze to the floor, “Mates draw strength from one another, but they can also suffer from weakness. If one of the pair is sick, the other is affected inadvertently. Think of it like dominos, Dean. If one falls over, the one beside it is not that far behind from tumbling over, either.”

 

Dean swallows, “So is that the reason why we’re holding off on mating completely?”

 

“It’s one, in a way. I don’t care about what happens to me, but I know that _Zachariah-”_ the name is gritted out bitterly- “would try to hurt you through me if we finished completely bonding. I don’t want him to torture you anymore. I’d rather hold myself back from loving you like I should if it means that you’re safer from that bastard.”

 

A tear rolls down Dean’s cheek, and he wipes it away feverishly, “Dammit, Cas. You just can’t say things like that…”

 

“Why?” Cas looks extremely confused and concerned, his blue irises searching over Dean’s face in worry.

 

“Because-” Dean grits out, “it really, _really_ makes me want to jump your bones.”

 

Despite the heavy situation, Cas smiles sadly, and together, the two walk to Cas’ room to begin their daunting task.

 

**…**

 

Dean ends up sitting on Cas’ lap again after he gets dressed, and he’s holding onto his mate carefully as he closes his eyes and presses their foreheads together.

 

“I’m scared, Cas…” Dean whispers, and he feels Cas’ hands stroke carefully up his back.

 

“I know, but we’ve got to do this one way or another. Just relax. I’m sure that being stressed won’t do any good.”

 

Dean swallows spit that feels too thick, and he takes a deep, grounding breath, “Well… Here goes nothing.”

 

Dean focuses on getting into Cas’ head again, and this time, it’s not as difficult as it was before. Whether it be from his earlier attempts or Cas’ regret for pushing back, he doesn’t know.

 

Either way, Dean feels a little comforted by the lack of resistance this time around, and it makes it that much easier to help calm his nerves.

 

“Deep breaths,” Cas murmurs, and he pulls Dean a little closer, “Focus on your memories, Dean…”

 

Dean listens to Cas’ gentle words, and he scrunches his face as he tries to push past his own mental wall as the alpha runs his hands up and down his back slowly.

 

“It hurts, Cas…” Dean chokes out, his voice breaking on the last syllable as his head begins to pound away in protest, “It hurts so much-”

 

“Push through it,” he soothes, gripping onto Dean tighter, “Listen to my voice if you need something to keep you from drifting away.”

 

Dean nods with a dry sob, “Please keep talking. I feel like I’m going insane.”

 

The hybrid’s breath hitches as a sharp pang of pain causes him to shudder and grab onto Cas’ shirt desperately. A whine builds up in his throat, and he’s about to give up as foggy images begins to appear, and muffled words being to fill his skull like thoughts.

 

“You’re doing so good, Dean,” Cas reassures him softly, and he holds Dean tightly by his shoulder as the other hand cups his face, “Keep pushing.”

 

Dean pushes a little harder like he's told, and the two werewolves groan collectively at the acute pressure that seems to be building up behind their eyelids- like a migraine that’s suddenly gotten ahold of steroids. The pain induces havoc upon the pair, and Dean feels like his brain is getting dragged out of his mouth only to go right back in through his nose in a quick succession. In short, it’s like his brain is in a tight, unforgiving blender.

 

However, a new pain begins to blossom along Dean’s right shoulder. A whine rips its way out of his throat just as it gets unbearable, and Dean’s breaks off the contact from Cas’ forehead by letting his face fall into the crook of the alpha’s neck.

 

“ _Shit,_ ” Dean breathes out, and his stomach rolls around like it’s in some sort of dyer that’s set on ‘tumble’.

 

Cas does nothing but breathe for a moment, and it seems that he’s still getting his head together as Dean registers the slickness coming from his nose again.

 

“Fuck…”

 

Dean tries to pull away, but he finds that movement is not a good idea right this second, and he pants against Cas’ collarbone when a strange, torturous sensation begins.

 

Cas- _oh god-_ Cas is literally _peeling_ his hand away from Dean’s shoulder.

 

Dean holds back a scream by how precise and powerful the pain of it is, and he has to stop himself by biting into his mate’s neck to fight it. Cas seems to be brought back by Dean’s reaction, because he’s suddenly spewing out sorry after sorry as he repositions them on the bed.

 

In the end, Dean is lying on top of Cas’ chest, and he’s crying as the alpha’s hands linger over the shoulder he’d just let go of.

 

“Dean, I didn’t-” Cas’ voice sounds absolutely wrecked, “ _Oh god,_ I’m so sorry, Dean.”

 

If the hybrid were in his right mind, he’d tell Cas that it isn’t his fault, and he’d be mentally capable of arguing when Cas said otherwise. However, he feels like he just got curb stomped by a giant who hasn’t been to the gym in ten years with an affection for high-calorie foods. In short, he’s hurting- and he’s hurting badly.

 

“It’s okay, Dean, it’s okay,” Cas sounds like he’s on the verge of crying himself, “Please, just say something to me-”

 

“What did you do!?

 

Dean is _so_ not ready for this shit.

 

Sammy is growling in the doorway, and if Dean’s nose wasn’t bloodied and his head wasn’t feeling like it got bashed in and rebuilt with nails and tape, then yeah- he’d be somewhat defusing the situation.

 

“I did nothing!” Cas snaps, his words hissed out as though Sammy’s accusation was derogatory, “I would never hurt Dean!”

 

Sammy doesn’t sound convinced, because his furious snarl reverberates through the room, “Funny. You said that about Gabe, too.”

 

Underneath Dean, Cas freezes.

 

“Sam,” Cas’ voice is less combative, and it’s quiet- almost desperate, “I would never do anything to hurt your brother.”

 

“Is that because it would affect you?” Sammy grits out, and Dean knows that this situation is just one lump of shit because both of these alphas are stressed out over their injured mates, “Do you only keep him safe because you know that, in some way, you’re protecting yourself?”

 

A low growl grows from under Cas’ ribs, and it bubbles up through Cas’ throat and over his lips like a pot of water that’s too hot and it’s about to boil over, “That’s ludicrously cruel of you, and you know it.”

 

Dean tries to move- tries to stop this argument from growing any further- but his body is just not having it. He manages to move his arm only a centimeter, only to jolt from the sting with a squeak of pain.

 

Cas is instantly cooing at Dean, petting his head and trying to stop the tears that are still streaming down his cheeks and jawline onto the alpha’s shirt.

 

Dean’s mate gives a fake attempt at a purr, as if to console the hybrid in some way, “It’s okay, Dean. You’re fine now.”

 

“What happened?” Sammy asks suddenly, because apparently, Cas’ reaction of concern with Dean seems to have mollified him somewhat.

 

“We were testing out Dean’s abilities.”

 

Sammy is more than likely glaring at Cas now, going by how the alpha tenses under Dean as he pants to regain his breath.

 

“There isn’t a clear way to go about this, Sam. Not only are we trying to prepare Dean to help out Gabe, we’re also trying to figure out what exactly happened when Dean was at GS. So, give us some fucking leniency when we’re just trying to figure this out.”

 

Dean would applaud Cas if his brain didn’t feel like mush.

 

Sammy, however, doesn’t need that, because he sighs, “I’m sorry, it’s just- Gabe isn’t getting any better. I don’t need Dean to get sick or something, too.”

 

“I know, because it’s my brother in that bed, and I don’t want him to die just as much as you do,” the alpha quiets after that, and his hand stalls among the strands of Dean’s hair, “I don’t think I can lose Dean, either.”

 

Dean barely manages to grip onto Cas’ shirt.

 

The action speaks louder than a thousand words.

 

“Is he okay?” Sammy sounds concerned.

 

“He hasn’t been able to speak just yet, but from what I felt as we were attempting at having him remember, I wouldn’t be surprised if basic communication suddenly became a miracle.”

 

Sammy pauses for a moment, “What about his shoulder?”

 

Cas’ breath catches, “I- I don’t know. I was holding onto him as he was focusing, and all of the sudden this just… _happened._ ”

 

“How is that even possible?”

 

“I don’t know that either,” Cas admits, “I’ve never heard of or seen anything like it.”

 

Sammy sighs, and Dean could imagine him rubbing at his hair in frustration, “Do you think it might be in the journal?”

 

“I’m not sure, but it is worth checking out if there might be answers there.”

 

“I’ll go look then,” Sammy begins to leave, but he hesitates, “If he gets any worse, you’ll come get me, right?”

 

Dean can feel Cas nod, “Of course, Sam.”

 

Sammy begins to walk away again, but apparently, Cas has something to say too.

 

“Wait.”

 

Sammy stops, “Yes?”

 

“If Gabe- …” Cas trails off, but his reluctance to word his fears doesn’t mean that the other two people in the room are unaware of what they are, “You’d let me know, right?”

 

“Of course,” Sammy echoes, and it’s then that Dean realizes that the two alphas just formed a promise between the two of them as he begins to pass out.

 

If the other’s mate worsened or even died, they would man up and become the messenger, and together, they would grieve.

 

**…**

 

(Day ?)

 

Dean awoke in a way that made him think that he had died or something some time during the night.

 

At first, he doesn’t feel sick or in pain like he was in before. No, he feels normal- and it freaks him out.

 

He sits up to find bright sunlight flooding the room, because, for once, the windows are completely open to let light and a gentle breeze in. Dean wobbles onto his feet, his legs stiff from sleep, and he wanders over to the windows as birds chirp happily outside without worry.

 

“Oh my god, I’m _dead._ ”

 

“No, you’re alive.”

 

Dean jumps and pivots around to see Cas watching him from the doorway. He’s leaning against the frame with a smirk stretching his lips, and it’d be the perfect sight if he didn’t look so shitty.

 

All in all, the alpha looks haggard and stressed, and it seems as though he’s gained frown lines and a few more wrinkles. His clothes are dirtied and ruffled, as though he didn’t feel like changing them because there were matters of better importance than that of a wardrobe change.

 

“Cas?”

 

The alpha seems almost relieved, “I was worried that you damaged something, and that it was irreversible. You were out for a while.”

 

Dean swallows, “How long?”

 

“Three days.”

 

“Oh, that’s a relief.”

 

Cas furrows his brows, “Is it now?”

 

Dean shrugs, “I mean, I could’ve been out for longer, considering. You don’t seemed thrilled either way.”

 

“Oh, trust me, Dean, I am ecstatic that you’re okay,” Cas moves forward until he’s standing at Dean’s side, “but things have happened while you were asleep.”

 

“Is Gabe okay?” Dean blurts, and he’s sure that Cas can hear how his heart stutters over itself in fear.

 

Cas pulls Dean in close, “Yes, he’s fine, but I’m afraid that he hasn’t gotten any better.”

 

Dean groans, letting his face fall into the crook of his mate’s neck, “Just our luck, right?”

 

“So it seems…”

 

The two just lean on one another for a few moments, and it isn’t until Cas is hugging him tightly that he realizes that it’s kind of a miracle for him to be functional.

 

“I nearly lost you,” Cas chokes out, his arms encasing Dean with what seems like gratefulness, “I was so worried that you wouldn’t wake up and that- that you’d-”

 

“It’s okay, Cas…” Dean murmurs, and he moves up a little to kiss Cas on the cheek, “I’m still here.”

 

Dean tries to kiss Cas on the cheek again, but as his mouth meets softer flesh, he realizes that Cas moved to do the same, so he’s kissing his lips.

 

Dean chuckles, but Cas doesn’t seem to find the situation humorous. No, he finds it endearing or something, because of course, Cas has to act like some physical rendition of a Fabio-cover romance novel character as he kisses praise into Dean’s jaw line.

 

“So perfect,” he murmurs, and Dean’s chuckle morphs into an embarrassing moan as the alpha nips at the skin, “My beautiful mate.”

           

Dean shivers, “Cas…”

 

The alpha brings up a hand to cup the opposite side from where his lips are on Dean’s face, and he pecks with a gentleness that makes the hybrid’s eyelids flutter. Cas’ other hand rests on his shoulder- the one that had felt like it had gotten seared the last time Dean was awake- with a touch that reminds Dean of the ends of a feather. It’s surprising that he can still feel anything in that arm, considering.

 

At the reminder, Dean pulls back a little to see confusion on Cas’ face.

 

“My arm,” he states quietly, and realization crosses over the other’s features.

 

“It’s completely healed now,” Cas begins, his voice a soft murmur, and his eyes trail over the curve of Dean’s shoulder to the muscle that shapes Dean’s forearm with something akin to awe, “I’ve done some research while you were resting, both with the USB and with what happened.”

 

“And?”

 

Dean can’t help but jolt a little whenever Cas seals his hand over his skin again, and he looks up from where they are touching to see Cas staring at his palm in wonder, “It’s a bond mark.”

 

The hybrid is lost, “Uh, bond mark? Remember, I was human not all that long ago. I still don’t know and understand all of this werewolf lingo.”

 

“There are two kinds of marks that a werewolf can receive, apparently. There’s a mating mark, and a bond mark. I didn’t know that the last one existed until a day ago.”

 

“Please don’t tell me we’re some exception or first or whatever,” Dean grouches, “I do want some normalcy every once in a while. It’s gets a little old to find out that your bond is like an albino peacock.”

 

Cas smiles and quirks a brow at his mate, “No, Dean, we’re not a first case. However, it is rare, but still not completely unheard of or too uncommon. Thankfully, there’s been some documented cases of such a thing happening before. I believe we sort of lucked out on this one, considering.”

 

Dean lets out a breath of relief, “Thank god, because I’m really getting tired of havin’ to wing it and hope for the best because we’re weirdos.”

 

The alpha chuckles at that, and he sets his chin on top of Dean’s head, “Well, either way, I found a website that collects information on various mating rarities together. It’s a little… unprofessional.”

 

Dean pulls back to raise a brow at his mate to silently question him.

 

“I believe it’s a website made by teenage girls.”

 

Dean works the brow harder, like it’s competing for "Next Top Model" and Tyra ain’t takin’ _any_ shit today, boys and girls.

 

“They romanticize mating, I think. The page focuses on aspects of it.”

 

The hybrid can’t help but let a small chuckle undertone his voice, “Wait- you’re tellin’ me that you’re taking this information from a sixteen-year-old’s fantasy?”

 

Cas at least has the decency to blush, “They had numerous sources linked at the bottom of the page, Dean-”

 

“ _Ohmygod, Casssssss!”_

 

If laughter is a life-threatening disease, then Dean is about to die, because there are tears streaming down his cheeks as he puts his hands on his knees to wheeze.

 

“Dean, please-”

 

Dean barely manages to get his reply out through bursts of laughter, “ _Teenagers,_ Cas! _Really!?_ Like- you’ve might as well read Twilight or something, dude!”

 

Cas doesn’t look all too happy, “What would be the purpose of reading a book about a middle-aged woman’s sexual fantasy about a three-hundred-year-old vampire seducing a hormonal, bland seventeen-year-old who’s desperate for more than the prickly affection from her pet cactus? Isn’t that counterproductive to what you said earlier?”

 

Seriously, Dean is going to keel over and die right here, right now. He only has a few, precious minutes left.

 

“Dean, I can hear you wheezing. Can you breathe properly?”

 

The hybrid hiccups happily, blinking away numerous tears, “N-No?”

 

Cas sighs, “Do you need a minute?”

 

“I don’t think I’m going to survive for that long,” Dean chokes out, and his ribs ache and his abdominal muscles are protesting furiously against any kind of use, “Like- you’re killin’ me here, Cas.”

 

“I’ll take that as a yes, then.”

 

**…**

 

They’re sitting on the bed now, and Dean is leaning up against the headboard while Cas is near the end, sitting on the edge while he twiddles his thumbs.

 

“So the bonding mark means that you and I are magically perfect for one another?” Dean gawks at Cas as the alpha stares down at his fingers absently.

 

“In a sense,” the alpha murmurs, “It means that we’re soulmates, actually. Our bond runs deeper than most pairings, and we have a physical mark-” Cas gestures to Dean’s shoulder, “to represent that.”

 

Dean worries at his bottom lip for a moment, “But I thought it was from my brain mojo.”

 

“That probably catalyzed the process. Normally, a bond mark doesn’t appear until after there’s some major development within the relationship and or a mating, but we really haven’t had either of those.”

 

The hybrid licks at his lips, and for a second, Cas’ eyes follow the motion until he forces himself to look away, “So what does that mean about us?”

 

“Just that our bond, it’s more…” Cas trails off for a moment, and when his eyes lock with Dean’s, there’s a sincerity about them that makes something tighten in Dean’s chest, “ _profound._ ”

 

Dean shrugs, “Well, kudos to us for being sympatico, then.”

 

Cas chuckles, and that’s when Dean decides to change the subject.

 

“What all happened while I was out?”

 

The alpha’s mood seems to darken, but he answers nonetheless, “Gabe hasn’t gotten any better just yet. Meg’s been helping Sam out as much as she can with caring for him, and Ruby has visited and played with me in the meantime. Along with babysitting, I’ve been researching and looking over the documents on the USB.”

 

“And?” Dean asks, and anxiousness practically drips from his voice.

 

“There’s been a few… developments,” Cas doesn’t look at Dean, but the hybrid can tell that whatever he found infuriates him, going by the fists clenching on innocent sheets, “While you were at GS, Dean, they- they did a few things.”

 

For a second, Dean pauses at the sound of a heavy, repetitive thump, and it isn’t until his mate looks at him with concern that Dean realizes it’s his own heartbeat that he’s hearing, “W-What do you mean?”

 

“Zachariah tested heat suppressants on you, along with rut inducers and other things. He did this almost every day to see if he could convert you into an alpha.”

 

Dean’s throat tightens as he remembers Michael’s screaming- his desperate pleading for an alpha that could do anything other than hurt him and make things worse- and he finds his palms clammy.

 

“You became aggressive and attacked one of the nurses in one case, and that’s how it stopped. Thankfully, you’re okay, but… Zachariah’s intentions worked in an opposite manner.”

 

The hybrid- or… what is he now?- looks at the alpha with wide eyes, “Cas- …”

 

“Your alpha side sort of locked itself away, Dean. Zachariah caused you to somewhat convert more into an omega, but you don't really have heats since he pumped you full of suppressants. But, there’s also a catch.”

 

Dean stutters, and he notices how wary Cas is over him, “A c-catch?”

 

“They noted that you only ever acted like an alpha whenever you’re in danger. It’s like you have another person in you or something, like a schizophrenic. Except this time, it’s an alpha who doesn’t want you to get hurt.”

 

“So, without meaning to,” Dean begins, words slow, heavy, “Zachariah broke me in half mentally, and now, I’m just an omega, whose heats are fucked up, and who’s also got the persona of an overly protective alpha brother in my head?”

 

Cas shakes his head, “No, you’re still a hybrid physically. You’re just… in some sense, broken in half mentally and physically stuck, in a way. It is difficult to explain.”

 

Dean nods slowly, “Okay… That’s- that’s better than what I was expecting… Somewhat.”

 

“Dean, what he did to you was unethical. He should pay for what he’s done.”

 

While the alpha’s words are hissed out in anger, Dean’s are gentle, almost quiet, “Cas, no one wins against them in court. Like, _ever._ ”

 

“I’m aware of this. Far too aware, actually.”

 

“So you’re just going to go after them anyways?” Dean asks, knowing that he sounds and looks incredulous, “I’m sorry, Cas, but that’s practically a version of suicide at best.”

 

He shakes his head, “Dean, we’ve got to stop them somehow. The best way to make sure that Zachariah can’t get you anymore is to make sure that he doesn’t have some facility to drag you back to.”

 

Dean sighs, “I get what you’re saying and what you’re trying to do, Cas, but… we wouldn’t have a chance against Zachariah. He’d have all of these fancy, expensive lawyers, and all we have is Sammy, and he’s just about burned out over Gabe. We’d be digging our own graves more than anything else.”

 

“We’ll figure something out,” Cas assures, “I am telling you now, come Hell or high water, I will murder that bastard if I have to. I won’t let him take you back, Dean.”

 

Dean outstretches a hand, and the alpha takes it within his own, “Cas…”

 

“I was so worried when you were gone, Dean,” Cas begins, and slowly, as he speaks, he pulls Dean in closer, centimeter by centimeter, “I tried looking for you every day, so much so that I’ve worn new paths into the ground throughout the woods surrounding us. You were just gone- nothing but weak scent trails that lead nowhere or just blank spaces. I nearly went insane while I was searching, and more often than not, Sam and Gabe had to come drag me back to the pack house.”

 

Dean is silent as Cas settles him over his lap, and his fingers are gentle as they wrap around his arms with the soft promise of never wanting to let go.

 

“I had no self-preservation, Dean. I barely ate. I barely slept. I was a ghost of myself, and I floated through each day wondering when I’d gotten so lost,” Cas brings his mouth to the crook of Dean’s neck, and he kisses the skin with unfiltered adoration, and Dean’s breath hitches at how gentle Cas is being.

 

“Cas…”

 

The alpha pulls back only a few inches, but he’s close enough to where his exhales rush up against Dean’s skin in a way that causes goosebumps to rise all over his arms, “I need you, Dean, like air. I’ve- I’ve never felt this way about anyone, not even Amelia. My wolf it just- it’s never been this riled up about someone before.”

 

“What are you tryin’ to say, Cas?” Dean asks with a deliberate roll of his hips, causing a gasp to escape the alpha, “Is it that I’m the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen?”

 

“Please don’t quote Avril Lavigne while you’re grinding on my dick. It truly ruins the moment.”

 

Dean smirks, and going by the slight narrowing of Cas’ eyes, he knows that the hybrid is up to something, “Ah, come on, Cas. Isn’t that the magic of this relationship? I could be bleating out Nickleback verses, and I’d still be able to get lil’ Cas up, wouldn’t I?”

 

“ _Dean-”_

 

He chuckles, “I know, I’m playing with fire here. But I never said that I didn’t like things hot.”

 

Cas looks like he’s looking at someone else, “Dean, I- I-”

 

“Aw, look at you, all flustered n’ stuff. Who knew that the alpha of many words would be stuttering over himself like a first-timer?”

 

Dean suddenly finds his back on the bed with Cas looming above him, gritting out, “I know what I’m doing, Dean. I’m not a virgin.”

 

Dean laughs, “Oh yeah, and neither am I, but you don’t see me braggin’ about it,” Dean pulls Cas in a little closer with a smile stretching his lips, “Now, how about we put our experiences to good use, yeah?”

 

Cas’ pupils widen instantly, and his tongue darts out to wet his lips, “Dean…”

 

“I know that we wanted to put it off, but…” Dean grunts as he rolls his hips again, but this time, into Cas’ own, causing the alpha to growl a small warning that sounds weak, “I swear, Cas, I’m about to die from sexual frustration over here.”

 

“But we _can’t,_ Dean,” his face falls into the crook of the hybrid’s neck, and he takes deep breaths as he speaks, “But I also want to. I really, _really_ want to.”

 

Dean groans, but out of frustration, and he throws his head back onto the mattress in irritation, “Ugh, come on, Cas. Don’t be like that. Just- can we have like… a quickie?”

 

“No.”

 

“Hand job?”

 

“No…”

 

“Blow job?”

 

“N-No…”

 

“Rim job?”

 

“ _Dean,_ ” Cas grits out, “Please… We shouldn’t- it’s not- I _can’t._ ”

 

Dean smirks, “All these job offers, and yet you still wanna work towards abstinence.”

 

The alpha groans, and his face practically buries itself into Dean’s collarbone, “Why are you making this so hard, Dean?”

 

“Because, I’m a stubborn little shit.”

 

“Duly noted.”

 

Dean sighs, “But I’m serious, Cas… Can’t we just have a lil’ fun?”

 

He shakes his head, “I don’t want to risk it, Dean. There’s too much on the line here. Something could happen, and I don’t want to be caught up- well, I shouldn’t have to explain why I think it’ll be stupid of us to be ‘busy’ when everything is so dire and unpredictable.”

 

“So that’s a no?”

 

Going by the look on the alpha’s face as he pulls back, Dean knows that there’s no chance in Hell that he’s going to be able to change Cas’ mind- at least, for right now.

 

“Well, shit…” he murmurs in defeat.

 

“It’s not that I don’t want to, Dean. It really isn’t. It’s just- I want better circumstances.”

 

Dean shakes his head, “No, it’s fine. I get it. Our little world here is falling apart, and here I am, begging you to fuck me over and over like some horny teenager.”

 

Cas’ cheeks darken with a deep shade of pink that could almost be red if it weren’t for its rosy hue. The alpha’s tongue darts out to wet his lips again, and Dean is about to make a comment about how wrecked Cas looks- with his ruffled hair and his wild eyes- when a kiss cuts him off.

 

It isn’t gentle like the first couple have been. No, it’s rough and hot and everything Dean’s been asking for from Cas for the past few minutes. The hybrid moans into the kiss, opening his mouth to let in Cas’ tongue, and he feels a hand come up to grip onto the skin of his neck- _hard._ Dean makes a lewd and animalistic noise, his hips jutting upwards without his permission to grind against the alpha’s, and even though the friction is perfect, Dean can’t help but whine at Cas for the hand to pinch harder. He wants those nails to be digging into his skin- marking him, claiming him- and wait, no, he wants those fingers to be teeth and-

 

“Dean, I- I can’t-” Cas sounds just as wrecked as he looks, and there’s a growl bubbling up in his chest, “Shit-”

 

Something snaps in Dean- something feral- because he’s gripping onto Cas’ hand to add more force into the hold on his skin. Cas looks at Dean as the hybrid pants, breath hot and moist as it passes over his lips and ghosts against the other werewolf’s face. In fact, he stares in awe as Dean forces Cas’ nails to break the skin, and a low moan rumbles out of Dean’s chest at the thought of Cas marking him up as his own.

 

“D-Dean-”

 

“Please, Cas,” Dean begs with desperation, his voice cracked and wanton, and he wonders how he must look to the alpha right now, “Oh god- _please-_ I need you to just- it’s not enough!”

 

“Dean, you can’t- this isn’t how this is supposed to work…”

 

Dean is about to cry from how much he needs this, “I just- _please!_ You know what I need, Cas. Please, I can’t last much longer without it!”

 

“I- I shouldn’t have grabbed onto your neck like that, Dean,” Cas begins to pull back, and Dean whines at him, “I must have triggered your mating drive or something else…”

 

The hybrid tries to get a hold of Cas’ arm as he retreats, but he’s shaking so much that he can’t grip onto the other werewolf’s arm, “Please, Cas. Please don’t leave me. I can’t be abandoned again- not after…”

 

Dean trails off while Cas looks stricken.

 

“I’m not leaving you, Dean, I just- I can’t be around you right now. Not when you’re trying to make me claim you.”

 

Dean moans lowly at the word, nearly curling in on himself as his neck stings from healing, “The marks. T-They aren’t lasting, Cas…”

 

“They’re not supposed to,” the alpha murmurs, “It’s not an actual mating mark.”

 

Dean shakes his head, “It’s because I’m not good enough for an actual one, is it?”

 

“What-”

 

“There’s no need to wait. It’s because Alistair ruined me for you, isn’t it? I’m not a pure omega like you want me to be-”

 

“Stop degrading yourself, Dean! None of that is true! I just want you to be safe!”

 

Dean laughs, the sound unbalanced and sickly, “Oh, maybe it’s because I’m broken, right? I mean, Zachariah really did a number on me, didn’t he?”

 

Cas looks at Dean with concern, “You aren’t being yourself…”

 

“Maybe that’s because I was drugged out of my mind for two months, Cas! I thought I was only gone for a week!” Dean sits up in the bed, his neck throbbing as he yells, and his brain feels foggy as hormones and emotions just rush through him and make him practically bipolar, “I come back, and I find out that I’ve been gone for so long, and that Gabe is on the brink of death while he’s fucking _pregnant_ with my brother’s kid, and here you and I are- just dancing around each other like kids before prom night! Except it’s not prom that’s keeping us apart, it’s a man who wants to kidnap and torture me- _again!_ The fucked up part is that I can’t even remember what he did the first time around!”

 

Cas takes a careful step forward, “Dean, please calm down.”

 

“I don’t think I can, Cas! I mean, I’ve been here for a little around a week, and I haven’t even had a well-earned break down until now! I should be freaking out- I should be having nightmares! But I’m not! No, I’m just sitting here trying to jump on your dick!”

 

“Dean-”

 

“What does that say about me, Cas!? I get treated like a sixth grade science experiment, and I all am after that is practically a desperate omega!” Dean calms for a moment, “I haven’t even cried about it, Cas… I’ve read some of the files and you’ve told me things. I know some of what they did to me… I haven’t even reacted properly until now.”

 

Cas is beside Dean almost suddenly, but the hybrid knows it’s because he’s too busy staring at his hand that has his own blood on it, “Dean, what are you trying to say right now?”

 

Dean sighs, “I don’t- I don’t know, exactly. I feel bipolar almost. Like there’s several people in my head…”

 

“Do you think this might have to do with our training?”

 

“It might be related, but I don’t know for sure,” Dean takes a breath and leans against his mate, “I’m sorry for being so off right now…”

 

Cas takes a hand and begins petting Dean’s hair softly, “It’s not your fault. You’ve gone through so much in such a short expanse of time. It would drive anyone insane.”

 

The hybrid closes his eyes and relaxes into the touches, “You’re such a gentlemen when I’m not one. You just forgive me so easily, like it’s nothing.”

 

“You’ve gone through traumatic experiences, Dean. Besides, I wouldn’t be surprised if something got affected by our mental escapades.”

 

“I know, but I shouldn’t be acting like this,” Dean begins, “It’s just- I shouldn’t be pushing you or myself to mate just right now, either. I know better than that.”

 

Cas pulls Dean in a little closer, “I triggered your mating drive, Dean. I let my wolf get into my head a little, and… it just happened. I shouldn’t have gripped onto you like that knowing what it would entitle.”

 

Dean snorts, “Well, it looks like both of us don’t have our head in the game… Troy would be so disappointed.”

 

“I don’t understand. Who is Troy?”

 

“Nothing,” Dean says, but under his next breath he whispers, “ _Wildcats._ ”

 

Cas apparently doesn’t hear, because he’s speaking about something other than High School Musical, “We need to get back on track, Dean.”

 

The hybrid sighs, “Yeah, you’re right… Sorry.”

 

“We need to focus on practicing your powers again, because I’m sure that Zachariah is not that far behind from us.”

 

Dean shivers, “Ugh, I just wish that bastard would leave me alone…”

 

“As do I, but I’m not taking any chances this time around. When he shows up, I want to send him off with his tail between his legs.”

 

“I like it when you get all alpha-y on other people. S’hot.”

 

“Dean, focus.”

 

The younger werewolf sighs, “Yeah, yeah… Got it.”

 

The alpha stands then, walking over to his desk as Dean watches him, “I’ve gathered a few things so far, just in case. It’s not enough or as much as we need or I’d like to have, but it’s better than nothing, I suppose.”

 

Cas comes back with a file of papers that is about as thick as Dean’s fingernail is long, “Wait- you’re tellin’ me that this is just like… a fraction of what we need?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Have you even slept in the past few days?” Dean asks, because shit- Cas would’ve had to push himself to get this much information in a three days or so.

 

“Yes, but it was barely even anything worth labeling,” he begins, “I’m afraid that worrying about losing your mate and your brother will cause some insomnia.”

 

Dean makes a soft whining noise, “Shit, Cas… You should’ve said something. I’m sure you’re still exhausted.”

 

Cas shakes his head, “I’m fine, Dean. I still have a few things to do before I can even consider sleeping.”

 

“You shouldn’t be forcing yourself to stay awake, Cas…” Dean murmurs, “How about I take a look into things while you sleep, yeah? I mean, I’ve gotten about three day’s worth, so I’m good to go.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

Dean scoffs, “Of course I am, Cas. Besides, you look like you’re about to pass out either way.”

 

Cas sighs and rubs at his face, “Alright, I’ll sleep for a few hours if it puts your mind at ease.”

 

“It will,” Dean assures easily.

 

“Wake me up if anything happens,” Cas orders, his voice gruff.

 

The hybrid salutes his mate as he lays down on the bed, “Gotcha, Cas! Give me a few hours, and I’ll have a shit ton more in this lil’ folder here. And hey, when you wake up, you and I can go try some mental stuff again.”

 

Cas snorts, “Looking forward to it.”

 

Dean ends up skipping out of the room just as Cas, ironically, passes out.

 

**…**

 

Dean wasn’t kidding when he said that he’d get a whole lot more added to their evidence packet. He’s already run out of paper twice, and he’s sure that the printer is beeping and coming to a halt over low ink levels.

 

“Rest now, printer,” Dean jokes, blowing air onto the over-heated and whining plastic, “You’ve earned it.”

 

The machine gives an audible sigh of relief as it powers down, and Dean’s sure he can hear things ticking inside of it- like a car would after you turn it off and it’s cooling down. Huh, weird.

 

Dean places the newest two-hundred-something sheets into the folder, and he grunts as he lifts it.

 

“Sorry trees,” he murmurs, “I’ve probably killed about twenty of you just for a medical report…”

 

Dean doesn’t know if that’s either terrifying or depressing. Maybe both.

 

“Dean?”

 

The hybrid looks up to see Sammy leaning onto the doorframe almost pitifully, “Did something go wrong?”

 

“No, it’s just-” Sammy huffs a breath, “I need to sleep, Dean. I mean, I’ve pushed myself for a while now, and my reserves for my reserves are running low right now. It’s bad.”

 

“How bad?”

 

“I passed out while walking over here.”

 

Dean nods, “Yeah, um, that’s kind of- just get your ass in bed. God damn, you alphas are going to be the death of me.”

 

Sammy looks utterly grateful as he stumbles down the hallway, and Dean progresses to Gabe’s room with a sigh.

 

Betas stare at him as he passes by, and Dean ignores them in favor of focusing on his packet of paper in his hands. It keeps him busy enough, and his mind is off of those lingering eyes as he enters Gabe’s room.

 

“Dean-o… You’re still here.”

 

Dean’s eyes snap up, “Of course I am… Why, did you think that I disappeared or somethin’?

 

Gabe shrugs, and it’s when Dean notices just how sickly the omega looks, “Nah, I just thought you were a fever mirage or somethin’. You know- gettin’ a lil’ wacky ‘cause I feel like I’m dyin’?”

 

“I think we’re all a little wacky right now, Gabe. Things… things aren’t great around here.”

 

“So I’ve noticed,” Gabe murmurs, and he closes his eyes for a moment, “You know, being pregnant feels weird…”

 

Dean snorts, “I would imagine so. I mean, you’ve got a little person- or wolf- growin’ in you. I would think that would warrant some… unusual, feelings.”

 

Gabe sighs, but it sounds almost happy, and he laughs lightly, “Yeah… I think it’s also because I never imagined finding an alpha that I’d stick it with. Well, stick it without my middle finger in the air.”

 

The hybrid chuckles, “Ain’t that the truth… So, um… I’ve been meaning to ask you… What happened between you and Sammy?”

 

“Oh, now that’s a long and _inappropriate_ story,” Gabe huffs a breath, and he opens his eyes to look at Dean, “Are you sure you wanna know?”

 

“I don’t want to have the mental image of you two… _doing_ things, but I would like to know some of what happened. I mean, before I got snatched, I thought you two were just friends.”

 

Gabe snorts, “Nah, Dean, we’d already left that relationship territory around then. I’m guessin’ that Sasquatch only told you a rough draft's worth of what went on between us?”

 

“I only know about the partial heat thing,” Dean answers, looking away with blush burning on his cheeks, “You were sickly, and we were in a rush, so I don’t know much more than that.”

 

The omega smiles widely when Dean meets his gaze, “Dean, it was nice. Let me tell you now, there is nothing in this world like heat sex-”

 

“Please cut to the chase here, Gabe. I don’t think I can handle the description of my brother’s ‘mad sex skills’.”

 

God- it’s hard enough just to say Sammy and sex in the same sentence; Dean shivers in disgust.

 

“Okay, settle down there, Dean-o. This isn’t gonna kill you… I don’t think so, anyway,” Gabe settles himself a little, and his voice is soft when he speaks, “I never wanted an alpha before this, so… I mean, getting with Sam-Sam… I don’t know, Dean… Things just happened.”

 

Dean says nothing.

 

“It all began after Cassie had you in the room, and you just passed out from your little heat flare thing,” Gabe looks away, and Dean can tell that he’s uncharacteristically flustered, “It sort of triggered my own, in a way. Sam was there, I was- well, needy- and we ended up going back to Sam’s room.”

 

Dean makes a face, knowing what’s coming up next.

 

“Don’t be like that,” Gabe scolds, but he rolls his eyes and goes on, “Anyways, I just sort of- well, I just let Sam take me. I think it’s because I’d been harboring feelings for the giant since I met him, sort of, and that it was kind of a personal treat to myself. I mean, I’ve held out from hooking up with alphas for so long that I’d kinda forgotten what is was like to be with one.”

 

“Why is that?” Dean blurts.

 

The omega looks down, and his scent sours more, “I had a bad experience with one… It was before Cassie and I had our own pack, and this- this _dickwad-”_ Gabe hisses the word out, and his hands turn into fists against the bedspread, “tried tellin’ me that I was gonna ‘sire his pups’ and that I ‘was going to be the alpha’s mate’. It was bullshit, but he thought he could trap me into that kind of thing because we were just changed then, and I didn’t know what was what at the time.”

 

“What did you do?”

 

“Cassie and I kicked his ass, of course,” Gabe’s smile falters, “but that was after… that was after the first time.”

 

Dean’s saliva feels like hot tar down his throat, “Shit, Gabe… You- you didn’t have to say anything-”

 

“No, I did,” the omega asserts, sitting up a little straighter, “It’s what made me so wary of alphas, and it’s what made my brother the pack leader. If it weren’t for Castiel… Fuck- I’d more than likely still be in that situation with three kids on my lap and one in my belly.”

 

The lack of Cas’ nickname makes Dean realize just how serious Gabe is being, “Cas saved you?”

 

“Yes, and he accomplished more for me than I did for myself,” Gabe sighs, “Either way, it made me only want to trust Cassie, and I refused to be with any alpha after that.”

 

“Well, until you met my brother, apparently.”

 

Gabe nods, “Yes… He’s just so- _different._ He’s kinder, and he respects me as a person rather than thinking of me as nothing but a live sex toy or breeding factory. It’s a reprieve from all of the other sexist bullshit I’ve faced. That’s why I gave in.”

 

Dean looks down towards the floor for a moment, his voice quiet, “D-Do you regret it?”

 

“You mean that I regret sleeping with him and getting pregnant? No, I don’t. _Fuck no,_ I don’t. There’s no way that I could, not when… not when I’ve found that I wanted this.”

 

“You said that you didn’t-”

 

“I _used_ to despise omegas who gave in to their instincts, or at least, I hated the stereotype of us being barefoot and pregnant. I didn’t want to be that in real life… But, with Sam, I realized that there’s so much more, and that I don’t have to be ashamed of it. I’ve found that, while weird at first, being pregnant, it’s- …” Gabe’s hand drops to his abdomen, “Fuck, Dean… It’s like a goddamn miracle.”

 

Dean raises his eyebrows at that in surprise.

 

“I know that it sounds so unlike me to tell you that, but it’s true, Dean. It’s just- I’ve never felt this important or something, because I’m creating a little life inside of me and it’s just-” fat tears line the bottom edges of Gabe’s eyes, “God, Dean, it’s so much and so little all at once.”

 

Dean comes over to attempt to console the omega, “Hey, it’s alright.”

 

Gabe nods, and a few tears roll down his cheeks, “I know it is, but, Dean. I’m serious. I just- I’ve never felt so loved in my life before, and it’s all because of this lil’ guy or gal right here and because I’m with your brother. It’s all I ever could’ve wanted.”

 

“Who knew that you’d take to being a dad like a duck would to water?” Dean jokes, and it gets a chuckle out of Gabe.

 

“Definitely not me,” he wipes away a few tears with a smile, “I’m sorry that I’m all over the place today. I’m afraid that I’m a lil’ hormonal at the moment.”

 

“S’fine,” Dean returns the grin, “You feelin’ any better?”

 

Gabe shrugs, “As best as I can be right now, I guess. What about you? I’m sure that things have been… interesting, lately.”

 

The hybrid snorts, “Yeah, I guess that they have been… I mean, so much happened in such a short time, and well, I’m only trying to get used to it all. It’s insane.”

 

“I know, a lot of what’s happened came out nowhere. But hey, I’m okay with some of it,” with a smile, Gabe pats his stomach lovingly, “Anyways, I’ve been meaning to ask you… Has anything been happenin’ with you and Cassie?”

 

Dean flushes at that, “Well, sort of? I mean, verbally, we’ve got things in the bag. Physically? …” Dean trails off for a moment, “We’ve decided to wait until most of this blows over until we do anything serious like you and Sammy.”

 

“That’s not a bad idea, so I’m givin’ you two credit where it’s deserved… If only, though.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

Gabe pouts, “Dean, my brother, he’s- well, you know how he is. His wolf is just under his skin, and I think I’m a pretty good example of that,” Dean winces as Gabe pauses to sigh, “Cassie deserves to be able to live the rest of his life without his wolf ruining it for him. I just- I hate seeing him like this, especially knowing that this wasn’t how he used to be.”

 

Dean glances down at the floor, “You’re talking about before the bite…”

 

“Yeah…” the other werewolf’s voice grows softer, “He was a tax accountant, wore trenchcoats, and was completely and utterly a weirdo. He was nothing but the quintessence of the average Joe, especially when he met Amelia.”

 

Dean tries to not feel hate for the name, especially so whenever his wolf growls along the insides of his skull, begging to be released to keep Cas their mate, and Dean squashes its protest to impede such a thing from happening.

 

Gabe raises a brow, and going by the look of concern adorning his features, Dean’s internal struggle must be apparent, “Do you need me to stop?”

 

“I’m fine… Keep going,” Dean forces himself to say with a smile, and his wolf roars inside of him to give in.

 

The other werewolf is hesitant at first, but proceeds after a motioning hand from Dean, “Well, I know that he planned on marrying Amelia. He was going to wait a few years or so, but he seemed so excited about it. There was a little twinkle in his eye and a bounce in his step. I was so happy for him after he told me, and to celebrate… I- I-”

 

“You planned the camping trip…” Dean finishes, and he finds that he’s holding back a pitiful howl from his ‘hurt’ wolf as his nails dig into his thighs painfully.

 

Gabe doesn’t seem to notice the self-conflict this time, because he goes on just as before, “I fucked up everything after that… Cassie lost his job, his to-be-fiance, all because his little brother decided that the woods would be a nice place to relax during the _full fucking moon._ ”

 

The scent of distress has Dean pausing for a moment, especially when he realizes that it’s not his own, “Gabe, you need to calm down, okay? This isn’t good for you or the baby-”

 

“Ugh, can’t you _see it,_ Dean! I’m at fault! I ruined my brother’s life! I should be the one with a ruthless wolf and an ex that I never meant to make!”

 

Dean would facepalm if he were able, “Gabe, this is just pregnancy hormones talking-”

 

“Don’t belittle me just because I’m pregnant! One day, you might find that hypocritical!”

 

Dean just gapes.

 

Gabe crosses his arms and pointedly looks away from Dean, “I’ve come to accept the fact that it was me who made us go out on that full moon, and I’ve come to accept the fact that my brother’s life was turned upside down because of that. But I will not, Dean Winchester, accept the idea of you not righting my wrongs because I can't do anymore to his life than what I already have.”

 

“W-What?”

 

“He needs an anchor, Dean- he needs someone who can bring him back from the brink, and I know for sure that it’s you.”

 

Dean shakes his head, “Not to be a buzzkill here, Gabe, but last time I checked, Cas nearly lost himself to his wolf _because_ of me.”

 

Gabe waves a hand dismissively, “That’s not what I mean, Dean. The point is that he nearly lost control because he thought that he lost you. That’s the point, Dean. Cassie is so dependent on you that it scares me sometimes.”

 

“I’ve noticed…” Dean murmurs, and he looks away, “I- I’ve got to go, Gabe.”

 

“Wait-” the omega grips onto Dean’s wrist, and even though the vice is one that is easily breakable, Dean allows the other werewolf to stop him, “Dean, don’t go just yet. Please.”

 

Dean shakes his head, “Gabe, I can’t-”

 

“You’re going to sit down, and you’re going to listen to me, dammit. I don’t care about any personal angst that you have, alright? There’s no room for it- now’s not the time to go digging shit up. In case you haven’t noticed, things are a little fucked right now, and not in the good way, either, so I need you to pay the fuck attention when I tell you that you’re probably the only thing that can keep this all from completely falling apart.”

 

Dean gapes at Gabe for a moment, but he sits down nonetheless. Besides, Gabe’s stare is pretty intimidating, even if he looks so sickly.

 

“I get it, okay?” Gabe begins, and his gaze is narrow as he looks up from under his eyelashes with dull eyes, “I know that you’re not used to the idea of someone being utterly dependent on you- especially when their humanity is what’s on the line. I get that you’re still dealing with whatever has happened in these past few months, and that it hasn’t been easy on you. But fuck, Dean, it hasn’t been easy on _any_ of us. We’ve been suffering right alongside you. Don’t belittle what’s happened to any of us because you’re terrified of the unknown and the foreign. We need you to step _up_ right now, not step _down._ ”

 

“I wasn’t abandoning you guys, if that’s what you’re thinking…” Dean mutters softly as he averts his gaze, “It’s just- this is a lot to do, Gabe. I come back and everything’s broken. I come back and you all are expecting me to mend the cracks and to fill the gaps left by a dick named Zachariah or by something we've all lost along the way. I know that shit is tough- I know that none of us have had a break in a long, _long_ time- but that doesn’t mean that I’m abandoning ship just because we’ve got a few leaks in our hull.”

 

Gabe pauses for a moment, causing Dean to look up.

 

The omega regards the hybrid with curious eyes as his head tilts. He seems to study Dean for some time- searching, looking- for something that Dean cannot see. As Gabe nods slowly, Dean thinks that maybe he found what he sought after.

 

“I can see why you’re my brother’s mate now.”

 

Dean makes a face, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

Gabe rolls his eyes lightly, and he yawns before speaking, “Not what you’re thinking, apparently. What I meant by it is that I can see why my brother and his wolf chose you, is all.”

 

“Care to collaborate on that?”

 

The omega sighs, and he lets his head fall lightly into the cushiony surface of his pillow as his hand rests over his abdomen, “Mates are supposed to be an equal.”

 

“Equal?” Dean echoes, “Sorry, Gabe, you need to say a little more than just five words for me here.”

 

Gabe’s lips perk in a small smirk, but his eyes remain closed as he begins to whisper, “Our wolves want a mate that can back us up when we’re in need of help, and our wolves want a mate who can put us back into place when we’re in need of a reality check. In short, our wolves need someone who can keep us together but pull us apart at the same time. It’s like ying and yang. Dark and light. Yesterday and tomorrow all wrapped up in today. Mates are opposites that compliment each other and make each other whole.”

 

“Romantic,” Dean comments.

 

Gabe snorts, “Isn’t it always? Either way, Dean, you’re the quintessence of my brother’s opposite, but his familiar all at once.”

 

“Isn’t that a little counterproductive, though?” Dean asks, “I mean, sure, it’s nice for me to be different than him, but how am I the same at, well, the same time?”

 

“That’s the thing, Dean. No one really knows. No one really gets it. Mates just- happen. They’re not in your life one second, and then they’re by your side forever within the next. Most of the time, it comes without some much as a warning.”

 

The hybrid sighs, “That’s not very helpful.”

 

“If you want answers, research. I know much, but not all, Dean Winchester.”

 

“I’ll keep that in mind for later,” Dean says, and Gabe chuckles quietly until it floats off into a light snore.

 

With that, Dean leaves the tiny room with a mild frown stretching his lips and a scowl gracing his features.

 

**…**

 

“You look upset. Why?”

 

Dean jumps and drops the box of cereal that he had been getting out of the pantry, and he turns to see Cas staring at him.

 

“Hi there, Cas. Nice to know that you’re here and all.”

 

“That doesn’t answer my question, Dean… Why are you upset?”

 

Cas takes a step forward, and Dean looks away.

 

As the hybrid bends down to pick up his Apple Jacks, he can hear the subtle growl from the alpha behind him, which makes him flush slightly as he answers, “I talked to Gabe, is all.”

 

“He didn’t insult you or anything, did he?” Cas grits out, and Dean yelps as he comes up to suddenly find his face full of angered alpha, “I know that sometimes my brother has quite the mouth on him-”

 

“No, Cas, Gabe didn’t insult me if that’s what you’re thinking,” Dean sighs and walks past his mate, “We just talked.”

 

Cas doesn’t seem to be mollified with this answer, “What did you two discuss?”

 

As the hybrid comes over to a counter, he pauses.

 

Should he tell Cas the truth? Should he tell Cas about how they’re all worried that his control over his wolf may fray at any moment? That Gabe thinks that Dean should be the one to fix the seams because, as Cas’ mate, that’s what he’s supposed to do when the frail and the important things break?

 

He’d try to focus on finding the answer to such rhetorical questions, but a mysterious thudding keeps him from being able to pinpoint anything other than the frantic beat. In some amount of frustration, Dean grips onto the edge of the counter top roughly, and he takes deep breaths to try and ignore the raging tempo that’s assaulting his eardrums.

 

A hand places itself along the curve of his shoulder, and the gentle touch makes Dean turn his head to see Cas looking at him softly.

 

“You smell terrified,” the alpha murmurs, and it’s then that Dean realizes that the erratic thudding has been his heartbeat this whole time.

 

It’s also when Dean’s knees give out, and he finds himself swarmed with an overwhelming sense of panic.

 

“Dean!” Cas is at eye level in seconds as Dean’s ass hits the floor with some amount of force.

 

The world around the hybrid swims slightly, tilting on its axis a few more degrees than necessary- and _wow-_ the feeling of just overall “off-ness” that this is giving Dean makes him want to hurl chunks.

 

“Dean, speak to me, please,” Cas pleads, “Tell me what’s wrong-”

 

Dean grips onto his mate’s arm tightly, closing his eyes at the tsunami’s worth of anxiety that pours through him. Cas gasps in shock as their skin makes contact.

 

Without warning, the dark canvas of Dean’s eyelids are alight with a frightening scene.

 

Cas is his in his wolf form, snarling at the top of his lungs as his lips pull back to show his deadly array of canines. It’s then, though, that Dean realizes that they are dripping with blood. Fresh battle wounds and faint scars litter and stain the alpha’s raven coat in a way that’s similar to a garnet in light- mostly black, but with a sudden spot of stark and distinctive shade of crimson or scarlet wherever the fur is illuminated.

 

Behind Cas’ murderous roar, the sounds of gore and bloodshed rage on- as if a war is being fought around the werewolf. Smoke bellows up in tall, shapeless pillars that swirl around a snowfall of ash. The scent of fire and putrid decay hits Dean’s nose like a freight train, and the hybrid finds himself gagging from how his nostrils burn and his stomach lurches at the realism of whatever the hell he is seeing at the moment.

 

However, fear replaces disgust as Cas’ eyes fall onto Dean. The pupils are no longer blue, but rather a void of black and red- as distant and cold as the night sky without its speckles of stars. Dean gasps from fear, and he begins to crawl away as the wolf- not Cas, as Dean has come to realize- charges forward, its paws thudding into the soggy ground as it kicks up mud with a thunderous noise.

 

Just as the wolf leaps with its jaws open to attack, the nightmare ends abruptly, leaving Dean with a scream dying off his in throat as tears roll of his cheeks.

 

“Dean,” Cas’ voice sounds just as horrified as Dean feels, “W-What was that? …”

 

Dean opens his eyes to find Cas sprawled on the floor beside him, breathing heavily as his eyes dart back and forth over nothing at all in panic.

 

“Y-You saw that too? …”

 

“It must have been the bond,” the alpha murmurs, more so to himself, “But that doesn’t- why would- …” he trails off.

 

Dean scurries over to Cas, finding that the alpha is trembling and panting out roughly, “Hey, come on, Cas. Breathe with me.”

 

The alpha’s eyes dart over to Dean’s own, and the irises- still blue, thank god- are pleading for answers. Dean’s lips set themselves in a fine line, and he brings up his hands to cup his mate’s face gently.

 

“It’s okay, Cas, it’s okay-”

 

“No it’s _not,_ Dean,” the alpha chokes out, and Dean realizes that, shockingly, the alpha is on the verge of tears, “What we saw- that was- that was _me,_ Dean. I could- I could tell that it was me.”

 

The hybrid tilts his head, and his eyes narrow from the wave of hurt- of complete shame and humiliation- he feels through their bond. Dean presses their foreheads together, hoping, that in some way, the proximity will bring Cas some sense of comfort.

 

“Look, I don’t know why whatever that was happened, but I do know that it wasn’t real, alright? Last time I checked, you’re still you.”

 

Cas pushes Dean away, making the hybrid feel somewhat hurt at the rejection, “But for how long, Dean? How long until that _is_ me?”

 

There it is- the question that no one really wants to answer, but then again, no one knows how to in the first place. Dean sure as hell doesn’t know what to say, and he knows what his silence is implying. The alpha seems to be aware of this, because he pushes Dean away further, and he stands up on shaky knees, using the counter for support.

 

The hybrid fights back tears as Cas’ back faces him, his shoulders tense and his free hand balled up into fist. A scent of disappointment fills the air, and the drowning feeling of betrayal rushes into Dean’s chest through the bond and chokes him.

 

“When does someone know when they are more of a beast than a man?” Cas begins, voice bitter and harsh, “Is it when he loses control? Is it when morals blur and lines are crossed no matter where he steps? Is it when those around him fear him instead of love him?”

 

Dean looks up at Cas, knowing that he probably looks like a mess. All in all, Dean feels like a pile of shit that just happened to be left on the floor.

 

“If I knew that my wolf was going to be so problematic- so violent- that even my own _mate_ fears me, then I would’ve let that damn stray kill me that night instead of letting him change me,” there’s a venomous laugh from the alpha, and it makes Dean shiver, “It would’ve been a favor if he hadn’t done the latter.”

 

With that, Cas leaves, and Dean stays.

 

**…**

 

“What did you do this time?”

 

Dean groans as he throws a towel into a washer with more force than necessary, “Why is it always my fault whenever Cas and I fight? Besides, don’t you have something better to do with your time, _Sam?”_

 

The younger Winchester makes a pouty noise, “Don’t be like that, Dean. I was just asking. I mean, you usually do go off and say things to the guy that get under his skin. That’s just who you are.”

 

“Shut up,” Dean says without much fire, and he sighs as he shuts the lid to the washing machine to start it, “It’s- I didn’t do anything this time- or, at least, not anything on purpose.”

 

“Dean…” it’s said as a scold.

 

The hybrid pivots to look at his brother with a glare, “It really wasn’t, okay? Something just- _happened-_ and it freaked Cas and I out.”

 

Suddenly, Sammy doesn’t seem as on Dean’s case as before, and his brows are furrowed with confusion, “What do you mean by that, Dean?”

 

“I was having a panic attack and Cas grabbed onto my arm to calm me down, I don’t know, but-” Dean remembers the scene as if it were happening once again- the blood, the smoke, the deafening roar- and he shivers, “Some… some vision, about how he’d- shit, Sammy, he’d gone rogue in it.”

 

Sammy pales a little at that, and he takes a step forward, his voice serious, “Dean, what happened in this vision?”

 

“There was just- there was fire and ash, blood and what seemed like a war going on in the background… But Cas… He was roaring like his life depended on it, and- he- he looked at me and charged… The vision ended right before his teeth clamped down around my neck.”

 

Sammy seems to contemplate something for a few moments, “Does Cas know about it?”

 

“Yes. He was holding onto me while it happened, and I think that our bond- and before you ask about it, it’s a _mental_ one- allowed this thing to pass through it, and Cas saw exactly what I was seeing as it happened.”

 

“Shit,” Sammy curses, “Any idea to where he’s gone off to?”

 

Dean shakes his head and turns away from his baby brother, “No clue, but… I know that he doesn’t want to see me.”

 

There’s a growl from the other alpha, “Dean, if he blames you for the vision then I’m going to-”

 

“No, he doesn’t blame me for that… He blames me for being unable to answer his question…”

 

“Question?” Sammy echoes.

 

The hybrid closes his eyes to try and hold back the tears, and it certainly doesn’t help whenever Dean can picture the look in Cas’ eyes as he waited for an answer that Dean doesn’t think he could ever give, “He asked about going rogue, Sammy… I- I froze up, and I didn’t really answer him… I think he believes that I’m terrified of him, and that I’m expectin’ him to go rogue at any moment on us. Sammy, I’m pretty sure that he thinks that I don’t _trust_ him.”

 

Arms wrap themselves around Dean, and when their grips tighten along his torso, Dean realizes that he’s shaking from small sobs.

 

“It’s okay, Dean, it’s not your fault-”

 

“That’s what I told him, and he didn’t believe me because I couldn't tell him-” Dean’s cut off by a muffled wail, “S-Sammy, what have I done?”

 

“The right thing,” Sammy murmurs, and he keeps holding on to his brother as he falls apart.

 

**…**

 

The forest has always brought some sense of comfort to Castiel, but even now, with the lingering thought of Dean’s fear- of his doubt- the gentle sway of the trees and the hushed murmurs of nocturnal insects bring no solace to the alpha.

 

He squirms on the mossy ground in frustration, knowing that bits of leaves and other dead foliage are getting ground into his coat. Normally, he would refrain from getting those pieces of decaying plant embedded into his fur, but as of right now, he can’t find a reason to truly care for such a thing.

 

The alpha snorts, and looks up.

 

The moon is bright and heavy, and it fills some of the night sky with a blinding light. Stars flicker around the ghostly orb, as if they glitter among the tendrils of luminescence offered by the giant.

 

Castiel stares at it, long and hard, and he wonders when such a distant rock- one that floats so aimlessly through space alongside its far larger and livelier companion- came to reign so callously over his life.

 

A rumble grows inside of his chest, which, in turn, becomes a growl, and then a snarl, and then, a full on roar.

 

The alpha screams at the moon- cursing it, damning it- for all that it’s caused him and for all that it’s cost him. He cries for his loss of his Amelia and his former life. He yowls for the loss of trust from Dean, and with it, the loss of acceptance from the one person who matters more than anyone else on the face of the Earth. But finally, as his howl shifts into that of an anguished wail, Castiel begins to sob for his loss of control.

 

The lunar tyrant, however, is not moved by such an emotional act of defiance and betrayal. It hangs among the stars just as impassively as it had before, towering over the alpha just like it has been since it gained its control after that fateful camping trip.

 

It leaves Castiel feeling hollow and spent, and his legs give out from underneath him as defeat snakes its way into his throat.

 

Castiel is about to give up when a familiar scent reaches his nose.

 

“ _Cas…_ ”

 

The alpha doesn’t turn to face his mate, which, in some ways, makes him feel almost pathetic, and in others, makes him feel immature. Either way, he knows that he’s being just as callous as the moon above him, and he feels none the better for it.

 

However, Dean doesn’t seem to be impeded by Castiel’s actions, because the alpha suddenly feels another form begin to rest by his own.

 

Without meaning to, broken whimpers begin to escape him, and his muzzle buries itself desperately into the warm, soft coat of his mate.

 

“ _I didn’t mean whatever you thought I was saying when I didn’t answer you,_ ” Dean whispers, and he presses himself closer to Castiel’s body, “ _I’m not afraid of you, and I’m not afraid of your wolf. I’m only afraid of losing you, Cas. You’ve got to understand that._ ”

 

Castiel doesn’t reply, but rather, he closes his eyes and breathes in the scent of Dean- leather, oil, and spice.

 

Dean gives a small whine as more time passes without a word from the other werewolf, and he snuggles closer to his mate. He begins to lick at Castiel’s leg until the alpha gets the hint, and after some space has been put between them, Dean begins to bathe Castiel’s face with affectionate lapses of his tongue.

 

After a few moments of getting concern poured all over him, Castiel finds Dean curling back up against his form. The hybrid has a small whine building in his chest, and it’s then that Castiel realizes that he hasn’t moved or done anything in quite some time. To calm Dean’s frayed nerves, the alpha sets his head over the curve of Dean’s neck and rumbles, softly ordering Dean to calm down and to close his eyes.

 

It takes a few tense moments for the two of them, but it’s how they both fall asleep.

 

**…**

 

(Day 6)

 

When Dean wakes up, it’s to the feeling of fire.

 

At first, Dean thinks that it might be from a random heat or something else, but as a familiar roar reaches his ears, he realizes that just isn’t the case.

 

In fact, when Dean opens his eyes, he finds himself sprawled out among bits of charred wood and crumbs of bricks. The space around him is not the meadow that he fell asleep with Cas in- no, it’s similar to that of a war zone.

 

“Cas?” Dean gets up on unsteady knees as rocks and debris sound about him, and he realizes then that he’s in the remnants of what seems to be one of the rooms from the pack house.

 

Dust assaults Dean’s lungs, causing him to cough and to cover his mouth as a few bricks fall to the ground beside him with heavy thwacks.

 

“Cas?” Dean stumbles forward then, noticing that his ankle can’t support weight, and that there’s something dripping down his hand, “W-What? …”

 

Dean looks down to find crimson dripping off from his fingertips and onto the wreckage below. For a second, he panics, and he looks up his arm to find that a gash along his shoulder is causing the bleeding. He hisses as he presses a hesitant palm up to it. The pressure from his hand causes some blood to seep in between his fingers, and the slickness of the liquid makes Dean’s already queasy stomach roll in protest. For a moment, Dean's confused as to why he isn't healing until he realizes that his wolf his unusually silent. He must be human in this, then... Weird.

 

However, as a sickening snap brings Dean’s attention towards something in front of him, he realizes that there are more pressing matters than just his arm to deal with.

 

Another wolf stands before Dean this time, however. Its brown fur is darkened by blood and rain, and its chest heaves with ragged breaths as its dark eyes stare Dean down.

 

A breath gets stuck in Dean’s throat at the sight.

 

“Sammy?”

 

The alpha before him growls, its upper lip twitching to show its teeth in warning. Dean tries to raise out a placating hand, but as a snarl escapes his baby brother, it’s then that the last part of the puzzle pieces falls into place.

 

Just like Cas had been in the other vision, Sammy is rogue.

 

“Sammy…” Dean whispers, his voice shaky with shock and fear as the alpha begins to charge towards him.

 

However, when Sammy’s only a few inches away from reaching Dean, a blur goes past Dean’s eyes to knock the werewolf away from him.

 

Pained barks and howls reach Dean’s ears, making his skin crawl as he looks over to see an entanglement of ruddy brown and sleek black.

 

Dean screams as he sees the two hash it out harder than they ever have, with teeth puncturing flesh with force, with skin getting torn and ripped away with intent. Even more blood soaks into the fur of the two wolves, and Dean begins to cry as he sees them rip each other apart.

 

“Cas! Sammy!” Dean wails, his voice breaking from the volume and strain he’s putting it under, and his throat aches in agony from the treatment its receiving from its owner, “ _Stop!”_

 

The vision ends.

 

**…**

 

Hands place themselves onto Dean’s form, and with a shout, Dean begins to try and throw them off.

 

“Let go! I _can’t_ let them kill each other!” Dean screams while he keeps his eyes closed, finding that he’s far too fearful of what might be past the safety of his eyelids, “I’ve got to stop them!”

 

“Got to stop who, Dean!?” Cas shouts, causing Dean to stop fighting back almost instantly.

 

“C-Cas? …”

 

Dean opens his eyes to see the alpha pinning him to the ground with a look of concern, “Dean, you must have been having a nightmare, and with how you’ve been reacting… It must have been a very vivid one, I’m afraid.”

 

Dean lets his head hit the mossy ground below with a defeated thump, “You have _no_ idea…”

 

“Are you going to tell me about it?”

 

The hybrid sighs and tries to wipe at his face, but he finds that his hands are kept against the ground by the wrist by one of Cas’. Dean groans quietly with irritation at the hold, but he decides that calming his heartbeat is more prudent than anything else.

 

“Dean,” Cas warns.

 

Oh yeah, put answers on that list too.

 

“It was another vision thing,” Dean begins, and when Cas begins to pull away, Dean uses one of his freed hands to stall the alpha from leaving, “It was different, Cas… It's not like what you're thinking, I swear.”

 

Cas seems to still after that, but he doesn’t look at Dean as he speaks, “What did I do this time?”

 

Dean makes a face at how hurt Cas sounds- as if Dean’s dream was an insult of the highest degree. Not only that, there's a certain, specific kind of sting that comes with the fact that Cas doesn't seem to believe Dean whenever he says that he isn't at fault.

 

Aren't mates supposed to _trust_ one another?

 

“Well, this might surprise you, but- …” Cas seems to perk up for a second, “You _saved_ me, Cas.”

 

The alpha turns slowly at that, and he chances to glance at Dean out of the corner of his eye, “I didn’t leap at you?”

 

“It was Sammy that was trying to get me,” Dean corrects softly, and he can’t suppress the shudder that passes through him as he recalls the sight from the dream- Sammy’s jaw outstretched as far as it can go, deadly and precise teeth centimeters away from snapping shut around Dean’s throat.

 

Cas does seem to be shocked at the identity reveal, “I wasn’t the one who- … What else was different?”

 

“It- it started out with me in some destroyed room of the pack house…”

 

Dean begins to explain the dream, or whatever the hell it was, to Cas in extreme detail. He tells the alpha about his wounds, about how he was human, about how the air smelled, about how the ground was uneven against his feet because of all the debris. The other werewolf seems to be enraptured in what Dean is drawing out for him, and with every explanation and or description, Cas’ eyes furrow and squint in thought.

 

“… But then you barreled into him and got him away from me, and that’s when you two started fighting to the death… I woke up after that, and well, you know the rest.”

 

“I think something might be going on.”

 

Dean rolls his eyes lightly, “Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.”

 

The alpha gives Dean a look, “You know what I mean… Do you think that this might have something to do with unlocking your abilities?”

 

“Uh, I haven’t thought of that,” Dean murmurs, “But I don’t understand why these things would be related to any of that. I’ve been something close to a newbie since I gained them. It doesn’t make sense that I should be getting visions when I’ve barely broken that stuff in.”

 

“Maybe that’s the point,” Cas begins, “You did just start to explore them, so maybe this is a side effect?”

 

Dean looks away from Cas then, “But… I mean, why _visions?_ Are they visions? Cas, they could just be nightmares for all we know. We’re probably looking too much into it.”

 

Cas sighs and looks away, “That may be so, but I’m not taking any chances, Dean. This could be a sign of something that could happen. Maybe it's even a mixture of your fears and something precognitive.”

 

“Well, shit, I’m the next Raven Symoné, aren’t I?”

 

“Dean…”

 

“Yeah yeah, I get it, it’s serious time,” Dean grumbles.

 

Cas pushes his body off of Dean, “Do you have any idea as to why these dream visions are occurring?”

 

The hybrid sighs as his mate looks at him, “I have no clue, to be honest. They just started happening after I talked to Gabe.”

 

“You know,” the alpha murmurs, “you never did tell me what you and my brother discussed about.”

 

“Uh, well-” Dean finds that he’s at a loss for words, or at least, good ones, “it was about _stuff._ ”

 

Cas snorts dismissively, “That’s helpful.”

 

Dean slaps the back of his head.

 

“I’m allowed to be a smartass if you are,” Cas grimaces, and he rubs at his neck with a light wince.

 

“Oh, shush.”

 

Cas, however, doesn’t get the memo, or if he does, he pointedly ignores it, “I’m actually trying to be serious here, Dean. Whatever you and my brother talked about could have triggered whatever this is.”

 

Dammit, why does Cas have to make sense sometimes?

 

“ _Fine,_ ” Dean pouts like a small child and looks away in irritation, “it was- well, Gabe was talking about mates, but I didn’t understand what he was trying to tell me, exactly. Whenever I asked him about it, he would say ‘look it up yourself’ or he’d dance around it. Little shit.”

 

Cas raises a brow at his mate, “What was he saying?”

 

“Just that- if you- if you went- …” Dean trails off for a moment, but either way, he ends up looking Cas in the eye as he gets the words off of his chest, “If you start to go rogue, it’s supposed to be me that keeps you from losing yourself.”

 

Cas pales at that.

 

“I don’t know if this- this _nightmare,_ is basically a manifestation of my fear of failing you or not knowing what to do coming true, or- I don’t know, Cas, I really don’t- but those images… They scare the shit out of me, no matter what caused them.”

 

Cas stands up and begins to walk away, or, at least, that’s what Dean thinks the alpha is doing until he shifts into his wolf form.

 

“Cas?”

 

The alpha’s ears twitch, but that’s the only response that Dean gets out of his mate. Instead of coming over or doing the rational thing like talking about whatever the hell is happening inside of Dean’s head, the other werewolf sulks.

 

“Oh wow, Cas, _real_ mature,” Dean hisses out, and he stands up himself, “There’s shit that needs to be said, Cas- there’s shit that we’ve gotta address. None of that’s gonna happen if all you’re going to do is whine like a damn-”

 

Dean suddenly finds himself falling backwards, and with an oomph, he hits the ground. Hard.

 

For a few moments, all Dean can see is white. He slowly gets his vision back though, even as he coughs so much that oxygen is a fleeting thing. It takes Dean a few seconds to hear the telltale rumble of a very displeased alpha above him.

 

“What the fuck, Cas!?” Dean winces as he rubs the back of his head, “Stop actin’ like a dick!”

 

The wolf above him growls this time, and Dean resists the urge to flinch at the reminder of his recent visions.

 

“I don’t care if I’m hurting your feelings right now, Cas. You’re the alpha here, _act like it._ ”

 

That must be the wrong thing to say apparently, because suddenly, a certain set of teeth begin to gnaw at Dean’s throat.

 

“No, Cas! This is _so_ not the time for that shit!”

 

After a few seconds pass and Cas still persists on with his whole teething escapade, Dean decides that he’s had enough. With some amount of force, Dean punches the wolf off of him.

 

Cas doesn’t seem to like that, because he roars as Dean picks himself up off of the ground with haste. Paws begin to thud against the ground behind Dean, and it’s mid-sprint that Dean shifts into his own wolf form.

 

Dean’s wolf side begs him to stop and to say that he’s sorry, but Dean, overall, is too stubborn to do such a thing. Especially so when Cas is being an ass and doesn’t deserve a goddamn sorry in the first place.

 

So Dean dodges and weaves his lithe body through the trunks of trees, letting his paws carry him forward to avoid the snarling alpha behind him.

 

It’s just as Dean trips that the hybrid realizes where he is, and without really thinking about it, the wolf throws his body down into the entryway of Meg’s den.

 

Meg is surprised, at the very least, and she’s about to ask why Dean’s intruding on her den so suddenly when Cas’ muzzle begins to snap down into the hole that Dean just finished sliding through.

 

“ _What the holy fuck!?”_ she barks out, and Ruby is woken up at her mother’s outburst.

 

“ _It’s Cas,_ ” Dean grits out, looking back to see that the alpha is too far gone with whatever is in his head to really care about the impression that he’s giving.

 

Meg glares at Dean for a second, “ _Care to explain why you dragged this mess over here?”_

 

“ _We’re fighting,_ ” Dean answers quietly so Ruby can't hear, and that’s all he tells her just as part of the entryway into the den gives way to Cas’ assaulting paws.

 

However, right before Dean or Meg can stop the alpha from barging his way in, a small wolf pup gets to the other werewolf first.

 

“ _Ruby!”_ Meg darts forward to stop her daughter from confronting Cas just as the tiny pup jumps forward to bite at his leg.

 

As Cas growls lowly, Dean believes that his worst nightmare might be coming true right before his eyes.

 

Ruby, despite the frantic calls from her mother, continues to dig her tiny teeth into Cas’ leg with a growl.

 

“ _Meg, stop,_ ” Cas orders in a strained voice, and the wolf pup ends her 'attack' to glare up at him.

 

“ _This is no way to be an alpha!”_ she barks at Cas angrily, causing all of the wolves around her to freeze on the spot, “ _You’re Dean’s mate, not his bully!”_

Cas stares at the wolf pup before him in complete shock just as Meg rushes forward to grab her by the scruff.

 

“ _Cas, let’s go… Sorry about the intrusion, Meg. I’ll make up for it, I promise…_ ”

 

“ _Just go,_ ” Meg snaps as her fur bristles wildly, and Dean notices then that her eyes, while alight with anger, are also fearful, “ _I don’t want to hear it right now._ ”

 

Ruby looks at Dean frantically from between her mother’s braced legs with wide eyes, and when Dean meets her gaze, she ducks away as though she was burned with a whine.

 

“ _You’re scaring my daughter!”_ Meg hisses, “ _Fuck off, will you!?”_

 

Dean hangs his tail between his legs as he exits the ruined entryway of Meg’s den. Cas is waiting outside of it, and by the way that his shoulders and head slump, he's just as mortified as Dean is.

 

“ _Dean-”_

 

“ _Later, Cas,_ ” the hybrid flattens his ears to his head and begins to trot away from the den in haste.

 

The alpha catches up to Dean’s side, “ _I didn’t mean to-”_

 

“ _I told you, I don’t want to fucking hear it right now,_ ” Dean pivots to glare at his mate, “ _Do you fucking understand what I'm saying, or do I have to get you an English-to-Dumbass dictionary for it to get stuck in that thick skull of yours?”_

 

Cas’ eyes widen, and the air sours with a scent of embarrassment and shame, “ _Dean, please… Hear me out. It was my wolf, okay? It didn't like the idea of you not submitting to me-_ ”

 

The hybrid makes a frustrated noise, and he stamps his paw on the ground as though he were a child in a tantrum, “ _Just quit! God dammit, Cas!”_

 

The alpha stops trying to defend himself at that, and he makes a small whine as he begins to walk off ahead of Dean- as though he's trying to distance himself before he messes anything else up.

 

“ _No, none of that running off bullshit again,_ ” Dean grits out, “ _You’ve done enough of that recently._ ”

 

Cas’ muscles tense and freeze at the remark.

 

Dean huffs a sad breath and walks forward until he stops quietly beside Cas, “ _I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to have to chase you down only to be running off the next second. I do want to talk about it, but later, Cas…_ ”

 

The other werewolf looks over his shoulder to glance at his mate, and with a whine, he turns to bury his nose into Dean’s fur much like he had last night.

 

“ _What’s gettin’ into you, Cas?”_ Dean murmurs, rubbing back against Cas with just as much desperation, “ _You’re so… bipolar right now…_ ”

 

“ _I don’t know,_ ” he whispers back, his words fearful, “ _I’m starting to believe that those dreams of yours aren’t too far from the truth…_ ”

 

Dean whimpers, “ _Don’t say things like that, Cas…_ ”

 

“ _It’s true though, isn’t it?”_ Cas pulls away slightly, “ _I’m losing more and more control over my wolf, even with you by my side. Why is that?”_

 

The hybrid licks at Cas’ ear, “ _I don’t know, but… we’re gonna stop it from happenin’, Cas. I’ll make sure that you won’t go rogue, I promise._ ”

 

The alpha leans into his mate’s touches, “ _Are you sure that you can pull me back from that?”_

 

“ _I’ll make sure that I’ll be able to stop it before then, Cas._ ”

 

The two don’t mention that Dean never really answered the question.

 

**…**

 

They check on Gabe before they go to bed. It’s a quiet visit, considering that Sammy and the omega are fast asleep.

 

Their hands rest together over Gabe’s stomach as they lie against one another, and the sight makes Dean and Cas glance at each other for the quickest of moments. Their cheeks heat furiously when they both realize why they wanted to look at the other.

 

After all, daydreams are for childr- …

 

They don’t mention this, either.

 

The two sleep with their hands held together in the space between them on the mattress, their fingers occasionally brushing against the other's skin gingerly. They dream of hopes for a better tomorrow.

 

**…**

 

(Day 7)

 

“ _Ruby’s still a mess, just so you know,_ ” Meg growls as Dean and Cas approach her.

 

“ _Meg, this was all just a big misunderstanding and mistake._ ”

 

Meg snorts angrily, “ _Ah, mistake! Sorry to correct you, oh alpha my alpha, but you’re going to need a bigger word than that._ ”

 

Dean takes a step forward, and Meg takes one back in response, “ _You just have to believe us, Meg. Things are just- things are shit. We didn’t mean to drag you and Ruby into that._ ”

 

“ _You should be sorry, but more so to Ruby than anything else,_ ” Meg’s voice grows softer as she looks back to the new, makeshift entryway to her den, “ _She was terrified out of her mind after you two left._ _I don't think she even slept well for a bit._ ”

 

“ _We want to make it up to her,_ ” Cas murmurs, causing Meg to whip her head around to growl at him.

 

“ _Why should I trust_ you _with her?”_

 

Cas averts his gaze from the she-wolf, “ _I know that your distaste for me is clear, but also appropriate. What I did yesterday, it was- it was uncalled for. I didn’t mean to give you or your daughter a scare- I never intended to go after Dean in such a way… But I can assure you that I won’t hurt Ruby. I never could._ ”

 

“ _Oh, and what good that’s been doing you,_ ” Meg huffs sourly, “ _Aren’t you forgetting that you nearly attacked Dean yesterday? Isn’t he, well, your mate? I thought that you could never hurt him, either, but yet, here we are nonetheless._ ”

 

The insult is not lost on either of the other wolves.

 

Dean speaks this time around, “ _Meg, please… We just want to show that we’re sorry._ ”

 

“ _You’re not the one who really should be apologizing, Dean. You were running for your life, after all._ ”

 

Dean closes his eyes to try and abate his quickly growing frustration, “ _Look, Cas’ wolf is just being a little shit, alright? That’s not his fault._ ”

 

“ _Don’t defend me, Dean-”_

 

“ _Oh, not you too,_ ” Dean groans and turns to leave, “ _You know what, Meg? We’ll come back later. Just- just forget that we came over today-”_

 

“ _Wait!”_

 

Dean pivots just in time to see a little blur zoom in front of him before something smacks head first into his leg, and with a sad smile, Dean looks down to the puffball below, “ _Hey, Ruby…_ ”

 

The pup looks up to Dean to give her own grin, “ _I didn’t want you guys to go._ ”

 

“ _But-”_ Cas comes over, and to their surprise, Ruby doesn’t look scared of him, “ _we thought you were upset with us._ ”

 

Ruby tilts her head, “ _I was, until I heard what Dean said about your wolf. Is it true? Is he being a little shi-”_

 

“ _Yes, Ruby, it is._ ”

 

She jumps over to the alpha at that, “ _You aren’t going to die, are you!?"_

 

Cas looks over to Dean, but the hybrid is just as lost as his mate is on this one, “ _I, uh- Ruby, it’s not… It’s not like a terminal disease._ ”

 

“ _It isn’t?”_ Ruby stops rushing at the other wolf, and she sits down with a huff, “ _I’m confused now._ ”

 

The three werewolves look at each other for a silent ‘what-the-fuck-do-we-say’ council just as Ruby begins to chase her tail with vigor.

 

Cas places a paw on the pup’s tail to stop her, and she looks at the alpha in surprise as she comes to an abrupt halt, “ _Ruby, you can play later, but right now, Dean and I need to explain a few things._ ”

 

“ _Look, Ruby, Cas’ wolf, it’s- it’s kind of got a mind of its own right now. Cas can lose control of it sometimes, and he gets all mean and scary._ ”

 

“ _Is that what happened yesterday?”_ Ruby’s voice is quiet as her eyes dart between the two wolves in front of her, and Meg looks on with some concern.

 

Dean nods, “ _Yeah, Cas didn’t mean to do any of that. He didn’t mean to scare you._ ”

 

“ _Oh, well, that’s okay,_ ” Ruby smiles at the alpha, “ _Sometimes, when mama doesn’t want me to do something, I end up doing it anyway. She calls it something like ‘incense’._ ”

 

“ _Instincts,_ ” Meg corrects from afar.

 

Ruby nods, “ _Yeah, that. She told me that sometimes we do thing without thinking because our wolves can control us sometimes… Is that what’s happening to you?”_

 

Cas nods, but doesn’t say anything.

 

“ _I’m sorry about your wolf being a butt,_ ” Ruby pads over and rubs her head on Cas’ leg, “ _I’m also sorry about what I said yesterday. Mama talked to me about it and she told me that what I said was ‘out of character.’”_

 

“ _Out of line, Ruby, out of line._ ”

 

Ruby nods enthusiastically, “ _Yeah, what Mama said. I’m still sorry, though. I was kind of being a butt, too._ ”

 

“ _You don’t have to apologize, Ruby. What you did, it was… brave._ ”

 

Meg gawks off to the side, “ _Castiel-”_

 

“ _No, Meg. I was the one that was out of line. Your daughter had every right to correct me._ ”

 

The she-wolf comes over then, “ _Yeah, sure, you say that until that gets her hurt or worse! What she did yesterday could’ve- it could’ve-”_ Meg can’t finish the sentence, but everyone knows what was being left unsaid.

 

“ _I’m sorry, Mama,_ ” Ruby whines and goes over to her mother’s leg, “ _I promise that I won’t do it again…_ ”

 

Meg begins to lick at the pup’s head with worry, “ _Good, because you nearly killed me with fear because of that stunt._ ”

 

Dean watches as the she-wolf bathes her now protesting daughter. An ache builds up in his chest at the sight, forcing Dean to rip his eyes away at the void that claws its way into existence.

 

“ _You feel it too, don’t you?”_

 

Dean jumps slightly at Cas’ sudden words, and he looks over to his mate, “ _W-What are you talking about?”_

 

“ _I saw how you were looking at Meg with Ruby,_ ” Cas idly comments, “ _I’m not blind, Dean._ ”

 

“ _I have no clue what you’re saying to me right now…_ ”

 

Cas rumbles lightly and headbutts Dean, “ _It’s nothing to be ashamed of, if that’s what you’re thinking. To be honest, I’m surprised that you haven’t had these urges sooner._ ”

 

Dean tenses at that and echoes the word like a parrot, “ _Urges?”_

 

“ _You are of age, and so am I. It’s a biological drive to want to have pups together._ ”

 

If Dean were in human form, he would surely be blushing right now, “ _Uh, wow, Cas… I never knew that you wanted a shotgun wedding._ ”

 

“ _And I never knew that you wanted to get married until just now,_ ” the alpha replies smugly.

 

Dean’s fur bristles from embarrassment just as Meg shouts, “ _Oh god, you two are horrible, I swear! It is too early in the morning for this!”_

 

“ _We’ll talk about this,_ ” Cas lets that word slip off of his tongue with some amount of heat as it passes by Dean’s ear, making him shiver, “ _later. For right now, I think that we’ve got an apology to wrap up._ ”

 

Dean follows along like a love-sick duckling.

 

He’ll smack himself about it later, because for right now, he’s gotta keep his head in the game.

 

“ _Wildcats,_ ” Dean whispers.

 

Cas turns to look at Dean with confusion, “ _What?”_

 

“ _Nothing, don’t worry about it._ ”

 

Dean sighs in relief as the alpha turns back around. However, his lovely moment is cut short by the incredulous look that Meg is currently sending his way.

 

“ _Seriously, Dean?”_ she says as Ruby and Cas being to play fight off to the side, “ _You’re really going to start quoting High School Musical now?”_

 

“ _Shut up. I wasn’t doing that._ ”

 

Meg sticks her tongue out at him, “ _Whatever, Sharpie-”_

 

“ _It’s Shar_ pay.”

 

“ _You’re a terrible liar,_ ” she says with a smirk, causing Dean to groan.

 

**…**

 

Ruby runs ahead of Dean and Cas as the pack house comes into view.

 

“ _Ruby, be careful!”_ Dean barks out, watching as the pup trips over her paw and faceplants just like she always does, and with a sigh, Dean adds, “ _I spoke too soon._ ”

 

“ _She’s a pup, Dean. It’s in her nature to have fun and not worry._ ”

 

Dean snorts, causing Cas to look at him.

 

“ _Is it just me, or is Dean Winchester a little green with jealousy?”_

 

The hybrid gapes as he turns to look at his mate, “ _Are you seriously asking me if I’m jealous of a pup?”_

 

“ _If the shoe fits…_ ” the alpha trails off.

 

“ _Ugh, you’re such an ass sometimes,_ ” Dean mumbles as Ruby loops around to chargee at them.

 

With a thump, she runs into Cas’ paw, “ _Alpha, alpha! Guess what I saw!”_

 

“ _A bird, I’m assuming?”_

 

Ruby shakes her head, “ _No, there’s a man with a big black suit in the window! I think he’s leaving us presents!”_ she gasps, " _Is he Santa!?"_

 

Dean freezes, “ _No,_ _Ruby, which room is he in?”_

 

She looks a little frightened by how Dean and Cas leer over her, “ _I don’t know, but he had Sam with him._ ”

 

Cas looks at Dean then, “ _Dean, stay with Ruby outside. I’ll take care of this._ ”

 

“ _But Cas-”_

 

“ _I’m not budging on this. Take Ruby and hide somewhere out in the woods with her- hell, go back to Meg’s den, if you can. I’m not giving them a chance to take you again._ ”

 

The last part sounds so sincere, that Dean knows in his heart that arguing about staying alongside the alpha is pointless, and with a whisper, Dean rubs his face along Cas’, “ _Be careful…_ ”

 

Ruby whines as Cas runs off towards the pack house, and she looks at Dean with big, fearful eyes, “ _Is he one of the men that you told me about?”_

 

“ _Yes, Ruby. He’s one of the big, bad guys that you and I have to stay away from. Now come on, we’ve got to get back to your mother’s den._ ”

 

Dean tries to jog there, for the sake of making sure that Ruby doesn’t get tangled up in this mess, because if she becomes a witness to whatever is about to happen, Dean would never forgive himself. However, the small, terrified pup can’t keep up with Dean’s already slowed pace, as her paws clumsy catch on roots or on themselves. With a grunt, Dean grabs Ruby by her scruff and begins to sprint towards the she-wolf’s den as soon as she is held securely by his jaws.

 

“ _Is Castiel going to get hurt?”_ Ruby asks suddenly.

 

Dean wishes he could answer her right now, but even then, Dean knows that whatever comes out of his mouth will more than likely just be what he’s hoping for. In short, he doesn’t know, and that terrifies him.

 

They come upon Meg’s den, finding that the she-wolf is already outside, working over a freshly killed rabbit. She tilts her head in confusion as Dean rushes forward to shove Ruby inside.

 

“ _What’s going on?”_

 

“ _Ruby saw some man at the house,_ ” Dean rushes out as he looks over his shoulder, and he knows that, going by the sudden spike in her scent, he’s beginning to scare Meg, “ _Cas told me to take Ruby back here._ ”

 

Meg forgets about the rabbit instantly, and her voice is fearful, “ _Did they come back for you?”_

 

Dean begins to shift on his paws with worry, “ _I don’t know, I really don’t. Meg, I’m- I’m sorry that this happened._ ”

 

“ _Hey, don’t be blaming yourself for this, okay?”_ her voice is calm now, and Dean can’t be any more thankful than he already is for the reassurance, “ _It’s not your fault that some crazy dickwad wants your hide in front of his fireplace._ "

 

Take that back, Dean _was_ thankful.

 

“ _Oh,_ ” Meg seems to realize what she just said, “ _I, uh, sorry about that._ ”

 

“ _It’s okay,_ ” Dean sighs and tries to let some of the tension leave his already wound up muscles, “ _It’s just- it’s a shit situation right now._ ”

 

Meg nods, and she begins to survey the forest around them, “ _Any idea as to why they’d come now?”_

 

The hybrid shakes his head, “ _I’m not sure exactly, but I know that Zachariah put out an ad for me, and people expect him to follow through. He’s probably sending someone here to do the dirty work for him, too._ ”

 

“ _That’s fucked up._ ”

 

“ _Tell me about it._ ”

 

The she-wolf sighs, “ _Well, I’m guessing that you and Castiel will make up for the play date later?”_

 

Dean smiles sadly, “ _Yeah, that’s probably a good idea._ ”

 

“ _Aw, but I wanted to have fun with you guys!”_

 

“ _Ruby, get back in the den. Now._ ”

 

The pup whines, “ _But Mama-”_

 

Meg gives her daughter a growl that leaves no room for argument.

 

“ _Sorry, Mama…_ ” Ruby turns around with her ears flattened to her head, and she pouts as she goes back inside of the den.

 

Meg sighs and pivots to look at Dean, “ _So what are we going to do now?”_

 

“ _As much as I hate to say it… We’re gonna have to wait._ ”

 

**…**

 

Castiel glares at the man before him. He’s tall, but far from lanky; muscle lines parts of his finely-tailored suit, while others are just rounded with fat. The man has a cold gaze about him- one that calculates every move that Castiel makes as the alpha paces around the intruder.

 

“Zachariah wasn’t wrong when he said that you were a little… _different._ ”

 

“I don’t give a damn about what that excuse of a man has to say,” Castiel growls as his hands ball up into fists, “Same goes for you. Now, get the fuck out of my territory before I rip you apart.”

 

The man smirks, obviously thinking that the threat was nothing but a joke to laugh off, “You’d just love that, wouldn’t you? Speaking of which, how’s your wolf been? Behaving horribly, I’d assume?”

 

The implied ‘we’ve been watching you’ doesn’t escape Castiel, “I suppose it has. I can’t help it sometimes, especially when people _piss. me. off._ ”

 

“Is this how you treat guests? If so, I’ll make sure that some classes on manners will be given to you once everything is said and done with.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

There’s another sly grin, “Oh, you don’t know, do you? But then again, why would you?”

 

Castiel growls lowly, letting it rumble in his chest and in the air around him, “Out with it.”

 

“That’d just ruin the surprise, so I’m going to have to say no on that one,” he shrugs, “But, I guess that I could give you a few hints…”

 

Castiel only quirks a brow.

 

“I’m pretty sure that you’d expect us to come back just for your little, precious Dean,” that makes the alpha growl, “but you’re wrong. Actually, we we’re thinking about recruiting your brother into our ranks too, once he’s done being ‘occupied’. As for the other alpha, well… that just won’t do.”

 

“Don’t you dare do anything to them...” Castiel growls.

 

He laughs sinisterly, “It’s not going to be me, exactly, but I assure you that I’ll get my bit done. You know, while we had Dean in our custody, we all took bets on who’d they’d let fuck him first. Do you know how much harder people worked to gain employee of the month? It’s kind of ridiculous what people would do for a quick and easy piece of ass.”

 

Castiel snarls, “ _Don’t_ talk about him like that…”

 

“What, about your mate? Oh, boo hoo, cry me a river or two, will you? The whole ‘mates’ thing got old _years_ ago. No one gives a shit about that sappy romance bull anymore. Times have changed, and so have the people who are living in them.”

 

“That doesn’t give you the right to treat him like he’s something to own,” Castiel hisses.

 

“You’d be surprised to find out the amount of people who don’t care about that, either. I mean, did you even see the numbers that your little bitch brought in? People all around the world wanted to have a chance to taste the wonder that is the ‘werewolf hybrid’, and in some of the many lewd comments made, ‘the Hannah Montana from the Americana’. I’m afraid that some people want the best of both worlds, or in this case, genders. Can’t blame them, honestly. I wouldn’t mind to experience it myself.”

 

The alpha steps forward then, “You must have a death wish.”

 

“No, I just have a desire for a large paycheck and maybe some fun on the side named Dean Winchester,” Castiel grits his teeth together as the man begins to looks around the room, “I was thinking, since I’m going to get the substantial raise and the major promotion for retrieving your soon-to-be rent-a-whore, I was trying to find some inspiration for how I’m going to refurbish my condo. You know, for a pack house that’s practically full of strays, you do have some- … luxuries. Shame that it’s wasted on a group full of unwanted, misfit mutts.”

 

“I know, it is a shame really… I mean, this carpet isn’t exactly cheap, but here it is, completely ruined.”

 

The man makes a face, “It’s practically spotless. I don’t see what you mean by-”

 

A quick slash from Castiel’s claw causes copious amounts of scarlet to fall on the once pristine threads beneath Castiel’s feet. The man stumbles back, his eyes wide with fear and shock as he looks at Castiel. His hand uselessly scrambles for his neck where a deep slash now resides.

 

“Like I said,” the alpha hisses as his wolf prowls on the edge of his words, making them dark and in some sense, unhuman, “ _ruined._ ”

 

**…**

 

Sammy’s the one that greets them at the den, not Cas.

 

Dean, at first, thinks the worst, and he rushes at his brother for answers that part of him is just outright afraid to know. However, as the youngest Winchester explains that Cas is just “busying cleaning up”, Dean ends up confused more than anything else.

 

“ _What do you mean by that?”_

 

Sammy scowls for a moment, “ _Well, uh, he- … Cas took care of however it was that was at the house._ ”

 

“ _I don’t understand, why does that mean he has to ‘clean up’?”_ Dean’s voice cracks at the end, and even to his own ears, the sound is pathetic.

 

Meg comes over to Dean’s then, “ _Honey…_ ”

 

Dean tries not to feel stupid as Sammy gives him a sympathetic look.

 

“ _So Cas- …_ ”

 

The question doesn’t have to be finished for everyone to know what it’s asking.

 

“ _He did, but I’m sure that the asshole deserved it._ ”

 

Dean closes his eyes for a moment, “ _Anything that I need to know already?”_

 

Well, might as well load up the emotional bag all at once. You know… One trip and all that…

 

“ _His name was Uriel, from what I remember. He was rude as shit, though. There was this look of superiority in his eye whenever he looked at me, like I was trash that happened to somehow be taller than him._ ”

 

“ _No offense, Sammy, but you’re pretty much taller than everyone already by default._ ”

 

Sammy rolls his eyes at that, “ _Ugh, shut up. My height is so not what we need to focus on right now._ ”

 

“ _Right,_ ” Dean mutters, and he looks towards his feet for a second.

 

“ _Anyways,_ ” the youngest Winchester sighs once more, “ _I think that now is the best time to get a plan ready to go for whenever something like this happens again._ ”

 

Dean nods reluctantly, “ _Cas and I were getting a few legal things together, just in case… What else do you think we might need, lawyer of mine?”_

 

“ _Lawyer-in-training, actually,_ ” Sammy corrects, “ _But, to be honest, I think that this is going to have to be taken care of outside of a court room._ ”

 

“ _Are you sure?”_ Dean frowns, “ _This can’t be done civilly?”_

 

Sammy shakes his head slowly as he speaks, “ _That’s an affirmative no, especially so if Zachariah’s already sending those pigs of his down from the sex farm._ ”

 

Dean scowls in disgust, “ _Nice imagery there, Sammy. Your English teacher would be so proud._ ”

 

“ _It’s true, Dean. Things have already been set into motion. I’m guessing that we have an even smaller window now that Uriel has been… curtly disposed of. Zachariah will surely be waiting for something to come through the grapevine from him, and when all he gets is radio silence, I’m sure that he’s going to take action. We won’t have long until he realizes that his attempt to get you back on the down low has failed._ ”

 

“ _So you want Cas and I to focus on working on my memory recovery and stuff more?”_

 

The youngest Winchester nods, “ _That would be preferable._ ”

 

Dean returns the gesture, “ _Okay, well… Once Cas’s done with whatever he’s doing, I’ll talk to him about it. Besides, we really need to get Gabe back on his feet, especially if Zachariah is going to begin his assault soon enough._ ”

 

Meg clears her throat from beside Dean, “ _Not to really cut into the conversation here or anything, but what about Ruby and I?”_

 

“ _Zachariah probably won’t target you, considering that you seem disconnected from the pack._ ”

 

“ _Actually, he did mention you guys while I was at GS,_ ” Dean corrects, and he hates the flash of fear that dances across Meg’s features, “ _I don’t know if he intends to do anythin’, but I just thought you guys should know that he’s aware of your existences._ ”

 

Meg begins to pace in front of the entryway to her den, “ _Oh god, what am I going to do? What if I’m out here hunting or something else, and they come in and snatch Ruby? What if I’m asleep and they block Ruby and I in the den to where we can’t get out without giving ourselves up?”_

 

Dean pads over to her then, “ _Hey, Meg, calm down. Look, we won’t let anything happen to you or Ruby, okay? If it makes you feel better, you can take one of the empty rooms in the pack house-”_

 

“ _But I don’t do packs, Dean,_ ” Meg shifts on her paws, and her eyes are wide, “ _I haven’t done packs since- since-”_

 

“ _Breathe, okay? In and out, just like me,_ ” Dean comes over to calm the she-wolf down from her high of panic, “ _I understand that maybe the idea of being in a pack again scares you, but it’s not like that here, I promise. There’s not going to be another Alistair._ ”

 

Meg’s eyes close as she whines, “ _I can’t go back to that, Dean. I told myself that I wouldn’t, and I told myself that Ruby would never have to know what I went through because she’d be going through it herself. I- I couldn’t-”_

 

“ _It’s alright,_ ” Dean whispers as Meg begins to lower herself on the ground, her fear causing her to lose the ability to stand up properly without shaking, “ _Alistair’s gone now. That part of your life is over and done with. You don’t have to hide like you used to now._ ”

 

Sammy comes up beside Dean as Meg begins to whimper, and they know how hard it is to move on from whatever Alistair has done.

 

Together, the two brothers curl up around the she-wolf to comfort her. Ruby joins in moments later, letting her nose nuzzle away the tears that her mother is shedding.

 

They stay like that until Cas comes along.

 

**…**

 

When Castiel comes upon what could only be described as a puppy pile, he can’t help but quirk a brow at the wolves before him.

 

Ruby notices him first, and she jumps up to nip at his jeans. As he stared at the pup in confusion, she huffs with irritation and begins to tug at the denim to make him move towards the pile of wolves cuddling each other to death.

 

Dean picks up his head then to look at Castiel, and his green eyes linger on the alpha for a moment until Sammy lifts his own gaze to meet the other alpha’s. Sammy’s head bows down slightly in acknowledgement as Dean removes himself from their huddle.

 

The hybrid comes over to nip at Castiel’s hand- while Ruby is still adamant on tugging him away, mind you- to bring him over to the side. Castiel waits a moment for Dean to change back into his human form to explain what’s going on. When a very naked Dean stands before him, Castiel has to avert his eyes away, knowing that if he doesn’t, his wolf will surely have something else on its mind other than protecting its mate. Dean clears his throat awkwardly, and his arms cross over himself as Castiel hands over a pair of sweats and a tee he had been carrying along.

 

“Thanks,” Dean mutters, and he grabs at the offering of clothes shyly.

 

Castiel keeps his gaze fixated on a loose pine cone swaying from its branch to make sure that he eyes don’t wander over to his mate as he dresses, “Don’t mention it…”

 

Dean coughs, and Castiel takes that as a signal that it’s safe. When he turns his head over to the hybrid, he’s clad in the garments that were pulled from Castiel’s side of the dresser drawer. His wolf purrs at the thought of his mate being doused in his scent and covered in his clothing, but Castiel shushes it and reminds it of the pressing matters at hand.

 

“So,” Dean beats Castiel to the punch, “I heard that you took care of our little visitor.”

 

A triumphant roar rings around in Castiel’s skull at the thought of pleasing its mate, but Castiel pointedly ignores it to swallow nervously, “Uh, yes… I did. Is that a problem?”

 

“It might be, considering that Zachariah expected the prick to come back to kiss ass eventually. He’ll come looking for him as soon as he finds out that he's missing or worse.”

 

The alpha sighs, “I- I didn’t think of that…”

 

“Hey, it’s alright,” Dean steps forward then, and his hand cups the side of Castiel’s face, “I’m not mad at you, if that’s what you’re thinking. No one is, actually. I’m just concerned over the fact that this might have added gasoline to this already growing inferno.”

 

“Now you sound poetic,” Castiel murmurs, and he leans into the pad of a thumb that traces over his cheek, causing a low rumble to escape him.

 

Dean snorts at the sound, “Yeah yeah, sue me, why don’t you? Either way, I don’t blame you for doing whatever it is that you did. I’m sure that the asshole deserved it.”

 

A low growl escapes the alpha, “He did, considering what he said.”

 

The hybrid’s demeanor changes slightly, “Which was? …”

 

“He talked about the plan to offer you up like some piece of meat,” Castiel begins sourly, “He spoke of trying to get his own experience of you in, and that he planned on taking Gabriel as well once the baby was born or- I don't even want to think about what they'd do if they weren't willing to wait. He was counting on taking you both to Zachariah like some _gift._ ”

 

“Jesus,” Dean breathes out, his eyes wide, “That’s… that’s so fucked up…”

 

Castiel nods, “My wolf sort of snapped, slightly. Which, reminds me… They’ve known about my rogue scares.”

 

Dean pales, “That means- …”

 

“That they’ve been watching? Yes, Dean. They’ve got tabs on us, apparently. It’s one of the things that we’re going to have to be on the lookout for, if it even matters at this point. They probably already know everything.”

 

“I expected it too happen either way, to be honest, it’s just that-” Dean pauses for a moment, “it’s _hella creepy,_ Cas. I mean, there’s these random people butting their asses into our lives over here in ways we don’t know of yet. That makes your skin crawl too, right?”

 

The wolf howls in rage at the thought of people looking into their personal spaces, and also for the fact that there’s not much that can be done about it too, “You have _no_ idea.”

 

A shiver goes through Dean as he looks over his shoulder at Meg and his brother curled up together while Ruby lies down on top of their bodies, “It’s just- I don’t want this all to fall apart, Cas. I don’t want to lose any of you guys, the pack, the place that I now call home… These- the visions that I’ve been having, they’re just so… _realistic,_ and I’m hoping to whatever’s out there that it ain’t gonna come true, but- … I can’t guarantee that.”

 

“Well, let’s do all that we can to keep it from happening, then.”

 

Dean gives the alpha a light, sad smile, “Yeah, I suppose that’s the best way to go about it… Now come on, Balto, we’ve got some stuff to do.”

 

**…**

 

“This isn’t working!”

 

“Have you tried putting your hand there?”

 

There’s a groan of anger, “Where haven’t I put my hand already!? I told you, this isn’t working!”

 

“Maybe you should push a little harder. I don’t feel anything.”

 

“Neither do I, which is why I’m complaining.”

 

An irritated huff precedes the response, “No, you’re whining. If you’re unsatisfied, I suggest that you should try a little more next time around-”

 

“Ugh, you’re such an ass! You’re acting like I just sat there and expected instant fireworks! I put some effort in, mind you! You see this here! It’s sweat! It’s what happens whenever you _exert yourself!”_

 

One of the two sighs, “I’m not saying that you haven’t tried already, just that you haven’t done things the right way-”

 

“Excuse you, there’s not really a right way to go about this! I just kinda- kinda got to go with the vibe, you know? Like, what feels best n’ shit.”

 

“You’re so eloquent sometimes.”

 

There’s an irritated growl, “Shut the fuck up. I’m trying here, okay? You and I both know that we’ve never really done this before, and this is new for us. We’ve got to explore what feels right and what doesn’t, or else we’re going to hurt ourselves. Oh, and trust me, I _do not_ aim to be sore in the morning.”

 

“You’d probably be worse off than I would be, to be honest.”

 

“Oh yeah, lucky you. I mean, it is me who’s having to do ninety-six percent of the work throughout this whole thing, and it’s gonna end up biting _me_ in the ass.”

 

“You’re very bitter about this-”

 

Dean lets his eyes fly open in anger, and he pulls himself away from Cas’ forehead and his body altogether, severing the mental connection altogether, “I can’t do this! That’s it! Nada- done- finished- we ain’t gettin’ shit, so now we gotta quit!”

 

Cas only raises a questionable brow at the other werewolf.

 

“Don’t you judge me, you ass. You know as well as I do that this is some complex stuff right here. Sorry if I’m getting frustrated with nothing working.”

 

The alpha stands up from the bed then, “Maybe it has something to do with my wolf?”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“I’m saying that there could be a chance that my wolf doesn’t want you in my head,” Cas answers easily, “It’s just a theory.”

 

Dean sighs, sets himself on the end of the large bed, and puts his face into his hands, “I just don’t know what to do here, Cas. We were making some leeway, and then, when we need it more than anything, we just- stall. Why is that?”

 

Cas sits down beside Dean then, and he wraps an arm around the hybrid to pull his body closer to his own, “I’ve noticed that we always don’t have the best of luck, specifically whenever it’s the most desirable. But that’s how life is, Dean. It’s all cut-throat, and it’s also more feral and callous than we could ever manage to be.”

 

“I wish that it wasn’t,” Dean murmurs, and he closes his eyes as he nuzzles into Cas’ side, “Sometimes, I just want to be able to relax and be happy for once without it getting all ruined… Is that too much to ask for?”

 

“No, it isn’t.”

 

Dean snorts softly, “Well, with our lives, it seems like it…”

 

They’re quiet for a few minutes, and Dean’s sure that while he’s busy cuddling, Cas is busy thinking. The thought makes Dean smile a little just as Cas shuffles slightly.

 

“What if it’s because of our bond?”

 

The question comes out of nowhere, and frankly, it’s about a subject that Dean never expected, either.

 

“Um, I guess it could be that, maybe… I don’t know why. All Sammy ever tells us is how strong and unusual it is, but for some reason, here we are. I can’t connect the dots here when the two people with the ‘most powerful and profound bond ever’ can’t even make a mental connection. I mean, we were miles apart, Cas, and I felt how scared you were. Why isn’t it working now? Especially so when we’re separated by only centimeters?”

 

This makes the alpha purse his lips for a moment in consideration, “You have a valid argument, Dean… But- I just can’t shake this feeling off. I’m sure that you’ve noticed it too.”

 

“No, I haven’t picked up on anything that feels weird, Cas. I may have some powers, but I’m no Peter Parker. I don’t have ‘hybridy senses’.”

 

Cas lightly rolls his eyes, especially so whenever Dean makes air quotes for his allusion, “Well, I feel like there’s something missing here. I don’t know what exactly, but I know that we don’t have it.”

 

“That only makes one of us then,” Dean stands up to wash away some of the sweat that had dried uncomfortably on his skin.

 

“Dean, when we tried doing this the last time, our bond grew.”

 

Dean stops at that, especially so whenever he feels a small twinge in the handprint scar on his shoulder.

 

“Don’t disregard what I’m saying because you may not feel it,” Cas joins Dean by his side, “Maybe that’s why it isn’t working for us, Dean. We probably have to finish consummating our bond-” Dean groans internally for his mate’s vocabulary of choice- “for this to happen.”

 

“But how would we know if it works, Cas?” Dean pivots to look at the alpha, “I don’t mind the sex thing- I really don’t- but how would be able to tell if that’s what’s causing the blockage? Also, isn’t it a little risky to be bumpin’ uglies right now? They’re watching us, remember?”

 

Cas makes a face at that, one that’s a mixture between a grimace and a scowl, as he answers, “We could find a way to work around that, if the need arises.”

 

Dean only tilts his head and gives his mate a sympathetic look.

 

“We don’t have time to dance around anymore, Dean. It’s not like we didn’t before, but it’s even worse now. Zachariah may come any moment, and somehow, we have to be a step ahead of him. While I would rather wait until things are safer, matters are a little pressing at the moment. We don’t have many options here.”

 

“I know, I know,” Dean mumbles, and he hisses softly, “And we still have to fix Gabe up, too.”

 

“Yes, which is why I’m not stopping until we get this blockage out of the way as quickly as possible,” the alpha grabs onto Dean’s hand, “Now, while I’d like to give you flowers and everything you deserve, we’re going to have to skip all of that and get straight to the point.”

 

Dean nods as he murmurs, “It’s fine, Cas. I understand.”

 

Cas’ faces falls a little, and he pulls Dean to him until they’re adjacent to each other, “I’m going to make this up to you, Dean. I promise.”

 

“I know you will, but… I dunno. It kinda feels like we’re jumping head first into something we shouldn’t have.”

 

“I feel it too,” Cas murmurs, “but we need to at least try and see if this is going to work or not.”

 

The hybrid looks at his mate then, and his eyes are wary, “What if it doesn’t? …”

 

The other scowls for a moment, “We’re going to have to figure something else out, then. I know that we were working on this before, but now, we’ve got to work harder and faster… If it makes you feel better, we’ll skip all of the extras and just do the basics. That way, we’ll know sooner rather than later if the a lack of a physical bonding is what was causing us all this trouble.”

 

“So you’re saying that you’re literally just gonna spit on your hand and my butt, then go for it?”

 

Cas makes a face, “That’s- that’s a strange and lewd way to put it, but yes.”

 

Dean’s breath grows heavy, and his throat has some trouble with working it down into the hybrid’s lungs, “Just- be careful, Cas… I know I’m not china over here, but- …” Dean trails off as his eyes meet the ground in embarrassment.

 

“I won’t hurt you, Dean. I promise,” Cas lifts Dean’s face with a gentle finger placed on his chin, “We’ll take it slower if we need to, as well. Time may be a pressing matter, but I’m not going to let our dire situation outrule your safety and comfort.”

 

Dean smiles softly, and he closes his eyes as he pushes against the light touch of Cas’ exploring finger, “Then do what you need to, Cas. I trust you.”

 

When Dean opens his eyes, he finds that Cas is staring at him with not blue eyes, but red. For a second, Dean thinks that maybe another vision has decided to ruin this about-to-be-perfect moment, but as a smile spreads over the alpha’s lips, Dean relaxes into the hands that come around to the small of his back. However, that doesn’t mean he still isn’t curious.

 

“Cas, why are your eyes red?”

 

“It only occurs whenever we’re about to take on a mate, or whenever our wolf has or is gaining total and complete control,” Cas murmurs, rubbing his face into the crook of Dean’s neck, “It’s saved for times of utter importance.”

 

Dean nods, “D-Do my eyes change color?”

 

Cas shrugs nonchalantly, which is kind of weird, considering that he’s practically face-bonding Dean’s clavicle at the current moment, “I wouldn’t know, to be sure. It’s never been documented in omegas, as far as I know. However, you might be a consideration or exception to the rule altogether.”

 

“Oh yeah, I forgot… I’m the Hannah Montana from the Americana.”

 

Cas pulls back to look at Dean in confusion, “The what? _Wait-_ I think I've heard that before...”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Dean swallows at the crimson staining his mate’s irises, and he hopes that he hasnt ruined the moment with mentioning the comments he read on GS' site the other night, “You’ve got some fucking to do, don’t you?”

 

Cas growls at that, and he pulls Dean close until the hybrid is flush against him, “I don’t think you need to remind me about that. I’m well aware of what is about to happen.”

 

For some reason, Dean suddenly feels bold, “Oh come on, alpha, I thought you said that we’d have to skip the ‘extras’. Foreplay is definitely on that list.”

 

“You really want to push me right now, don’t you.”

 

“You just now noticed?”

 

Cas chuckles, “Should I honestly be surprised?”

 

“No, you shouldn’t be. Now come on, I’ve needed you in me ages ago- dire situation or not- and I’m getting what I need tonight.”

 

A grin with fangs forms against Dean’s pulse point, “Are you now?”

 

Dean groans, but out of frustration, “Yes, you stupid alpha. Just fuck me already-”

 

That’s all that Cas needs apparently, because Dean’s back meets the bed in a sudden manner that causes him to gasp in surprise. The alpha is looming over him hungrily, his eyes blazing, and his scent is so heavy and so potent that Dean’s nostrils burn from its overwhelming presence.

 

Dean can’t help but cry out at the sudden sensation of Cas’ finger entering him, and he shudders out the weird, heated jolts that the digits cause. It isn’t a bad feeling, and Dean’s a little grateful that even though Cas is kinda wolfed out above him, growling and rumbling like he’s caught something worth keeping- and specifically, in this position- Cas is still being gentle with him as promised.

 

A shaky breath passes over Dean’s- oh wow, he didn’t even realize that they were dry until now- chapped lips. The alpha purrs out in satisfaction as a crook of his pointer finger drives Dean to a new state of dishevel as he aches and moans wantonly.

 

“ _Heat,_ ” the alpha grits out with pride, like a cat when it’s caught a canary and its mouth is full of downy feathers and meat, “Mate in _heat._ ”

 

Dean’s concerned for a moment that Cas might be a little buzzed in the “alpha wolf about to bond” zone, but as he pushes back against Cas’- oh, it’s up to four now? When did that happen?- fingers without thought, he realizes that maybe he’s a little too far gone with a sudden urge to ride the alpha till he's asleep to criticize.

 

Sweat covers and dampens Dean as a whole, and he pants with a newfound loss of coordination and need, “Cas, please…”

 

Without warning, the alpha jerkily removes his fingers and does what they’ve all been waiting for. Well, maybe not everyone but- okay, whatever. Dean’s just going to enjoy this, not comment on it like a spokesman. Besides, he's too busy moaning and enjoying the slide of Cas entering him to really care about making commentary.

 

After a few minutes, Dean's head lolls back loosely from the rough thrusts that Cas is currently supplying him with, and thank god, because it’s exactly what Dean _needs._

 

And tonight is about getting that.

 

Dean’s nails rake down Cas’ shoulders and back with a low growl, “Come on, alpha. You’ve got to do better than that if you want to make me com-”

 

Obscene noises fill the room, and normally, they’d have Dean cringing with pure mortification. Right now, however, he can’t seem to give of a shit about anything other than the perfect dick in his ass.

 

“God, you were _made_ for this, weren’t you?” Cas throws his head back as a growl builds up in his throat.

 

Dean answers back with a whine, and he makes sure that the alpha knows what’s going on.

 

“You just so tight and warm and slick and _I can’t-”_ Cas shakes his head in a daze as his hips stutter in their rhythm, “God, _Dean…_ ”

 

Dean wishes that they weren’t having to rush right now, and that this surprise, pseudo heat didn’t level him out like you would a rundown apartment complex, only to build it right back up again as a new, luxurious condo. In short, Dean feels like he’s getting picked apart only to be put back together again. Except… it’s better this time around. Oh, and sorry about the housing metaphor. Dean may not be Bob the Builder, let him be the first to assure you of that, but it’s close enough and he’s too busy getting frickle frackled to really care at this moment.

 

Cas gives all he’s got on this last thrust in particular, and he exhales as he completely bottoms out. Dean thrashes around a bit on the bed just from the sheer _fullness_ of it all, and he closes his eyes to try and fight this burn that starts from his tailbone and ends somewhere along his naval.

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Cas cups Dean’s face to stop it from hitting the pillow in frustration, “Just give me a minute or two and then I can move-”

 

Dean growls as he opens his eyes, “Castiel, you are going to fuck me _right fucking now,_ or I swear to-”

 

A whine cuts Dean off, and his chin presses against his torso as he winces. Cas is rubbing him soothingly almost instantly. He’s even cooing at the hybrid.

 

“Cas, you’ve got to move or do something,” Dean pleads, because it feels like he’s getting burned up from the inside out.

 

The alpha nods knowingly, “I want to, Dean, but my knot-”

 

“Your _what?”_

 

“My knot?” Cas repeats, looking uncertain.

 

Dean furrows his brow in confusion despite the urgency he feels at the lack of stimulation, “What in the fuck is a _knot?”_

 

“Dean, did anyone ever explain what happens when an alpha has sex with someone?”

 

The hybrid shakes his head, “Uh, no. I was never enlisted in werewolf sex-ed, Cas.”

 

Cas flushes a bright red at the admission, “Well, um, a knot is, _oh god,_ it’s a breeding mechanism-”

 

“ _Breeding!?”_ Dean shouts, and he looks down to where Cas’ pelvis blends into his own, “Oh god, get it out, _get it out!”_

 

Cas grabs onto Dean’s hands before they can finish flying south like migrating birds- and wow, why did Dean compare it to that?- and sighs, “Dean, it’s not- … What’s done is done, okay? We couldn’t get it out now, even if we tried.”

 

“Why not?” Dean hisses.

 

“Because it’ll hurt us both. You, however, we’ll receive the most damage if that happens. I’m _literally_ saving your ass right now.”

 

Dean huffs a breath, “Wow, how considerate.”

 

“Dean-”

 

“Just- maybe I wasn’t ready to be- to be bred, Cas. I know what sex means and what it can do, but… A baby? You and I can’t handle that right now. Our little world can’t handle a little one.”

 

The alpha looks away from Dean, “I’m aware. But this had to happen just as it did, and I’m sorry. I would’ve used protection, but- …”

 

“But what?”

 

“Knots tend to break condoms,” Cas informs him, “There are brands that make them specifically for that, but- those tend to break easily as well. I'm also not sure if the bond would take if it was there, considering. I still would've knotted you, but- ...”

 

Dean furrows his brow, “I still don’t know what a knot is, exactly.”

 

“That’s because you didn’t let me finish explaining earlier, Dean,” the alpha sighs, “A knot, while being a breeding mechanism, is also something an alpha does to tie them to their partner. It’s just additional swelling, but it locks it in there well enough. It usually doesn’t happen the first time around unless the alpha trusts that person, or that person is their mate.”

 

Dean smiles softly, “Aw, that’s sweet. Your dick likes me.”

 

Cas makes a face, “Um, that’s mostly because I like you, and so does my wolf.”

 

“Well, I like you too. Does my butt do anything special for you?”

 

“That’s not-” Cas rubs at his face, “There isn’t anything similar to a knot that an omega can do, but you can produce slick.”

 

“Slick?”

 

Cas is redder than a tomato as he goes on, “It’s essentially a natural lubricant that your body produces whenever mating or sexual activities occur.”

 

Dean smiles, “Ah, cool. Now I know that I don’t have to go out and buy lube for later.”

 

“ _Dean…_ ” Cas’ voice breaks from mortification, and he hangs his head down to where Dean can’t see his face.

 

“Don’t be embarrassed, Cas. It’s just anatomy and physiology, is all.”

 

The other werewolf shakes his head, “You’re just so blunt sometimes.”

 

“Yes, and that’s why you love me. Now come on, I’m sure that you’ve got your few minutes of ‘knot moving’- hehe, _get it?”_

 

Cas groans, but not from pleasure.

 

“You should’ve expected this, Cas. It comes in the warranty.”

 

The alpha quirks a brow, “You know that isn’t the correct word you were looking for, right? A warranty is basically a replacement policy. Did you mean ‘description’?”

 

“Ugh, just shut up and _fuck me,_ Google.”

 

Cas makes another face, but gets on with their dirty deed.

 

Soon enough, Dean is back to gasping and writhing in their sweat-dampened sheets, and his nails begin to rip tiny holes in the poor fabric as his hands clench into fists. Cas isn’t that much better, considering he’s ramming into Dean so hard that the headboard of the bed is thunking dents into the wall rhythmically. Dust from broken drywall settles onto their bodies easily, but they keep going, of course. They’re far too gone to truly care.

 

“God,” Dean grits out, and a moan follows suit, “We should’ve done this sooner.”

 

“Agreed.”

 

Cas grabs onto one of Dean’s hands to intertwine their fingers, causing Dean to smile around a gasp as Cas’ hips falter slightly.

 

There’s- well, there’s definitely something different about Cas’ dick this time around.

 

“It’s the knot,” Cas informs him, and it’s then that Dean notices that his thrusts are shallower than before, and that there’s a tugging whenever he pulls back that makes Dean follow.

 

“It’s not… bad?” Dean breathes, and he leans his head up to see if he can peek and see it.

 

Cas realizes that Dean is watching- well, you know what- and he clears his throat awkwardly, “It’s um- it’s _in_ you… You won’t be able to see it…”

 

“Oh.”

 

Cas nods, “Yeah… oh.”

 

Dean lets his head fall back onto the pillow below, “Well, um, you can continue. I’ve had my fill,” Dean laughs stupidly, “Hehe, _get it?_ Because you’re-”

 

“Yes, Dean. _I get it._ ”

 

When Dean looks at his mate, he sees that there’s a fond smile on his face.

 

But, as the thrusts start once more, Dean finds himself lost to sensation rather than admiration. Cas is into it too, naturally, and he lowers himself down until he’s level with Dean’s neck.

 

“I’ve got to bite you to seal the bond completely,” the alpha hesitates, “Is that okay?”

 

“I-It’s fine,” Dean shudders as he feels Cas’ teeth barely press against his skin, “I trust you.”

 

That’s apparently all that the alpha needs, because the next thing Dean knows, Cas is biting into his neck like he’ll die if they don’t- and oh yeah, they might if this doesn’t work because then, Zachariah will win and- ugh, still the _biggest. buzzkill. ever._

 

Dean thinks that maybe he lost his chance to feel the high of mating until he feels Cas begin to move once more. His teeth are firmly locked into Dean’s flesh, and a low rumble makes his and Dean’s body thrum with an animalistic kind of energy. In Dean’s mind, his wolf preens, causing Dean to, without warning, return the noise of contentment.

 

Cas pulls away from Dean’s neck to purr with satisfaction, and he licks the wound for a few seconds before allowing himself to admire his handiwork. Dean notices that his eyes are once again red, and that they a firmly fixated on the bite that is making the left side of Dean’s neck sting in protest.

 

“Mate,” the alpha chants out, his voice low- wolfish, hungry- as his eyes trail up Dean’s neck to meet the hybrid’s gaze, “My mate. My Dean.”

 

“Uh, my Cas?” Dean parrots carefully, and he swallows nervously as he waits for Cas’- or, his wolf’s, as Dean is guessing right now- reaction.

 

Cas begins to lower himself, making Dean think that he’s messed up and committed a faux pas or something, only to rub his face along the edge of Dean’s jaw.

 

“Perfect. All _mine._ ”

 

Dean nods slowly, “Yes, Cas. All yours.”

 

Cas’ hips begin to snap forward almost painfully into Dean’s, “Mine to _breed._ Mine to _fill._ ”

 

“Uh, okay, that’s definitely not-” Dean’s cut off as another rough thrust tugs harshly on delicate areas, “Cas, come on, that _hurts._ ”

 

The wolf doesn’t seem to care all that much, because it goes back to Dean’s neck, “Smells funny…”

 

Dean’s about to ask what that means when Cas’ nail- or claw, rather- digs into his skin.

 

“ _Christ!”_ Dean shrieks, and he flails to grab at Cas’ wrist, “Stop it! That hurts-”

 

Something is yanked out of him, and for a moment, Dean thinks it might be his jugular or something else vital, but as moments pass and his vision remains blurry from forming tears, he guesses that maybe he got lucky.

 

Despite the pain, Dean turns his head to find a growling, wolfed out Cas. Except, this time, he’s growling at himself, specifically, his hand and what’s in it. There, in between his fingers, is some weird, black rectangle that makes Dean’s eyes widen.

 

“Cas, what’s- what’s that? …”

 

Dean shouldn’t have spoken, because Cas’ eyes turn to him, and he snarls.

 

“Mate!? _Where is mate!?”_

 

Dean furrows his brow in confusion, because- _hello-_ he’s right here, but Cas’ wolf doesn’t seem to think so.

 

“What have you done to mate!?”

 

“Cas, it’s me!”

 

The alpha’s head swivels around the room, as if to survey it, and he doesn’t find what he’s searching for apparently, because he’s, once again, roaring in Dean’s face, “Mate gone! Where is mate!?”

 

The alpha struggles to get away from Dean, and thankfully, he and Cas must’ve done enough before all of this, because he slips out easily enough. Dean scrambles to pick up some of the covers to hide himself away.

 

“Cas, it’s _me,_ I swear! I’m Dean!”

 

“Sound like mate! But _not_ mate!” Cas’ glare is down right terrifying, “ _Other alpha!”_

 

Dean is confused until he remembers what Cas had told him.

 

“ _They noted that you only ever acted like an alpha whenever you’re in danger. It’s like you have another person in you or something, like a schizophrenic. Except this time, it’s an alpha who doesn’t want you to get hurt._ ”

 

Before Dean can really think about what to do next, Cas charges at him, and instincts take control. Suddenly, Dean is on the offensive, and he’s circling around Cas with just as much venom as his lips pull back in warning.

 

Cas’ eyes remain red, and he returns the gesture as his fist tightens over whatever he pulled out of Dean’s neck. This must have been a bad decision or something, because Cas is instantly going batshit crazy as Dean takes the next step.

 

“Stole mate! Hid mate! _Killed mate!”_ he roars, and he leaps at Dean in a mess of tangled, spastic limbs.

 

The wolf inside Dean, thankfully, isn’t ready to just roll over and expose its belly like before. No, it’s shifted into alpha mode to protect Dean, just like Cas had told him it would.

 

They fall into one heap on the floor, and they’re both roaring at each other in a way that makes Dean’s rushing blood curdle. Cas’ nails are lengthened into claws, and they’re scraping jagged gouges into the wooden floor next to Dean’s head since Dean is pushing him away. Both of Dean's hands are pressed against Cas' bare chest, and his muscles are shaking with how much he's having to hold back.

 

“What happened to mate!?”

 

Cas' wolf is practically begging now.

 

So is Dean, “Come back to me, Cas, come on.”

 

Dean takes Cas’ hand with his own and places it on the bite. Their fingers slip around one another for a moment, but thankfully, Cas’ wolf isn’t taking the sudden proximity has an opening to rip Dean’s throat apart. Instead, the alpha is whimpering. Dean doesn’t know why.

 

“Don’t you remember, Cas?”

 

It looks like Cas is one second away from breaking apart into tiny little pieces- ones that Dean will surely have to string back together with kind words and hushed whispers. Dean’s eyes close for a moment, praying that Cas’ wolf won’t take it as a sign of whatever, but mostly as a chance to attack Dean. Nothing happens though, and for that, Dean is grateful.

 

“Cas, it’s _me,_ ” Dean pleads brokenly, and he brings up his bloodied hand to Cas’ face as it begins to switch between an expression of blind rage and frantic panic, “We need you. _I_ _need you._ ”

 

A few seconds pass, and during them, Dean thinks that he might have actually lost Cas to his wolf for good, but as Cas’ eyes begin to dull from the vibrant red to their actual shade of dark blue, Dean can’t help but sigh in relief. Cas’ eyebrows scrunch at the sight before him until he notices the blood that’s smearing his and Dean’s hands. He yanks himself back as though he’d been burned.

 

Of course, that’s when Sammy decides that he should barge in.

 

To cut it short, the youngest Winchester looks horrified at the sight of his naked brother, but furious at the alpha that looms over him. It only worsens when Sammy notices the blood.

 

“What did you do!?”

 

“Oh god, _not this again,_ ” Dean grabs a sheet and wraps it around himself hastily, “Sammy, hold on before you go jumping to conclusions.”

 

“Jumping? Dean, what- ugh, look, this is a pretty compromising thing to walk in on, so sorry if I’m thinking that something bad happened to you _again._ ”

 

Cas, who still seems to be shocked into complete silence, does not defend himself from what Sammy is implying. He only stares at the blank space before him.

 

“Sammy, there’s a reason as to why this happened, and it has nothing to do with Cas.”

 

The other alpha looks at Dean’s neck and at the marks on the wooden floor with an accusing expression on his features, “Oh, really? He did _nothing?”_

 

Dean sighs, “He had his reasons, Sammy. Just- let me explain everything first before you go all overprotective alpha brother on his ass, okay?”

 

Sammy only nods, but he lets his gaze settle on to Cas with a strong amount of “if-my-brother-weren’t-here-and-you-weren’t-my-mate’s-brother-I-would-murder-you-myself” written all over his face. Oh, and before you judge, there really isn’t any word in the English language to accurately describe that level of pissed offness.

 

“Cas and I decided to go ahead and mate-”

 

“ _Dean-”_

 

“You agreed to wait!” Dean whines childishly.

 

Sammy groans as he rubs at his face, “Technically, I didn’t. But just- ugh, go on, Dean.”

 

Dean huffs, “Thank you… Now, as I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me,” Sammy face palms at that, “Cas and I mated, but only because we were having trouble getting a mental connection.”

 

“I’m guessing that you two thought if you finished bonding that it would help?”

 

“Yeah, I mean, this whole handprint fiasco happened last time we tried to do some mental scoping,” Dean gestures to the arm in question, “Either way, we did the deed and then Cas’ wolf kinda got pissy.”

 

Sam snorts, “Yeah, no surprise there.”

 

Cas still makes no attempt to defend himself.

 

“That’s actually not his fault.”

 

Sammy looks like he’s about to argue when Dean walks over to Cas to grab his closed hand. The alpha doesn’t refuse Dean access to the inside of his fist, because his hand opens without much resistance. Laying there on the crimson-stained palm is the black chip thing that had been inside Dean’s neck.

 

“ _This-”_ Dean picks it up between his fingertips to show it to his brother, “is what caused his wolf to snap.”

 

As if his trance had been broken, Cas’ wolf seems to find a threat in that thing or something, because he’s right back to growling like before. His eyes are red and everything.

 

“See?”

 

Sammy steps forward then to pull Dean back, “We need to get it and you away from him, Dean.”

 

“Ugh, fine. But you can’t stay either. He got territorial with my alpha side, and lord knows what will happen if that beef happens between you two.”

 

The statement causes the other alpha to look at Dean in concern as they close the door behind them, leaving Cas to pace the room as his displeased rumble bellows out, “He fought you because he thought- ... Doesn't he know your scent and stuff?”

 

“I think that this chip made his wolf lose the ability to recognize me or something,” Dean murmurs, “Everything had been going fine until Cas bit into my neck.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Dean sighs, and he pulls the already ruined sheets over the wound in question, “His wolf must’ve smelled it, because he kept sniffing there. He even said that it smelt weird.”

 

Sammy looks at the tiny black square in Dean’s hand with some defeat in his gaze, “Well, what are we going to do now?”

 

“For starters, I’m going to let Cas reign his wolf back in before I try talking to him. In the meantime, I’m going to try and look through the files of the USB that Zachariah left to see if I can find anything relative to whatever this is, because I’m sure that asshole is the one who put it in my neck.”

 

Sammy doesn’t contradict that accusation, “What do you want me to do?”

 

“Tend to Gabe and see if you can manage to find anything in Cas’ past that might set him off or- I don’t know. Look, this thing really bothers Cas, and I want to know why. Zachariah seems like the kind of vindictive, sadistic bastard who would put a personal touch on his torture devices.”

 

Again, Sammy makes no argument, “Alright, I’ll see what I can dig up. Good luck.”

 

Dean nods, “Yeah, to you too.”

 

Just as Dean’s walking away, his brother stops him, “Dean?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Sammy looks down at the floor for a moment, and then he glances back up again, “If- if Cas doesn’t- … You know that I’ll take care of it, right?”

 

Dean swallows uneasily as a whine rises in his chest, causing Sammy to grimace at the horrified expression that is more than likely on his face, “I do…”

 

Before Sammy can make any promises to put Cas down like the dog he might become, Dean stumbles down the hallway in hopes to save his mate before his wolf takes over.

 

**…**

 

(Day 8)

 

“Sammy, this is it.”

 

The alpha looks up from where he’s holding Gabe’s limp hand within his own, “What did you find?”

 

Dean sets the small packet of paper down, “Vial one-ninety-three. It took me a bit to figure out what ‘A. Irr.’ meant until it dawned on me…”

 

“Alpha irritant,” the two say at once.

 

The hybrid nods, “Yeah, exactly. They apparently tested it on me while they still had the chance. They must have put a test trial thing in me or something.”

 

“Were they trying to keep any alphas away from you while you were there?”

 

“No, but… Maybe they did it because I was supposed to help out Michael.”

 

Sammy stares at his older brother in confusion, “Who’s Michael?”

 

“His last name isn’t Scott, but he’s Zachariah’s younger brother,” Dean begins, “He has some disorder where alphas can’t sate him during a heat. They thought that maybe I could come in and help him out or something. This thing might have kept alphas away from me so I could focus on Michael or some shit.”

 

“Well, it doesn’t really matter about _why_ they did it anymore,” Sammy rubs at his hair as Gabe shifts in his sleep, “Has Cas recovered?”

 

“I haven’t seen him since last night,” Dean informs his brother, “I went into our room and he was gone... I think- I think he might have ran off on me again…”

 

“I’m guessing that things aren’t all perfect in paradise?”

 

Dean shakes his head, “No, it’s not like that… It’s just- we’re under a lot of stress. You know, with Gabe being sick, with Zachariah breathing down our necks, and even with Cas’ wolf acting out just because it can. It’s a miracle that Cas and I haven’t fought like this sooner, honestly.”

 

“Speaking of which, I think I know why it affected Cas so badly.”

 

Dean raises a brow.

 

“Gabe was telling me about Cas’ relationship. Apparently, he used to help beekeep with Amelia,” Dean tries not to twitch at the name, but he remains still as a stone as Sammy goes on, “Your scent was a little weird when you came back. I didn’t think anything about it at first, but… Dean, you smelled like honey for a bit.”

 

“Of fucking course,” Dean murmurs, “Of course I’d end up reminding Cas and his wolf of that mess.”

 

“Dean, this isn’t your fault-”

 

Dean shakes his head, “I know it isn’t, but _god damn,_ Sammy. That’s still pretty shitty.”

 

The youngest Winchester shrugs, “Yeah, I guess it is…”

 

“Just- I’ll be back, okay?” Dean looks over his shoulder to see Sammy return to fretting over Gabe, “Keep an eye on him.”

 

“When don’t I?” Sammy murmurs, and he brushes a few stray bands of hair out of Gabe’s face.

 

Dean’s mood sours a little more at the sight, but he shakes his head and forces himself to walk away.

 

He’s got his own mate to worry about.

 

Thankfully, it doesn’t take long to find the alpha in question. Either Cas knows that it’s a little irrational to go running off into the forest, because really, that’s just asking for it, or he just wants to stay close just in case something happens. It doesn’t matter as to why Cas didn’t stray too far, because Dean is grateful for it nonetheless.

 

The hybrid comes up behind his mate, and his words are soft as they are spoken, “Hey, Cas.”

 

The alpha stops looking at and touching some bud on a branch, and his hand falls back to his side slowly, “I’m assuming that you found something.”

 

Wow, Cas. Way to be welcoming.

 

Dean clears his throat, “Uh, yeah, I did. It’s right here in this packet. It’s under ‘vial one-ninety-three’.”

 

Dean holds out the papers, but Cas makes no move towards them. Dean ushers them forward once more, only to get a warning growl in response.

 

“I don’t want to read them, Dean.”

 

“Yeah, well, I don’t want you to be an ass either, but it seems like both of us aren’t getting what we want.”

 

The other werewolf sighs, “Dean, not now, please.”

 

“Not now? You’re going to tell me that this- this- _whatever_ this is- can’t happen now?” Dean scoffs incredulously, “Cas, in case you haven’t noticed, we don’t really have time to fuck around. I even remember you telling me that more than once.”

 

Cas’ shoulders tense, but he still refrains from facing Dean head on, “While I know that time is scarce, I don’t want to talk about this-”

 

“We have to, Cas, whether you and I like it or not,” Dean rubs at his face with his free hand, and his other with the papers falls to his side once more, “What happened last night, while shitty, needs to be discussed. I know that you’re probably hating on yourself right now, but you’ve got to brush that self-worth issue out of the way so we can focus on why all of that happened.”

 

“Dean, _drop it,_ ” Cas growls in warning, but Dean doesn’t back off.

 

“Will you just _listen_ to me-”

 

Cas turns around with a snarl, and Dean finds himself scrambling back a few steps in fear.

 

His eyes are red.

 

“C-Cas?”

 

The alpha must notice that something is up, or he already knows about the issue, because he quickly returns to facing the tree as he was before. This time, however, Dean is trying to find out if he can manage to hold his breath for even a second.

 

“I- I’m sorry…”

 

Dean’s heart races like a rabbit’s whenever it’s stalked.

 

“I meant to tell you, but- … My eyes haven’t changed back,” Cas’ voice begins to crack as he goes on with the admission, “My control is slipping.”

 

“But you’re going to be okay, right?” Dean takes a hesitant step closer, “You’re going to still be Cas?”

 

Cas’ head hangs lower as the seconds press on, “I’m afraid that my wolf is winning, Dean… Just this morning, I snapped on a beta because my wolf thought that them not baring their neck to me was a sign of defiance.”

 

“But that’s true, right?”

 

“Not when they’re blind, it’s not,” Cas rubs at his face, “Dean, I don’t- I don’t know how much longer that I’ll have left until I can’t pull back from that.”

 

Dean’s eyes begin to blur with tears, and his hand outstretches itself to reach for Cas’ shoulder. It’s as though the alpha will slip away at any moment, right past the tips of Dean’s pleading fingers- as if the alpha will turn into dust, and Dean will be left among the ashes of what was once someone he’d completely and utterly loved.

 

It reminds Dean of losing Adam. It reminds him of the pain- the heartbreak. It reminds Dean about how affected he and Sammy were afterwards, about how they wouldn’t eat and how they barely slept. They’d stare at blank walls for hours on end, wishing for their brother to come back- to be anywhere but that shallow grave that John broke down over- as they picked at the sodden dirt underneath their untrimmed fingernails from when they helped bury him.

 

It’s a burn and an ache that Dean can never quite forget- and here it is again, greedly wrapping its flames around Cas to singe the humanity out of him, only to leave the wolf. God- Dean thought that he’d never have to go through the process of losing someone like that again, let alone his own _mate,_ for Christ’s sake-

 

“You’re crying…”

 

Dean yanks his hand back from Cas’ shoulder, thinking better about the contact, since it might set of the other’s already temperamental wolf. He brings his fingers up to his cheek slowly, and it’s there that he finds freshly shed tears.

 

“I- I guess that I am…”

 

“I’m sorry,” Cas blurts, “I- I don’t want to have to put you through this again.”

 

Dean’s inhale is shaky as more tears stream down his face, “You make it sound like you’re about to slip away…”

 

“Maybe I am, Dean. Who knows how long I’ve got left, exactly? …” the alpha, surprisingly, comes up to Dean so he can wrap his arms around his mate, “Either way, I’ll try to stay as long as I can.”

 

At that promise, Dean sobs outright, “Ugh, _you ass…_ Why can’t you tell your wolf to fuck off?”

 

Cas snorts softly, and his arms encase Dean a little tighter as the hybrid cries into his shirt, “Because I can’t, and you know that as well as I do… Dean, I- I never meant to hurt you like this.”

 

Dean shakes his head, “It’s not your fault- and last night too, that wasn’t you either.”

 

“But Dean-”

 

“Zachariah put some device thing in my neck,” Dean begins, and he doesn’t remove his face from Cas’ chest in fear of his mate fading into the wind like an afterthought, “He made it to piss off your wolf. That’s what you found when you bit me, and that’s what caused your wolf to go batshit.”

 

Cas is stiff by the end of it, and he pulls Dean away from him just a little bit, only enough to where they can meet the other’s gaze, “Do you think he might anything to do with my wolf making me go rogue?”

 

“H-He might,” Dean’s throat moves painfully as he swallows, “but I’m not sure. He’s definitely making things worse, I k-know that much for certain.”

 

Cas pulls Dean back against him, and he sets his head on top of Dean’s, “God, Dean, I am so sorry.”

 

The hybrid closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath, “I wish that we didn’t have to act like you’re about to leave me in the next second…”

 

“I know, but Dean-” Cas pauses for a moment, “If- If I do go rogue, I can’t promise if I won’t hurt you or not-”

 

“Please, I don’t want to go down this road…”

 

Cas exhales softly over the shell of Dean’s ear, “It seems like both of us aren’t getting what we want today.”

 

Well, _that_ just makes Dean want to cry a lot.

 

“Dean, we need to discuss what you need to do if it happens,” the alpha murmurs, and suddenly, Dean finds himself sobbing into his shirt, “I know that it hurts, Dean, but- we have to… Just in case.”

 

Dean shakes his head, “But I don’t want have to think about losin’ you, Cas! I don’t want to have to talk about putting you down like some _rabid dog!”_

 

“I know that you don’t want to, but we have to, Dean. I could snap, or worse, and I may hurt someone,” Cas wraps his arms around Dean, as if to hold onto his mate before he can’t anymore, “We need to plan for the worst before it happens.”

 

Dean wants to breakdown right there in Cas’ arms, because even though Cas is hanging on a string right about now, his embrace seems like a hell of a good place to do it. So Dean does.

 

He whimpers as he grips onto the fabric of Cas’ tee tightly, and he fights back a wave of nausea that rocks his poor stomach back and forth relentlessly. The hybrid whines high in his throat at the thought of losing his mate, and he finds himself latching onto any inch of Cas that his desperate grip can reach.

 

“I’m haven’t left yet,” the alpha murmurs.

 

_Yet._

 

There it is. The unspoken truth.

 

The one about how Cas is going to shift into his wolf- about how he isn’t going to shift back. It’s like a war they’ve been fighting is coming to a close, and they both know that they will not come out of it as the victors.

 

“H-How long?”

 

“I’m not certain, but with the rate that my control has been deteriorating…” Cas trails off for a moment, “Maybe a few months, at best.”

 

“Don’t say ‘at best’,” Dean hisses, “Nothing about that is good.”

 

Cas sighs in sudden irritation, “Would you rather have me tell you that I only have days instead?”

 

The hybrids quiets for a moment, “You _really_ don’t have to be an ass right now.”

 

“I didn’t-” the alpha makes a noise, “Sorry, it’s just- my wolf is irritable if nothing else… I didn’t mean to snap on you.”

 

“We really don’t have long then, do we?”

 

Cas waits for a few seconds, and his eyes are soft with a sadness that Dean has never seen before, even when they had spoken about Amelia, “No, we don’t.”

 

Dean tries to ground himself with a long, deep breath, “Then we need to focus on getting this Zachariah thing out of the way while we still can.”

 

“Any ideas on what we should do?”

 

“I think that we should see if we can do mental stuff with Gabe.”

 

Cas’ jaw drops, “But you’re not really ready yet-”

 

“Then we’re just going to have to wing it,” Dean grits out, “We don’t have much of a choice, Cas. Your control is slipping and time is running out. We don’t have many options here.”

 

“But we could screw something up-”

 

Dean shuts Cas up with a peck of his lips, and he means to go on about how they don’t have the luxury of waiting- or basically everything that’s already been said a hundred times before- but Cas seems adamant on kissing Dean.

 

It’s on the fourth or fifth breath that Dean remembers that they haven’t really kissed much before this, and now that Cas’ wolf threatens to take everything- to take _Cas-_ away, that maybe the alpha wants to put these moments away for safe keeping.

 

“Cas,” his name rolls off of Dean’s tongue with an exhale, and Dean can feel the other werewolf’s hands snake up the hem of his shirt, “D-Do you think that now is a good time?”

 

“Question of the year,” Cas sighs and sets his forehead against Dean’s, “I know that we shouldn’t, but… Give me this, Dean, please. Just give me one chance to love you while I can.”

 

The alpha is pleading Dean realizes, and yeah, the hybrid starts that whole crying thing again.

 

Dean bites his lip for a moment, and he can’t help but feel Cas’ hands on him as they trace over him- as they commit him to memory- and he can’t help at feeling just as desperate as Cas is.

 

“Just be careful,” Dean chokes out, and Cas perks up, “I don’t fancy having bark scrape my back or anything.”

 

Cas smiles, “I wasn’t going to put you against a tree, Dean. In fact, I’ve already picked out a spot.”

 

“You’ve planned this out?”

 

Cas begins to lead Dean away with his hand, “I did this before everything had happened, weirdly enough. I knew that you were my mate, or at least, my wolf did while I was still trying to figure you out. It was after you went into heat, and I just- _knew._ I found this a day afterwards, and I’ve been meaning to bring you along to it for some time now.”

 

“Well, we have been busy recently.”

 

Cas huffs, “Don’t we all know it.”

 

Dean is about to make some sarcastic remark until he can’t. Words are lost to complete surprise when Dean comes upon what he thinks to be a network of holes formed in the side of a huge hill. Lush grass covers the ground, and trees shroud the area.

 

Dean lets go of Cas’ hand to walk forward a few steps, “W-What’s this?”

 

“It’s some old group of dens that I stumbled across,” Cas says from behind Dean, “I don’t know who made them or where they are, but going by the stale scents, they certainly aren’t here anymore.”

 

Dean opens his mouth only to close it, and he turns to his mate, “This isn’t some werewolf lingo thing, is it?”

 

“It might be,” Cas murmurs.

 

“You know that you’re going to have to explain. I’m still learning that stuff.”

 

Cas smiles, and he comes up to Dean’s side, “It’s called courting.”

 

“Courting,” Dean parrots stupidly.

 

“Yes, it’s for when an alpha is trying to impress their mate.”

 

Dean blushes, “But you know, we already did the do, so… I don’t see why you would try to make my wolf and me feel like a princess.”

 

Cas’ grin grows, “It’s mostly because I want to. You deserve to feel pampered, Dean.”

 

“Well, what does this den set up mean in Balto-language?”

 

The alpha is suddenly pulling Dean closer, and his chuckle makes Dean shiver as it vibrates against the shell of the hybrid’s ear, “Think of it as a home proposal.”

 

“A h-home?” Dean tries not to feel embarrassed as Cas’ fingertips slightly slip past the band of his jeans, “Uh, sorry to judge your gift, Cas, but there’s only two of us. This place is like, a set up for an entire pack.”

 

Cas nods, “I know.”

 

“But there’s going to be so much empty space in there if we move out of the pack house and into here,” Dean looks towards the earthy home in question, “It’s going to take up to twenty people to fill this dang thing.”

 

“I know,” the alpha repeats.

 

Dean makes a face at his mate, “You certainly are letting me know why in the hell you’re giving this to me with so much empty space.”

 

“Dean,” Cas begins, and he saunters a little closer, “what do you do when things are empty?”

 

“You throw it out?”

 

Cas smiles at that, “Pertaining to some things, that is true, but what about a house?”

 

Dean furrows his brow out of frustration, “Cas, I’m really not getting this.”

 

“Dean, when you’re house is empty, you fill it.”

 

“Or you could move,” Dean looks back to the dens again, “I mean, the gift is appreciated, Cas, but I don’t want to be labeled a hoarder. It’s going to take a lot of things to fill this place.”

 

The alpha sighs, “You ruined the moment.”

 

“No I didn’t,” Dean feels like he’s sounding like some kid whenever a teacher accuses them of something, “I just don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me here.”

 

“Dean, we’re not going to fill this with items, we’re going to fill it with people.”

 

Dean shakes his head, “Yeah, but why would you move your pack out of the house when-”

 

“I’m talking about having kids, Dean.”

 

“Oh…”

 

“Yes, _oh._ ”

 

The hybrid knows that the shade of red he must be at the moment is probably something close to comical, “I, uh, wow. I’m stupid.”

 

Cas chuckles, “No, you’re just slow sometimes. That’s okay, though. It’s different.”

 

The alpha begins to lead Dean towards the dens, “Different how?”

 

“Gabe always figures out what his gifts or surprises are before they are even given to him or put together. I remember that for his birthday one year, I was setting up a party at a fancy restaurant. You could only imagine the face that the usher made whenever I came an hour early, only to find out that the guest of honor had beaten me there and had already ate two appetizers while he waited for me.”

 

Dean blinks, “Wow. Remind me to never get his presents early.”

 

“Doesn’t matter if you wait till last minute,” Cas mutters somewhat bitterly as they begin to near the main entrance, “He’ll remind you about it, and maybe, if he’s feeling generous enough, he’ll tell you that he’s already wrapped it up for himself and that he’ll act surprised when he opens it.”

 

“I’m just going to skip your brother whenever it’s Christmas, then,” Dean’s comment makes the alpha laugh.

 

Cas begins to undress, which, of course, makes Dean blush, but the alpha remains so nonchalant about it that Dean finds his reaction a little unwarranted. Besides, they’ve already seen each other naked. Why would now be so different?

 

“You’re staring,” he smirks as he comments on Dean’s behavior, “Like what you see?”

 

Dean swallows awkwardly, “I, um…”

 

“Didn’t you tease me about being flustered before?” Cas comes a little closer, and his teeth poke out from under his stretched lips, “Huh, I guess that the tables have turned this time around, haven’t they?”

 

“Look at this photograph…” Dean mumbles as Cas closes in, “Every time I do it makes me laugh…”

 

Cas’ playful smirk disappears, and what’s left on his features is a scowl as he gazes judgmentally at his mate, “Are you singing _Nickleback,_ Dean?”

 

The hybrid clears his throat, “How did our eyes get so red? … And what the hell is on Joey's head?”

 

“Dean-”

 

“And this is where I grew up… I think the present owner fixed it up…”

 

Cas groans, “ _Stop-”_

 

“I never knew we'd ever went without… The second floor is hard for sneaking out…”

 

The alpha rolls his eyes, “Ugh, nevermind.”

 

Dean breathes out a sigh of relief, “Oh good, I wasn’t exactly ready for a thrashing just yet.”

 

“You are so lewd.”

 

“Yet you love me, doofus,” Dean begins to undress then, believing that it’s safe.

 

It isn’t.

 

When Dean finishes getting his tee over his head, he finds that Cas is staring at him almost hungrily.

 

“Uh, Cas?”

 

The alpha doesn’t respond. He only stares.

 

Dean swallows awkwardly, but continues undressing.

 

He hears the low rumble begin off to the side as he starts to undo the button on his jeans. Normally, Dean would flirt like a motherfucker in this situation, but with Cas’ wolf and all of that other stuff, he’s not too keen on finding out where that line between humanity and wolf begins in his mate.

 

“Dean,” his name is rough and is spoken lowly.

 

Dean looks up from where he’s beginning to pull down his fly, “Sup.”

 

Cas’ gaze is fixated on the zipper held between his fingers, “D-Did you go _commando?”_

 

“I might have,” the hybrid furrows his brow, “Is that a bad thing? I mean, it doesn’t really hurt or chafe, despite popular belief. If anything, it feels a whole lot better. If you want me to stop, then I’ll try, but I might slip up because I’ve been doing this for years.”

 

Cas’ eye twitches, “Years? …”

 

“Yeah, years,” Dean says nonchalantly, “I remember I scared Sammy to death once. He thought it would’ve been funny to pants me or somethin’. It didn’t really work out for either of us. We still don’t want to talk about it.”

 

The alpha’s throat flexes with a gulp, “Y-You flashed your brother?”

 

“It wasn’t like I _meant_ to,” Dean turns around so he can finish undoing his fly, because yes, he does like some privacy just in case some delicates might get caught in the zip, “At first he was like ‘ _ohmygod_ did I pull down your underwear’ and I was just like, ‘no because I’m not wearing any’ and yeah, that sitch was a clusterfuck.”

 

For a second, Dean thinks that he can hear a growl from Cas, but as he raises his head up in confusion, the sound dissipates as quickly as it had come. He goes back to his fly, and with a smile, it comes undone without catching anything. Dean begins to bend down to pull of his shoes when another growl stops him short.

 

The hybrid looks over his shoulder to see Cas staring blatantly, “Uh, Cas? Are you eyeing my ass?”

 

“I might be,” he murmurs.

 

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Dean smiles, and he pats the left cheek appreciatively, causing Cas to lick his lips, “ _On the floor! My girl got a loose caboose! On the floor! My Julie got a booty!”_

 

“ _Monkeybone?”_

 

Dean shrugs, “It was on Netflix and I was bored.”

 

The alpha stills seems distracted, though, “Speaking of bone…”

 

“And you said that _I’m_ lewd,” Dean scoffs as he pulls of his shoes, “But look at you, over here talkin’ ‘bout dicks n’ shit.”

 

Cas only smiles.

 

“Well, just keep yourself in check,” Dean says as he pulls down his jeans.

 

There’s a strained whine from behind him.

 

“Cas?” Dean turns to see Cas holding himself back, “You’re good, right?”

 

Cas’ eyes have shifted into a brighter, starker shade of red, “My wolf is a little pleased with recent developments.”

 

Dean laughs softly, and he strikes a random, ridiculous pose, “Is my body good enough, senpai?”

 

“If this is how you talk dirty, then I’d have to say I’m unimpressed.”

 

Dean gawks at his mate, “ _Excuse you._ This ass is first class, mind you, and it can prance itself all the way back into the house-”

 

“Are you taunting me?”

 

“Bitch I might be,” Dean puts his hands on the jut of his hips and looks at Cas, “Now, no pun intended, I think that we’ve spent enough time fucking around.”

 

Cas rolls his eyes lightly, “Fine, but understand that I’m going to remember this for later.”

 

Dean smirks, “I’m counting on it, _alpha._ ”

 

Oh! There it is! The ‘bedroom eyes’- well, more like blood red irises that make it seem like a puzzle that Cas just wants to take apart. Well, he’ll never be able to put it together or whatever, because you know, shit be cray. Not only that, Dean and Cas had already tried that shit, except the puzzle was a coffee table from IKEA.

 

_“Okay, that’s it,” Dean throws the plastic peg onto the ground with a growl, “I’ve read these damn instructions at least a thousand times, and it’s still not working or something. This shit is officially labeled as defective.”_

_Cas snorts off to the side, “Really? Last time I checked them, that piece goes to this one-”_

_“Oh, good for you, you god damn furniture guru,” Dean hisses, “If you’re so good at it, then you fix this piece of shit. But, I don’t think that you’ll get that far since it’s nothing but a hunk of junk.”_

_The alpha glares at his mate, “It’s not a ‘hunk of junk’, Dean. It’s just a nightstand.”_

_“Yeah, a shit one. Like look at this,” Dean holds up one of the legs beside another to show the difference between the squares, “This one is an inch short or whatever. I think it might have gotten sawed wrong or chipped.”_

_“Dean, it’s not broken,” Cas grits out, and he comes over to show Dean the illustration of all of the parts, “That’s the drawer’s knob. This model only has three legs, not four.”_

_The hybrid groans, “It’s not my fault that you bought one of those ‘modern’ designs.”_

_“Whatever. I’ll just return it.”_

 

Cas had stormed off after that to go return- yeah okay, you get the point by now.

 

Either way, it doesn’t change the fact that the alpha is looking at Dean like he could ravish the hell out of him at any given moment.

 

“So, um, what now?”

 

“I’m guessing that I should let you explore the dens,” Cas says easily, but his eyes darken in a way that makes Dean wonder if that’s really all there is to this, “Go ahead and shift. I’ll catch up to you.”

 

Dean nods, and his gaze falls away from Cas awkwardly. He shifts quickly, and he knows that by the deep rumble off to the side that he should head inside now.

 

Dean’s snout goes in first, and he quickly pushes himself in through the entryway before Cas can jump him. The hybrid sniffs around, and he can see what Cas was saying about the stale scents. His wolf’s interest is peaked as he begins to scent the inside of what seems to be the main den.

 

_Home, mate provided us with home._

 

His wolf purrs inside of his head as Dean continues exploring, and meanwhile, the wolf continues its chanting.

 

_Mate gave us home for pack. Room for pups._

 

If Dean were in human form, he would be blushing a horrid shade of red by this point.

 

“ _Shush, will you?”_ Dean whispers to himself, or rather, to his wolf, “ _I get what it means. You don’t have to be doin’ some mental ritual for me to understand._ ”

 

There’s a shuffle from the entryway, and Dean pivots to see Cas’ black form come through, “ _What are your thoughts so far?”_

 

“ _Spacious,_ ” Dean blurts, only to realize that he must’ve said the alpha’s safe word or some shit, because Cas’ huge-pupil eyes are back, “ _Uh, it’s also a little musty._ ”

 

“ _It’s the old scents,_ ” he rumbles, and he comes closer to Dean to rub against him with a low purr, “ _We can replace them soon enough with our own._ ”

 

Take that back from earlier, Dean’s sure that his fur must change tint or something, because Cas seems to be wholly aware of the effect he is having on the hybrid.

 

“ _Well, I, uh,_ ” Dean hates being flustered, ugh, “ _I’m sure that we will one day._ ”

 

Dean takes the silence from Cas to keep on inspecting his gift, and with a gulp, Dean pads forward through the dugout tunnels to see other parts of the vast network. His wolf is still being an ass as he continues on exploring, because it keeps ranting and raving about Cas’ ability to provide and to protect- and wow, Dean is so not used to this influx of canine-speak.

 

It doesn’t matter either way, because Dean’s thoughts are ripped away from his wolf to what’s in front of him as he comes across an even bigger den than the one he first walked into. In fact, it’s so big that Dean knows that he’ll have ample room to stand up in human form.

 

However, the sight that has him gaping are the furs and blankets covering the floor, and that there are small shelf-like spaces dug out of the walls to hold candles.

 

“ _I made a few changes,_ ” Cas’ sudden voice makes Dean jolt a little, but he turns to face his mate as he comes up beside him, “ _I thought that it would be nice to make it more comfortable and homey._ ”

 

“ _Cas, this is-”_ Dean’s muzzle opens and closes for a few moments, “ _Wow, this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me._ ”

 

At that, the alpha’s chest puffs out proudly, “ _I was supposed to make a skylight or something similar, but time wasn’t permitting._ ”

 

“ _Why a skylight?”_

 

“ _I’d imagined that you’d like to sleep under the stars or in warm sunlight without risking yourself to whatever might be outside,_ ” Cas licks behind Dean’s ear affectionately, “ _I want you to be safe and relaxed._ ”

 

Dean gives in to his wolf’s pleading by leaning into Cas’ touches, “ _Well, thanks, Cas. It means a lot._ ”

 

“ _It’s what mates are supposed to do for one another._ ”

 

The hybrid looks down at his paws, “ _I don’t mean to be a buzzkill here, but… There’s not much that I can give you, is there?”_

 

“ _There is one thing,_ ” the alpha murmurs, and that’s when he nips on Dean’s scruff.

 

It’s all over then.

 

Dean flops down to expose his belly almost instantly, and he whines in the back of his throat as he presents himself to his mate. The other werewolf is on him in seconds, and he’s purring at the offer that Dean is giving him.

 

“ _I’ll do it right this time,_ ” Cas whispers as he licks Dean’s face softly, “ _I won’t let the wolf take over like it had._ ”

 

Dean’s breath comes out roughly, “ _But Cas-”_

 

“ _I’ll do whatever I can to keep it from stealing this moment away from me,_ ” he presses his now human nose into Dean’s scruff, “It’s not taking this from me. Not this time.”

 

Dean decides to shift himself, and when he opens his eyes, Cas is staring at him warmly, “Hey there, Cas.”

 

“Hello, Dean.”

 

Dean knows that, going by the look in Cas’ eyes, the smile on his face must be a sight to see. The alpha rumbles happily as he goes back to nosing Dean’s neck like he had been before.

 

“I’m going to love you like I should,” Cas states, and that’s when he moves down Dean’s body by kissing him as he lowers himself.

 

“What do you mean by that?” Dean asks as he shifts lightly, and he only stops when he’s leaning on his elbows.

 

The alpha looks up from the jut of Dean’s hip bone to smile, “Let me show you.”

 

Dean opens his mouth to say something, but instead of having words slip out, a moan does instead, because Cas is- well, he is mouthy when he wants to be, isn’t he?

 

The furs are soft against Dean’s back while the blankets are warm, and both of them are what Dean’s hands grip onto as he loses himself to sensation. Cas is thorough in his ministrations, and he makes sure that Dean can feel everything that he’s doing to him down below.

 

“God, _Cas,_ ” the hybrid’s voice is about as steady as his twitching muscles, “Why didn’t you do this sooner?”

 

Cas laps at Dean like he’s getting to eat the finest cuisine that the world has to offer, and when he comes up to talk to the other werewolf, his lips are shiny and glistening with what Dean imagines to be slick, “We didn’t have the time, remember?”

 

“And we do now?”

 

The alpha sighs as he sets his face against the inner side of Dean’s thigh, “This is a treat for both of us, Dean,” Cas’ closes his eyes as he nuzzles Dean’s skin softly, “I meant for our first time to be like this, but like most things recently, it just didn’t happen that way.”

 

“When does it ever?”

 

Cas’ eyes open, and his expression is a little sour as he looks at Dean.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to- …” Dean trails off and averts his gaze from his mate, “I didn’t mean to ruin the moment…”

 

Cas brings himself up to Dean’s face, and as he moves, he lets fingers ghost against Dean’s skin as he passes by, “Dean, is there something you want to tell me?”

 

The hybrid is still looking towards his chest, even as the alpha stops when there is only a few centimeters left in between their faces, “It’s just- Cas… Why can’t we have an ounce of good luck? An iota of happiness? Why are all these things going wrong when we’ve never had anything go right?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Dean pulls Cas’ forehead against his own, “Why am I losing you when I haven’t had a chance to have you yet?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

The hybrid lets out a shaky breath, and he presses chaste kisses over his mate’s face for a few seconds before speaking, “I don’t want to lose you, Cas… Just- why _now,_ out of all times? Why when we’ve just started this together?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Neither do I,” Dean murmurs.

 

Cas rumbles over Dean, and he rubs his face against Dean’s. The hybrid closes his eyes once more to relish the contact, and he lets his hands come up to cup the alpha’s face as they lie against one another.

 

“Cas?”

 

“Yes, Dean?” the alpha pulls back enough to where they can look at each other.

 

Dean swallows, “I was thinking that _I_ could get to love you this time.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

The hybrid gingerly runs his fingertips over Cas’ arms, causing goosebumps to appear on his flesh as he sighs out and leans into the touch, “You shouldn’t spend what time you have left worryin’ about me like this. It seems kind of unfair, you know?”

 

Cas raises his head at that.

 

“I should be able to love you too before you’re gone,” Dean murmurs, “I know that it sounds so damning, but, I don’t want to act like everything’s okay when it’s not. I don’t want to have to feel regret and guilt if the time comes. I want to know that I loved you just as much as you loved me.”

 

The alpha’s eyes get a little watery, and he nuzzles Dean’s neck to fight whatever he must be feeling. Lord knows that Dean feels the same way.

 

Dean flips them over to where Cas is on his back and he’s lying on top of him, causing Cas to make a noise of confusion as Dean takes a deep breath.

 

“Close your eyes,” Dean instructs, watching as the alpha does as he’s told, “Just feel this, okay? Don’t worry about anything else. There’s just us. Nothing more, nothing less.”

 

Dean presses his lips together in a fine line, and he waits a few moments before he kisses Cas’ lips softly. Ever so carefully, Cas kisses Dean back, his lips chasing after Dean’s with a small hint of hunger- like a zesting of desire and want. Dean lets it go on for a few more seconds, just so he can memorize the plush feel of his mate’s lips against his own, that way, when the time comes, he won’t feel as forlorn and broken when he knows that these memories- these precious seconds- will be all he’ll have left to sate an ever growing need to pull Cas close and to keep him there.

 

But we all know that he won’t be able to.

 

So he touches, he feels, he tastes and scents. He does this to Cas until all of his senses are helping him create one of the most vivid memories that he can call his own, and the whole time, Cas believes it to be Dean trying to get his own needs met, but his perception is a little off.

 

You see, Dean needs to remember his mate before he’s completely forgotten.

 

“God, _Dean,_ ” the alpha exhales shakily as Dean’s mouth traces the curve of the other’s collarbone.

 

Dean lets his mouth ghost over the planes of Cas’ flesh until it’s sore and chapped, and even then, he can’t help but bring it back up to Cas’ lips to taste him once more. The alpha’s eyes are still closed as his hand cups up to embed its fingers into Dean’s nape, and once they’re entangled in dirty blonde strands, Dean decides that it’s time to begin the second part of his process.

 

Without breaking the kiss apart, Dean grabs Cas’ member with a fluid flick of the wrist, and he maneuvers it until he can slide back onto it without any issues. Cas’ lips wetly pop off of Dean’s with strands of saliva bridged across the empty space, and they tremble like the threads on a spider’s web when it’s caught something up entirely. Heated breaths brush past both of their faces, and Dean has to take a moment when he’s assaulted by the lovely combination of his and Cas’ scents intertwined in a way the reminds Dean of roots when they grow too close.

 

Dean rocks back onto the alpha with an experimental roll of his hips, causing Cas to gasp and grip onto Dean’s scarred shoulder once more. Pleasure flows through Dean’s veins and in through their bond, and Dean pushes through it to keep on going instead of melting. Cas is a mess of groans and curses beneath him as he moves, and Dean can’t help but smirk affectionately at how disheveled he can make his mate.

 

“You good?” he asks breathily, watching as Cas strains and arches his muscles beneath him.

 

“It’s- it’s a lot to process,” Cas’ mouth is open as he pants.

 

Dean purrs, “You can open your eyes now, if you want…”

 

Cas opens his eyes, and for a moment, they are that perfect blue that Dean has come to adore more than anything. It’s so shocking that Dean stops altogether to just stare at Cas’ irises. The alpha quirks a brow and looks at Dean in confusion.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

However, despite Dean’s high hopes, blue shifts into a purple, and then back into that shade of red that tells Dean he’s going to lose everything he’s ever wanted in just a few short weeks.

 

“Nothing,” Dean murmurs almost bitterly, and he drops his gaze away from Cas’ so he doesn’t break down on top of him pathetically, “It’s nothing.”

 

“Are you okay? If you’re hurting or anything, we can stop-”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

That’s a lie.

 

Cas makes a face, “Are you sure? You don’t sound fine…”

 

“I’m sure, and I _am_ fine. I’m just a little breathless, is all.”

 

_I’m also a little broken on the inside, but hey, there’s more important things here than me._

 

Cas is about to say something else, but the hybrid moves again to distract and cut off his mate, and he hopes that Cas won’t smell the disappointment that is more than likely rolling off of him in unfiltered waves.

 

Thankfully, it works, because Cas is back into it almost instantly. Dean, however, isn’t. He can’t help but keep his mind off of what’s going to happen soon enough, and that somehow, an infinity became something finite.

 

“Just like that,” Cas moans, and he lets his head fall back onto the floor enough to stretch his neck out.

 

Dean goes about it by judging Cas’ reactions. He moves in a way that seems the most pleasurable to the other. He flexes and rocks; he twists and stretches. His hand slides against Cas’- palms sweaty, skin hot- and their fingertips brush each other with each and every move that Dean makes. Dean’s wrist begins to tingle when Cas gingerly grabs onto it, holding onto its pulse point formed by blueberry veins that snake around one another like vines trying to reach the warmth of the sun.

 

Despite Dean’s initial refusal to tend to his own desires, a buzz builds up inside of him nonetheless. He supposes that it plays into their bond, because Cas seems like he’s at the end of his rope as his eyes stare up at Dean in an unfocused, hazy manner.

 

“I love you,” the alpha blurts, and it’s in a way that makes Dean believe he’s high on the adrenaline of sex, “God, I just love you _so fucking much,_ Dean.”

 

“I love you too, Cas,” the hybrid leans back down onto Cas just as they both climax.

 

Cas shudders and grips onto him, locking his palm over his handprint’s mark on Dean’s skin, “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

 

_What did you ever do to lose me?_

 

“I don’t know,” Dean lays his head down on Cas’ chest, grateful for the fact that Cas can’t see the tears that are beginning to fall.

 

He can however, feel them as they land, because he makes a whining noise as he pulls Dean’s gaze to his by a gentle, guiding finger pressed to Dean’s chin.

 

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Cas seems frantic, and his red eyes search all over Dean for some sign of damage, which just makes it hurt all the more.

 

“No, you didn’t,” Dean murmurs.

 

Cas brushes away a tear with the pad of his thumb, “This is about me going rogue, isn’t it?”

 

Dean lowers his gaze to Cas’ chest as, just like a child pouting, his lip trembles stereotypically and he sniffs to keep an embarrassing bubble of snot from escaping.

 

Way to go, Winchester. You cried after having sex. You’re officially now the butt of _your own joke._

 

“Dean, talk to me.”

 

Dean looks up to meet red, and he just _can’t-_

 

Cas coos as Dean cries above him, and he rubs soothing circles in Dean’s back, “It’s okay.”

 

“No it’s not- it’s not _fair,_ ” Dean’s hand tightens in a fist over Cas’ heart, “We shouldn’t have to act like you’re dying, but we are. We shouldn’t be talking about the end when we- when we just started shit!”

 

“I wish that this wasn’t happening just as much as you are, Dean,” Cas sighs, “But it’s still going to become a reality.”

 

Dean shakes his head, “Don’t talk like you’re already gone, Cas.”

 

Cas pulls Dean down until they are lying against one another completely, “I’m still here.”

 

“But for how long?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

The hybrid laughs bitterly as tears roll onto the alpha’s chest, “That’s the catch, isn’t it? We’re going to make the best of the time that we don’t know you have left?”

 

“If you wanted to,” Cas murmurs, “I’m perfectly fine with going back to how things were.”

 

“But we can’t go back to that, can we?”

 

Cas remains silent.

 

Dean lets out a shaky breath, “Cas, can you promise me somethin’?”

 

“Anything.”

 

“Remind me to tell you that I love you everyday.”

 

Cas’ brow furrows, “Don’t you want it to be the other way around?”

 

Dean shakes his head, and he smiles sadly, “Cas, I’d be an idiot if I didn’t know that you loved me by this point.”

 

“I suppose that’s true,” after a pause, the alpha kisses Dean’s forehead, “For as long as I have left, Dean Winchester, I’ll make sure that you’ll tell me that you love me.”

 

“Good,” Dean nods lightly, and he presses his lips together tightly before letting his head rest against Cas’ chest.

 

He listens to the heartbeat below his ear thump with the knowledge that one day, he won’t get to do this anymore.

 

“Dean,” Cas speaks up suddenly, making Dean’s head perk up to look at his mate, “Do you love me?”

 

Dean smiles for a few seconds before it gives way to a solemn expression of affection, “Yes, Cas, I do.”

 

“How much?”

 

Dean watches as Cas leans up on his elbows, “As much as I can.”

 

“For how long?”

 

His eyes dart down to Cas’ lips as they near his own, “For as long as I can.”

 

They kiss until their lips are numb and their eyelids droop, and they fall asleep in each other’s arms knowing that it’ll all soon come to an end.

 

**…**

 

(Day 9)

 

“Red isn’t your color,” Gabe jokes as the trio sits in the room together.

 

Dean’s eyes dart from Cas’ to Sammy’s, but neither of the alphas comment on it.

 

Dean licks his lips and swallows, “So, um, Gabe, how are you feelin’, buddy?”

 

“Sore and tired,” he yawns, “You know, the usual.”

 

The hybrid smirks weakly, “You feel good enough to try this out?”

 

“It’s not like I’ve got much choice here, Dean-o,” the omega coughs, “Just get it over and done with. I’ve never been this sick of, well, being _sick._ ”

 

Dean risks a glance at his brother, and he sees how he grips onto the edges of the wooden chair he’s sitting in hard enough for his nails to dig marks out into the poor wood.

 

“Well, um,” Dean looks back at Gabe just as he hears the chair snap, “Here goes nothing…”

 

Dean grabs onto Gabe’s hand and closes his eyes. He focuses on getting into Gabe’s head, and wow- that’s _definitely_ something he did _not_ want to see.

 

“Oh god,” Dean scowls as he chases the images of his naked brother away, “Gabe, you’ve got a sick mind.”

 

“Not sick,” the omega corrects, “It’s tasteful.”

 

Dean grimaces, “I don’t think so.”

 

“Dean, just hurry up and heal him!” Sammy snaps, only to have Cas growl at him.

 

“Ugh, stop it you two. Your overprotective alphaness isn’t going to help anyone or anything out here,” Gabe snarks.

 

Surprisingly, it doesn’t take too much to heal Gabe. Surprisingly, after all was said and done, Gabe’s body was doing a pretty good job of keeping the little omega afloat, it was just a little worn out from having to keep two people alive and healthy. Turns out that all Gabe’s body needed was just a little shove of energy in the right direction, and he was right as rain.

 

“We got really lucky,” Cas says later on when he and Dean are eating dinner alone.

 

Dean looked up from his mashed potatoes and smiled sadly, “If only luck carried over.”

 

The only other thing that’s exchanged between the two are their vows of love, and nothing more.

 

**...**

 

(Day 12)

 

They fall into an easy kind of routine that works for the both of them. They don’t really bring up the fact that Cas’ eyes are turning into a darker shade of red as the days pass on, but it’s okay.

 

_It’s not, actually._

 

**…**

 

(Day 15)

 

“Gabe’s up on his feet,” Cas comments from the doorway.

 

Dean turns away from the papers on the desk to look at his mate, “I know. He visited me earlier today.”

 

“Did he have anything to say?” Cas asks as he goes over to their bed to lie down on it.

 

“He asked about what he missed,” Dean says casually, and he begins to put things back into the desk drawers with more force than necessary, “I informed him of what’s going on.”

 

Cas is silent for a few moments, “He’s not taking it well, is he?”

 

Dean laughs bitterly for a moment, “Yeah, if you’d call ‘well’ shouting at me about letting your wolf win.”

 

“He did that?” Cas is off of the bed in an instant.

 

Dean only sighs.

 

The alpha growls lowly, “I’ll go have a talk with him-”

 

“No, it’s fine.”

 

“Dean-”

 

“I said it’s _fine,_ Cas,” Dean stops his mate from leaving by grabbing onto his wrist.

 

Cas makes a face at Dean, “But he snapped on you for no reason, Dean. What’s happening to me isn’t your fault.”

 

The hybrid lets go of Cas’ wrist and goes back to cleaning off the desk, “I know that, you know that, he knows that. It doesn’t matter. Gabe’s upset, and he took it out on me.”

 

“That’s why I need to talk to him, Dean. He needs to apologize.”

 

“He will,” Dean closes the drawer with some sense of finality, “Just give him some time.”

 

Cas sighs, “Dean, he really should be called out on what he did-”

 

“What, for telling me off for failing him? To tell him that his emotions are misplaced because the one person who could’ve kept this from happening failed you and everyone else?”

 

The alpha opens his mouth, and then shuts it for a second.

 

Dean scoffs, “You don’t have to say anything… I already know the answers. I mean, he told me as much, too.”

 

“He was out of line.”

 

“Just- drop it, Cas,” the hybrid sighs, “We’re just going to have to deal with random outbursts from him.”

 

Cas furrows his brow, “But it’s not okay, Dean.”

 

“Cut him some slack, Cas. After all,” Dean walks past his mate to leave before he breaks their routine any further, “he is losing his brother, isn’t he?”

 

Cas makes no move to stop him.

 

**…**

 

(Day 24)

 

Dean gets another vision in the early hours of the morning.

 

It’s basically a repeat of what’s happened before.

 

Still doesn’t mean that it hurts any less.

 

**…**

 

(Day 26)

 

They’re going through Dean’s memories at GS when it happens.

 

Dean had been going through some test or something, and he had been screaming at the top of his lungs as Zachariah injected him countless times with various things.

 

Cas was gripping onto Dean tightly, begging for the hybrid to stop- that he couldn’t take much more of seeing his mate in agony- when something happened.

 

Through the mental connection, Dean slipped into Cas’ memories instead of his own.

 

It was some dark night, and someone was talking to someone else by a campfire. Going by the octaves of the voices, Dean was guessing that it was a woman and a man camping out together. Above, the moon hung bright and heavy.

 

Dean realized that he was watching something through foliage when his perspective leapt forward with a roar. It must have been Cas in wolf form, because the man scrambles around for a gun as Cas began to circle around the woman in particular.

 

She stares at Cas in horror, with her eyes wide and her heart- _oh god._ Dean can hear its sweet pulse as if he were there himself, and he can feel the hunger that Cas felt bubble up angrily in his belly.

 

Cas’ prowling, however, gave the man enough time to grab a frying pan that had been sitting on the campfire, and he picks it up to smack it across Cas’ muzzle and back. Dean can feel the stinging hot white agony across his face and neck as Cas whimpers in pain. With a roar, he runs off back into the forest.

 

However, he stops on the edge of the clearing, and he notices that the hot pan had seared through a string on his neck. The woman, who seems to be unaware of Cas’ lingering presence, picks up what seems to be a gold ring on a burnt string.

 

She looks up in shock, and her eyes search the forest as she whispers, “ _Castiel._ ”

 

Dean yanks himself out of the memory so abruptly that his head spins and he falls off of their bed. Cas stares at Dean with something akin to shame in his eyes.

 

“W-Was that _Amelia?”_ Dean asks quietly.

 

Going by Cas’ silence, Dean has his answer.

 

Dean is about to say something, but Cas shifts into his wolf and leaves. At first, Dean’s confused as to why the alpha is so embarrassed or what he’s so guilted about.

 

That is, until Dean realizes that the hunger he had felt in his stomach was for something red and thick- was for a neck to be underneath his teeth, the pulse sluggish underneath the skin as he ripped it apart.

 

Dean goes into the bathroom and vomits, and he washes his mouth out until he can’t taste his fear anymore.

 

Cas doesn’t come back for two days, and when he does, Dean calls him an ass and cries, telling him that he hates him for being so selfish. That doesn’t stop him from desperately kissing him until his lips hurt, though.

 

**…**

 

(Day 29)

 

Like most things, Cas and Dean don’t discuss what the memory meant, even though they should’ve. They decide that it’s much easier to brush it underneath the rug to be with every other thing that they’re avoiding right now.

 

Like they say, ignorance is indeed bliss.

 

**…**

 

(Day 32)

 

Gabe forgives Dean.

 

He explains that his hormones are out of whack because of the baby, and that he was unreasonably cruel to him. He tries to make it up to Dean by having them go out for a day on the town, and surprisingly, for a while, Dean does feel better- even if it’s shopping for baby clothes with his, dare he say it, step-brother.

 

They’re at some fancy restaurant for dinner when Gabe brings it up again, and he’s genuine when he says that he shouldn’t be mad at Dean for something that really isn’t his fault. The hybrid tells the omega that it’s okay and that it’s a stressful situation for all of them.

 

Dean, however, doesn’t tell Gabe that he still blames himself for failing every god forsaken person that he cares about.

 

**…**

 

(Day 37)

 

Dean turns to food for some comfort.

 

He doesn’t change his eating habits much, but it’s sort of like whenever you’ve had a bad day and you decide that you can treat yourself with a cupcake or something along those lines. Dean’s rule is that if you survive one day, you get one dessert.

 

The last time he did this was when Adam died.

 

Sammy knows this, but doesn’t comment on it as he passes his brother burying his woes within the golden perfection of an apple pie.

 

**…**

 

(Day 42)

 

Another one of Zachariah’s henchmen comes.

 

He’s dispatched by Cas with more haste and violence than the first, leaving Dean and Sammy to clean up the wooden floors and walls for a few hours.

 

Gabe sits on the couch and points out spots that the Winchesters miss.

 

He doesn’t, however, point out that Cas still hasn’t come back from the store when asked to fetch more bleach.

 

**…**

 

(Day 47)

 

Cas comes back to the pack house drunker than Dean could ever imagine him being.

 

When questioned, all the alpha had to say was, “I found a liquor store, and I _drank it._ ”

 

Sammy pulls Dean aside to tell him that Cas has become self-destructive, to which Dean can’t help but cry over.

 

Sammy comforts him and tells him that it’ll be alright, and Gabe swoops in to save the day by taking Dean out of the house again. He takes Dean to the mall and lets the hybrid get anything he wants- whether it be a Led Zeppelin shirt or a leather jacket that he likes. By the end of the trip, they have several bags from several different department stores.

 

When they come back to the pack house, however, Sammy and Cas are fighting, except it’s in human form and off to the side. Dean literally opens the door to hear the muffled shouting of his brother saying things like, “hurting him” and “making things worse”, only to catch Cas’ furious, slurred retorts on the next breath. They go about it for a few good moments until Gabe decides that another shopping trip is needed, that is, until they hear Sammy scream.

 

“God, you’re just so _selfish!_ Can’t you see that you’re making him go through hell just because you can’t deal with shit!?”

 

“I didn’t mean to hurt Dean!”

 

There’s a scoff, and it sounds like Cas is throwing things around, “Sure you didn’t! Is that why you showed up drunk off of your ass without warning!? I mean, you were already gone for days, and you hadn’t even said a god damn word to any of us! He’s hurting, Cas, and he’s not doing well! It’s all because you can’t seem to pull yourself together!”

 

Gabe is tugging at Dean’s wrist, but the hybrid can’t hear his pleas for them to go, and he doesn’t move as he listens in almost against his will- like when you see a car wreck and you just can’t look away from the disaster that’s occurring right before your eyes.

 

“It’s not like that!”

 

“Oh yeah, of course it isn’t!” Sammy yells back, “It’s not like you’re pushing away the one person who doesn’t want you to go, is it!?”

 

“ _Stop!”_

 

Dean takes a step forward, but he stalls as he hears Sammy go on, “No, I won’t! You need to have some sense knocked into you! Look, I get that it’s shit to lose to your wolf, but god damn! Don’t make it any harder on Dean than it has to be, you asshole!”

 

“ _Shut up!”_

 

Sammy doesn’t.

 

“God, you’re probably thinking that this is justified, aren’t you!? You think that it’s completely and utterly okay to do that shit to my brother when he’s dealing with this too! God, you’re a poor excuse for an alpha and a mate, Castiel!”

 

Gabe is still as a stone as they both hear Cas cry out bitterly at the top of his lungs, “I don’t want to leave him! I don’t want my wolf to take away everything and everyone that I fucking love just because it feels like it! You think that it’s fun!? You think that I want to be hurting Dean like this!? Here’s a newsflash, Sam, I’m losing more and more of myself every day, and I don’t want Dean to notice or to be reminded that sometime soon, all there’s going to be is a wolf! I don’t want to snap on him or worse because I finally lose control, either! So, cut me some god damn slack when you know just as well as I do that I’m a lit fuse, and sometime soon, I’m just going to _burn out!”_

 

Dean breathes in and out in a way that seems almost foreign to him. He doesn’t know how it’s possible, for a normal bodily function to feel so strange, considering how empty he seems to be on the inside, despite the oxygen he’s clearly taking in.

 

Strange…

 

“Dean, come on,” Gabe whispers as the voices turn into growls, “You don’t need to be around this…”

 

“Neither do you,” Dean murmurs distantly, as if he’s mentally ten seconds behind everything and he’s in shock, “The baby…”

 

Gabe grimaces and pulls Dean out of the house before they can hear the argument between their brothers and mates worsen.

 

**…**

 

(Day 48)

 

Gabe had gotten Dean a hotel room for the night, and he explained that he was going to run a few errands before he would come back. He gave Dean free reign of what seemed to be an expensive suite.

 

Normally, Dean would raid the mini fridge for a beer or something else, but recently, alcohol has lost all its appeal for the hybrid. So he watches TV instead, and he clicks through infomercials and random shows until he randomly finds something he likes. He switches between two channels whenever one is on commercial break.

 

One has some show about high school students and werewolves while the other is just a Spanish soap opera that Dean doesn’t understand, but enjoys for the fact that this Spanish lady breaks down in a matter of moments. Oh yeah, and the acting is shit, too, despite there being a language barrier. The other program is sort of interesting, but Dean has to stop watching it because the alpha werewolf and the lanky human boy remind him too much of Cas and himself for it to be comfortable.

 

Thirty minutes into the fifth episode of the Spanish lady going insane to the point where she attempts a real life “rock paper scissors” murder, Dean orders room service. He browses over the menu and randomly selects whatever sounds good. By the end, he’s ordered a lot, and he knows that, but Gabe is coming back sometime and he’s pregnant, so yeah- there’s three people here.

 

Either way, Gabe finds Dean with his face buried in a tiny tin of holy lasagna, and he quirks a brow at the hybrid when he looks up with pasta and sauce covering his mouth like a two-year-old. Gabe, thankfully, doesn’t poke fun at him. In fact, he sets some bags down and joins Dean on the bed.

 

“Is that banana pudding?”

 

Dean stops mid chew and swallows, “Uh, yeah?”

 

“You gonna eat it?”

 

He pauses, “Just save me a little, okay?”

 

They fall into a comfortable silence after that, and Gabe even gets in on the soap opera just like Dean does. He even makes smartass comments occasionally that make Dean chuckle around a forkful of whatever the hell looked or smelled good.

 

“You ordered a lot,” Gabe says randomly once the marathon of the raging woman ends, and he looks over to Dean, “Why’s that?”

 

“Was hungry,” Dean murmurs, and he tosses another empty bin into the trash, “I thought that you’d be too, and you’re pregnant, so…”

 

Gabe sits up and raises a quizzical brow at the other werewolf, “Dean, would you care to explain what’s going on with you?”

 

“I’d rather not,” Dean mumbles, and he gets into the bed beside Gabe to lie on his side.

 

The omega, thankfully, respects Dean’s need for space, and he ends up lying down to where he’s face to face across from Dean, “So, Marvel or DC?”

 

“I’m a fan of Batman, but I’d be an idiot to not say that Marvel comes out with more than DC does annually.”

 

Gabe smirks, “I knew that there was a reason I liked you.”

 

“I thought that it was my gorgeous personality and even prettier looks?”

 

“Nah, if I was in for that, I’d just be friends with a mirror.”

 

Dean chuckles, “Wow, way to be a narcissist.”

 

Gabe smiles cheekily, “Who can’t love me?”

 

The conversation trails off a bit until the omega speaks up again.

 

“They worked it out, just so you know,” he murmurs, and Dean doesn’t have to get names to know who he’s referring to exactly.

 

“That’s good,” Dean closes his eyes for a second, “There isn’t any blood to clean up when we get back, is there?”

 

Gabe snorts, “No, not that I knew of… Cassie wants you to know that he’s sorry, though.”

 

“Why can’t he tell me himself?”

 

“I know! I told him that I wasn’t his owl, but he hasn’t watched Harry Potter at all, so it was sadly lost on him,” Gabe rubs at his face, but goes on, “Anyways, he did make a good argument that he didn’t know if you’d let him talk to you. Even then, he was sure that you wouldn’t listen.”

 

Dean snorts, “I probably wouldn’t have, to be honest.”

 

The omega snuggles a little closer, “I wouldn’t blame you if you did, Dean. Cassie was being an assie. A _big_ assie.”

 

That makes Dean laugh, even if it only last for a few seconds and is weak, “Yeah, I know…”

 

“Sammy wanted to kick his ass still, but I made sure that he wouldn’t.”

 

“By what, holding out on him?”

 

Gabe giggles, “I have your brother whipped, Dean. I don’t need to threaten him with the promise of blue balls to get what I want.”

 

“Lucky you.”

 

Gabe rolls his eyes lightly, “Eh, it’s not as magical as you think. Sure, it’s fun at first, but then it kind of gets tiring. Besides, now that this little one is on its way, I’ve lost a lot of interest in pranks and stuff.”

 

Dean’s eyes widen in surprise, “Who are you and what have you done with the real Gabriel Novak?”

 

“Nothing, you idiot. It’s still me,” Gabe smacks Dean’s arm softly, “Anyways, I guess it’s because they kind of make you grow up, you know?”

 

“I wouldn’t. I’ve never had a kid.”

 

Gabe smiles, “It’s pretty cool, oddly enough. You feel kind of- godlike. It’s like, oh my god, I’m making a person right now.”

 

Dean smiles weakly, “You kind of are, Gabe.”

 

“Yeah, I know, but that’s beside the point,” the omega gets this twinkle in his eye then, “You want to know somethin’, Dean?”

 

“What?”

 

Gabe smirks and takes Dean’s hand and places it on what feels like the soft swell of his stomach, “I’m startin’ to show.”

 

Dean lets out a long exhale, and he knows that, going by the omega’s giggle, his face must be comical, “Oh, wow…”

 

“Feels weird, don’t it?”

 

“It’s certainly not- normal?” Dean scowls as he feels something thump against his palm, “Oh my god, it just kicked!”

 

Gabe shrugs, “It’s been doing that for a while now. I think it’s because Sam-Sam is so damn tall, so my baby is probably huge and has no room in there anymore. It’s okay little guy,” Gabe pokes at the top of his belly, “you’ll be free soon enough! If I had a choice, I’d already be holding you! But you’re like a roast, kiddo, if I take you out too early- well, that’s not good for any of us.”

 

Despite the weird simile he’d just overheard, Dean’s throat convulses painfully as he swallows, “It’s- wow, Gabe, I had no idea.”

 

“Yeah, shit’s weird,” Gabe snuggles and begins to purr, “Could you rub it though? It feels nice.”

 

“O-Okay…”

 

Dean rubs Gabe’s barely-there-bump until the omega is asleep, and even then, Dean’s hand lingers on in amazement. His emotions, however, linger on in jealousy for the fact that his brother and mate can have everything that he and Cas can’t.

 

And that hurts more than anything else.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **EDIT (8/7/2015): I found a video of the "crazy Spanish lady" on Tumblr. You can watch it here so you can see for yourself how crazy she is.**
> 
> http://sunshinexlollipops.tumblr.com/post/126090378512/sscheibe-i-literally-dont-speak-spanish-but
> 
> \---
> 
> Songs Used for Writing:
> 
> 1\. **Song for Viola - Peter Bradley Adams**  
>  ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYo0-7TzMSU )
> 
> 2\. **Shark - Oh Wonder**  
>  [Original] ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1RE8jRXhy0 )  
> [Remix] ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vz3flHeTDXM )
> 
> 3\. **All We Do - Oh Wonder**  
>  ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F30G87zlRPw )
> 
> 4\. **Your Hand in Mine - Explosions in the Sky**  
>  ( http://youtu.be/cdiY6kijYHE )
> 
> 5\. **First Breath after Coma - Explosions in the Sky**  
>  ( http://youtu.be/cdiY6kijYHE )
> 
> 6\. **Main Theme (Piano Version) - Beyond: Two Souls [Official Soundtrack]**  
>  ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RF819zoot10 )
> 
> 7\. **Broken Arrow - Pixie Lott**  
>  ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nS_0e9IdKjA )
> 
> 8\. **And Then You - Greg Laswell**  
>  ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxHFokrqEF0 )
> 
> 9\. **Destiel | Ships in the Night**  
>  ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koV-4fHRBM0 )
> 
> 10\. **Ma Julie Got a Booty! - Monkeybone Scene _(Starts Later in Video)_**  
>  ( http://youtu.be/5B75g50pwHk?t=13s )
> 
> 11\. **Run to You - Pentatonix**  
>  ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sp7PS_UN8Lo )
> 
> 12\. **Here's Where We Begin - Joshua Radin**  
>  ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGq_BWkwGNk )
> 
> 13\. **Fires - David Ramirez**  
>  ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y32Sh36zdB8 )


	12. Your Eyes They Shine so Bright, I Want to Save that Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of my long update is here!
> 
> Sorry, AO3 told me that my chapter was so long, that I'd used all of the characters available. By the way, that's about 500,000 worth.
> 
> Is that bad?
> 
> Anyways, I'm going to put some warnings on here too.  
> There is some dark things in this part of the update. There's also minor character death, but it's with none of our boys, I promise.
> 
> Things, however, do get solved! Sort of?
> 
> Enjoy!~

 

This is part two of the massive update! Just so you know, **chapter 13 will now be the epilogue!**

 

I just ran out of characters, is all!

 

* * *

 

 

(Day 49)

 

Dean and Gabe come back later in the day, and they come upon a sight for sore eyes. Specifically, Cas.

 

The alpha looks like complete shit, with pale skin and bloodshot eyes, making Dean just focus on the fact that most of his eye now looks red.

 

He meets Dean’s gaze and matches it with a pathetic whimper as he slinks off of the couch and into Dean’s personal space. Sammy watches from off to the side, and even a blind man can tell that there’s disapproval and disappointment in his gaze. Dean tries not to think about how ashamed his brother is of his own mate while he opens his arms to let the broken man fall into them.

 

Cas grips onto Dean tightly, telling the hybrid that he was an idiot and that he didn’t want to hurt him in such a way, and the whole time Dean just stares at the wall ahead of him while he tries to fight off tears.

 

Sammy and Gabe decide that the two need their space, and thank god that they have, because they slink away just as Cas begins to cry into Dean’s stiffened shoulder.

 

“I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me now,” he mumbles between sobs, “I’m not a good mate, I’m not a good alpha. Your brother was right about all of it.”

 

Dean lifts a hand and places it almost hesitantly on Cas’ back, “I-It’s okay…”

 

“No it’s not,” Cas raises his head, and Dean sees the trails of tears and the expression of heartbreak written all across the other’s face, “I shouldn’t have done any of that to you, but I did. You shouldn’t have even come back to me.”

 

“Who says that I have, exactly?"

 

The way that Cas’ face falls makes Dean flinch as though he had punched the dude instead, “D-Dean…”

 

“Cas, I would be lying if I said that you and I are good right about now, because we’re not,” Dean takes a step back from the alpha, “We’re falling apart, and I’m falling out of love with you.”

 

Cas outstretches a hand desperately, and his breath smells of stale alcohol as he speaks, only making matters worse, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it. _Please,_ Dean, don’t leave me too. I don't- who knows what will happen this time around...”

 

It’s unsaid, but Dean knows that Cas is referring to Amelia. It sours the mood a little more, but Dean sighs because he knows that Cas nearly lost himself to his wolf before this with her. It must be terrifying to know that you’re on the precipice of another bad downfall.

 

“First thing that I want you to do is stop being whatever the hell _this_ is,” Dean hisses, and he doesn’t know if he should be happy at how Cas hangs his head in shame at the fact Dean is calling him out on his bullshit, “Secondly, you’re going to stop running off and going god knows where without saying anything. Last of all, I want you to tell me what’s going on-” Dean’s voice breaks then, and Cas looks up to see that Dean is in the same, tearful boat as him, “I don’t want to have to find out through an argument that I overhear that things are getting worse. That’s- that’s so _unfair,_ Cas…”

 

“I didn’t want to worry you, Dean,” Cas surges forward and hugs Dean again, “Just- there’s so much going wrong, and I didn’t want to add onto that.”

 

Dean wipes at his eyes with a free hand, “Don’t you understand, _you ass?_ I’m going to worry because you’re my _mate._ I’m going to worry because I still fucking love you.”

 

Cas pulls back slightly at that, “Y-You do?”

 

“Yes, of course I fucking do,” Dean grits out.

 

“But you said-”

 

“I was hating what you were _becoming,_ Cas. That doesn’t mean that I still don’t love you, just that you were beginning to push me away with what you were doing.”

 

The alpha blinks, “Oh.”

 

“Yeah, oh.”

 

Cas then kisses the side of Dean’s face with a whine dying out in his throat, “I promise that I’ll make it up to you, Dean.”

 

“It’s going to take more than just a box of chocolates and a card, you know that, right?”

 

Cas nods, “I’d be an idiot if I didn’t.”

 

Dean smiles softly and kisses Cas, “No, you’re still an idiot. But you’re mine.”

 

“Yours,” Cas whispers, and meets Dean’s gaze, “Dean, do you love me?”

 

“Yes, Cas, I do.”

 

A smile begins to grow on the alpha’s features, “How much?”

 

“As much as I can.”

 

“For how long?”

 

Dean comes closer and nuzzles his mate’s neck, “For as long as I can, Cas.”

 

It’s another promise, but that’s okay. It’s all okay.

 

_It isn’t._

 

**…**

 

(Day 53)

 

Cas isn’t lying whenever he says that he’s going to at least try to make it up to Dean.

 

It starts off with little gifts left by the alpha that range from a bouquet of roses or, like Dean had mentioned, a box of chocolates. Dean tries not to act like it’s making an impression, because first off, Cas needs to learn what he did just isn’t so fixable- or at least, that it can’t be corrected with a tiny teddy bear that’s holding a heart or a tiny collection of caramel candies. Okay, so they are making things a little better, and the chocolate is definitely helping Dean with coping nowadays, but still.

 

It’s not supposed to be that easy.

 

So Dean sometimes ignores Cas as he walks past him, or he pretends that he doesn’t like whatever the alpha got him. Once, he had thrown the chocolates into the trash, but later, when Dean was sure that Cas had believed he had tossed them out, he ate them while watching that crazy Spanish lady again. He was nothing but pitiful.

 

He was even more so whenever his coping mechanisms caught up with him. It’s not too noticeable, but Dean’s gained a little tub since he’s turned to sweet goodies to ease the ache that grows in him everyday. No one seems to have caught on that Dean’s jeans are a little tighter in the front or that he prefers to leave some shirts of his in the closet. Well… _no one_ can be a little bit of a lie.

 

Cas, of course, is the only person who catches on.

 

“You look uncomfortable,” he says randomly one day as Dean just finished putting on his jeans, “Maybe I should stop with the chocolates as gifts.”

 

“Ya _think?”_ Dean grouches, and he throws off the denim in favor of sweat pants, “Just- leave me alone, will you?”

 

Cas pauses for a moment, “You don’t look any different, just so you know. Well, your stomach is a little rounder, but overall you just look the same to me.”

 

Dean snorts, “Good, I don’t look like a fatass just yet. Let me check that off my list of worries.”

 

“Dean,” Cas walks forward, and he wraps his arms around his mate for the first time in days since Dean banned touching as a punishment, and it causes Dean to whimper pathetically as he leans into him, “Is there something you need to get off your chest?”

 

Dean pauses for a moment, “It’s Gabe and Sammy.”

 

The alpha pulls back a bit, and his features are drawn together in confusion, “Did they do something?”

 

“Yes? No?” Dean sighs, “It’s not their fault, exactly, but… I’m jealous, okay?”

 

“Jealous of what?”

 

Dean closes his eyes, “They just- they get to have everything that we can’t, Cas. They have happiness, they have a kid on the way, but the worst of all is that they have _time._ ”

 

Cas scowls, “Dean…”

 

“I can’t help it, okay? I feel like we’ve been cheated, and here they are, celebrating like they just won the lottery or something better,” the hybrid averts his gaze from his mate’s, “Don’t judge me…”

 

“I’m not,” Cas kisses the top of Dean’s head, “I’m just saying that the color green isn’t good on you.”

 

“My eyes are green though,” Dean murmurs, “It _matches._ ”

 

Cas sighs, “You know what I mean, Dean.”

 

Dean just exhales and leans onto Cas, and after a moment, he closes his eyes, “I wish that there was something that I could do…”

 

“I know,” the alpha murmurs, and he brushes a hand through Dean’s hair.

 

After a few moments, they get tired of standing, and Cas hooks his arm underneath Dean’s leg to carry him over to the bed. He slips underneath the covers beside his mate, and they sit in comfortable silence as Cas continues petting Dean or kissing him lightly.

 

Dean lets Cas touch him until he falls asleep.

 

**…**

 

(Day 60)

 

Dean’s punishments begin to lift up gingerly day by day, and Cas begins to fall back into his life almost like he had been before. It’s a little different now, but like everything else, they decide not to talk about it.

 

However, they do decide that they’ve spent enough time pushing off their research, and they begin looking back into Dean’s memories just like they had been before.

 

Cas is a little hesitant, but he promises Dean that he won’t run off if something does happen. The hybrid is wary, but he goes on with it anyways. They need answers, after all, and they certainly aren’t going to get any if Dean doesn’t go on because of the beginning of some trust issues.

 

The memory starts off in the white room that Dean was trapped inside of.

 

The image is distorted almost, and it waivers and blurs between what seems to be slow blinks. Past-Dean must have sat up, which was a bad move, considering that both Dean and Cas gag from dizziness as the past-Dean stumbles off of the bed and into the middle of the room where he collapses.

 

There’s a familiar laugh, and it makes the hairs on Dean’s arms stand up while Cas growls lowly.

 

“ _We had to sedate you,_ ” Zachariah sing-songs in the vision as he smirks, and Dean can see him through that pane of glass, “ _I would apologize, but I found that I don’t really care enough to do that._ ”

 

Cas growls again, and it’s like the Zachariah in the vision can hear him, because his smile grows, “ _You don’t seem too happy about that, it seems._ ”

 

Past-Dean begins to use his hands to pull himself forward, and the two can feel how Dean’s muscles had ached with the exertion.

 

“ _Go on, pull yourself up, you pathetic mutt. You’re going to need to be quite responsive for this next part, anyways,_ ” Zachariah hisses sinisterly, “ _Since you decided that it would be fun to attack one of my lovely employees for shits and giggles, I decided that a severe punishment was in order. So enjoy, Dean Winchester. This one is all for you._ ”

 

Cas grips onto Dean’s arm tightly, and he whispers, “We can stop, if you want to.”

 

Dean shakes his head, “We have to see what’s going on, Cas. I can-”

 

Dean’s cut off as the door to the room slams open, and two men in protective gear rush at him in the memory. They spray something in past-Dean’s face, and it causes Cas to begin gagging as Dean tries not to vomit from his sudden, rough coughing.

 

“ _I formulated it a few days ago, just in case you did something like you did today,_ ” Zachariah says nonchalantly off to the side, “ _I think that I did a fairly good job._ ”

 

Dean is confused as Cas begs him to stop the vision, but as the smell of smoke and ash reaches his nose, Dean understands why.

 

“ _Enjoy the trip down memory lane, Dean,_ ” the beta waves as Dean’s vision cuts out into split-second images of a roaring fire and columns of smoke.

 

“Dean-”

 

Dean can hear the screams of both John and Mary as they struggle to break down the door to Dean’s old bedroom. Smoke burns Dean’s eyes as he wails for his parents to get him, and he clutches onto his little wolf plushie as the door breaks down and embers rush in alongside a thick cloud of smoke.

 

Mary and John’s faces are panic stricken and covered in soot, and their features twist and contort as they cough. They make their way over to Dean, and John picks him up swiftly just as a beam snaps and crushes his bed.

 

“ _Daddy!”_ the toddler Dean cries, and Mary rushes to the other side of the room where Sammy screams in his crib.

 

“ _We have to get them out now!”_ John yells over the rumble of flames and crackling wood.

 

“ _Take them, John!”_ Mary hands Sammy over to John then, and there’s a knowing look in her eyes, “ _I’m going to have to stall him._ ”

 

Dean looks up to see his father’s face fall, “ _Mary, baby, no-”_

 

“ _I have to,_ ” she insists, and she kisses John’s lips ever so lightly, “ _Take good care of our boys._ ”

 

She runs off into the flames of what used to be their old kitchen, and Dean can hear John’s screams as he begs for her to come back.

 

Instead, he hears a howl and the snapping of wood and the breaking of dishes. Meanwhile, both of the younger Winchester brothers wail and scream as John stares at the vacant spot that his wife once occupied.

 

“ _Daddy!”_ Dean takes his hand and hits his father’s shoulder, “ _Need to go!”_

 

This seems to snap John out of his trance, because he runs out of the door and sets Dean onto the ground first, “ _Take your brother and run, Dean. Find help. Scream at the top of your lungs, okay?”_

 

“ _Daddy!”_ Dean’s higher voice shrills as more tears form, “ _Don’t leave us!”_

 

“ _I have to,_ ” John chokes out, and he cups the side of Dean’s face as he cries with a smile, “ _Daddy’s got to go save Mommy._ ”

 

Dean shakes his head, “Daddy-”

 

“ _Dean, please,_ ” John closes his eyes as more tears fall, and a sob wretches its way out of him, “ _Just do this for me, please._ ”

 

Dean nods, “ _Okay…_ ”

 

John kisses Dean and Sammy on the tops of their dirtied heads, “ _We both love you so much, don’t you ever forget that._ ”

 

Then, Dean watches as John runs off into their burning home, screaming his wife’s name over and over again. Dean doesn’t wait, though, because he’s going to go and run just like his father told him.

 

Cas’ grip on Dean’s wrist tightens as they both watched a toddler Dean scream for help as Sammy wailed. They hear his tiny feet thunder against the pavement as he yelled for anyone, and as he freaked out in horror as Sammy suddenly shifted into something else in his arms.

 

The memory only ends as a shadowy figure appears before Dean with a smile and an outstretched hand, the words, “ _Hello there little one. You seem to be having some trouble. I can help,_ ” rings throughout their ears.

 

When the light returns to normal, and the only thing that Dean can hear is his and Cas’ racing heartbeats, he slumps against his mate as he begins to cry.

 

“It’s okay, Dean,” the alpha murmurs as he shakes with his own shock, “It’s okay.”

 

_It still isn’t._

 

**…**

 

(Day 68)

 

Cas ends up snapping on Sammy.

 

The two alphas had been arguing over what color to paint the nursery when things just blew up without warning. Cas went after Sammy like never before, with his teeth snapping together and a roar vibrating through his throat.

 

Thankfully, Dean was able to get Cas away from Sammy before any real damage was done- well, other than emotional tolls, of course.

 

Cas stayed in wolf form for some time, and Dean began to fear the worst, that was, until Cas would follow him around like a lost puppy. The hybrid would go to one room, and the large, black mass of the alpha would come lumbering after him. If Dean was lying in bed, Cas joined up by curling up next to his head on the pillows. If Dean went to the bathroom, Cas would sit outside the door and wait until Dean was done. If Dean ate, Cas sat at his feet and guarded him- and by that, Dean means that he would growl a warning to any beta that passed Dean or even _looked_ at him.

 

Gabe visited later in the day when the sun was beginning to go down to ask Dean how Cas was. Before he could finish the question, though, the alpha had swamped his brother with licks of affection before yipping and running over to Dean’s side.

 

“He’s stuck in a pup-like state, isn’t he?” the omega asks as he sees his brother lean down on his front paws to playfully wiggle a request to play.

 

“Sort of,” Dean murmurs as he tosses a balled up piece of paper for Cas to fetch, “He’s got a protective side that’s pretty mean.”

 

Gabe snorts, “I’m guessin’ that he nibbled some asses today?”

 

“ _‘Bit’_ is a more appropriate word,” Dean laughs softly as Cas trots back, holding the paper ball as though it were a prized catch to present his mate with, “But it’s cute, mostly.”

 

“When do you think he’ll snap out of it?”

 

Dean shrugs as he pets Cas behind the ears, causing the wolf to set its head down on Dean’s thigh to close its eyes and rumble happily, “I have no clue, honestly. Maybe later tonight. Maybe tomorrow. We’re just going to have to wait it out and see. For now though, I guess that I’m stuck playing fetch and scratch.”

 

Gabe pats Dean on the shoulder, “He loves you a lot, you know. There’s a reason why his wolf is so protective over you.”

 

“I only think that it’s this timid because Cas is still in there. When the day comes- …” Dean trails off for a few seconds, and his distress causes Cas to lift his head and perk his ears, “Just don’t be surprised if you find out that you’re wrong.”

 

Gabe seems to be caught off guard by that, and he quickly excuses himself and leaves.

 

Dean cups Cas’ muzzle in his hands and stares at the red eyes that are now encased in fur, “What am I going to do with you, Cas?”

 

The wolf answers with a light yip as he licks the tip of Dean’s nose.

 

“Yes, Cas, I do.”

 

The wolf barks and wags its tail.

 

“As much as I can.”

 

With a head tilt, the wolf leans into Dean’s hand as it rumbles.

 

“For as long as I can,” Dean murmurs, and he wonders when the time will come that he can’t scratch the wolf behind its ears.

 

**…**

 

(Day 69)

 

Cas is back to his usual self by morning, but that doesn’t change the fact that his wolf has been gaining more and more ground than the two of them can make up for.

 

Cas tells Dean that maybe his original estimate is off, and that a few months has somehow dwindled down to only one.

 

Dean cries, and Cas can do nothing but hold onto him.

 

**…**

 

(Day 73)

 

To diffuse the tension that is quickly building up for all of them, they all decide to throw Gabe an early baby shower. Not only is it a way to let go of some of the stress that they’ve been harboring, it’s also so Cas can actually celebrate the fact he has a niece or nephew on the way while he still can.

 

Gabe is showing more and more as the days press on, and for it, Dean’s jealousy grows alongside the bump. It’s gotten to the point where his relationships with Gabe and Sammy have grown… _awkward,_ at best.

 

The shower, however, is also a chance for Dean to let go of that little green monster that has been clinging onto him since this whole thing had started. He tries not to show it as Gabe opens present after present, or when he picks up little onesies or toys that make him smile and coo towards his distended stomach. Cas stands next to Dean, and going to by the stiffness of the hand on Dean’s shoulder, the hybrid is not the only one who is battling their own demons.

 

**…**

 

(Day 80)

 

Dean and Cas have the day all to themselves.

 

It’s nice, in a way, to be able to hold Cas and lie together in the silence of the impending doom that they both know is almost here. Cas seems just as out of it as Dean is, because he just softly hums the tune of “You Are My Sunshine” on a loop as he slowly rubs a hand up and down Dean’s back.

 

As the sun begins to set, though, they take comfort in the other’s body. Their gasps are soft; their moans are quiet and breathless. The sheets tangle around their limbs as they slide against one another, and the headboard barely even moves as Cas softly rocks into Dean. It’s slow, but it’s how they want it. Soon enough, they tremble and twitch with every brush of flesh, with every touch, and they kiss gingerly as it comes to a close.

 

Still, after everything, they lie together holding hands loosely as sweat cools on their skin.

 

Not a single word was spoken by either of them.

 

**…**

 

(Day 84)

 

Cas begins to distance himself, but for good reason.

 

He’s become more snappish as of late, and he’s getting angry for no reason. He knows this, and so does Dean, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less when Cas packs a bag and tells Dean that he’s going to be staying in a different room in the pack house. Oh, and by “different room” he meant some shack that’s off on the edge of the territory.

 

Meg helps Dean keep tabs on the alpha, and Dean ends up staying over in her den more and more than his own room. She doesn’t complain or tell Dean to leave. In fact, she gives Dean something to do by letting him babysit Ruby or by letting him hunt for the both of them. He enjoys it, despite everything else, but the biggest surprise was something he wasn’t expecting whatsoever.

 

Gabe joins them.

 

_Literally._

 

The omega comes over to the den in wolf form one day to visit and just ends up staying.

 

His form is a little rounder than Dean remembers, and Ruby tells Gabe that he reminds her of her first memories of Meg, and that’s when Dean realizes Gabe’s scent has sweetened with the undertones of milk and pup. For once, though, he doesn’t feel quite bitter, because he swears that the scent is more of a reminder than a trigger. By this, it means that instead of fires and smoke, it’s chocolate and apple pies that pop into Dean's mind.

 

Dean finds himself oddly calm with the scent, and he, along with the other three wolves, hunker down and spend their time in the den discussing whatever comes to mind. Sammy occasionally pops by to check on his mate and his brother, and while it’s nice, it’s missing something.

 

_It’s missing Cas._

 

**…**

 

(Day 87)

 

Gabe is talking to Dean when it happens for the first time.

 

Dean suddenly feels completely nauseous and excuses himself, and he barely makes it outside before he hacks up the rabbit that he had eaten a few hours before. At first, they think that maybe it was just a bad piece of game, but as Dean keeps getting sick, they think that maybe Dean came down with food poisoning or a virus as he whimpers and buries his muzzle into his side pitifully.

 

Sammy comes and gets him out of the den before he could have a chance to get the others sick, causing Dean to find himself on the ground as a black wolf rushes over.

 

“ _Cas?”_

 

The alpha begins to whine and lick Dean all over.

 

“ _Cas, answer me…_ ”

 

Sammy pads up beside Dean, and his snout faces the ground, “ _I’m afraid that he’s lost the ability to talk mostly._ ”

 

“ _Sick,_ ” Cas’ voice sounds different as he licks behind Dean’s ears, “ _Mate sick._ ”

 

“ _You all promised me that you’d tell me if things got worse,_ ” Dean growls weakly at his brother, causing Cas to back up as though he were scorned, “ _It’s not you, Cas… You’re okay._ ”

 

_If only._

 

The wolf rumbles quietly and lays down at Dean’s back, and he looks up at Sammy with a growl.

 

“ _We’ll talk about this later,_ ” Dean says bitterly, and he watches as his baby brother leaves with his tail between his legs.

 

Cas goes back to licking Dean’s fur as the hybrid miserably places his muzzle over his paws. For a few hours, they just lay there while Cas tends to Dean, and he purrs softly in his chest as Dean whimpers weakly.

 

“ _Sorry,_ ” Cas barely manages to murmur, and he whines as Dean shivers.

 

Dean closes his eyes, “ _It’s okay, Cas. S’not your fault._ ”

 

The alpha still makes a noise of worry, “ _Love?”_

 

“ _Yes, Cas, I do._ ”

 

“ _Much?”_

 

Dean’s throat tightens, “ _As much as I can._ ”

 

The alpha lays his head down next to Dean’s, “ _Long?”_

 

“ _For as long as I can._ ”

 

And going by the rate of deterioration in his mate, he doesn’t have that much time left.

 

**…**

 

(Day 91)

 

Dean’s still sick, and he hates it.

 

Sammy’s been looking into it, and it turns out that Dean’s going through the process of mate separation. He has all the symptoms- from slight weight gain, the depression, and even to the sickness- and is essentially the textbook case for it. He’s also the textbook case for something else, but Sammy tells him that in confidence, but Dean denies the possibility.

 

He _couldn’t_ be that fortunate.

 

Still, it doesn’t change the fact that Dean is miserable, and also for the fact that Cas has now lost the ability to speak entirely.

 

Dean, despite the setback, still whispers things to Cas as they lie against one another in the dens that Cas had presented Dean with all that time ago.

 

“ _I’ll stay with you, Cas,_ ” the hybrid murmurs as the alpha licks into his ear soothingly, “ _I won’t leave until I have to._ ”

 

That may be soon enough.

 

**…**

 

(Day 93)

 

Everything goes to shit.

 

Literally.

 

All Dean can remember is that he woke up to howling and fighting, and that Cas was already on alert above him, looking out for threats as Dean struggled to stand. The alpha prowled at the entrance of their cave as shouts came from the pack house, and he had looked over his shoulder to give Dean one last glance before he bolted off.

 

Even though he still felt weak, Dean shifted into his human form and grabbed some clothes left by Sammy as he raced to go see what was going on.

 

However, he didn’t anticipate to see people fighting wolves all throughout the area. Pained screams and whines filled the air, alongside battle cries and angered roars. It was truly the stuff of nightmares.

 

Dean wobbled forward to pass most of the fighting going on as he searched for Cas. Occasionally, he was bumped into or hit since he was in the crossfire, but determination carried him forwards despite the pain he felt as he tried to find his mate.

 

“ _Cas!"_ Dean called out over the sound of bloodshed, and his bare feet get caught up on fallen werewolves or humans, causing him to trip.

 

Thankfully, Dean lands on his side, which helps considering that vomit is well on its way to becoming a reality rather than a possibility.

 

“Trying to find your mate, are you?”

 

Dean looks up in horror to find Zachariah standing above him. His suit is spotless, which must be a work of black magic, considering what’s going on around them, and his arms are held behind his back in a mannered fashion.

 

“I’m afraid that your dear old Castiel has taken a bit of a detour, considering,” the beta smiles as Dean looks over to see Meg getting dragged out of the trees, and his heart stammers when he notices that Ruby is in a cage howling for freedom.

 

The scariest part is that he doesn’t see Gabe or Sammy.

 

“You sick bastard, let them _go,_ ” Dean grits out, and his hand curls into a fist on the ground, “They aren’t part of this!”

 

“Doesn’t matter, really,” Zachariah waves a dismissive hand only to begin to pick underneath its nails with the other, “GS needed some new recruits anyways.”

 

Dean growls, “One’s just a pup, you _sick fuck!”_

 

Zachariah laughs, “You think I care? All we have to do is wait a few years, and then _boom,_ she’ll be ready for whatever life throws at her.”

 

Meg roars from across the field, and she fights against the muzzle they’ve put on her.

 

“She’s a feisty omega, isn’t she? I know a few alphas who’d pay a pretty little penny for her.”

 

Dean lifts himself onto his shaky feet, and he tries not to grimace at the fact his palms are scraped up and raw, “Don’t you dare take them.”

 

“Or you’ll do what? Throw up on me?” Zachariah laughs again, “In case you haven’t noticed, mutt, you’re a little worse for wear.”

 

The hybrid glares at the beta before him, “Don’t test me.”

 

“Oh, I’m so afraid!” Zachariah screams faintly in a mocking manner, with his hands outstretched in a fake plea to stop, “I’m fearing for my life!”

 

“You _should_ be,” Dean smiles darkly, and shifts in seconds.

 

Despite his initial weakness from being sick, Dean’s glad for the fact that he can leap forward at Zachariah without ending up on his ass. The beta actually does look frightened for a moment, that is, until he feels something pierce his neck and throw him to the ground.

 

For a moment, Dean is completely shocked until the adrenaline and panic sets in. He struggles for a moment in the grip of the wolf that has him pinned down, and he whines as teeth threaten to piece more precious things than just flesh.

 

Zachariah comes forward, clapping his hands as though this were some show for him and he just couldn’t get enough.

 

“God, I _love_ technology. Don’t you?” Zachariah snaps his fingers, and instantly, the pressure against Dean’s neck lets up and disappears completely, leaving him sputtering, “The miracles that it allows you to perform. In some sense, it makes you godlike.”

 

Dean whimpers in pain as Zachariah leans down to put some needle in his neck.

 

“Oh, don’t squirm, Dean. This is just a lil’ device the guys and I back at GS made for these kind of things,” Zachariah hums until something beeps, and he looks down at the gray device only to scowl, “No, that can’t be right.”

 

Dean has to endure another test, and then another, but by the time that the fourth test comes up with the same results as its precedents, Zachariah is already glaring at Dean venomously.

 

“ _What did you do?”_

 

Dean whines in pain as Zachariah grabs Dean’s bloodied and wounded neck as though he were a pup getting a scolding.

 

“Tell me, why are the results coming back telling me that you’re _pregnant?”_

 

Dean freezes in Zachariah’s hand, and his eyes widen as all of the puzzle pieces fall into place.

 

The eating habits, the slight weight gain, the familiarity of Gabe’s new scent, the sickness… It all makes sense now. It’s not mate separation that Dean was going through- it was the first few months of _pregnancy._

 

“Oh god, don’t tell me that you didn’t know by now!” Zachariah hisses.

 

Dean yips harshly as the beta throws him back down onto the ground.

 

“Well, Dean,” he smiles darkly, “that just won’t do.”

 

Zachariah snaps his fingers again, and a black mass comes up to his side. For a few moments, Dean is frozen, because that just can’t be-

 

Zachariah smirks knowingly, and he pats the huge wolf on top of its head, “You like my new lap dog, Dean? I just got him today.”

 

Dean stares head on to see Cas staring back at him blankly.

 

Even with his reddened irises, they hold no emotion as Dean whines at his mate to come to him. In fact, the wolf’s lips raise as a warning growl spills out past them. Dean’s confused until he sees the collar that’s been strapped to Cas’ neck.

 

“I might’ve sped things up a bit, but his wolf doesn’t need too much convincing. This little collar right here gives me all of the power I need to take control of a rogue. Ironic, isn't it?”

 

Zachariah lifts his hand and snaps twice in quick succession, making Cas’ growl grow as he eyes Dean like a target.

 

Dean, out of desperation and instinct, folds his ears back to his head and bares his throat. This seems to mollify the wolf enough, and it begins to walk forward as it stares at Dean. The hybrid whimpers as the wolf nips at his already damaged neck, and despite the ginger touch, Dean knows that it’s an order to roll over.

 

Dean knows that he’s at a crossroads here. If exposes his belly, then Cas’ wolf might take that as an invitation to attack. If Dean refuses to roll over, then Cas’ wolf will take that as a sign of defiance, and he’ll enforce his status on Dean.

 

So, either way, Dean’s pretty much screwed.

 

However, he decides that the the better road is chancing it, so he turns until he’s lying on his back.

 

Thankfully, it seems to have been the right move to take, because the alpha above Dean rumbles happily as he begins to sniff around Dean’s abdomen. It must sense that there’s something growing in there and that it’s his, because he rumbles again and rubs his snout along the flesh, tracing the tight swell that Dean just noticed was there.

 

“How cute! The alpha gets united with his spawn! It's so precious!” Zachariah cups his hands together and brings them to the side of his face, only to let them fall to his sides abruptly, “Sorry to intrude, but this has gone on long enough.”

 

Zachariah whistles harshly, and Cas’ wolf yips in pain as he jumps backwards from Dean. The hybrid whines, causing the alpha to look at him with pure concern. Despite that, he makes no move towards Dean. Either way, it doesn't matter, because Zachariah begins monologuing again.

 

“I’ve got clients waiting for you, Dean, and they will not wait any longer than they already have,” the beta grits out, and he grabs Dean’s hind legs to drag him away.

 

The alpha begins to trot after them, but another whistle from Zachariah stops him in his tracks.

 

“No, dog. _Sit._ ”

 

Cas’ wolf does as he’s told, but with a whine, and he watches as Dean gets dragged off into the pack house. The hybrid struggles and howls for Cas to help him, and he can see by the twitching in the alpha’s muscles as he shifts from where he’s sitting assures Dean that his pleading does have some effect.

 

“Oh, _shut up,_ mutt!” Zachariah kicks Dean in his side for good measure, causing Dean to yelp loudly, and it also makes Cas jump up to his paws in seconds with a snarl, “Sit back down! This is not your place!”

 

With a growl, the alpha settles himself down back onto the ground, but his eyes burn with an anger that Dean has never seen before, that is, until they fall on him. They shift into something else- something more of worry. Dean’s scent of pregnancy must be having an effect on Cas’ wolf, especially so if it’s one that tells it that he’s the father of the unborn kid.

 

Dean makes sure to keep those blood red eyes on him as he’s dragged away.

 

However, doors shut and cut Dean off from the alpha, and he finds Zachariah cursing as he stumbles over random items flung about the hallways.

 

“Animals,” he mutters under his breath.

 

Dean tries to sit up to bite Zachariah’s hands, but with every way that he twists and turns, it puts a sharp pressure on his stomach. Normally, he wouldn’t care, but… things have changed recently. With a pathetic huff of breath, Dean lets his head thunk back onto the ground as the beta tugs him along.

 

They come upon a familiar room, and it isn’t until Dean smells the antiseptics and more that he’s in the medical part of the pack house. Zachariah must’ve known about its location, since he dragged Dean there directly, and if that’s not creepy…

 

With a grunt, Zachariah picks Dean up suddenly and places him on an examination table, which, now that Dean thinks about it, might have been the one Cas set him on when he was bitten. Ugh, _reminders…_

 

Zachariah holds Dean down by his injured neck, making the hybrid whine as the man rummages through the drawers below.

 

“I may not be a trained medical professional, but I do know that you wolves heal fast,” Zachariah’s hand comes up with a scalpel in his grip, “So, hopefully, this won’t be _too_ traumatic for you.”

 

Dean fights against Zachariah’s hold even more now, especially since the blade begins nearing his stomach, and he barks at Zachariah in anger and fear. The beta pays him no mind, and he tries to get the angle right as Dean struggles below.

 

“Stop squirming!” he orders, “While I don’t care about that leech growing inside of you, I can’t have you die on me!”

 

Then, as if graced by a miracle, a light bulb goes off in Dean’s head.

 

Without really thinking it out, Dean pretends to have a heart attack or seizure right there in front of Zachariah. His limbs flail as he pretends to gasp for air. He gives it his all. Dean must be doing a good job, because it freaks the man out, and the scalpel falls to the tile below with a clatter as he backs away in shock.

 

“ _Dammit!”_ Zachariah curses, and he pulls out his phone from his pocket, “Samandriel, I need you to come to the pack house now!”

 

Another voice comes into the air as Dean lets his head loll to the side, “ _Sir? Is everything okay?”_

 

“No, it _isn’t._ It seems like our prize has some health issues,” Zachariah sighs, “Just get your ass over here and help me get this back under control.”

 

Zachariah ends the call with a huff and looks at Dean’s limp form.

 

“I’m not letting you die _just_ yet.”

 

Dean would roll his eyes if it wouldn’t break his facade.

 

Zachariah pulls up a chair and sits down in it, and he stares at Dean’s body with distaste, “You don’t know how much trouble you’ve caused me- how much disappointment you brought whenever you didn’t give my brother what he needed. For that, I should just let you die right here on this table. But- …” for a moment, he trails off, “I found that you’re far too valuable as an asset to my company to just let you to go to waste in such a way, even if you deserve it.”

 

He stands up and goes over to the door as a smaller, lankier boy runs in. He reminds Dean of that kid off of that teen TV show, but as a shorter, more awkward version that looks no older than nineteen.

 

“Sir? What’s wrong?”

 

“Fix him, boy.”

 

The poor kid comes over and sets a bag down next to Dean’s head, “Do you know what happened?”

 

Zachariah snorts, and his words are sneered out, “How should I know? I’m not a doctor. Besides, this is what you’re paid to do, isn’t it? You can figure it out on your own.”

 

“But sir, for time’s sake-”

 

“Just shut your trap and fix him already!” the beta snaps, “If I knew that you were going to be so talkative, I would’ve cut your tongue out by now. I hired you to be an on-field medic, not a spokesperson.”

 

The boy hangs his head as Zachariah stomps his way out of the room, “Sorry, sir.”

 

Samandriel, as Dean remembers, smiles faintly.

 

“You’re a pretty wolf,” he takes a hand and lets it hover over his neck, “It’s such a shame that he’s willing to tarnish that beauty for a few Benjamins…”

 

Dean can feel the boy work some cream into the wounds on his neck, and he fights so hard against himself not to whine at the sting.

 

“I know that you’re only faking it, but I won’t tell him that,” Samandriel scratches Dean behind the ear, “I don’t blame you for trying to feign death just to escape what he has planned for you.  Speaking of which... What was he trying to do, exactly?”

 

For some reason, Dean finds that he can trust this boy, and slowly, ever so slowly, he lifts his head to whine weakly at his stomach.

 

Samandriel’s face contorts into a scowl, and he rubs a soothing hand over Dean’s plumper abdomen, “Sometimes, I wonder if he’s aware of his own stupidity. Doesn’t he know that performing such a thing on you would surely end it for you _and_ your pup? I swear, if this man took the time to read something other than his bank account statistics, he’d actually know something that’s worth a damn.”

 

Dean sighs and relaxes into the touch as the young boy pets him.

 

“I like you,” Samandriel whispers, “Your fur’s very soft.”

 

The hybrid purrs, and he begs for a hand to scratch him on the head again.

 

Samandriel chuckles, “I won’t let him hurt you or your kid, okay? He’s done enough damage to your life. There’s no reason that he should be able to take it, too.”

 

The boy stands, and he smiles sadly as Dean whines at him to stay.

 

“I’ll be fine, I promise. Just make sure that you’re not in the building, okay?”

 

Dean stands up, and his knees shake as he jumps down and looks up at the human. He head butts his hand.

 

Samandriel runs his hand over Dean’s muzzle softly, “This has been coming for sometime now. There’s no need to tell me to stop because you’ll blame yourself or something else. I’m doing this because I want to be free. Whatever comes of this, I want you to know that I’ll be at peace with it. As for you, I want you to run as fast as you can, and I need you to be far away from here, or else you’ll get hurt. Do you understand?”

 

Dean nods, and he licks the palm of Samandriel’s hand in a silent thank you.

 

“Good, now,” the boy gets down on his knees and gives Dean a small smile, “I want you to go find your mate, buddy. I’m sure that he’s worried about you.”

 

Dean whines and licks at Samandriel’s face before he starts to leave.

 

He doesn’t want to leave the boy that has shown him so much kindness in only a matter of minutes, but he knows that right now, he’s gotta save Cas. Or, at least, save his wolf.

 

Dean’s heart races just like his feet do, and he runs just as Samandriel told him. He gets out of the house easily enough, only to freeze when he sees the sight before him.

 

Cas circles around Sammy, and the two alphas growl and snarl at each other as they dance around in a circle. Sammy’s movements seem on the offense instead of the defense, and it’s when he turns to continue his prowling, Dean sees that Cas isn’t the only one adorned with a collar.

 

Dean’s worst fears are coming true.

 

Oh god.

 

This can’t be happening-

 

The wolves leap at each other just as Dean begins to run forward. It’s also, however, just when something blows up behind him.

 

Call it trite and cliche, if you will, but it doesn’t change the fact that a huge boom rocks the ground and a plume of smoke and fire. Dean finds himself on the ground, whining at the stark pain that erupts from his shoulder.

 

With a whine, Dean leans up to see that a jagged piece of wood is sticking out of his shoulder. He lets his head fall back to the ground for a moment, and he cries out in agony as he tries to move enough to grab it out.

 

A snout is instantly investigating his shoulder, and it’s then that Dean realizes that Cas must have heard him cry out or something. The alpha sniffs around the wound and whimpers, meaning that he must smell the blood that’s seeping out from the wound.

 

Despite the fact that he’s in excruciating pain, the hybrid shifts in his human form, and he gasps as the mangled flesh shifts around the chunk of wood.

 

“Ah, _shit,_ ” Dean hisses, and the wolf above him licks at the new blood that gushes outwards from the change.

 

Dean leans up, and he tugs at the wood with a groan. He manages to pull it out completely, but he cries out in pain as it leaves his shoulder. Cas’ wolf freaks out, and he paws at the ground beside Dean as the hybrid lets his head fall back onto the dirt with a thump.

 

Another whine joins Cas’, and Dean finds that Sammy is rushing forwards to his other side.

 

“Hey there, Sammy,” Dean coughs, bringing up a hand to the side of his brother’s face.

 

The two alpha prod at Dean with their noses.

 

“Let up, will you? It’s healing already…” Dean begins to get up, but that’s when he notices that there’s another pain in his side, “Oh no- oh god, _no-”_

 

Dean places a hand on his side to feel the skin weave itself together. The relief is so strong that Dean literally tears up for a moment.

 

“Thank god for small miracles,” Dean exhales roughly, and he sets a hand on his stomach, “You’re okay, little guy. Holy fuck _you’re okay.”_

 

Dean chances sitting up, and fuck yeah, he’s going to be sore for a bit. He breathes for a couple of moments, and he leans against Cas until his breath returns to normal. Sammy’s lip twitches a bit at their closeness, and Dean is guessing that there’s still a bit of his brother left in there.

 

“Okay, I need you guys to let me take those collars off,” Dean instructs, but when he tries to get Cas’ unlatched, the alpha actually snaps at him and backs off, “Whoa, Cas. Chill out.”

 

Sammy steps in front of Cas and bares his teeth.

 

“Look, there’s no need for any of this-”

 

Cas’ ears flatten to his head as his wolf roars, causing Sammy to mimic him. Dean’s palms get sweaty as he sees a fight brewing back up between them.

 

“No!” Dean shouts, and he places himself in front of Sammy, “You’re _not_ going to kill each other!”

 

Sammy backs down, thankfully, but Cas doesn’t. In fact, he looks even more angered by the fact that Dean must look like he’s siding with the alpha that he’s trying to attack.

 

“Cas, come on, man,” Dean takes a few steps forward, and he swallows as Cas’ wolf glares at him, “This isn’t cool.”

 

His lips pull up in a silent warning for Dean to heed, but the hybrid presses on.

 

“You don’t need the collar, Cas. Zachariah, we don’t have to worry about him anymore,” Dean points to the smoldering remains of the pack house, “He’s gone, Cas. You don’t have to wear it now.”

 

The wolf whines and takes a step back, as though Dean’s words are hurting him.

 

Dean breathes nervously as he outstretches a hand, “It’s okay, Cas. You can come back to me.”

 

Dean takes slow steps forward, causing the alpha’s fur to bristle and his haunches to raise. It doesn’t stop Dean, even though it should, because he keeps inching over to his mate. Cas’ wolf barks one last time before Dean finishes closing in the distance, and he cups the wolf’s face with both of his hands.

 

“Cas, I know you’re in there,” Dean murmurs, “Or, at least, I’m hoping that some sliver is.”

 

The wolf’s paws push against Dean’s bare legs, and the claws hurt Dean as they scrape the skin, but he doesn’t let Cas go.

 

“You’re gonna come back to me, you big brute, because I’m not the only person who needs you now,” Dean, in desperation to crack the shell of the wolf that is fighting against him, grabs one of those paws scratching him up and places it on his stomach lightly, “There’s a little guy or gal in here- who’s gonna have ten fingers and ten toes, who’s gonna crawl and then walk- who needs more than one of his or her’s parents, Cas. They need you too.”

 

The red in Cas’ eyes lightens only a little, and hope begins to rise in Dean’s chest.

 

“Now I know that you know that I can’t make a kid on my own so I would have needed your help, and I’m definitely not going to raise it by myself, you ass, so you’re gonna come back and you’re going to love us just like you’re supposed to,” Dean sets his head against the muzzle of Cas’ wolf, “If you don’t remember, I promised you that I would love you for as long as I can, and I can tell you now that I’m certainly not done just yet.”

 

The wolf whimpers as it licks Dean’s cheek.

 

With a sigh, Dean leans into it, “Now come on, Cas. Tell your wolf that it can have you some other time, because I need you. _Our_ _baby_ needs you.”

 

With a gasp, Dean can feel the hair on the wolf recede until barren skin is left, and familiar arms hug Dean's ribs so tightly that the hybrid finds that breathing is no longer an option.

 

“C-Cas?”

 

“Dean,” the alpha cries out in relief, “Oh my god, _Dean…_ ”

 

Dean smiles sadly and hugs Cas back, “Hey there, alpha. How was the vacation?”

 

Cas shakes his head and sobs into Dean, and he rubs a hand over Dean’s abdomen, “It turned into complete torture without the both of you in it.”

 

“Such a sap,” Dean murmurs, and he looks over to see Sammy throwing the collar off of himself with disgust, “Whoa, did you both just jailbreak yourselves?”

 

“It must’ve been something else,” Sammy murmurs, “I was kind of stuck in a fog and then all of the sudden, it was just normal.”

 

Dean furrows his brow until he hears a familiar voice speak up from beside them, “That’d be my doing. Oh, and sorry about the pack house. Zachariah did always say that he wanted to go out with a bang.”

 

“Samandriel!” Dean chirps happily, “You’re not dead!”

 

“Never was,” the boy smiles, holding something in his hand that looks like a phone, “I was just smart. I did tell you that I planned this out for some time, didn’t I? Anyways, this right here-” he lifts up the device, "it's basically an on and off switch for those stupid collars. The worst part? This thing runs on AAA batteries. Like, who even _does_ that anymore?"

 

Dean smiles, and he turns to Cas, “Can we keep him?”

 

Cas still seems a little out of it, “Give me a minute.”

 

“Ugh, fine,” Dean snorts as he pets Cas’ head and turns to Sammy, “Hey, go get Meg and Ruby after you find Gabe. I think that everyone kind of ran off after the pack house turned into a tiny mushroom cloud.”

 

Sammy smiles, “Gabe’s safe, actually.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah. One of the guys picked him up, and to get away, Gabe literally _shit on him and ran._ ”

 

“ _Biochemical warfare,_ ” Dean whispers, and he looks up at his brother, “Well that’s good. Now, go fetch your mate and the others. We’ve got some _shit_ to discuss.”

 

Everyone except Dean groans.

 

Samandriel, however, is the first to break the ice, and he brushes away some dirt with his shoe as he speaks, “You seem to be taking this all very well.”

 

Dean laughs, “You don’t want to know how long we’ve been preparing for this to happen.”

 

“How long was that?”

 

“ _Months,_ ” both Cas and Dean answer at once.

 

The human whistles, “Wow. You’d think Zachariah would’ve done something sooner.”

 

The hybrid shrugs, “It doesn’t matter now. The bastard is dead and his men are just-” Dean waves a hand around weirdly to represent their state of ‘goneness’, “We just need to talk about what we’re going to do now that what’s happened is over and done with.”

 

“This all seems a little disappointing, though, doesn’t it?” Samandriel murmurs, “I mean, it’s kind of like waiting a while for the worst to happen, and then it’s over in just a matter of moments.”

 

“That’s how it actually happens,” Dean points out, “Football games are aired for an hour or more, but the actual games only last about twenty minutes or less. Most people expect a lot out of five minutes of action nowadays.”

 

The human makes a face, “Wow, that’s- well.”

 

“That’s life.”

 

The three wait a moment, and Cas is still burying his face into Dean’s shoulder.

 

“I nearly lost the both of you,” he murmurs.

 

“I nearly lost _you,_ ” Dean comments, “But nothing happened. We’re lucky, Cas.”

 

The alpha smiles, “Finally.”

 

The hybrid snuggles closer to his mate, “I’m kind of happy for it to come into play now, if you think about it.”

 

“Same.”

 

Dean hums for a moment, “Hey, Cas?”

 

“Yes, Dean?”

 

Dean pulls back to where he can stare at Cas, and he finds that the alpha’s eyes are blue, “How did you get control back so easily? Like, you were still wearing the collar and everything…”

 

“Zachariah inadvertently gave me control of my wolf.”

 

Dean furrows his brow, “What do you mean?”

 

The alpha sighs, and he finally takes the collar off to show Dean something, “This right here injected me with that alpha irritant. It was there to give Zachariah control over my wolf by injecting me with it. It'd make me go nuts, and then, whenever he made a sound, it'd stop. Turns out that my wolf doesn't exactly enjoy it, and it kind of learned its place.”

 

"Where's that?"

 

"Not as the top dog, apparently," Cas jokes, making Dean chuckle.

 

“Anyways, you’re saying that Zachariah thought that he could turn you rogue or something, but instead accomplished the opposite?”

 

“Like I said,” Samandriel snarks from off to the side, “If he actually read anything other than his bank statements, he’d know something.”

 

Both the alpha and the hybrid laugh as the others come up to them. Ruby, thank god, is okay, because she runs headfirst into Dean and Cas’ intertwined legs with a thump.

 

She barks happily and wags her tail, and she does this until Dean picks her up and sets her in between himself and his mate. She yips happily as she settles herself in their laps.

 

“Hey there, Ruby,” Dean whispers, and he scratches her behind the ears.

 

Meg comes up and sits down beside Dean, and she sniffs the hybrid curiously until she barks. Everyone’s surprised to find her on her feet with her tail wagging rapidly as Ruby looks at Dean in awe.

 

“Oh yeah,” Dean laughs for a moment, “I found out today, but, I’m pregnant.”

 

Off to the side, Sammy faints.

 

“First thing on our to do list,” Dean sighs as Gabe pokes uselessly at Sammy’s slack face with a paw, “someone needs to get my brother up.”

 

They all laugh or bark, and for a second, Dean truly believes that they’re going to be okay.

 

And for once… it really _is_ okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Songs Used for Writing: 
> 
>  
> 
> 1\. The Letter - "The Town" Soundtrack  
> ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Lr8iXCTUvs )
> 
> 2\. Dean/Castiel ~ Young and Beautiful Collab  
> ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkuaS1zJceM )
> 
> 3\. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire [Original Movie Soundtrack]  
> (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXh2v6XpDsE) - Good Morning Sweetheart


End file.
